


Hand In Mine, Into Your Sapphire Blues...

by Prototype



Series: The Blue Universe [2]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Bat shit crazy, F/M, Mental Illness, Rape, Romance, Torture, Underage - Freeform, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-10
Updated: 2013-08-11
Packaged: 2017-12-23 00:55:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 91
Words: 136,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/920083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prototype/pseuds/Prototype
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Young love, blue hair, loud music and a lot of cliches. Frank Iero is in love with his best friend and next door neighbour, and it's going to be a long and bloody road until he gets his happy ending. </p><p>I was sixteen when I wrote this, so it's full of every typical teenage cliche ever but its proven my most popular fic. I like to pretend it's accurate from a teenagers over dramatic point of view but we all know it's not.<br/>I hope you enjoy it none the less!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Best Friends

The two teenagers lounged on to the bed next to each other, their feet touching. They were reading the same magazine, laughing and making noises of disgust at the same times. The girl pushed her long hair behind her ears and leaned across the spread to read the last column, bringing her head closer to the boys. Instinctively, he moved closer to her, his hair brushing against hers. She didn’t notice, giggling too much at the words on the page.

“Can you believe this, Frank?” she asked him, turning her bright blue eyes up from the magazine to look at him, grinning like an idiot. He shook his head, chuckling. 

“Four operations? Dude, if it were that many I’d stick with what I had!” he laughed, laughing about the article. 

“Ooo, and what _do_ you have?” she asked evilly, widening her eyes suggestively, making him blush, laugh and push her gently on the shoulder at the same time.  

“Watch it Sapphire! Lucky for me I no where near…’an inch long and the width of a pencil’!” he read from the magazine, raising an eyebrow. She laughed and poked his eyebrow. 

“Go down, fuzzy worm thing,”  

“I think you’ll find it’s called an eyebrow,”

“Not in my book,”

“Well duh! You can’t even spell properly, let alone write! Miss Braintan!” he reminded her, when she had to write the names of countries on the board, panicked and mis-spelt Britain. She turned red, burying her face in her arms. 

“Meanie!” she squealed into the duvet, kicking her legs. He tickled her, making her contort away from him and slid off the bed with a little yelp of surprise. Sapphire looked up at him from the floor, confused as to how she managed to end up there, and then frowning when he laughed, the magazine lying forgotten on the floor. She rolled her eyes and got up, grabbing the magazine and stuffing it in her Nightmare Before Christmas shoulder bag, complete with badges, patches and about a million safety pins to keep the strap attached. Frank stopped laughing eventually and watched her pull on her jacket with a smile playing over his lips and his eyes playing over her body when he thought she wouldn’t notice. She wore a short black skirt with a blue devil cat patch sewn onto the hip pocket and about a million zips, and a black top with blue stripy sleeves and blue and black stripy socks that had gathered around her ankles. She whisked her hair over her shoulder and caught him watching her. 

“What?” she asked, granting him a lopsided smile. He smiled, saying nothing. 

“I was just thinking how cool you look today. Very blue,” he shrugged, propping himself up on his elbow. She cast her eyes over his ripped black jeans and black T-shirt with its humorous logo and grinned. 

“A lot cooler than you, any day, I’m always in blue,” she laughed, grabbing her huge clompy shoes and shoving her feet into them, pulling her socks up to her knees. 

“Granted. You going?” he asked, hiding the disappointment in his voice. She swung her hair over her shoulder once again and spent a minute trying to spit it out of her mouth. 

“Argh! My hair is conspiring against me!”

“There’s enough of it to form a small democratic government, that’s for sure,” he told her, looking at her hair which just managed to reach her waist in soft waves of dark brown. It shone in the light coming in through his small window and rippled at she shrugged. 

“Actually I think it’s Communist, but whatever! Yeah, I’ve got IT coursework to attempt. Mum’s orders,” she groaned, slumping and widening her eyes expressively. He laughed and swung his legs off his bed, ready to wish her goodbye. 

“Are you coming around later?”

“If I get it done before dinner, yeah. I’m going out tonight, so we’re gonna have to postpone that movie marathon,” she told him, looking away as she sorted out her laces as best she could be bothered. He felt a stab of annoyance; he had been looking forward to their evening together. 

“But it’s Friday night! You never go out on date night, it’s too cliché!” he said, teasing her. “Who with?”

“Nice attempt at casual, mate. It so happens that I am going out on a date, hence date night,” she said, looking back at him, trying to gauge his reaction. He nodded, pretending to be impressed. 

“Wow. You on a proper date! About time, luv!” he laughed, cracking his knuckles. He needed to do something with his hands. She sighed, scuffed him around the head and waved one ringed, braceletted, black-fingernailed hand at him. 

“See you later, hopefully. Depends how bitchy my computer is being,” she said, winding her way through the rubble in his room and running up the stairs to the garden entrance to his basement room. He stayed on his bed, watching her vanish up the stairway and listening to the sounds of her closing the trapdoor at the top of his stairs. As soon as he heard the crash of one door on another, he sighed and flopped back on his bed. He felt bummed, depressed she had a date. He wondered who it was, idly imagining someone with looks like a model and a sensitive soul or something like that. 

“Fuck,” he whispered, stumbling across a mental picture of her kissing afore-mentioned tortured poet. He stayed on his bed, trying not to think about her, her date or how deep her date’s poetry was. 


	2. Sapphire

Was it just me or was it weirdly awkward, the way we said goodbye? Frank and I were the best of best friends, we’ve been next-door neighbours forever. In all that time, we’ve been closer than siblings. That may be because siblings hate each other with a fiery vengeance, but whatever. I loved Frank, he made me laugh and we had a lot of fun together, but I wasn’t imagining that look in his eyes when I told him I had a date. It was like abandonment, but more bitter. I have never seen him give me a look like that. It scared me, and made me hurt inside, which just felt weird. 

 I thought it over as I shut his back entrance door. Lucky Frank, his basement room had it’s own private entrance with a coal cellar trap door. Very cool. Crossing the three metres of garden between the edge of his house and mine, I noticed the weather had turned sour. The sky was a boring grey colour and I felt a spit of rain in the rain.

“Fuck,” I whispered, thinking if this would ruin my plans tonight or not. John hadn’t told me exactly where he was taking me, and I hadn’t asked. I smiled as I thought of John, although something niggled at me. I entered my kitchen, slipped out of my boots, grabbed an apple and zipped upstairs before mum could remind me not to wear my shoes around the house. Her and her uber cleanliness. She’d hate Frank’s room! Piles of washing everywhere, half eaten food, magazines, it was a disaster zone, but it was his room and I loved it. I grinned when I thought of Franks’ attempts to clean up when his mom timidly asked if he wouldn’t mind. It usually involved picking everything up off the floor (thus proving it’s existence) and dumping it somewhere else. One time, I’d refused to help him so he dumped his laundry on me, while I was lying on his bed. Oh my God his socks stunk!

 Escaping the sterile cream of the halls I glided into my dark moody room, and by glided I mean collided with the door and then forgot about the brick I used as a door stop so my door didn’t just swing open when it felt like it, hence tripping. I blamed Dad. He took the knob off my door so it wouldn’t close properly because he was concerned about the ‘suicidal tendencies’ my teachers invented for me when I first when into school the way I am today- black eyes, black nails, decently deep thoughts and an iota of intelligence. Some teachers are so narrow-minded. Just because I’m thankfully different than the rest of the year doesn’t mean I’m going to go weep in a corner and slit my wrists over it. So yeah, once I managed to enter my room and ‘close’ the door, I found myself attacked by two large black furry things. The first being my huge black mutt Stud and the second being his tail. 

“Oof! Get off me you slobbery mound of fur!” I squealed, rolling around on the floor while my lovable pet licked my face and barked his delight at having me home. Poor thing, I hardly ever play with him properly these days. It’s just too cold to go outside for too long. 

“How would my wittle babykins like to see Uncle Fwankie later?” I baby-talked to him, hugging him. I didn’t care that much about the dog hair on my outfit as I was going to change later anyway. John was picking me at 7, and told me to eat beforehand, so that meant I had two and a half hours to cram in IT, take Stud to see Frank and eat something. Mum would probably make me something if I asked her. Stud finally let me up, the fuzzy rapist, and I staggered over to my computer, saying hello to all the posters on my walls. 

“Hi Amy,” I said to the picture beside my computer, a framed photograph of Amy Lee and me after one of her shows. I loved that picture so much. Stud, still happy to see me, rested his head on my knee with his collar spikes digging into my knee and thumped the floor with his tail.

“Be nice to the floor, it’s possibly the most useful thing in this room. Without it, we’d land on our butts in the middle of the kitchen,” I told him, scratching his ears and logging in to my computer. He gave me a look to say ‘yeah right’ and stuck his tongue out of his mouth. The first thing I did was open MSN, and found John waiting for me. 

_*Heart of Glass *_ \- Hey beautiful

_**Sapphire Stars**_ \- Hiya!

_*Heart of Glass*_ \- Ready for tonight?

_**Sapphire Stars**_ \- Not yet, I’ve got to do my homework and change into an outfit my mutt didn’t slobber on

_*Heart of Glass*_ \- Lol, he just loves you. Don’t we all!

_**Sapphire Stars**_ \- Well I am fabulous!

_*Heart of Glass*_ \- Kl, I’ll see you at 7. Good luck with the homework.

_**Sapphire Stars**_ \- Thanks, I’ll need it!

\----Sighed Out----

 

I figured I could finish my spreadsheet in twenty minutes, if it made sense; then concentrate on my outfit. Sighing, I flipped open the thick textbook and settled down to some serious work.

**2 minutes later.**

“I give up!” I announced to Stud, throwing my hands into the air. My faithful slave looked at me as if to say ‘so can we see Frank now?’ and I laughed at him.

“Ok, my little Stud-muffin, let’s go see Frank. Just let me change first,”

It didn’t take me long to find a short black dress with turquoise ribbons down the sides and a long midnight blue fishnet coat to wear, which I thought sexy and cool enough to impress John but not come across slutty. 

Stud and I bounded down the stairs, making enough noise to wake the dead according to my mum. 

“That’s a great idea! Can I do it again?”

She sighed critically, she never likes my humour. 

“Just be home at quarter past six, at the latest, for something to eat,” she told me, unimpressed with my night plans. She doesn’t approve of people for some reason, mainly my people. Stud burst out of the door without even golfing down the reminder of the food in his bowl and then returned three seconds later because of the rain pelting down. I sighed, pulled my hood over my head, even though fishnet’s not very good at keeping out the rain, and sprinted over to Frank’s basement room, Stud hard on my heels. We both collapsed into Frank’s’ room, slamming the door against the cold rain. 


	3. Frank

I had just been lying on my bed, still thinking about Sapphire and her date, when I had my door being forced open and someone running down the stairs before slamming the door again. What the fuck? It couldn’t be Sapphire; she’d only been gone twenty minutes! I sat up on my bed, before being knocked flat on my back again by a huge mass of wet black fur and a huge pink tongue scouring my face. 

“Stud!” I yelled, wrestling with the crazy dog. The creature had been camouflaged in my dark, pretty much black, room up until the point he landed on me. I pushed him off in time to see Sapphire standing at the bottom of my stairs, looking as gorgeous as I had ever seen her. She wore little tight little black dress with blue ribbons and a fishnet coat thing, but it was the way she stood, leaning on one hip, wiping rain drops from her face and shaking out her hair with a sexy lopsided smile on her pale face that made her so captivating to look at. At that moment, the cannonball of fur attacked me again, barking his head off and covering me once again with slobber. If it had been anyone else, I would have been embarrassed to be with such a beautiful girl and covered in slobber, but with Sapphire we were so close she’d seen me at worse times. 

“Making friends already I see?” she joked, chuckling at me and Stud wrestling on the steadily getting messier bed. I finally pushed the mountain of lard off me and grinned at her. 

“You look…gorgeous,” I said truthfully, standing up and coming over to her, avoiding standing over anything sharp or dog-like. She smiled and shook her hair out again.

“I.T. got boring,” she said, shrugging.

“I haven’t seen this dress before,” I said, walking around her and admiring her from every angle. She smiled at me and twirled over to my chair, coated with forgotten T-shirts, and threatened to crack it over backwards. 

“It’s a date dress. I haven’t had an occasion to wear it,” she shrugged, her eyes looking at the papers covering my desk. I panicked, thinking of the sheets covered in lyrics and poems, a lot about the girl now spinning around on my chair. I didn’t have to worry; she wasn’t interested in my spidery writing. 

“It’s really nice,” I said sincerely, grabbing Stud out of my clean laundry pile and shoving him into a different one. “Move it, you spitball,”

“He’s not just a spitball. He’s a lovable spitball!” she giggled, flicking my lamp on and filling the room with a warm glow and atmospheric shadows. She also used the toe of her boot to turn on the CD player, which then started playing some random music. 

“Make yourself at home!” I laughed, as she spun around on my chair again. 

“Pleasure!”

 We played with Stud for a while, only Sapphire couldn’t get dog hair on her dress. She looked gorgeous in that dress.  Then again, she looked gorgeous in anything. Then she begged me to get out my guitar and play her some music, she loved me playing my guitar. Even though I really didn’t feel like it, I did, just for her. I’d do anything for her, she could wind me happily around her little finger and I’d enjoy every second of it. I played her one of our favourite songs, Broken by Seether and Amy Lee. I played it because I then she loved it, because I knew how to play it and because I knew she would sing and I loved her singing more than I let on. And, also, I wanted to remind her of our relationship, a secret message from me to her.

_“I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh, I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away. I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well. I wanna hold you high and steal your pain,”_ I sing, my voice feeling alien to my ears. I haven’t sung for a while, but the way she looked at me, the joy in those pools was enough for me to continue. I saw her chest rise, breathing in so her voice could join mine.

_“Cause I’m broken when I’m open. And I don’t feel like I am strong enough, cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome, and I don’t feel right when you’re gone away,”_ we sang. I watched her sing to me, our voices mending together like the wind twisting through the trees. It sent shivers down my spine. 

_“The worst is over now and we can breathe again, I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away. There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight. I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away,”_ she sang, her voice clear and quiet, as she stared into space. When she sang, her eyes went misty and dreamy, and she smiled a smile of complete contentment, singing along to the music I played just for her. I wondered if she even listened to the words she formed with her beautiful lips. 

_“Cause I’m broken when I’m open and I don’t feel like I am strong enough. Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome, and I don’t feel right when you’re gone away,”_

I watched her sing, a smile lifting the corners of my mouth. I so wanted to reach over and touch her mouth, feel the beauty coming out of them. Ever since we’d grown up and found the joy of music together, I had loved her voice. She was my best friend, and I encouraged her to sing in the shows at school, but sometimes I wished she wouldn’t sing to anyone but me. 

“ _Cause I’m broken when I’m open and I don’t feel like I am strong enough. Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome And I don’t feel right when you’re right when you’re gone away_ ” she finished, closing her eyes and breathing deeply. She looked radiant, basked in the glow of the lamplight and dressed like the goddess I saw inside her.

“Save me…” I whispered, completely forgetting where I was or what the hell I was doing. She opened her eyes and looked at me, confused.

“What?”

“Nothing,” I said quickly, realising how idiotic I had been.

“Did you just say save me?”

“No,”

“Yes you did!”

“No I didn’t!”

“Save you from what?”

“Your singing!” I teased

“Hey! You did say it!”

“No I didn’t!”  


”Yes you did!”

“No I didn’t!”

“Ok, that’s it…” she tackled me from the chair, knocking the guitar out of my hands and pinning me to the bed. I was laughing so hard that I almost missed the fact her legs were straddled around my waist, or that her dress had ridden sexily around her thighs. The weight of her curvy body seeming just perfect on top of me. She grabbed my wrists and pulled them above my head, grinning at me wickedly. 

“Now take it back!”

“Take…take what back?” I spluttered, laughing. She growled playfully, mimicking Stud who barked from his nest in my miscellaneous clothing. 

“I sing well, don’t I?” she asked, suddenly unsure of herself. She rocked back, her body coming into contact with mine again. It just felt so right. I looked in her eyes and I remembered her voice singing those words to me and I couldn’t tease her.

“You sing more beautifully than anyone ever could,” I said softly, looking at her from where I was pinned to the bed, her fingers still holding my wrists. She looked at me, her eyes unreadable and she gave me the gentlest, most delicate smile God, or whoever, had ever created. 

“Frank…” she whispered, half a question, half just a breath. I didn’t know whether to answer. She slowly bent down again, her hair falling over her shoulders and sweeping the sides of my face with their silky caresses. I caught my breath, her beautiful face coming closer and closer to me. Was this it? Was I finally going to feel her lips on mine? Was I finally going to find out what her mouth really tasted like? Her head tilted, her cheek touching mine. The soft, warm touch sent quivers across my skin and I closed my eyes. I never wanted that moment to end. 

“Stud’s eating your comic book collection,” she whispered into my ear and I swear I felt the tip of her lips butt against my ear, the warmth of her breathe tickling. I was up in a flash, rolling her over and pushing myself off the bed. Stud was busy gnawing on the corner of my X-men comics, and looked up at me instantly at I scooped my precious comics up and shoved them onto a handy shelf. 

“Bad Studder,” I said moodily, taking the X-man comic away from his big golden brown eyes that pleaded to finish off Wolverine in his own way. I wasn’t just moody at him for eating my books; I was moody at Sapphire and her trick. Didn’t she know how I felt about her? Didn’t she see the anguish in my eyes? I turned around to find my tricky goddess giggling helplessly on my bed, looking so beautiful all the anger just flowed away from me. 


	4. Sapphire

Ok, I wasn’t sure what I had just done, it had just happened, but it was very funny watching Frank leap across the room to rescue his precious Wonderwoman’s and Jean Grey’s. There was a tiny moment on his bed where he had pressed down on me, pinning me to his warm bed and I had felt a tremble in my bones, an excitement I couldn’t explain. But it was gone before I could even feel it properly and all that was left to do was helplessly giggle, lying back into Frank’s duvet. Through my laughter, I could smell his scent in the sheets, the smell of Lynx and just a general smell of him. It was so comforting, I felt just as home here as I did in my own bed. It felt right. 

I looked up from the bed to find Frank standing over me, grinning but also looking a bit sad. Before I could ask why, the soft glow left his eyes and was replaced with a spark of mischief. I started to panic, expecting revenge for my trick. I was right, as he leant down and started tickling me mercilessly, his cold fingers delving into my rib cage and getting caught up in the ribbons either side of my bodice. He didn’t care and I didn’t notice though, we were both laughing so much and rolling around. So much for worrying about my dress. When he finally let me draw breath, there were tears of laughter leaking out of my eyes and I was grinning so wide I was sure I looked like the Joker. Frank didn’t seem to think so though; his eyes were looking at me like I was the Mona Lisa. I blushed, lying under him, with his warm weight pressing down against me. His hands were side on my sides, I could feel them pressing into my ribs. The pressure made me tingle and felt good. I looked into those eyes I had seen every day since I could remember, the eyes of my best friend, and I saw something I had not noticed before. Frank was shaking; his entire body was trembling with cold. 

“Are you okay?” I asked him, touching his cheek with one hand and feeling it cold. He pressed his head against my hand, stealing my warmth for himself. 

“I’m fine,” he said, still leaning on me. Just then, with those two small words, I felt a stirring inside. I bit down on my tongue, my mouth wanting to scream words I had never heard in my head before. I wanted Frank to scream back at me, our voices joined and our bodies entwined beyond separation. What the hell was I on? I could feel my heart slamming in my chest, probably from my hysterical laughing fit. My skin was flushed pink and my toes curled inside my boots. I couldn’t drag my eyes away from him. What was happening? Why couldn’t I look away? There was something so calming about his eyes, a paradox in the way that they made me want to scream and yell and be as violent as possible, every muscle begging to let rip. I was so busy sorting out my thoughts, I didn’t notice him leaning down slowly, his face getting closer to me inch by inch. If someone had struck a chord, it would have set the room on fire and we would have burned together. This was Frank, the boy I had relied upon as a teeny tot to protect me from the bullies and swap lunches with me at lunchtime. This was the guy who taught me football while I taught him how to cook. This was the guy who took me to his prom even though I was three years younger and we just hung out and fast danced through the slow dances. This was the guy who gave me his coursework from his exams so I could pass it off as mine and spend my time with him instead. This was the guy I thought about every minute of everyday and loved like only a best friend could. And he was leaning down to whisper in my ear. His cheek felt like a cat stroking itself across my cheek, and I was surrounded by his smell. Oh, I was to lose myself in that comfort. How many times had I lost myself in tears, hugging him like the child who lost their way? How many times had I depended on his friendship and kind words, how many times had I given him my trust? He was somewhere between the most iconic brother ever, the boy next door and the man I gave my heart to. I felt emotions I couldn’t name as he whispered in my ear, cold tingles dancing up and down my spine. I felt as limp as a rag doll, a grin still plastered across my face. 

“Your mom’s calling you,” he whispered, getting me back. 

“SAPPHIRE! DINNER TIME!” I squealed, twisting out from under him and pushing my hair over my shoulder. I smoothed out my dress and tried to arrange my face like I hadn’t just lain in my best friend’s bed and wished for a scream match. As Stud barked excitedly and barrelled his way up the stairs, I looked back at Frank, pulling my coat over my goosepimply arms. He sat on his bed, giving me the most heart warming, sad smile I had seen. 

“By the way, who are you going out with?” he asked me, reminding me of my date like a ton of brick in my stomach. It wasn’t nerves though. 

“Err…John Kleaver,” I said quietly. I knew he wouldn’t be happy. His entire face changed from normal to shocked, then confused anger. 

“What?! Why?”

“He asked me…I, I guess I was curious,” I said, turning red and wondering why I wasn’t defending John, only justifying myself. Frank looked so torn I wish I had never told him. 

“But Sparkle! Why him?” he asked, his eyes begging me not to go with him. 

“Look, I know you think I shouldn’t, but I can’t help liking him! He’s really good-looking…” I said, hearing a tiny thought at the back of my mind telling me Frank was better looking. When I looked back at Frank, his face was screwed up in disgust. 

“That’s your reason?! You’re going out with that jerk because he’s good looking?” he sighed sharply, standing up and sitting down hard in his chair, twisting away from me and starting up his computer. He was done with me, obviously. Oh no, not good enough.

“Hey! Since when did I have to prove myself to you? He asked me, I’m flattered. It’s not like I have guys falling over for me!” I yelled, clenching my fists. It was weird, I had been fantasying about this and now we were actually yelling, I felt that intensity again. If he wasn’t facing away from me, we would have snapped together like magnets. 

“Yeah, but you could do better than that arsehole! You’re just another girl on his list, Sparkle!” he told me harshly, twisting the chair around to face me, his hands clenching the sides of the chair. We faced each other off, the air full of anger. I was angry because I knew John wasn’t what I was looking for, but I was sixteen! I hadn’t been on a proper date, ever! I didn’t care about John, I just wanted to go on a regular date that a regular girl, not the social outcast I usually was and revelled in! Why couldn’t Frank just roll his eyes, make a sarcastic comment and leave me to it?

“Don’t call me Sparkle when we’re arguing! If you cared so much about me, why don’t you ask me out?” I yelled, before turning away and running up his stairs, leaving Frank white faced and alone. 


	5. Frank

Well, there it was. There was the question I had asked myself so many times nearly everyday I saw her. Why didn’t I just ask her out? It’d just be so weird. If you thought about it, we went out on dates all the time. We went to the movies, ate food, went to clubs, all sorts of stuff. It’s just we skipped the formal shit and went straight to the friendship stuff. And somehow managed to miss the kissing stuff. I guess she resented the fact I had never properly asked her out. 

Arguing with her was like a wake up call. We were so close there were a million things we had yelled at each other without actually yelling them. But I still couldn’t believe she was going out with that guy! John Kleaver, some sort of social superguy. He was a popular rebel, a freaky jock, a cool Emo. Everyone knew him, even though he didn’t go to school anymore, he went to all the parties and all the girls wanted to go out with him. Fucking Emo. He and I were not friends, by any stretch. Did Sapphire know what she was getting into, dating him? It wasn’t like she spent much time gossiping or hanging out around school. In between classes it’s just her and her notebook, and at lunchtimes she sneaks out of school to eat with me around the corner. It was the way we had to do it since I had already left school. She didn’t see John Kleaver hanging around near the school gates with all those morons who thought he was cool because he used his ‘heart of glass’ to get into girl’s pants and got drunker than hell every weekend. Oh, yeah, and his fucking gang of morons who liked to use me and my friends as punch bags. Why was it every time Sapphire was around, they changed? She knew I hated him, she had bathed the cuts on my face, cursed his name to high heaven. But she had only seen his ‘sensitive’ side. God, what a fucking arsehole. She thought he was ok, they talked online or something. It suddenly dawned on me why the guys and me hadn’t been touched for a while. He had targeted my little Sparkle as his next weeklong girlfriend. Well that wasn’t good enough. He wasn’t touching her while I was around.

 I grabbed my phone and dialled the number of my mate Gerard Way. As Sapphire was still in school, I spent my days hanging around with my old school friends, playing music and waiting for her to get out of school. She got on well with all of them, and I knew Gerard would help me keep an eye on her. 

“Hello?” Gerard answered the phone, sounding a little breathless at the call. 

“Dude, it’s me,”

“Hey Frank, what’s wrong?”

“I need your help tonight, are you okay?”

“Just had to run to the phone. What with?”

“Well, Sapphire’s got this date thing and-“

“Woo! Strike out for the Blue Babe!” he crowed, oblivious to the hot shit about to hit the industry-sized fan. 

“Hey, Gee, back on track here,” I said irritably. “It’s with Kleaver,”

Silence. Told you. 

“What…the…fuck?”

“I know. He’s obviously been spinning her. She had a bit of a go at me…” I told him shakingly, dragging a hand through my hair. Fuck, my hands were shaking.

“She did?”

“It’s a weird story, I’ll tell you when you bring that pile of rusted bolts you call a car round here before 7,” I said. “We’re going look after Sapphire, even if she doesn’t want me there.

 

“Dude, how many times?! The latch lifts up, not down!” I yelled up the stairs as I heard the door rattle. Finally, Gerard appeared, dressed in his usual black on black and his red tie. I glanced at him, taking in his messy hair and blurry eyes. 

“Did I wake you up or something?”

“Yeah, I was up all night writing,”

“What else is new, Shakespeare. Come on, it’s almost time for that dickhead to pick her up,” I said, pointing back up the way he came. He stopped me.

“Ok, man, you are sure this is a good idea?” he asked me, fixing me with a stare. Man, Gerard had a freaky stare. I shook him off. 

“This is John Kleaver, Gee-man. I’m not just overreacting over some kid. He’s trouble and if we don’t keep an eye on them, Sapphire will find out what he’s really like,” I said harshly, clenching my fists. I really, really wanted to hit John. Not only for the countless times his group of arrogant wankers with crap hair did the same, but for turning Sapphire against me. And also for asking her out when that was my job. Waiting in the car, I was quiet, thinking about her, until the point Gerard couldn’t take it anymore. 

“Fuck the thinking, man. Tell me what happened!” he yelled suddenly, whacking the steering wheel and freaking me out. I had completely forgotten I hadn’t told him. It felt like everyone could already read my thoughts. 

“She and I were fighting, and she just screams at me ‘why didn’t you ask me out’ instead of Kleaver,” I tell him quietly, keeping my eyes of the nodding dog blue tacked to the dashboard. Gerard’s anger faded as fast as it had arrived. 

“Fuck man. Harsh,”

Gerard knew about Sapphire and me. Or lack of. It was him and the guys, Gerard’s little brother Mikey and Ray that pointed out to me how hot Sapphire really was and how much I had the hots for her. How did I not see it before, I have no idea but from that day they had done nothing but mock me and try and convince me to ask her out. It wasn’t that simple obviously. It was just so hard to ask her out in so many words. We went out all the time, spent all our times together. If I said ‘do you wanna go out on Friday’ it was just a normal week. And forming the words like ‘will you go out with me’ was just weird. It felt so immature. 

“So now she’s pissed off at me and walking straight into the arms of one of the biggest dicks in the state. Oh, and she’s wearing the hottest dress ever,”

“Well that’s always important,” said Gerard, raising an eyebrow at me. 

“Moving on. All we gotta do is follow them, keep an eye on them and step in if there are any problems,” I said quickly, ignoring Gerard’s smirk. 

“Problems?”

“I’m thinking him hurting her. Or kissing her. Or touching her. Or even looking at her?”

“Can we let him get away with breathing?”

“Only until it becomes a nuisance,”

“Right, I got you. Keep them apart. Excellent plan. Only one flaw,”

“Which is?”

“Ok, what if they go to a nice restaurant? How are we going to hide?”

“Point taken and I’m happy to say he told her to eat before he picked her up. Arsehole,” I spat, remembering every time I looked up at his face from the ground and how much I wanted to violently pay him back. 

“If he touches her, we’ll get him,” promised Gerard, seeing my eyes. The lucky kid had been lower on the radar in school. He hadn’t been beaten as much as I had. Then again, I had a habit of getting in the way of everyone instead of keeping my head down. I sought revenge for the smallest slight. I had punctured his tires, filled his locker with cat turds, jacked his uniform while he was in the shower and sent offensive emails to his friends on his account that I had successfully hacked. In return, the bastard had beaten me to bloody shreds on many occasions with the aid of several large thugs, trashed my favourite guitar and made my life living hell. I thanked God the day we graduated and I played my last revenge upon him by painting the walls of his room pink and baby blue and flooding his house with the use of a spanner and a master key. 

“Three cheers for sweet revenge,” I whispered to my knees, drawn up to my chin as we waited on the son of a bitch to pick up our friend. 

“Now **that’s** an album title,” said Gerard admiringly. I smirked, and then returned to my thoughts, as Gerard did to his. All through my beatings, revenge plots, trials and tribulations, Sapphire had supported me like a friend should. She never asked the guy’s name, and I never told her. She cursed him blindly, having no idea he was the fucking King of the Halls. She helped me throughout, plotting with me every step of the way. Some of the best were her ideas. She even got me the master key from her doughnut-loving father, the policeman. Without that, the final revenge plot would have been a weak bang to end with.  

“Here we go,”

I snapped myself out of my thoughts and saw what Gerard meant. An electric blue car had just pulled in front of Sapphire’s house. I sneered, knowing it was one of at least three his rich dad had given him. He had obviously chosen it to match her; a touch I knew would make her smile and that made me even more pissed off. 

“Jerk off,” I hissed, clicking my knuckles. Beside me Gerard started the car. We were across the room and down a bit, hiding in the shadow of an overhanging willow tree. If Sapphire saw us, we’d be stung up by our balls before we could even speak. She had reserves of strength I’d never even heard of. We waited, would he get out? His car horn sounded and Gerard and I winced at the same time.   
”Bad move dumbass!” Gerard crowed, highfiving me. If there was one thing Sapphire hated it was guys acting like guys, and honking for her attention wasn’t a good move. Right on cue, Sapphire opened her door and I breathed in fast. She was so gorgeous, even scowling. That dress looked so good on her and the coat just worked. Beside me, Gerard whistled. 

“The Blue Babe is hot tonight! Pity she’s with the wrong bloke,” I nodded, agreeing with him fully. 

“Let’s hope he makes two more wrong moves. Strike three and she’s back with us, safe,” I said. We watched her walk down the front drive, still looking angry, before bending down and speaking to him through the window. I strained to see, but she stayed there for five minutes, before straitening. I was crushed to see she looking satisfied with whatever line he had spun her. She looked towards my house briefly, her eyes aimed at the basement light I had left on and then slid into the car next to him. 

“Shit,” I whispered, the look of sadness on her face when she looked for me. Maybe the movie marathon was sounding like a better way to spend an evening for her. The car pulled off and we subtly followed at a distance. It wasn’t hard to keep up with a car that arrogant. On the way, Gerard got bored with my nonchalance and flicked some Green Day on, the only thing to hand. I bit the inside of my cheek; this was one of Sapphire’s favourite bands. So while Gerard tapped the steering wheel and followed the car, I curled up in the seat beside him and lost myself in depressing thoughts. 


	6. Sapphire

Ok, yes, I was pissed off with John. I do **not** like people honking for my attention, especially from a car. What, he couldn’t be bothered to walk up to my door? Maybe he wasn’t the searing romantic I had him pegged for. 

 I got to the car and one short conversation later, I was sliding into that awesome car. Ok, he was charming and I really want to go on that date. Mainly just to get back at Frank. There went that little thought in the back of my head. I hadn’t eaten anything at dinner, just picked at my food. Mum thought I was nervous over my date, but I was replaying my fight with Frank. Why did I yell at him so badly? Would we be ok after this? What was is about John that he hated so much? Was he jealous of him? 

  I completely forgot to be nervous about my date until I point I heard a car horn and looked out the window. There he was, that cheeky smile under that sexy black hair. Of course, his smile wasn’t anywhere as cheeky as Frank’s. Frank was just plain cheek with a cute smile. 

 I was grinning as I put on my shoes, thinking about all the times Frank got in trouble for his behaviour at school, even though he was only there two years for me to see it, but those were two explosive years. Then I remembered I was angry with him, and annoyed at John. 

 On the way to the club he was taking me to, John wouldn’t shut up. He told me about the band he and his friends were setting up, the club and his experiences in there. I don’t think he realised I wasn’t that fascinated with the girls he had taken there before. I had expected him to talk to me gently, for us to talk deeply like we did online. But no, he wasn’t deep or meaningful like Gerard was (some of the time), and he wasn’t funny like Frank or Mikey or Ray. I just replied when he asked me a direct question and watch him talk, admiring that face. 

“So how about you?” he asked me at one point, catching me off guard. 

“Huh?”

“Your friends?” he prompted me, irritated I hadn’t been paying him every last scrap of attention. 

“Well, I mainly hang out with my next door neighbour and his friends, I don’t really socialise much,”

“A hottie like you? People’ll be all over you,” I complimented me, probably not even hearing what I had said. “Your next door neighbour?”

“Yeah, Frank Iero. Do you know him? He was in your year,” I told him, actually paying attention now. Being angry at Frank would have to wait, now I was actually getting into this date. Ironically, through Frank. 

“Iero? Yeah, I remember him…that guy made my days at school hell,”

“What?!”

“He and his friends. They...well, they liked a bit of violence and I guess I was a prime candidate,” he shrugged, like he was embarrassed and sore talking about it. I was shocked. Frank wasn’t anything like that! He was the one always getting beaten to shreds! I was sure it wasn’t true, but the look in John’s deep hazel eyes was truthful enough. _Maybe he had done his own amount of damage at the same time…_ I wondered, shocked. 

“…Frank? He hurt you?” I whispered, stunned. I sat back in the chair and squeezed my eyes shut. No, that couldn’t be right. Frank was cool and normal and there was no way he would hurt someone mindlessly, he only sought to revenge. I dimly recalled helping him plot so many of his vengeances. I remembered Frank’s face covered in bruises and cuts, grinning at me through swollen eyes. _“It’s all in a day’s work,”_ he assured me then. What did he mean? I felt as if the floor had crashed from under me. 

“Yeah…I sorry, he’s your friend and I shouldn’t be telling you this stuff. That’s up to him,” he told me quietly, planting another bad thought in my head. Frank hadn’t told me the truth. This was the first time he’d ever kept something from me. If there was a lower point you could get, I’d be there. It felt like a weight had crashed through my stomach. John sensed I was on the verge of tears. 

“Hey, look, it’s cool. I’m fine and he leaves me alone these days. Don’t let it bother you. Just enjoy our date, ok?” he smiled at me through his fringe and I managed a weak smile. It felt like I wouldn’t enjoy anything ever again. 

 By the time we reached the club, I was giggling at John’s tales of idiocy he and his friends got up to. I was angry with Frank, hurting someone as cool as John, but I would be angry with him later. Now I was going to enjoy our time together. He parked and opened my door, and I smiled, notching him up one point. He learned quickly. 

“Wow, that’s a nice dress,” he said, staring at my chest. Half a notch down. I blushed, and took his hand. 

“Come on, let’s go in,” 

We paid, got stamped and entered the crowded, dark club. John led me by hand through the crowds of dancing teenagers wearing a lot of black and too much hair gel. In all honesty, John was wearing too much hair spray; his hair was more styled than mine. He wasn’t really what I liked in a guy, dress wise. I hated drainpipe jeans, I thought they look ridiculous, but John almost pulled his off. I hated those Vans though, and his tight T-shirt. Ok, yes, he had nice stomach and arm muscles, but tight T’s weren’t really my turn on. Other than that, he was ok. He had nice nail polish, a cute face and was taller than me. Ok, a bit too tall, but I didn’t care. He kept smiling at me over his shoulder as we wove through the club, and I got loads of jealous looks from girls who were wiggling along to the music in groups I wove straight through. Everyone knew him, they kept calling out to him. He took me over to a table full of guys nearly exactly the same as him. If it wasn’t for their different coloured shoes, I wouldn’t have been able to tell them apart from the same person. Luckily for me, John was so cute I could recognise him anywhere. I liked the feel on his hand in mine, even though his hand was clammy. I couldn’t stop that thought in the back of my head telling me Frank’s’ hands were always nice and dry and soft. I blew it away, telling myself it was hot in the club, and everyone was sweaty. The guys moved up so we could squeeze into the booth they controlled, but there was only room for John.

“Sit on my lap, Saph,” he offered, swinging his knees out. I hated people calling me Saph. I hesitated, but with all those guys staring at me expectantly and their girls hanging around their necks like a new breed of necklaces, I lowered myself onto his lap and he wound his arm around my waist. I didn’t like that, his arm felt weird on me, but I didn’t want to make a fuss. I looked around the table, over the drinks littering it. Did Frank take on all these guys? I couldn’t imagine him hurting all these hair gel addicts, there were too many. They looked back at me, looking over my dress and hair and face, like I was a new addiction to a collection or something. I felt very self-conscious and pulled my hair forward for once, hiding my blush and the mole of the side of my cheek. I hated that mole, but Frank told me it was cute. How could someone as innocent, in a manner of speaking, as Frank be mean enough to beat these guys up? Or Gerard or Ray? I couldn’t quite believe it. But John wouldn’t lie to me; he seemed to really like me. He smiled at me as he gave me a drink and I almost melted. Conversation was hard to keep going, as the crappy techno music was really loud and we had to yell across the table. I didn’t catch any of the Hair Gel Addicts name, or their girls, and John had to lean right into my ear to tell me anything. It felt weird with him breathing into my hair, and at one point he licked my earlobe that made me jump. I hadn’t been expecting it and I didn’t like it. But I didn’t make a fuss; I just smiled demurely at him and sipped my drink. 

“You wanna dance?” he yelled at me at one point. I wanted to ask ‘what to?’. The music was terrible and dancing to it resembled something like an orgy. I love dancing, in mosh pits and to awesome music, but this beat was terrible and all these people looked sweaty and half drunk. I loved slow dancing too, but I’d only really done it at weddings and at Frank’s’ prom. That had been some much fun. We slow danced through the fast songs and fast danced through the slow ones, until it got silly and we danced properly or just hung out. I giggled to myself as I thought of Frank’s’ crazy dancing, and John thought I was agreeing to the techno orgy. I didn’t really want to but I didn’t want to make a fuss- surprise, surprise. John was already sliding me off his lap, and I was thankful. I had felt so awkward perched there. 

 He waved to his Hair Gel Addict friends and led me into the crush., I hated it straight away, the heat, the pressing from all sides. But John’s hands were on my hips and he and I just slotted into place. So I was overheating and really worried about John’s hands. I couldn’t feel them on me anymore, until I opened my eyes and found them on my chest. I pulled away from him, angry, but he pulled me back and watched his hands properly this time. If he wasn’t so cute, I would have ditched him right there. But the dancing was beginning to weave it’s magic over me. I loved dancing, I always have. Music was pure magic to me and I loved moving to it, casting my spells with my body. And having drunk alcohol did not help. I forgot about the glares from the girls around me, John’s hands on my hips and waist, pulling me close to him and the shittiness of the music and just moved to the beat I heard in my head. I let myself go.


	7. Frank

Getting into the club was the easy part. Finding Sapphire in the hard part. Gerard and I stood out a bit, as we weren’t dressed like these alternative fashion addicts or had our hair smothered in gel. But we were decked out in black, so we didn’t get any trouble. It was that kind of club. So why was it playing such crappy music? Gerard shot me a look of disgust, jerking his thumb over to the DJ who looked like some sort of 80’s reject with a bad choice of glasses. He seemed to think this music was half way decent. At least people were dancing. Ok, I reconsidered. They weren’t dancing. They were having sex with clothes on. We gave each other another look, but this time laced with mischief at the number of scantily clad girls writhing on that dance floor. Ok, yes, I had a thing for Sapphire, but that didn’t stop me eyeing up some of these girls. That was until I realised they were all drunk and wearing way too much make up. It was sliding down their faces in the heat. 

Gerard pulled me up a staircase, so we could look over the club and find Sapphire. The first problem was getting over the girls and guys who looked a lot like the girls littering the stairs, making out like no tomorrow. The next problem was getting to the rail. I swear someone pinched my butt as I waded through that crowd, but I couldn’t be sure. It felt like I was being compressed from all sides. Five minutes after entering the club, I couldn’t breath thanks to the stench of hair gel, sweat and other nasty odours including piss, vomit and booze; I was coated in sweat thanks to the drunken heat generators pumping downstairs and I was exhausted due to fighting my way through crowds. That and my ear drums were dribbling out of my head due to the incredibly loud shit music. Gerard wasn’t faring any better, his long black hair was plastered to his skull and he looked ready to drop. It was so loud, no matter how loud I yelled, he couldn’t hear me asking him if he was ok. A second later, a very drunk girl grabbed him and tried to shove her tongue down his throat. He ducked away and she spun off to find another victim. We exchanged scared looks. If this was how we managed, Sapphire was in trouble. 

 I spotted her, sitting on Kleaver’s knee in the only booth with a table in the club. She looked very uncomfortable, she wasn’t sitting properly and she had twitched her hair forward to hide that cute little mole on her cheek. I was glad to see she was ok, but she didn’t look that happy, the way she kept glancing down. I were she’d rather be lazing around on a sofa eating pizza and watching movies with me, than with all those idiots and that dickhead. I looked at them all, remembering their faces as they bore down on me with anything from fists to branches and poles. I fingered the scar on the side of my head, hidden by my hair and seethed. I wanted to fly down there and steal Sapphire away and hide her in the white clouds, where we could watch the moon and the silver stars and I could gaze into her beautiful blue eyes and we would just stay there be as quiet as we wanted. But instead, Gerard and I just watched her, while being crushed into the rail. 

John kept yelling into her ear, bending in close to her. I felt my blood boil, and I almost yelled out when he licked her ear. She seemed just as shocked, looking rather uncomfortable from where we were standing. Next he slid her off his lap and led her into the scrum. What the fuck? She hated this kind of dancing, where you just jumped up and down and the aim was to press against the next person as hard as possible and spread your sweat through the entire crowd. We almost lost sight of her, and had to lean right over to see her. At first, she didn’t really move, Kleaver holding her close to him. But then she tried to get into it, obviously trying to make something of the evening. I gripped the rail with white knuckles as I saw his hands wander over her body, where she couldn’t feel them in the oppressive heat source. I saw her try and pull away, but allow herself be pulled back in. At one point, she threw back her head and I knew then she was letting herself tap into the power within her to move and try any beat into the hottest dance floor. I saw her dance properly, every part of her body moving gracefully, unlike the blundering Emos around her. And Kleaver loved it, he moved along with her like a cobra to the flute. I wished, in that moment, I was down there with her in that hot, intimate place. I wished I could be holding her as she wove her love of dancing out through her hips and shoulders, her hair whisking through the air. Suddenly the music seemed changed all due to her dancing. Beside me, Gerard clapped a hand on my shoulder, knowing I was hurting inside to see her dance and to be with Kleaver instead. 

 How long did we stand there, watching her and Kleaver? God knows, the music sounded exactly the same to me. Maybe minutes, maybe hours. But soon, even Sapphire, with her boundless energy, gave up and Kleaver took her away from that orgy. I thought he’d take her back to the table with his friends, but he took her to the bar, for a drink. Oh dear. Sapphire add alcohol equalled one wrong move and you’re toast. I remembered the last time we’d all got drunk and Mikey made one joke in bad taste and she let rip. It was intense. They moved again, going to the least populated part of the club, which was still full of idiots. They stood next to the wall, stealing the chill off the stones and drank and leaned in close to talk. He kept trying to get close to her, but she cunningly kept him away by swigging from her bottle every time he tried to lean in. Soon, he got pissed off and left her to it, going back to the bar for another drink. Was that it? Had he just abandoned her? Apparently not, as he came back a few minutes later with another drink. I looked at my watch, the heat and noise and constant pressure beginning to drive me crazy. It was 10 30. _Fuck! We’ve been here three hours?!_ I thought to myself, stunned. No wonder I was beginning to crack. Gerard looked ready to put a gun to his temple, his eye twitching with every blast of techno shit. How the hell had they managed to keep dancing for three fucking hours?? I motioned to him and we descended, thankful to get away from the balcony crowd. We made a quick pit stop in the quieter, chilled toilets, finding only one anyway decent, and hid in some helpful shadows, close to where Sapphire and Kleaver yelled into each other’s ears. She was smiling properly now, amused by his drunkenness and still on fire from the dance floor. Trust her to make this date ok. He was grinning at her lopsidedly, using the wall as a support. Both looked flushed and soaked in sweat. Their conversation, whatever it was about, was enough to make her laugh, until they were interrupted by some of his annoying friends. I panicked for a second, thinking maybe they’d seen us and were now telling Kleaver. That was all they were good for: spying and beating. 

 But no, they were leaving. Sapphire looked both relieved to leave the club and also nervous about where Kleaver was taking her with his violent friends in the middle of the night. I knew I wasn’t happy about it. It’s hard to follow people subtly if they’re just messing around doing nothing. 

 Sapphire and he led the group, but Kleaver had Sapphire by the hand again and she was almost being pulled along. He tripped so many times over people’s legs and forgotten bottles, I was surprised she didn’t just let go instead of almost falling over a million times. Maybe he was gripping her too hard. Maybe she just liked holding his hand too much. Gerard and I followed them, keeping to the wall as close as possible without walking into the steamy clinches or making it obvious we were following them. When we finally got outside, they were all heading towards Drover’s Park, or possibly the Ice Cream Factory. There wasn’t very much to do in this town. We kept up with them, thankful to be in the fresh air, away from the smog of smoke, sweat and alcohol, even if the biting wind freezed our wet clothing to us in seconds. I guessed we didn’t smell great either. They were all falling about, dragging their girls along with them and laughing loudly, so Gerard and I didn’t worry about being heard. 

“How much do you want to kill him?” Gerard asked me as we fell in step, sticking close to the club wall. We could still hear the crappy music. 

“About the same as you wanted that doughnut,”

“Yeah, and you wouldn’t give it to me-“

“Yes I know, I’m a bad person, let’s move on. If they go to the park, we can just watch from the bushes,”

“Do we sound like pervs or neighbourhood watch freaks?”

“How about we settle for over protective friends?”

“Done,”


	8. Sapphire

I wondered briefly what I was doing. I was going off somewhere with a large group of random people I didn’t really want to be with. The only one I wanted to be with was Kleaver, and I think I had exhausted him on the dance floor. He needed quite a few drinks to perk himself up again. Of course, avoiding kissing him didn’t help his mood. I wondered briefly why I didn’t want to kiss him, he was gorgeous and he was being so nice to me, but I just didn’t want to. A little thought at the back of my mind kept leaping in with _‘Frank wouldn’t like it. Frank would shake his head and say you could do better. You can do better, why are you with him? Frank understands you, this guy doesn’t’_  

I shook my head; annoyed Frank was still finding ways of piss me off. How could I do better, this guy was the shit. And I was taking a big whiff, just as soon as we stop lurching around and find somewhere to hang out. I guessed Drover’s Park, as that was the only other remotely decent place this way, other than the Ice Cream Factory. There’s not much to do in this town. 

 I wished, briefly, to myself that I was back home in Frank’s basement, watching crappy horror flicks with him and wrestling over the popcorn bowl. We did indeed wind up in Drover’s Park and I spent the rest of the evening avoiding kissing Kleaver through several genius ploys and giggling when it was expected of me. That was, of course, until I glanced at the silver watch on a chain I hung around my neck. It used to be my fathers. Oh shit…Mum was gonna kill me. I was two hours late for curfew!

“Shit!” I yelled, before slipping away and running out of the park. There was a shout behind me and I realised I had completely forgotten how the hottie nuzzling my neck five seconds earlier. I flipped around, my hair fanning out and John almost ran into me. Once again, I was hit with the smell of alcohol and sweat coming off him and my nose wrinkled involuntarily.

“Where ya goin’?” he asked me, swaying ever so slightly. I wondered briefly if this was the life everyone thought was so glamorous. Getting trashed in parks and smelling terrible.   

“I’ve gotta get home before my mum goes insane. I had a great time though, thank you,” I said softly, squeezing his hand. I turned but he pulled me back by my hand. 

“I’ll drive you,” he offered, in a tone that meant he was going to drive me, no matter what I said. 

“That’s ok, you stay here with your friends, I can walk from here,” I said, not wanting him to get behind the wheel. 

“I’m driving you,” he said firmly, pulling me back towards the nightclub and his car. I let him, knowing he wouldn’t just leave me. I sighed, thinking of the reception at home. 

 As I expected, his driving wasn’t the best I’d ever experienced. In fact, I was terrified for most of the journey. I had my eyes squeezed shut and I was gripping the black leather seat with white-knuckled hands. 

“Here we are,” I looked up, expecting to see my boring house across the street and Frank’s next door, the whole street lit by the orange gas bulbs along the road. Instead, outside was dark and it took me a few seconds to realise we were at the Make Out Point, overlooking the town. I felt a dull thud inside my chest, too worried about my mum to even want to get into the mood. But did that matter to John? Nope, not by the way he just reached over and roughly pulled me close and tried to suck my tonsils out of my throat. I twisted my head and he started to kiss my neck instead. It wasn’t how I’d expected. I had expected light, tender caresses over my neck, gentle movements and explosive feelings. Instead, I had a heavy load licking my neck and I was too hot to think properly. I had to slap his hands a few times, until I finally pushed him off, incredibly uncomfortable. 

“Hold on, this is our first date. Why are we here?” I asked him, taking the defence before he could reproach me for pushing him away. I couldn’t see him in the car, but I could tell him what rather confused. 

“What’s wrong?”

“I didn’t come out with you to have a musical orgy, get drunk and make out in a car. I came out to get to know you better,”

“And this is know I get to know people better,” he said back, running a hand through his gel-filled hair. I did not want that hand to touch my dress again. This was so annoying, I really liked John and he was spoiling this for me. 

“No, this is how you get to know people’s bodies more. What about my personality?”

“Well, what do you want me to know?”

“How about my favourite song? God, you were far more interesting online,” I added quietly to myself. I don’t know if he heard me or not, he seemed to be thinking hard.

“Wait…that song by the chick from Evanescence…” he tried. Ok, he had just listed a shit load of favourite songs. “Or possibly that one by the Fall Over Boys…”

“Fall Out Boy,” I corrected automatically. “And Broken,”

“What’s broken?”

“The song, Broken, by Amy Lee and her boyfriend,”

“Er…” he was so lost. Great, I had just lost my date. He was incredibly lost. 

“Can you take me home now?”

That pissed him off. 

“What’s wrong with right here?” he asked, reaching out for me again. I hit his hands away, blaming his behaviour on the booze. Remind me never to marry an alcoholic.

“John, my mum is going to ground me until I’m 80 if I don’t get home very soon. Just take me home,” I said, settling back into my seat and turning away from him. He swore and muttered under his breath, while turning the ignition on. 

“…You get that from Frank, I bet…little arsehole, I’ll get him,” 

I snapped my head around. 

“What?!” had I heard him properly? He was meant to be all scared of Frank, what kind of split-personality thing was he trying to pull? He looked at me and I couldn’t see his eyes. 

“Frank’s a cocky little dick, and you’re acting just like him,” he said finally, his voice changed from the muttering I had heard before. I didn’t say anything; angry he had called Frank a dick and pissed off that he was slagging me off when all I’d done is refuse to suck face with him. Cocky little dick. Oh, but so cute….

 


	9. Frank

“Shit! Where’d they go?” I woke up to the sound of Gerard’s voice hissing in my ear. I swore loudly, realising I’d fallen asleep while we hid in the bushes, both feeling like complete perverts. After all, I was tired and that bunch of losers was incredibly dull. Now I was freezing and had a crick in my neck, just to add to the general feeling of panic. Where the fuck was Sapphire? She wasn’t anywhere in the Park we could see, and neither was Kleaver. I looked at Gerard, and saw he looked cold as well. I thanked God I had a friend as loyal as him. 

“When did you last see them?” I asked, standing up and finding my body numb. 

“20 minutes ago, when I last looked up. I kinda dozed off. Sorry man,” he said apologetically.

“No, it’s my bad. I felt asleep too, but for more than 20 minutes,”

  
”You were impossible to wake up,”

“I always am. Ok, so let’s assume they went back to the car so Kleaver could take her home…”

“Why do we assume that?”

“It’s about three hours after she was meant to be home,”

“Oh…ok, let’s go check the car then,”

 

 

 

“Ok, the car’s not there…so do we assume he did take her home, or did he take her to MOP?”- Make Out Point, for all of you who can’t put two and two together. 

I didn’t say anything and we silently went to Gerard’s car. If he took her home, she was safe from that arsehole for one more night. If he took her up the hills, then the Sapphire I knew and loved wasn’t the Sapphire I thought I did. Instead, Gerard just drove home and we stayed in silence the entire way, both of us thinking about Kleaver, Sapphire and most likely in Gerard’s case, doughnuts. 

 

“Do you want me to drive around to MOP and make sure his car isn’t there?” Gerard asked me as I got out of his car. I shook my head stiffly, I didn’t want to know where they were if she wasn’t home. Gerard knew how shit I felt inside, he could probably see it in my eyes. The look of sympathy he gave me was almost enough to crack the silent mask I’d painted across my face. Inside, I could feel the tears dropping. He pulled off, and I waved him goodbye. I was so grateful to have a friend like him. 

  I looked up at Sapphire’s window, looking for the familiar blue and purple lights moving around on her ceiling. As a little girl, she had been scared of ghosts. So, as the slightly more mature and evidently taller boy I was at the time, I had bought her a magic nightlight for her birthday. She sat it by her bed and it shone colours onto her ceiling, the blobs gently melding into others and it lulled her to sleep every night. Even now, she kept it now to help her get to sleep, even if she wasn’t scared of ghosts anymore. It wasn’t on, so she wasn’t home. I felt like someone had kicked me in the guts. 

 I went downstairs quietly, got undressed and climbed into bed, completely shattered. Inside and out. Sapphire…out with that guy. It was mental torture. I rolled over and grimaced, I smelt terrible and I had a lot of bruises from being pushed into a rail all night. Sighing, I dragged myself off to the bathroom for a quick shower and got back in bed with my hair wet. My parents were used to me having showers at any time of night, just as they had gotten used to my pounding music, my style sense and Sapphire hanging out in my room for hours on end. Sometimes I felt sorry for them, but most of the time I just ignored them.  

 In bed, I listened to the pipes gurgling and tried to deal with all the thoughts in my head. Most of them revolved around Sapphire, and the rest around Kleaver. With sharp objects flying towards his face. I lay beneath my covers, staring up at my black ceiling and slowly blinked. I was exhausted, but I couldn’t sleep. Urgh…

 I sighed, thinking of her beautiful face and remembering her dancing with him. She moved so gracefully, her movements commanding beauty and power. I sat up, holding my head in my hands, the images driving me crazy. I flicked on my light and picked up a pen. I pulled my notebook from under my mattress. But all the words I held whispering in my head refused to flow out of my fingers, the lyrics I heard singing staying mute. Instead, the pen flowed across the pale page, sketching out a graceful line drawing of a woman with wild flowing hair, sparkling eyes and her body twisting to the music spinning from her fingers. I looked at the smiling girl, her eyes capturing mine in a way I wished Sapphire’s would. 

 A noise made me jump, instantly slotting the notebook with it’s drawing away and flicking off the light. There it was again, metal scraping on wood. A click of a key in a rusty lock. Someone was unlocking my basement entrance and only one other person had a key to it. I swung my legs around, pulled some tracksuit bottoms on and got back in bed. What? I didn’t want to be naked. 

 The door opened softly and gently closed, someone coming down the stairs. I watched as Sapphire emerged, her pale face and arms covered in fishnet standing out in the dark. I didn’t say anything as she came over to me, her blue eyes flashing between my eyes and the floor. 

“Don’t stand on anything food-based,” I advised, watching her edge closer. I saw her grin, before standing on something with a sickening squish. 

“There goes your doughnut,” she shrugged, before sitting on the edge of my bed and pulling her shoes off. It seemed out argument was completely forgotten and I was too embarrassed to bring it up again. I guessed she was too. It would be the first time we were too embarrassed to talk about something. I didn’t care, I was just happy to have her back and nowhere near that git. As she pulled off her coat and left it on my chair, I smelt a faint scent of smoke and a stronger one of sweat.  For some reason, I found it sexy.

“Shouldn’t you be in bed?” I asked her, teasing her slightly. She punched my arm lightly, the touch reminding me I was in the wrong, even if she didn’t know it. 

“I’m too late home. If I stay here I can pretend I came here before curfew and fell asleep,” she told me, lying down onto of my duvet. She was cold, I could tell; so I flipped it over back on top of her, like a huge sausage. Now I was freezing and we eventually wriggled it out until we were both under the warm covers. I thanked Christ I had put on tracksuit bottoms. She lay down next to me, bringing the covers up to her chin and enveloping herself in warmth. I smiled at her, sitting with my elbows over my knees. It wasn’t the first time Sapphire had shared my bed, but it was the first time she’d shared it after a date, and this time she was in a sexy dress instead of Powerpuff Girls Pyjamas.

“Clever. You’re mum’ll buy it,” I told her. “How was your date?” I ventured, twisting around to look at her. She gave me a lopsided smile and flicked her head. I lay down next to her, lying on my side so I could see her. She propped herself up on her elbow. 

“Honestly? It was…weird, but pretty cool. He seemed really unfamiliar and he didn’t know me at all! The things he said, the way he acted. He was arrogant too. He just expected me to do whatever he wanted, like make out with him. I did manage to turn it around though. He’s good on the dance floor,” she told me, skimming the evening. I felt cold when she mentioned him wanting her to make out with him, but I hid it. 

“Not as good as you, I bet,” I said, quickly adding the last bit. Now would not be a good time for her to find out we’d followed her, not when she was here with me. “You didn’t make out with him?”

“No. We didn’t really click, and he was kinda mean about it too, so why let him get what he really wanted? Maybe after our second date…” she said sleepily. Oh Christ. She wanted to see him again. That was harsh. She snuggled down further, unaware she had upset me in ways I couldn’t even conceive about telling her. But, oh, she was so cute when she yawned and I smiled despite myself. She looked beautiful, even when she was exhausted. 

“So you’re going to see him again?” I asked, thinking about reaching over and tracing her lip with my thumb. She looked up at me.

“I don’t know, maybe. I’ve never dated guys properly before, so maybe we’ll click better after another date, you never know. Are you meant to click with a guy on the first date?” she asked me anxiously. I laughed, amused by the worry in her voice. I happily forgot she was thinking about Kleaver, as I lay on my back, still chuckling. She wriggled over, leaning over and resting against my body. I nestled my arm over her, my hand tucked in perfectly at her waist. She was still wearing that beautiful dress and her toes were freezing as they pressed into my feet. 

“Frank, stop laughing at me,” she pouted, blocking my mouth with her hand. “Or I’ll bite your nose off!”

“Oh, God, no! Please! I just got his nose stud! Think of the nose stud!” I begged, still giggling in myself. She giggled with me, poking my nose and I bit her finger. A few minutes later, we stopped play fighting and settled down to a comfortable silence. I almost mellowed out there entirely, my arm around her in my nice warm bed. It felt so right. I completely forgot we were best friends and nothing but, or that she was still thinking about that prick she had been out with. How weird was it she was sharing a bed with another guy after coming back from a date? I would have laughed again, if I had not been falling in a deep and very happy sleep, knowing that Sapphire was finally safe and with me where I could feel her breathing and her heart beating.  


	10. Sapphire

Waking up was one of those really nice moments in life you wish you could live forever, or record so you can play it back again and again. My body was completely flattened out because I’d danced so much, my muscles aching. The warmth of Frank’s bed soothed them and I sleepily opened my eyes, drinking in the lovely feelings. His bed was soft and warm and so lovely, mainly because he was there to keep me warm and had his arms around me. It felt nice waking up in his arms, my head resting on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. How can I describe it to you? It was just so nice, I was well rested and I woke up with a smile on my face, instead of the usual grimace of having to get up and face reality. I dimly wondered what my hair looked like, but dismissed it. Right now, I just settled deeper into Frank’s embrace and sunk into his warm bed. I would deal with real life just as soon as I spent enough time dealing with the dream world I was waking up in. Or maybe not. 

“Frank, wake up! Ruby across the road hasn’t seen Sapphire all night, do you know where she might be?” Frank’s mother called down the stairs from the main hall. Thank the almighty Lord she never ventured down into his dark and Gothic basement with its creepy posters and piles of breeding grounds. She was far too mumsy to even contemplate it. Small problem, my mum had called his mum. So I’d just make a startling recovery upstairs, with Frank to back me up that I’d fallen asleep on my couch and then I’d skip home to explain it to mum. Shock, horror, I’d swing it. I poked Frank, whose selective pierced ears ignored his mum’s yells.

“Hey, you, a naked girl is begging you to punish her,” I whispered, shaking him while wriggling out of her arms. The cold air outside bed was a wake up call and a half and I shivered. He groaned and turned over, his hands searching for me again. He still refused to wake up. 

“Whatever mum, just put her with the others…” he murmured sleepily, still probing for me. I poked his new nose stud and he opened his eyes. 

“Morning stunning Sapphire Sparkle,” he said sleepily, giving me a huge yawn before sitting up. He shivered like me.

“Your mum just called the alarm, so put a shirt on and point me towards a hairbrush so we can lie and tell them I slept on your couch after a movie fest,” I told him, pulling my shoes on as best as I could, with my arms still shivering. He nodded and pulled the first shirt he could find out. 

 It only took me a few minutes to convince Frank’s poor parents that I had been on the couch, and then I ducked outside, promising my friend I’d be back after breakfast. Mum, of course, was concerned, but brought my story, just like I knew she would. I love having a mum who never asks questions. Makes life so much easier. 

 Upstairs I had the quickest shower known to man, woman or beast (aka, Stud) and got changed into my comfy black jeans and the first top I found that wasn’t covered in dog hairs or tramped to death. Lucky me, it’s vaguely uncrumpled. I can smell bacon frying and my stomach’s grumbling, but I’m going to just post the latest chapter of my fic on the net before I go and eat. My fans will be getting impatient. As soon as I started up my computer and my music began to spin out once again, I’m bombarded by a message from John. Damn, I wanted to leave him hanging for a bit, teach him a lesson for being such a prick. 

_*Heart Of Glass*_ Hey beautiful, you really worn me out last night! My feet are killing me!

_**Sapphire Star**_ What can I say? I like dancing

_*Heart Of Glass*_ I can see that, you were fantastic. When can I see you again? 

_**Sapphire Stars**_ Dunno, whenever I’m free I guess. 

I didn’t really feel like negotiating a second date at that moment, bacon was waiting, I had a dog slobbering all over my favourite fatty trainers and a Frank to hang with. 

_*Heart Of Glass*_ Next weekend?

_**Sapphire Star**_ We’ll see, I might be busy. I’ll talk to you later, ok? I need to catch up on some sleep

I lied. So what? I wasn’t in the mood for serious conversations and overdramatic romantics. 

_*Heart Of Glass*_ Cool, you were tired last night, I could tell. Sleep well xXx

\---Signed Out---

What did he mean he could tell I was tired? He better not be kidding himself I didn’t suck face with him because I was tired! It takes hours for the adrenaline of a dance floor to wear me out. Obviously he didn’t know that. Then again, how could he? I was being too harsh. Oh, whatever, I needed breakfast, NOW.

 Downstairs and stuffing my face with eggs and bacon, I thought back to waking up with Frank. It was one of those memories that make you smile even though you don’t realise it. I wondered if John was like Frank underneath, just too forward at first. Maybe he was the hopeless romantic I had him pegged for, but was just a little too drunk. I would see him again, but just on his own and not in such a public place. 

“Hey, can you walk Stud before you go over to Frank and don’t come back until dinner?” asked my mother, looking up from her laptop. My mother, either running off to direct yet another theatre company, or tapping away at that laptop, spinning her novels out whenever she had nothing else to do. I guess that’s where I got my writing talent. Oh, and the adding burden of looking after Stud and me and stopping us being kicked out by the bank or whatever. She knew me too well. 

“Sure, I’ll pick Frank up on my way,”

“Don’t you think you spend too much time with that boy?”

“Nope,” I said carefully, in a tone that meant I wasn’t open to debate on that subject. I swear my mother thinks I’m some kind of slut, because all my friends are male. Hello? I went on my first date last night! She just raised her eyebrows, pursed her lips and continued typing. I wonder if she minded having such an independent daughter (well, independent if it’s not cooking and cleaning after myself) instead of the house-trained, nicely dressed maiden she wanted. Nope, instead she’s got a loud, brash, black and blue clad Goth/Emo/whateverthefuckyouwanttocallit kid who loved loud, screaming music and hung out in graveyards for kicks. 

“Ok, then. Make sure you take your mobile,”

I rolled my eyes to myself as I took my plate through to the kitchen and left it in the sink to conceal in the sun. I hate that mobile, all it does is tell me when I have to get home. No one calls me, or texts me, because all my friends live within walking distance! Even then, we just turn up at our houses and work around shit. What the fuck do I need a mobile for? 911 calls apparently. Yeah, whatever, someone’s going to try and rape me when I’ve got four guys hanging around with me. Good luck. 

“Come on, Stud muffin. Let’s go for a walk. Or run, if you prefer,” I told the creature shovelling down his food. Minutes later, we’re bombarding into Frank’s room with just as much noise as a small earthquake. Stud’s barking, the music’s pounding, I’m screaming and laughing and Frank’s just in hysterics. 

“You guys are so subtle!” he laughed, lounging on his couch with a sketchbook over his knees. I shrugged and let Stud romp around Frank’s room, knowing here’s not much he can destroy now the comic books have been saved. 

“It’s a gift! I’ve gotta take this lug for a walk, wanna come?” I offered, stretching with a huge yawn. Frank’s face is priceless with giggles; I look really funny when I yawn. So therefore, I hit his arm. 

“Sure, sure, I want to get some more antiseptic shit anyway,” he said, shutting the sketchbook and groping around for a jacket. While he’s wrestling with Stud over a hoodie of reasonable cleanliness, I peeked in his sketchbook. He’s drawn another one of those surrealistic drawings, of a huge eye with musical notes in the iris. It’s beautiful, complete with a tear full of stars. Frank’s drawings are beautiful, I love them so much. I wish he would give them all to me so I can plaster them in my alcove, but he only gives me the ones he doesn’t want or drew for me because I begged him. I’ve only seen some of them because he doesn’t know I flip through his sketchbook. He’d probably kill me if he knew; some of those pictures are pretty sexy. 

“Why do you need antiseptic?” I ask him, confused. He tapped his nose.

“I spilt most of the shit the dude gave me when I got it done, so I need some more. It’s not healed properly yet,” he shrugged, acknowledging his natural ability to destroy/break/burn/soak/spill anything anyone gives him. Trust me, I know. Nearly every birthday present I’ve gotten him has managed to be completely destroyed within a few weeks. The last one, the lip piercing I paid for, is possibly the only thing I’ve given him he hasn’t managed to lose or something. He doesn’t mean to, he’s just hopeless. 

 We set off into town and I tell Frank all about my date with John, with Stud straining at the lead with every step. He gives a huge yank at one point and Frank has to grab me to stop me falling over. He’s good like that. Hopeless, but useful. 

“So he took you clubbing?”

“Yeah, not my first choice, but I liked the dancing,”

“No shit, that’s all you do other than write!” he laughed at me, ruffling my hair. I’m glad we’re not fighting. I had been worried when I climbed into bed with him last night he’d still be angry over our fight, but he seemed as keen to forget as I was. I hate fighting, unless the other person deserves it, but definitely not with my best friend. 

“So sue me, I like to shake ma thang!” I laughed, failing to get Stud to heel. Then, of course, came the mandatory impressions of those large-arsed women in the rapper videos who wiggle in time to the music and wear practically nothing. It’s scary how well Frank can impersonate them….

 In town, we tied Stud to the post outside the Superdrug and went nosing around inside. We’re the kind of kids you expect to lift anything that’s not nailed down, so we either stand well away from the shelves to avoid dodgy looks or take the piss and drive the assistants crazy. Today we were in a stupid mood, so it’s the latter. 

“Psst! Here! Calmly put this down before we get accused of stealing!” Frank hisses loudly, glancing around like a pantomime actor and then doing those ridiculous creeping steps with his hands drawn to his chest, Dracula doing the pink panther. It was hysterical. I was in stitches. 

“Hey, Sapphire, check this out!” he called me from across the shop and I went to find him, finally not giggling. He was standing in front of the hair dye shelves, holding a box of black on special. 

“Dye your hair black!” he said excitably, thrusting the box at me. I blinked and took it, grinning. 

“My mum’ll freak!” I said, before checking if I had enough money. I looked up to see if Frank would lend me a quid, and saw his face had frozen.

“What?”

Silently, he reached up and pulled down another box of hair dye. It was bright turquoise, the most beautiful colour ever. I gasped and looked at the girl on the cover, flicking her brilliant hair at us. 

“I must get this!” I breathed, looking over Frank’s shoulder on tiptoes. He nodded silently. 

“No, wait, I have the best idea ever!” he said, spinning around and grabbing me around the waist, spinning me around too until I was giggling again. 

“What? What? Frank, tell me!” I laughed, clinging to his neck. He stopped and leaned in and whispered into my ear. I gasped in delight, he was right. It was the best idea ever. 

 


	11. Frank

Man, was I brilliant, or was I brilliant? Sapphire’s hair was going to be so fucking awesome by the hair I had finished with her. She was fussing over the money, but I shut her up by tickling her. I’d pay for them, I had money. She had spent all of hers on lunch, as usual. That girl ate SO much food, it was ridiculous! How did she manage to eat some much food and never gain weight? She looked fantastic, no matter how much junk she stuffed her face with. 

“Are we going to do it now?” she asked me breathlessly, skipping around me like an excited four year old. Well, mentally she was younger than that…

“Sure, honey bunny, we’ll do your hair all pretty once I get some medicine for my nosey-wosey,” I chuckled, taking the piss of her. She pouted and I just had to give her a huge hug to say sorry, still giggling to myself. She repaid me but punching me in the stomach lightly and then hugging me back. 

“I love you so much! Thank you thank you thank you! You are a genius!” she told me, and I grinned. Even though she didn’t mean it the way wanted her too, Sapphire telling me she loved me made my day light up. 

“Yes, I know, please continue,” I said graciously, taking her hand and leading her to the chemists. She squeezed my hair and skipped away me, swinging her bag. 

“And you’re wonderful and kind and lovely and gorgeous and so nice to everyone and everyone loves you because you’re so brilliant and smart and funny and beyond awesome and way too cool for school!” she listed, dotting them off on her fingers. I grinned when she called me gorgeous, happy in my delusion that she and I were an item and all the looks we were getting with jealousy that we were so happy together. Actually, a few of those looks were very familiar. Scarily familiar… 

“Sapphire? What are you doing in town with him? I thought you were asleep,” 

Oh, great. Kleaver. My day just went out of the window. In fact, it just jumped off a bridge. He looked confused and miffed and tragically hurt. She smiled at him and ran over, wrapping her arms around him in a huge hug. My hand felt empty now, my side was cold. I felt betrayed, even though I had no reason to be. My comfort was Stud sitting by my leg, growling at Kleaver as he hugged her back, his hand stroking her hair. We made eye contact and I saw a flicker of annoyance. Arrogant prick.     

“Couldn’t sleep, and I needed to walk Stud, my dog. Frank and I needed some stuff from the shop,” she explained, breaking away from him and standing in between him and me. I felt like grabbing her hand and running away with her, just to piss Kleaver off, but I did nothing. I just clenched my fist. 

“Oh, cool. So you wanna ditch him and we’ll go get something to eat?” he offered, smiling his ‘dreamy’ smile at her. For a second I saw her melt in his eyes, then she realised what he said. 

“Why? I came to town with Frank; I’m not going to just ditch him. He’s my best friend,” she said defiantly, challenging him to say something stupid. That’s my Sapphire. She doesn’t let things slide. Kleaver looked a bit annoyed, his ploy to snub me out backfiring. 

“Whatever, you can choose your own friends, no matter how shitty they are,” he muttered, flicking his fringe to one side and leaning back on his hip. Twat. I gritted my teeth, but Sapphire got mad. 

“Hey! Don’t insult Frank! I know him way better than you!” she said, pointing one fierce-looking black nail at him. Even though she’s small, Sapphire is terrifying in a fight. Trust me, I know. Kleaver rolled his eyes at her, which only annoyed her more. 

“Please! I went to school with that jerk,” he said, looking me up and down “I know what he’s really like. He’s nothing like the guy he is around you,” 

Hypocrite! I felt my muscles bunching, ready for some real violence. Sapphire was taking my opportunity away though, and I let her see the real him.

“I don’t believe you, he’s my best friend and I love him! You’re just an arrogant little prick!” she yelled, attracting the attention of some of the passers-by. Kleaver noticed this too, and looked very pissed off, his face closing in under that black gel-filled fringe. 

“You’re just a teasing little slut, and your friend’s a loser with no future, you’re good together,” he hissed, snarling at her. She punched him. I have never seen Sapphire hurt anyone like that before; she just hit him with all the force she could muster. He swayed, looking shocked and his cheek turning bright red, the other side following as the spectators cheered. Sapphire hadn’t finished though. She stamped on his foot and pushed him away roughly, digging her nails into him, before spitting on the ground in front of him, looking disgusted. He was still shocked and before he could really react, she grabbed my hand and ran away. 

 I let her drag me a few streets before pulling her over and grabbing her in a tight hug. She was sobbing, tears steaming down her face and I felt them soak into my shirt. Her make up would stain, I was sure, but I didn’t care. I needed this hug as much as she did. 

  
”That arsehole! I can’t believe he called you a slut. I wish I had hit him now,” I hissed, my entire body praying he would turn up again so I could really let rip on him. Not only for calling her a tease and a slut, but also for touching her and dancing with her. I’m a severely violent guy when I’m jealous. She cursed into my chest, holding into me tightly. 

“I can’t believe I liked him! I can’t believe I thought he was a nice guy! I fucking hate him!” she yelled, stamping her foot and hiding her face in my shoulder. No matter how upset I was, she was ten times worse. Right now, she needed comfort. 

“Calm down, Sparkle, he’s just an arsehole and a half. Everyone meets them in life. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you how much of a jerk he was before you went out with him,”

“You tried, and I didn’t believe you. I’m so sorry,” she sobbed, shaking with tears. “I’m so sorry I yelled at you, I feel so terrible. I knew he wasn’t what I thought he was, I just didn’t want to believe it,” she told me, looking up at me. Those enormous shoes made her only an inch below me but she still looked so young and innocent, her eyes wet with tears and her massive blue eyes shimmering. Oh my God, she was beautiful. 

“There’s something about him I didn’t tell you, when maybe I should’ve done, a long time ago. If I had, you would never had even talked to him,” I said quietly, avoiding her eyes before I went insane and kissed her then and there. Now wasn’t the time. She looked confused. 

“What is it?” She asked me “Did he do something to you?”

I didn’t say anything, partly embarrassed, partly unsure how to tell her. 

“He and his friends…they were the ones who beat me and Gerard and the guys up at school. Remember?” I said softly, looking back at her. That moment, when she remembered all the times she’d washed my cuts, put ice of my bruises, kissed them all better and sworn bloody revenge and realised she had sought that revenge just now, albeit a slightly less bloody one than the one she promised, was immense. That single moment of realisation was so beautiful and clear and liberating that I wished I could have caught it on film and watched it over and over again. I was literally lost in her eyes. 

“Oh, Frank!” she breathed, her eyes saying everything she needed to. The sorrow, the apologises, the horror. I gave her a small smile and used a free hand that wasn’t holding her close to wipe away the tears now edging down her cheeks. 

“Hey, it’s ok. I’m sorry I never told you. I was embarrassed,”

“What kind of friend am I? I promised you I would always be there for you and cursed that guy until God himself covered his ears, but I never imagined…” she shook her head, leaning against me again. 

  
”He lied to me. He told me you beat me up,”

I laughed at that one. 

“Well, that’s new! I don’t remember ever having the upper hand against him and his mates!”

“I swear I’ll kill him if he ever comes near me or you or one of the guys,” she said in a tone that scared me to the bone. I knew her eyes were hardened, cold and she was as serious as hell. That was just scary. 

“Hey, relax, it’s all ok. Feel free to rip his balls off if he ever tries to make out with you again though,” I laughed, leading her out of the doorway and winding my arm around her shoulder. She shuddered. 

“Eugh! I’ll make him eat them with tomato ketchup!” she hissed. I laughed and nodded, impressed, before adding the ultimate torture for anyone. 

“I think a worst punishment would be no ketchup at all…” 


	12. Sapphire

Ok, I still felt terrible over John and Frank, but glad Frank had told me the truth in the end. I just wish he’d told me before I got involved with John. Eugh, I wish I had hit him harder or more, or possibly with a stick or something. I had never felt anger like this before. All I could do was cling onto Frank’s hand and glare menacingly at the people who scuttled to get out of our way. Inside, while I was boiling over, I was laughing grimly at them. They were so scared. It made me feel glad that I could intimidate people without even opening my mouth. My fight with John had left me feeling sadistic and I glared even harder, thinking of his arrogance and his cocky smile. Oh, how I wanted to hit him ‘til he bled.

“Hey, Sapphire, you may want to stop looking like you’re about to eat the five years olds…mothers have very hard handbags to hit with,” advised Frank, poking my nose. It snapped me out of my angry stompings, and I gave him a small smile, looking down and kneading my forehead with my sore knuckles. There were too many thoughts in my head and I couldn’t think with all these normal two-dimensional morons milling around like cattle. Girls and guys in hoods and tracksuits, old woman in unflattering florals, men in rain jackets…I just wanted to scream. I felt closed in, frustrated, like I couldn’t breathe. I was so angry and all these irritating humans made it worse. I held two hands on me arms, pulling me into a familiar-smelling, tight and loving hug. I wrapped my arms around Frank and buried my head in his shoulder, just wishing we were back in the safest place on Earth; his basement. 

 I looked up at him and found myself looking at the most refreshing, beautiful sight I could ever see that morning in the middle of the market. Frank’s black hair, his piercings, his eye make…he was so me and I was so him, I might as well have be looking in a mirror. It was comforting and I just clung harder. 

“Someone’s glad to have me today,” he chuckled, moving us out of the suffocating stream of TV-hoppers, mall-shoppers and chatterboxes. I nodded fiercely. 

“You’re the only thing that makes sense these days,” I told him moodily, glaring at the people walking past through my hair. I must have looked demented. 

“Are you sure about that?” he asked me, rubbing my shoulder. 

“Yeah, why?”

“Because the insanity squad have just seen us,” he grinned, pointing. I turned and grinned myself. All I needed now to make this day reasonably awesome was Gerard, his brother Mikey, and the living Afro, Ray. They waved and laughed and fought their way through the old biddies and chain-smoking 30-year-old Chavs, before swooping down on us in a huge group hug, of which I found myself crushed into the middle. It vaguely reminded me of the random dance parties I went to at the club, with the circles and the grind dances. Now, those were fun! 

“Sapphire! Frank! Fuck, are we glad to see you!” crowed Gerard, punching Frank’s arm, as I hugged Mikey and Ray separately, before getting whirled around by Gerard. 

“Did you guys see Kleaver?” asked Mikey excitedly. I looked at Frank and he gave me an evil grin. 

“How’d he look?”

“Fucked up, bruised, pissed off and all,” said Ray, punching his fist and grinning just as evilly. Some of the normals walking past gave us some weird looks. I wanted to yell away them but Frank squeezed my arm and shook his head. 

“Really? Where’d you see him?” I asked them all, moving on. 

“Down the food market, buying ice,” laughed Gerard, and he and Ray high-fived randomly. I laughed and we told them about his run in with my fist. They all blinked, then started talking at once, congratulating me and laughing and then came another group hug. The excitement and the celebrating did not stop all the way back to Frank’s house, all of them playing the fool as Frank and I acted it out again and again. Frank wound his arm around my waist and I gripped his hand, he knew I was still seething inside. 

 In Frank’s basement, the others instantly collapsed on the couch and broke out the beer. 

“Hey, what did you get in town?” asked Mikey, noticing my bad of goodies. I grinned, and hopped over to Frank. 

“Can we tell them? Or just show them?”

“Oh, they’ll have to wait and see, won’t they?”

The others all started complaining, begging, but we wouldn’t budge. I had to dance out of the way when Ray and Gerard simultaneously went for the bag and cracked their heads. 

“You dimwits!” I laughed, ruffling their hair and getting my hair stuck in Ray’s mass of hair. “Little help?”

“Tell me what’s in the bag or you’re never getting out of there,” he grinned, looking up from under where my hand was stuck in his hair. I raised an eyebrow. 

“Oh, really?” I threatened, twisting my hand. He yelped in pain and instantly pulled away. My hand came springing out, along with some of Ray’s hair. 

“Here ya go,” I said graciously, handing it back as Frank, Mikey and Gerard howled with laughter. He took it.

“Cheers…what the hell am I gonna do with it? Glue it back on?”

“Wouldn’t look any different,” commented Frank, cracking open a beer from the crate hidden under his bed. I grinned and flicked on some music, in a bubbly mood now. My anger at John had melted away, because already there was a revenge plot forming in my mind. It involved super glue, and lots of it. Oh, and I’d need to earn some favours from some friends…I couldn’t help giggling manically. That got me some weird looks…

“Sapphire, why are you giggling like that?”

“Sorry, just reliving the look of John’s face,” I lied quickly. I’d fill them in later when I’d filled in the finer details of my revenge plot. Until then, we were gonna eat, drink and be merry. And Frank was going to help me out with another, very sexy issue. 

 

 

 

“Ok, are you ready?” Frank asked me, holding it in his hand. I bit my lip, eyeing his hands with anticipation. He knelt down next to me, cupping my face.

“Hey, you’re trembling,” he said quietly, smiling. Frank had the cutest smile I’d ever seen, it made me feel better about what we were going to do. For the millionth time, I eyed the lock on the door, hoping my mother wouldn’t come home early. She’d go ballistic if she found me and Frank doing this. Well, it’s not like it hasn’t been coming. I’m growing up and this was exactly the kind of thing teenagers do, right? Totally. 

“I’m better than ok. Do me,” I said defiantly, grinning at him. He smiled and held it up, nodding. 

“I’m getting there,” he told me, before straightening and standing in front of me. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, ready to feel whatever was coming. Then there was a sensation that took my breath away. Frank’s fingers stroked through my hair, his touch sending shivers through my spine. In that moment, I didn’t care about anything. I didn’t care about John, my mum, or even Stud whining by the door. All I cared about what Frank and his touch and the black dye he was caressing through my long hair. 


	13. Frank

This was possibly one of the sexiest moments in my life so far. It was just amazing. Sapphire was sitting there, on the edge of her bathroom, wearing this tiny black tank top and an old wrap around skirt, with her eyes closed and her face a picture of rapture. Oh, how I wanted to kiss her. But right now, I was dyeing her hair black. And then, I’d help her dye the ends turquoise. She would look beyond hot. She would look fucking gorgeous. I just kept applying the dye, rubbing it right into her soft hair. I felt like an artist and she looked like a model, smiling as sweetly as an angel. Dear God, I was thinking like a poet. Someone slap me out of it. 

“Frank?” she whispered.

“Yeah?”

“Did you bring the stopwatch?”

“Yeah, half an hour, right?”

“Yep, and then it’s turquoise!”

“You’re gonna look fantastic! Oh, hold on, I need the second bottle…” I said, laughing as my slippery fingers tried to open the second bottle of hair dye. She tutted. 

“Why’d I have to have so much hair? It’ll cost a bomb to re-do every month!” she complained, looking at it in the mirror before sitting down again so I could continue. 

“Well, then me and the guys will buy you a proper dye for your birthday,”

“Dude! That would rock!” she grinned, her face lighting up. 

“It’s only two weeks away anyway. Awww, little Sparkle’ll be 17!”

Sapphire grinned and Frank kept coating her hair in thick, bad smelling black. 

“I can’t wait! I’ll be able to learn to drive!” she said, grinning. Frank laughed. 

“It’s not that fantastic. It’s like class, with homework and shit,”

“Yeah, but with driving! And I’ve got my eye on a car already. Mum said she’d consider it,”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah, it’s this Mystery Machine going cheap. I offered it to mum as a costume carrier for all her plays and shit, and in return I get free petrol and a ride whenever to wherever I want!” she told me excitedly. I whistled through my teeth. 

“You really know how to get what you want,” I told her admiringly. It was true; she was good at getting what she wanted or what she needed. It didn’t make me spoilt, thank God. She had learned to appreciate this gift and use it wisely. 

“Ok, black’s all done, let’s go watch the Powerpuff Girls,”

“POWERPUFF GIRLS!”

 

Yes, we admit it, we adore the Powerpuff Girls. They’re just adorable. Of course, Sapphire’s more into than I am (Pyjamas, remember?). Well, that’s what I let the general public believe. Usually we watched it snuggled up on my couch, quoting along with the episodes we recognise and sharing popcorn. But this time I’m curled up in my corner and Sapphire is sitting bolt upright in the middle, to keep her hair from staining the couch material. I honestly don’t care if it does, but Sapphire won’t budge. And she’s got twenty more minutes of this torture. 

**Seventeen minutes.**

“How ya coping?”

“Never better!” she replied, her fingers clenched. It’s hard work to keep your back perfectly straight. 

**Fifteen minutes.**

“Still good?”

“Yep,” 

Liar.

**Eleven minutes.**

“Why are your shoulders shaking?”

“I’m cold?”

**Eight minutes.**

“Are you sure you don’t want to relax?”

“No, I’m fine!” she insisted, through gritted teeth. 

**Five minutes.**

“ Do you want some popcorn?”

“God yes,”

**One minute.**

“Ready for the turquoise?”

“Oh shit…”

 

Her black hair looks amazing. I can’t stop staring at it. She washed it out for about half an hour, before coming out with this freshly dried wave of midnight black tresses. I instantly went over and stroked them, knowing they would be as soft and smooth as I thought they would be. She looked amazing. It suited her perfectly. Her brown hair had always seemed too pale for her eyes and her pale skin, but now she looked exactly the way God intended her to look. Gorgeous. I fell slightly more in love with her with every glimmer of light that went streaking across it. I was dumbstruck; I just kept staring with my mouth hanging open. She was giggling and laughing and smiling into the mirror, her eyes sparkling and her whole frame glowing. 

“Wotcha think?” she asked me, twirling around so the gentle fans of black spun out. 

“It’s…it’s beautiful,” I said softly, watching my Sparkle flick her hair around and preen herself. She gave me a smile unlike the grins she gave herself, a sweet little smile that brought lights to her eyes I wanted to see every day for the rest of my life. 

“Thank you so much, Frank, for doing it for me!” she squealed, baring down on me in a huge hug. As her head fit into the crevice on my shoulder as snugly as two jigsaw pieces, I wrapped my arms around her and stroked that hair. It was like a waterfall of ink. 

“It’s not over yet, Sparkle,” I said solemnly, so she twisted her head to look at me. “We’ve still got the blue to do!”

 

An hour later and Sapphire and I were finally curled up in the corner of the couch, watching a late-night movie, Jurassic Park. She was asleep and Dear Lord, did her hair stink of chemicals! But even when her whole body smelt strongly of ammonia or whatever, I couldn’t let go of her; I just wanted to hold onto those feelings between us. She was snuggled right into me, resting her head on my shoulder and making little noises in her sleep. It was romantic, in a weird chemical-smelling way. A chemical romance or something. Whatever it was, I liked it and I just wanted to hang onto her all night. The movie sucked, but I couldn’t be bothered to move and find the remote, so I just stared at the screen and listened to Sapphire make the cutest noises in her sleep.  


	14. Sapphire

Dreams can be an odd friend to you sometimes. Very often you wake up from a dream smiling even though you have to get up. Mostly you can’t remember the logic that made sense inside your head while you were asleep, but you just remember you enjoyed it. Tonight, I did not enjoy my dreams.

_“Sparkle, sparkle, little star_

_How I wonder where you are_

_I’m gonna find you,_

_Yes it’s true_

_And then I’m gonna do you through”_

 

_I wanted to run, my feet were stuck. I covered my mouth to stop from screaming as shadows teased me with cover. Blood leaked from my lips, my lungs full. I was choking and he was coming closer, singing softly._

 

_“Sparkle, sparkle, little star_

_No point in hiding too_

_I’m gonna find you_

_And when I do_

_Life’s over for you”_

 

“Sapphire? Are you ok? Are you faking it again?” Franks’ voice came, rescuing me as the figure bore down on me. I opened my eyes and instantly ran my tongue around my mouth, searching for blood. Above me, Frank grinned down.

“What?”

“You’re a littler faker, you know!” he crowed, laughing. I stared at him for a second then hmphed, sitting up and sleepily pushing my silky hair behind my ear. I remembered I had dyed it, seeing the alien colour slide across my shoulder. My heart was beating faster than usual and I felt shaky, but I pushed the dream to the back of my mind. It had been so creepy, but I’d had creepier. 

“That’s what they say,” I shrugged, stretching my shoulders and smiling evilly. I looked back at Frank to see him looking at me oddly, catching my dirty meaning and looking unsure of himself. “It’s called a joke, Frank, don’t look at me like that!” I giggled, making him grin and catch on. 

“Of course not, my dear little slut!” he chuckled, throwing some popcorn at me. 

“Hey!” I yelled, both at the insult and the popcorn lodged in my ear. I grabbed two fistfuls of popcorn and thrust them at Frank’s face, stuffing one down his shirt and the other into his mouth. He spluttered pushing me away and tipping the bowl over my head with a free hand. I screamed again and clawed at it, attacking him with more sugary popcorn. 

“You’re insane!” he yelled, twisting his face away from my fresh onslaught of popcorn and spitting out the husks he hadn’t managed to chew. He had managed to fall off the couch and I was half on top of him, ducking away from flying popcorn and scrabbling at it, giggling manically. 

“You’re retarded!”

“Slut!”

“Pimp!”

“Hooker!”

“Manwhore!”

“Sleep-around!”

“Aids-sufferer!”

“Um…err…loser!”

“I so win,”  

“Whatever…dweeb,” 

“Dope!”

“Moron!”

“Idiot!”

“Spaz!”

“Dimwit!”

“Freak!”

“And proud! Ha! Not an insult, I win!” I yelled in triumph, dumping the last few popcorn pieces onto Frank’s head, getting up and dancing around his room. Frank lay on the floor among the snacks and chuckled to himself, watching me upside down. 

“Hey, guys, you down there?” came a voice. A few seconds later, Mikey came trundling down the stairs, paying no attention to whatever his large feet stood on. As usual. 

 He stopped when he saw Frank on the floor and glanced at me spinning around wildly, my hair fanning out like huge piece of black and blue silk, but focussing on Frank.

“What the?”

“Master Way the Younger, shouldn’t you knock before entering someone’s home? With if I had been naked?” asked Frank, resting his intertwined fingers on his chest and crossing his ankles as if lying on the floor covered in popcorn was the most natural and casual thing to do. I abruptly fell over. 

“In that case, my eyes would’ve burned out the instant I entered,” countered Mikey, giving the stunned yours truly a hand up. 

“Hey Mike,” I said, grinning. He did a double take. 

“Did you dye your hair?”

“No, I got a nose job, you goon!” I laughed, spinning around to show Mikey the soft waves. I didn’t see Mikey gave Frank an impressed look behind my back and he stroked them. 

“It’s awesome, Sapphire. What’d ya think Mrs Fall will make of it?” he asked. I turned around and grimaced. Mrs Fall was our hormonal form teacher at school. I’m lucky enough to be in the same class as Mikey, which made the school day go by much faster. 

“Like I give a flying blind monk’s purple rabbit-foot!” I yelled. Frank, sit resting on the floor, laughed and feebly tossed some popcorn at me. 

“Hey, don’t start that again,” I warned, before looking at my classmate again “How’d you get here?”

“Gerard, Ray and me drove over, they’re out in the car, waiting,” he explained, brushing back his blond/browny fringe bit behind his ear. I got the sudden urge to steal his glasses but instead offered Frank a hand to get up. 

“What for?” he asked, brushing popcorn off himself and frowning. I was confused too, but Mikey grinned evilly. 

“For me to give them the signal that you’re not doing the dodgy!” he cackled, both being hit by both Frank and me. I didn’t say anything, embarrassed and avoiding looking at Frank. Instead, I glared at Mikey. 

“Dude, dignity at all times,” said Frank, and Mikey controlled his giggles. 

“Ok, ok, I’m sorry. Nah, I’m fetching you two. There’s a Real Fiction concert over at the Depression,” he told us. I immediately squealed and grabbed him in a huge hug. I loved Real Fiction! They were one of my favourite local bands, and one of the coolest as well. They were so cool they didn’t rely on friends to populate a gig. They were pure raw talent, with a hot lead singer, fantastic guitars and some of the strongest music I’d ever heard. The guys and me followed them ever since the beginning. They were one year older than Frank, far more hostile and nothing like I’ve ever heard before or after! Behind me Frank whooped and instantly grabbed his coat. 

“I gotta go grab my coat, hold on! Leave with me and I’ll fucking kill you!” I yelled at Mikey, pointing a deadly finger at him and disappearing up Frank’s steps. Real Fiction! I was so excited, they hardly ever played at a club me and Mikey could get into, you had to be over 18 for most of their dives! The Depression was a pretty boring club, and had the shittiest name ever. Surprisingly, Emos and slitters wouldn’t be seen anywhere near it. It was a hardcore punk scene, despite 16 year olds being let in, with fierce moshpits and headbangers galore. Emos would find themselves expelled within seconds of showing their depressed faces. This was irony in the strictest sense of the world. You got some hostile people there, and I usually only went if a band I loved was playing. Like Real Fiction! Oh, I couldn’t wait! Crowd surfing, scrums, and some decent violence, unlike last night. And with my best mates! This would literally rock my socks! 

 I zoomed through my kitchen, barrelled up the stairs and exploded into my bedroom. I quickly stripped out of my older black clothing (the stuff I had wore to dye with) and pulled on some baggy black jeans and a tight black and turquoise top. They weren’t my best, but I was going to a gig that promised to be pretty intense- I didn’t want to ruin something really good! I grabbed my coat, gave Stud a big kiss and ran downstairs to strap my really sturdy clompers on. 

“WHAT ON EARTH HAVE YOU DONE TO YOUR HAIR?” yelled my mother, scaring the hell out of me. Oh shit. 


	15. Frank

Outside, the guys and me waited in the car. Gerard was at the wheel, beating his hands on the steering wheel and completely lost inside that crazy head of his. Ray and Mikey were torturing me, as usual. 

“You should see it! She’s looks fantastic!” enthused Mikey, grinning at Ray, who was twisted around in his seat to see us both. 

“You helped her dye her hair? What happened?” he asked, cracking me a lopsided grin. I was sitting back, hidden in the shadows made by the orange streetlamp and resting my head on the scratched up leather seat in the back of Gerard’s scratched up car. I knew Ray was asking did I see her naked in a more subtle way. 

“I helped her dye her hair- simple,” I said, shrugging. 

“Ah! But what about all the popcorn everywhere?” pointed out Mikey quickly.

“Popcorn fight,” I shrugged again. I had been excited about the concert, but as soon as I sat down in that car and said hey to the guys, Mikey had attacked me about Sapphire’s hair, and then Ray too. Gerard, as ever, was away from us. At least mentally. 

“Oh yeah! Come on, you’ve got to do something about her, Frank! She almost got snapped up last night! If you don’t make a move soon, she’ll be gone,” said Ray, rationally. That thought had occurred to me, but so many more had occurred when I thought about telling her. She was 16, I was 19. She was in school; I had dropped out of college. She had a future, I had a deadend. She had a terrible mother; I had demented parents full stop. There was one thing we shared though. Music.  

“Yeah, I know, it’s more complicated than that though, it’s like-“

“WHAT ON EARTH HAVE YOU DONE TO YOUR HAIR?”

“Holy shit,” said Gerard. We were all staring at the source of the yell, Sapphire’s house. We all recognised her mother’s tones and winced for her. She was in mega shit. I had a feeling she wouldn’t be coming to the club tonight…

“Hey, do you reckon her mom broke a new record?” asked Mikey, a second later. We all laughed. Sapphire’s mom was notoriously short-tempered for such a suffering woman (to live with Sapphire would be like living with a herd of fussy elephants with a penchant for blue and loud music) and we had often sat out here waiting for Sapphire and heard similar outbursts from her mother. We felt sorry for the neighbours. True to form, the door flew open and Sapphire came running out, shoelaces trailing, coat flapping in the air and hair going everywhere, leaving her mother yelling in the doorway. Sapphire tripped, did a spectacular roll and managed to stand up again, looking rather dazed. Sapphire was fantastic at turning falls into rolls. Most of the time it looked like she’d faked them just to do one of those fantastic rolls, but she never did. She was just incredibly clumsy. 

“AND TIE YOUR SHOELACES BEFORE YOU BREAK YOUR NECK! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH YOU? WHAT WILL PEOPLE THINK?” shrieked her mother.

“That you’re a psycho,” I muttered, making the others chuckle. Gerard flicked on the ignition, ready for a quick getaway. Sapphire was edging away from her mother, down the front path, with her hands out in front of her like she was taming a wild animal. 

We couldn’t hear what she was saying, but she broke into a run, sprinting towards us with a panicked look on her face, but grinning like an idiot. Her hair fanned out around her, like a beautiful angel of death. And turquoise. I smiled to myself, moving so I could see her clearly through the window. Her mother was striding down the path, still yelling. Sapphire had reached us now and was pulling on the door handle. 

“WHAT ABOUT YOUR SCHOOL WORK, MISSY? WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO YOUR GRADES IF YOU CONTINUE THIS RECKLESS BEHAVIOUR! STOP SMIRKING LIKE THAT MICHAEL WAY!”

Mikey yelped and ducked out of the light, as Sapphire yanked at the door handle next to him.

“I think you’ll find, mother dearest, - Gerard, unlock the fucking door- that in the middle of the summer holidays, I DON’T HAVE SCHOOL!” she yelled, finally flinging the door open and jumping in with as much grace as a blind cat. That is to say, it would have been very graceful is she hadn’t thrown herself into the area between our legs and the driver’s seat, instead of our laps. 

Immediately, Mikey slammed the door and Gerard pushed down the pedal, leaving Sapphire’s mother a very unattractive shade of red. I leaned forward and looked down at my friend, raising a pierced eyebrow. 

“You good?”

She looked up from the car floor, among the Burger King wrappers and miscellaneous CDs cases, looking a little crushed. 

“Never better,” she shrugged, before allowing me to pull her up and onto the seat. 

“Your hair looks amazing!” yelled Ray as soon as he saw her, and she grinned.

“Cheers Ray!”

“Yeah, you really look fantastic, Sapphire. Kinda blue,” agreed Gerard, giving me one of his awesome smiles. No matter what, Gerard’s smiles were special. Well, almost as special as Frank’s, even if they were a lot rarer.  

“Thanks Gee, and cheers for the lift. YAY! REAL FICTION!” she screamed, and Mikey and she started whooping and being immature by swearing at other cars out the window. I leaned back and watched her lean over her schoolmate to give people the finger out the window. Her body curved nicely, even in those less-than-her-usual-majesty clothes, I couldn’t help but stare. Ray caught me looking, and Gee’s eyes flashed in the mirror, giving me a look as if to say ‘You pussy’. 

 I ignored them both and rummaged around in the CDs near my feet, as Sapphire leaned forward to talk to Ray and Gerard, her butt rather close to my face. But I’d enjoy the view in a minute. Right now, I was looking for the Real Fiction CD…where the fuck was it?

“Hey, Frank, no worries, I’ve got it here,” said Gerard, holding up a shiny disc and slotting it in. The guitars started up, then the drums and we all started dancing in our own stupid ways. Ray and Mikey leaned close and did their crazy headbanging trick, in which it looks like they become one huge blond/browny mass of hair, but in reality never touch each other. Gerard tapped his hands on the steering wheel. Sapphire and I sat next to each other, grinning and doing our random Hand-Jive dance, which can only be pulled off when sitting down. Thus making it the best dance to do in a car.  


	16. Sapphire

Ok, Frank and I have this crazy thing of Hand-Jiving, which we got from the movie Grease. Yes, we love that movie. Always have, always fucking will! So yeah, that scene with the school dance and they all do those energetic hand claps and moves, well, we were so geeky, we learnt it and made up our own. So there we were, getting a breeze from Ray’s afro and Mikey’s random fuzz of hair, and getting the local accompaniment of Gerard with the singing (He’s is fucking good at it) and doing our Hand Jive dance, which goes:

  * Clap, clap
  * Hot potato x 2
  * Clap to the Thigh
  * Hot potato x 2
  * Roll over
  * Reverse roll over
  * Hand shimmy
  * Hand shimmy reverse
  * Thigh Clap
  * Clap, clap
  * Thumbs out
  * Clap, repeat



 

We occasionally add new steps, but we don’t do it that much anymore. Pity. Frank gave up soon and I kept doing it, pretending I thought he was too. 

“Err, Sparkle? You can stop now,” he said over Gerard’s singing, and I reluctantly stopped. It’s hard to stop me once I’ve started something, but I did nearly whatever Frankie suggested. I giggled when I remembered the time he suggested I spray paint the head cheerleader’s locker lime green in revenge of her expelling me from the cheerleading squad because of my musical choices, my out-of-school clothing and my interesting choice of friends. It didn’t matter, obviously, that I was the best gymnast on that team, she still kicked me out in favour for one of her brain-dead, un coordinated bimbo friends, and in revenge I sprayed painted her locker (and all her stuff) lime green, just as my dear Frankie had suggested. He thought I was giggling at my dance!

 Instead I settled back under Frank’s arms and hugged him tight, still loving him so much for paying for my hair dye and being singularly responsible for it’s awesomeness. He squeezed my arm and I grinned at him. 

“Hey, how are we getting into this concert? I’m skint and Frank’s seriously low on funds,” I pointed out to the general public. 

“Ha! Gotcha sorted there, Sapphire!” crowed Mikey, his glasses lopsided due to his excessive headbanging. 

“Yeah, since it’s your birthday soon, we clubbed together and brought you one of the loyal tickets,” grinned Ray. I whooped and reached to hug each of them in turn, even Gerard even though it made him serve violently. 

“Sorry Gee!”

I sat back and hugged Frank, who happily hugged me back even though he hadn’t known about the concert until half an hour ago. I was freaking out with happiness, and impressed they had got their hands on a loyal ticket. Real Fiction were fiercely culty, and loved their fans. They sold thirty tickets known as ‘loyal’ tickets directly to their closest friends and fans; you had to have a ticket from the very first show to get the cutback. I figured Gerard had got it, he had gone to their first concert and broken his wrist in the mosh pit. It was only at this point I remembered how little loyal tickets cost…

“Wait, you guys clubbed together?”

“Yep,” said Mikey proudly. 

“All three of you?”

“Yu-huh,” replied Ray, bobbing his fro to the words that were blaring over the speakers.

“All three of you clubbed together to buy me a loyal ticket to a Real Fiction concert?”

“Difficult to believe?” asked Gerard, giving me a smile over the mirror. I raised an eyebrow, and I couldn’t help smirking. 

“You guys clubbed together 7 dollars, just for me? Awww! Guys!” I gushed, chuckling. Loyal tickets were ridiculously cheap. They all grinned and blushed, even the vampire driving. Frank laughed so hard he had to resort to punching himself in the head. 

“You complete cheapskates!” he laughed. 

“Hey, we’re gonna get you something else as well, it’s not like we’re completely cheap…” defended Mikey, turning the same colour as a particular cute tomato. 

“Awww, I love you guys anyway!” I cried, hugging them all again (and thus making the car serve once again)

“You’re a danger to the road. We will not be safe when you start driving,” commented Frank from the safety of behind his hands. 

 

 

“REAL FICTION! REAL FICTION! REAL FICTION!” the whole place was throbbing with the chant. Already a circle pit was beginning to form and crowd surfing. As soon as I squeezed through the tight crowd around the entrance, sidestepped a couple going to make-out of the year and a few drunks, I saw how alive the place was. It was nothing to last night’s pathetic little slice of clubbing. I could see some seriously dangerous looking individuals in the first few layers of the crowd. I felt a hand on my hip and Frank- looking sweaty and dishevelled already- appeared next to me, grinning. This place was intense. Gerard, Mikey and Ray also stuck close like glue. Gerard I knew would eventually drift over to the vampire corner, and end up going home with a purple neck. That guy was way too vampiric at times. Mikey would spend the entire night trying to crowd surf and then get lifted up the very second he stopped bothering. Ray would go headbanging once again, and possibly find someone with a guitar to beat the pants off of. Frank and I would of course be in the middle of that pit, dancing and moshing and going insane, and always together. Nothing was serious fun without Frank.   

 Pretty much as soon as we entered, the lights flashed off and the screams really started. I grabbed Frank and I think it was Mikey and rushed into the middle of the crowd, jumping and screaming with the rest of them. I didn’t see what happened to the others, only I knew Frank’s hands attached to my waist and hooked into the back pockets of my jeans. 

I stopped and he walked into me, wrapping me in his arms and protecting me from the hard-bitten looking punks and dirty rockers around me. It was ok for him, he didn’t look out of place. I was a small 16 year old with fantastic hair, he was a muscular piece of rock God. But it didn’t matter as we all called and screamed and threw our hands in the air as the band walked into the stage basked in a deep magenta light. 

“REAL FICTION! RELA FICTION! REAL FICTION!” we all screamed, people started to already throw themselves about in musical frenzy. The gorgeous lead singer came forward and raised a clenched fist and we all copied him, roaring our approval. It meant he was ready and we were ready. Let the show commence. They launched into their first song with the force of a pile driver into a brick wall, and the intensity infected the club instantly. Lights flashed, bottles were instantly broken and people went mental. Frank and I screamed along, until the chorus in which we pulled back to the circle pit and cheered the moshers on, wincing with every terrible blow. Then came beautiful singing empowered by hostile guitars and powerful drums. 

I don’t even remember what songs they played out of the three full length EPs they had produced but I sang along to each one, exploded through the pit on each chorus and doing far more damage than I gained. Each time I found myself catapulted out by some heavyweight, right into Frank’s arms. 

“Ok guys we’ve got a little tribute lined up. You know we love doin’ em, but we need a girl. Can anyone see a girl?” mocked the lead singer. I was standing in the middle of the crowd, the circle pit gone behind me. I stood in Frank’s embrace, his arms clasped around my waist and our faces so close. I felt his warm breath on my hot face, I was panting and pushed so far into him I swore I could have passed straight through him. I looked into his shining, brown eyes and I couldn’t stop staring. Exhaustion was flooding my body, my muscles trembling. Was that why I was shaking? Frank looked so beautiful basked in magenta lights, even with his hair stuck to his head and his lip split. I looked at his lip. Even bloody and sore around the piercing, it looked soft and welcoming, I wanted to touch it. I was so close to her, all I had to do was raise myself up on my toes by an inch…

“Hey, her! The one with the blue hair! Grab her!” 

I didn’t hear the words, only realising I was in the middle of a Real Fiction concert when I only seized by a multitude of hands and lifted into the air, away from Frank.

“Frank!” I called, scared but laughing at the same time. I was passed to the front of the crowd, and I was still confused. And indignant, I got pinched several times! Then I remembered what the lead singer had said, they wanted a girl for the tribute. Either this was good or very, very bad. I prayed for good. Girls had been sorely embarrassed onstage by RF before, and I didn’t want to end up like them. 

 I landed on the stage, after the crowd spit me out of it. I flicked around searching for Frank’s face in the crowd. All I could see was blinding red lights and lots of black, moving shapes. I shaded my eyes and still I couldn’t see him in the mass of screaming fans. 

“Hey darlin’, what’s your name?” came a voice. I remembered I was onstage and turned again. The lead singer, Vince, stood in front of me, holding out his hand. The band stood around behind him, wiping their sweaty foreheads on their arms and twanging instruments. I felt a mild flicker of fear, but Vince’s smile was so endearing I took his hand and stood closer to him, smiling. 

“Sapphire,”

“Now that’s a beautiful name!” he said, but not into the mike. He winked at me and I grinned, my heart soaring. He really was gorgeous! He had long black hair that reached his shoulders and was severely messed up by the sweat of the stage. He had small eyes with white and black contacts in and black eye make which was beginning to melt under the intense heat of the lights. He wore an Avenged Sevenfold T shirt with no sleeves, ripped up black jeans with a chained belt and the leather coat he had come onstage with was now lying to the side. He pulled me into him and I found myself held close, his arm snaking around my waist like Frank’s had done. I snuggled into him, smiling and ignoring the reek of human salt that rolled off of him. 

“Ok, everyone, Sapphire here and yours truly are gonna sing you a little song,” he said casually into the mike. I panicked. What if he chose a song I didn’t know? I’d be embarrassed as fuck. He bent down to talk into my ear. 

“Do you know Broken?”


	17. Frank

I was seriously pissed when Sapphire got pulled away from me. I was so close to kissing her! She was so close to kissing me! I had seen her looking at my lips with those big blue eyes and puckering ever so slightly. Then she was literally torn from my embrace and carried to the stage. She instantly looked for me and I couldn’t help but smile, and I tried to wave but she got distracted. 

Huh. And distracted by the lead singer of RF, whom I had heard described as good looking. Of course, I’m nowhere near gay enough to comment. Even if he did have nice hair. 

 I felt a pinch on my elbow and found Mikey crushed behind me, looking a little intimidated by the severe looking punk beside him with a huge silver spike through her nose. He leaned in close to yell in my ear over the screams in the club.

“Blue Babe’s looking great tonight! You’ve got to do something!”

Cheers, Mikey, I know. She did look fantastic, even though she was sandwiched under his arm. Vince. He was pretty cool, and I could see Sapphire swooning just looking at him. 

“Ok, everyone, Sapphire here and yours truly are gonna sing you a little song,” he growled into the mike and then turned to the nervous hottie under his arm. Sapphire looked so good onstage, even if her outfit and hair turned purple under the crimson lights. Her beautiful face lit up as he talked to her and she nodded to whatever he said. Then came a crushing moment. He started playing and singing. I felt ready to explode.

_“I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh,_

_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away._

_I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well._

_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain,”_ he sang into the mike, closing his eyes and shaping the notes on the guitar perfectly. Beside him, Sapphire smiled happily and joined in. Suddenly everything got better, just by listening to her. 

_“Cause I’m broken when I’m open._

_And I don’t feel like I am strong enough,_

_Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome,_

_And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away,”_ they sang well together, their voices complimenting each other. Everyone around me stood as still as I was, watching the two. It was surreal, a huge crowd of people silently watching that couple sing into each other’s eyes. That red light around them had shifted into white and Sapphire’s hair shone like a midnight sky full of stars. The light surrounded them, it seemed to be lifting them up together. 

 Vince gently pushed her forward, smiling warmly as she sang the next verse, her voice beautiful and her face tranquil. I wanted to be the one standing next to her up there, to touch her shoulder and kiss her in that angelic ethereal light, watched by all the demons in hell. Shit, more poetry. Someone please snap me out of it.

_“The worst is over now and we can breathe again,_

_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away._

_There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight._

_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away,”_

My Sparkle, with the voice of an angel. She opened her huge eyes and looked straight past the lights to me. I knew she could see me, her entire face went from calm to happy as she smiled at me. She was singing to me. I wanted to believe she was telling me she loved me, through the gentle notes she was singing, but I knew she was just singing our song to me. Then Vince came in and that beautiful vision was shattered as she turned up her face to smile a different smile at him. It wasn’t familiar and heart-warming, it was excited.

_“Cause I’m broken when I’m open_

_And I don’t feel like I am strong enough._

_Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome,_

_And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away,”_ Once again their voices joined and intertwined, filling the club beautifully. I was glad they were finishing; I wanted Sparkle back beside me. I wanted to try and recapture that moment with her. If she would only come back to me, I felt sure I would make her mine tonight.  

_“Cause I’m broken when I’m open_

_And I don’t feel like I am strong enough._

_Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome,_

_And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away,”_ they finished. Vince opened his eyes and looked down at Sapphire with a strange light in his eyes. No wonder, she sang better than he did. 

“Guys and girls, I give you Sapphire!” he yelled, throwing her arm up in the air like a wrestling champion and the club exploded with roars and yells. Beside me, Mikey joined in and I drew in breath enough to yell too, I wanted to support Sapphire. I looked up at the stage and all the air in my lungs collapsed. All that could be drawn from my lips was a strangulated sound of pure sorrow.

“No…”

 Onstage, bathed in blue light, Vince held Sapphire close and he was kissing her. He was holding my Sparkle and he was kissing her. I felt my chest tighten, my hands shake. The lack of air suddenly attacked me and I couldn’t breath. Beside me, Mikey was trying to speak, but all I could hear was the roars in my ears. I didn’t know if they were from everyone around me or just inside my head. I couldn’t watch him kiss Sapphire like that, it was too painful. I turned and pushed my way out of the crowd, and then I was running. I ran into someone with a drink and got soaked, but I kept running. I heard yells, shouts, people calling my name, but I couldn’t face anyone. I kept running, out of the club, with those images burned into my mind. Sapphire with her lips on another guy. What happened to never kissing someone after the first date? She hadn’t even been on a first date with that guy. The cool air stung my eyes and I angrily brushed away tears, furious with myself. She wasn’t mine. She wasn’t committed tome. Why should I act like she was? Because I loved her, gasped a tiny voice inside my mind. No matter how much I tell myself she was free to do want she wanted, that little voice in the back of my ringing skull would always tell me how much I loved her, how much she meant to me. And now I could never have her. I saw the light in her face as Vince sang to her, she was enthralled with him. She would be his and I could never tell her my love for her. And that crushed me in ways I never knew existed. 


	18. Sapphire

Omigodomigodomigod… that was all I could think as I kissed Vince. His strong hands held me up, tipping me on that bright blue stage. I felt an excited tingle in my stomach, butterflies fluttering. My face felt hot, maybe because I knew so many people were watching. Like Ray and Mikey (Gerard would be too busy getting his neck bitten) and Frank. 

Frank. Where was he? I ended the kiss, I wanted to see Frank. My best friend, what would he be thinking? He’d tease me mercilessly, I was sure. Vince brought me back to standing and he started talking excitedly into the mike, before turning back to me. I had been searching the crowd. Who was that running? 

“Hey, that was great. I’d like to see you again soon,” he told me, smiling at me with those eyes and that lovely smile…I was sure I melted. 

“Sure…That’d be nice,” I said lamely. _Nice? Well done you drain dead idiot_ I told myself. He grinned and kissed me briefly on the lips again. Wow. He was so good at it! 

“Ready to surf?” he asked me, his hands on my waist. My brain wasn’t working that well; I didn’t really register anything he said as I stood staring into those eyes.

“Huh?” 

He grabbed me up and threw me into the crowd, causing more screams and yells. I flew through air for a second, then landed on possibly _the_ most uncomfortable landing space. Loads and loads of hands caught me and I got thrown up and down for a while until I finally got spat out of the crowd and left to steady myself. The band started playing another song, so I was quickly forgotten, except by my friends who crowded around me to congratulate me and telling me how well I sang.

“That was great Sapphire, you and Gerard should sing together!” yelled Ray, grinning at me. I laughed and hugged him, glad to be on the floor with my own two feet.

“Whatever! Gerard screams, he doesn’t sing!” I joked.

“Hey, my ears are burning!” said Gerard behind me, hugging me from behind and nipping my neck. 

“Help! I’m being eaten by a vampire! Let me go!” I whimpered playfully.

“Make me!” he growled, playing an old game with me. 

“Hey, look, there’s a doughnut!” I yelled, pointing.

“Where?!” demanded the vampire and I slipped out of his arms. We all laughed again and I found myself being spun around in circles by Mikey who, despite being my size, was strong enough to lift me. It was then I realised the one person I really wanted to see wasn’t there. 

“Hey, where’s Frank? Did he see me sing?” I asked, flushed and dizzy once again. Ray and Mikey stopped grinning and Gerard shuffled his feet. 

“Guys?”

“He…he had to bail,” tried Mikey, just as Ray said “He had to go to the bathroom,” and Gerard said “He’s buying a drink,”

“Ok, guys, get your stories straight, where’s Frankie?” I said. All my smiles were gone, I was worried and upset. Where was Frank? Why wasn’t he here to hear me sing? That was out song, what was wrong?

“Come on, Sapphire, let’s get some fresh air,” suggested Ray, leading me towards the back entrance. I followed with the Way brothers behind me, confused and blinking back tears. Outside, they were still elusive.

“Guys, where’s Frank?” I demanded, letting them know through my voice I wasn’t taking anymore shit.

“He ran out,” answered Gerard truthfully. 

“Why?” I asked, shocked. 

“He was upset because you kissed Vince,” said Ray. I didn’t say anything. So that’s what I’d done. No wonder Frank was pissed off. I’d only just jumped from one guy to another! He’d be so disappointed in me.

“Oh my God, he must think I’m a slut!” I gasped, covering my mouth with her hands and blinking back tears. That’s why he couldn’t bear to look at me. He thought I was a slut. 

“What? No-“ started Mikey, before Gerard cut him off. 

“He’s just upset Sapphire. He’ll be fine in the morning. You know what he’s like!” he joked. I looked at my messy-haired friend, with his bruised neck and puffy red eyes. 

“You sure?”

“Too sure,” said Gerard, giving me another hug. I felt better, but still like I needed to make it up to Frank. I needed to go find him, now. I needed to tell him I wasn’t just some slut or something. I felt an urgency to see him.

“I’m gonna go find him, ok guys? You wanna stay here and enjoy the rest of the concert?”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea Sapphire?” asked Mikey, thinking of me blundering around in the dark. But I was firm. 

“Yes, I have to find him,”

“Well, I’m go with you, and then come back and pick you guys up at the end, ok?” said Gerard. Mikey and Ray looked at each other. They both wanted to stay and see the concert, but they didn’t want to leave me and Gerard to find Frank alone.

“Hey, guys, relax, we’ll find him. You two enjoy yourselves, I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said, making their minds up for them and giving them the biggest hugs I could manage. Then I grabbed Gerard’s hand and we left the club, squeezing through the crowds of people. Just as we were leaving, the band were taking a break and all we could hear was cheers from inside. 

“Where’d you park the car again?” I asked Gerard, looking around the dark parking lot. I couldn’t think straight, all I could think about was Frank. I had to find him. 

“Around the back, come on,” 

When we got there, I saw the band in the fenced in backstage area. They were lounging on the stairs, smoking and laughing. Vince was sitting in the middle of the metal stairs, a lit cigarette in his hand. Even in the orange glow of the backlight, I could see him smile and laugh with the others. Gerard’s car was parked right by the fencing and we had to step in the pool of light to get in. 

“Sapphire!” I jerked when I heard someone call my name, for a second I thought it was Frank. Then I realised it was Vince, walking towards me on the other side of the enclosure. 

“Vince!”

“Forgotten me already? Where’re ya goin’?” he asked me, taking a drag from his cigarette and leaning against the metal grating. I stood by the open car door, unsure what to do. I wanted to talk to Vince, but I needed to find Frank, Inside the car, Gerard started the ignition. 

“I’ve gotta go find my friend, it’s really important. Sorry I can’t stay for the rest of the show,” I called, about to slide into the car. 

“Wait! Can I get your number?” he asked. I froze, did he really say that?

“Sure,” I said, shocked. Gerard gave me a look, but I ignored it as I went over to Vince. Hold on Frank, I’m coming. I gave Vince my number and he wrote it down on his arm.

“Cheers sweetheart. Who’s the vamp?” he asked me, blowing smoke out of his mouth and gesturing to Gerard who sat in the car, waiting for me. In the light and shadows, Gerard looked even paler than usual and the marks on his neck stood out. 

“Gerard, he came to your first show,”

“A loyal! Awesome! Is he ya boyfriend?” he asked me, looking at me through half closed eyes. He looked like he didn’t care either way. 

“No, he’s just a mate,” I replied. I couldn’t think of dating Gerard, it’d be like dating your brother or something!

“That’s even better, I’ll call ya, sweetheart,” he said, winking at me and going back to the others. I smiled, then thought of Frank again and ran back to the car. Gerard didn’t look at me as I slid into the front seat and did up my belt. He merely reversed out and we drove towards the entrance. 

“So you gave him your number?”

“Yeah, he’s cool. I’d like to see him again,” I said, smiling softly. My eyes were piercing through the glass beside me, searching for a familiar face. Every single atom inside me screamed for Frank, I needed to talk to him. I wouldn’t let him think of me as a slut. 

“Just be careful,” said Gerard. I looked at him sharply. This wasn’t my doughnut-loving, purple-necked Gerard! Gerard never warned me of anything, he believed in trying it, messing up and learning for yourself! To disapprove or to use caution was to half-live your life! And here he was, staring straight forward at the road, looking as serious at a someone twice his age and half his depth, telling me to be careful!

“Of what?”

“Of him,”

“How?”

“Just promise me you’ll look after yourself if you see him again. He’s a different breed, Blue Babe,” he said, glancing at me. I saw concern and love in his eyes. He didn’t want me to get hurt. I reached over and squeezed his hand on the gear stick.

“I’ll be fine, I promise. I could put myself in worse positions! I could date a vampire!” I joked, baring my teeth at him. “And not one who thrives off jam doughnuts!”

“Vampires will never hurt you. They’ll just nibble you a bit. Rock stars are…different,”

And I knew he was serious. I knew rock stars were different, they were more confident and intense, they wanted everything to fall into their laps.

“Promise me, Gee, that if you ever become a rock star, you’ll be a nice one,”

“I promise. Just promise me back,”

I crossed her heart and held my cocked fingers to my head. 

“Promise,”

 


	19. Frank

I had absolutely no idea where I was. All I knew was I was cold, I was tired and I was heartbroken. I couldn’t remember leaving the club, which direction I’d run in or how long I’d run. All I could remember was that kiss on the stage. I kept replaying it over and over in my head. Sometimes it changed. Sometimes she slapped him, and ran back into my arms. Sometimes she jumped into his arms and they left the stage together. There were too many thoughts in my head as I thought about Sapphire and Vince. Every so often they leaked out and I moaned out loud, staggering. If there were people passing me, they’d think I was drunk and leave me to fall and die. It felt like I was dying. I was dying and Sapphire wouldn’t even know. 

 Eventually my legs gave way and I crashed into the ground. I didn’t know if my legs gave way because I was too cold, or because they were broken or even because I’d just been hit by a car. I didn’t know if I landed on pavement or grass or carpet. I didn’t know if I was in the middle of the woods, or facedown in my front garden or even in my bed. When I opened my eyes, all I could see was Sapphire and her lips on Vince’s, her tongue touching his. Every time I tried to speak, all that came out was a croak of her name. I couldn’t hear anything over the screams in my head, the roars and the yells. The words of Broken shifted through my skull like a bad record by Kylie or something.

_Cos I’m broken when I’m lonesome_

_And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away_

I was lonesome. I was lonely and alone and I felt as deserted as a dying man in the middle of the desert. I had no idea what thoughts were going through my head. Sometimes they were violent, sometimes they were joyful, hopeless even. Mostly they were just confused, sorrowful and black. 

I reached out for Sapphire, wanting to feel her small body near mine and to breath in that smell of hers. She never wore perfume, and I thanked God, or whoever was listening. She had a smell that made my blood tingle inside my veins. My fingers groped around for her, my mind remembering the morning when she had woken up in my bed. I couldn’t find her, only dust and dirt and broken glass. Were my fingers bleeding? What was that feeling on my hand?

 I rolled over, feeling pain in my body but not registering it like a normal human being. I couldn’t feel the pain, only I knew it was there. I looked at my hand and I swore my blood was blue. Bright blue. Turquoise.

“Sapphire?” I whispered, thinking of her hair and wishing I could stroke it again. She was so beautiful, so soft. She was an angel. My hand hovered above me, the blue shining in my eyes. I saw her smile and I smiled. I saw her sing and I opened my mouth, ready to sing with her. I saw her kiss Vince again, like a murder scene in a movie you can’t turn off. I felt a drip on my face, my tongue feeling warmth. Was I kissing Sapphire? Was that her tongue touching mine?

No. It was my blood. My blue blood, filling me to the brim with happy thoughts of Sapphire. Then came the memories and I felt more drips across my eyes. Blood mingled with tears. I was weeping. I was weeping so painfully that I knew I’d never feel pain so pure again. Sapphire didn’t love me. The truth stung like a needle. Then the numbness left and the pain came crashing into me. My hand throbbed, my shoulders ached, my legs shook. My head was pounding with sorrow and my throat was ragged with unshed tears of pure violence and misery. I had never felt this bad in all my life and I lay there in the dirt, tears and blood covering me. This was the worst pain that could ever be endured. And Sapphire didn’t even know I was suffering it. 

  I only knew I had been sleeping when light woke me from repetitive dreams. I didn’t want to see Sapphire’s beautiful face kissing Vince’s anymore, it was a rotten image. I opened my eyes and winced. Why was I outside? Why hadn’t I gone home? Where was I?

 Questions filled my mind, until I tried to sit up and yelped in pain. My hands were sliced up and caked in dried blood. My back was sore. My feet were swollen and my entire body shook. Worst were my hands though. The fingers were cut deeply, the palms scarred with slits. I blinked again and saw where my bed had been that night. I was lying on a gravestone, half covered in ivy and crawlers. Broken glass lay across the stone and I saw my blood had dried in a new message to the dead, staining the glass a new colour. I couldn’t move my hands, for fear that they would bleed again. I knew my face was cut, I could feel the dull throb and the blood drying on the side of my face. I couldn’t really feel much at all, my limbs were cold and numb. The sun was just beginning to warm me, but the wet of the grass had chilled me to the bone. I was desperately ill and I had no idea where I was. I forced myself up, crying out as I stood on my feet filled with cold blood. The walk to the gates was painful but I needed help. Anyone would do. I limped out into the streets, looking around me and trying to think straight. 

_Sapphire Sapphire Sapphire_  

My brain sang her name over and over again, willing me to find her. She would bath my cuts like normal and hold me close, whisper that she loved me. No, fantasies. These cuts were too serious to be bathed, and I didn’t know where to go to find her. I would find her soon, but first I had to find help. 

“Oh my God! Are you alright!” yelled a woman, clutching her shopping bags to her chest. It was early, I knew that, but I was glad someone was out. Was I alright? I was covered in blood! You guess, lady. 

“Please help me,” I said, my voice choked up and setting my throat on fire. I winced and staggered. She nodded.

“Quickly, we’ve got to get you to a hospital!” she gasped, leading me hobbling to her car and letting me into the front seat even though my clothes were soaking wet and I was bleeding from my hands again. 

“What’s your name?” she asked me, driving as fast as she could to the hospital without breaking the limit. It was so early hardly anyone else was on the streets, but still she was careful. Her eyes were wide, frightened for me. I would have been scared too, watching my hands bleed, but I must have been in shock. I merely noted down the fact I was bleeding. 

“Frank,”

“How old are you?”

“19, last month,”

“Where are your parents?”

“I don’t know,” I told her quietly. It was true in one way, I didn’t know where they were compared to me. I was in the wrong city and everything. But she thought something different. She didn’t ask me my address and I didn’t tell her. 

“Who did that to you?” she asked, gesturing to the wounds on my hands. 

“No one, I think I fell asleep on a bottle,”

“Were you drunk?”

“No,” I answered truthfully. Who cares if she didn’t believe me?

“Were you on drugs?”

“No,”

“Are you sure no one did that to you,”

“If they did, I don’t remember,” I shrugged, finding it painful. She parked in the hospital and disappeared. She seemed gone for hours, I stared fixedly at the nodding dog on her dashboard, before seeing myself in a mirror. How did I manage to fuck myself up so well? There was a shard of glass stuck in the side of my head, and the entire right side of my head was matted and covered in blood, running down my neck and colouring me scarlet. My face was covered in dirt and streaks of tears lined my face. Each tear had a name carved in it. Sapphire. 

 Where was she, I wondered. Did she go home with the others? Was she worrying about me? Where the others worried? Did they look for me? I didn’t know and a part of me didn’t care. Would they have cared if I have died last night? The little voice taunted me, whispering to me that I was useless and no one cared for me. Then I blinked and I glared at myself. 

“Fuck you. They love me,” I whispered harshly, ignoring the grating pain in the side of my head. Gingerly, I reached up with one mutilated hand and touched the glass. Pain seared through my head and I let my hand drop again. Let the people with numbing shit deal with me. I didn’t care, I just wanted to go home. 

 The next thing I knew, people were yelling, giving orders, talking to me. I was lifted out and into a chair and then I was being wheeled through corridors of white and green, people talking and confusing me. I stared forward, thinking of Sapphire and I knew I was crying again. They took me to a room, a man sat across from me with a clipboard. 

“Name?” he asked hurriedly. I wondered if he was in a hurry because he wanted to help me or because he wanted a coffee break. This thought kept attacking my sorehead until I opened my mouth.

“Do you want a coffee? Maybe a doughnut?” I asked him, curious. He fascinated me for some reason. I wanted to know everything about him. 

“No. Do you have a history of mental illness?” he asked me. I realised he thought I was crazy. I decided I’d explain myself clearly. 

“No, never. Sorry to confuse you. I’m just rather lost and I wanted to know,” I said. “My name’s Frank,”

“Age?”

“Does that matter?”

“Only if you want us to help you now or as soon as we get permission to operate on a patient without details,”

“19. Operate?”

“To remove the glass,”

“Ah,”

“Parents?”

“Two of them,”

“Address?”

I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want my parents coming here, seeing me crying like this, even as I bantered with the doctor. 

“They’re dead,” I made up quickly. I wanted the glass out, my hands stitched and then I was out of there. My parents didn’t need to worry. I would never bother them. 

“Address?”

“Where ever’s good,”

“Blood type?”

“Um, A, I think,”

“Allergies?”

“Peanuts and hair gel,”

That seemed to be enough.


	20. Sapphire

Gerard and I drove everywhere. We went down every street for miles around the club, we searched the woods nearby with a  shitty flashlight and stumbled upon one too many romantic situations. Gerard went into every bar and I searched every street corner. We went to the train station, the taxi stands, the bus stops. We asked everyone if they’d seen a kid with black hair and piercings running around getting into trouble. We mostly got yelled at, but no one had seen him. 

_Frank Frank Frank_

 I was in tears when we finally realised we wouldn’t be able to find him. We’d been searching for two hours solidly. Gerard had started off joking saying ‘Relax, he’ll be in the next bar, singing shitty songs’ and ‘Maybe he went in search of doughnuts?’ but two hours on he had become drawn and serious and worried. I saw it in his eyes. He sat in the driver’s seat, leaning his forehead against the cold glass, misting it with his breath. I sat in the front seat, looking outside, hoping to see Frank through my tears. 

“What now? What do we do now?” I sobbed, wiping my nose. Gerard lifted his head and looked at me and suddenly he saw how upset I was. I needed Frank, I wanted him to hug me and tell me he still loved me. What if he got in trouble? What if he got hurt? What if he _died_? It was too terrible to think about. 

“You’re going home, I’m going to find the others and keep looking,” said Gerard firmly, starting the car again. 

“No! I’m not leaving until I know where he is!”

Did I have a choice? Against Gerard? Hell no. He drove me home, telling me over and over again that he’d search for Frank until morning if he had to, and Ray and Mikey would too, but I had to go home, to wait there in case Frank came home. It made sense and I felt better as we got nearer. Maybe Frank had gotten home but himself! I convinced myself, with every passing second, that he was alright and at home. I’d rush in and throw myself into his embrace and we’d be alright again. My tears dried and I even managed to smile, thinking of how stupid I’d been, to think he had died! Gerard dropped me home and he barely had time to hug me goodbye and kiss my cheek before I was sprinting towards Frank’s house, grinning. I was convinced he was sitting on his couch, sketching, or lounging on his bed, writing or even messing around on his computer. I unlocked his basement door and ran down the stairs, calling his name.

“Frank! Frank! I’m sorry! I’m not a slut, I swear! Frank?” I called, landing in his room and slipping on an abandoned T shirt. It was dark, was he asleep? 

“Frank?” I called, my voice unanswered in the silence. I ran to his bed, ignoring the clothes and food underfoot and flung back the covers, searching for Frank’s warm body. His bed was empty, was he on the couch? It was so dark, I groped around blindly.

“Frank? Frank, where are you?” I asked, my voice edging on panic. He had to be here! I needed him to be here, more than ever! The couch was cold and scratchy under my fingers, popcorn sticking to my feet. I looked everywhere, on his chair, under the desk and the bed, in the piles of clothes, all the while calling his name, pleading him to talk to me, to tell me he was here and not somewhere I couldn’t reach him. 

 I threw myself at the bed again, feeling for his skin, his scent. I needed him in ways I had never needed him before, I wanted him to hold me close, to whisper in my ears, to wipe away my tears and tell me he loved me, no matter what. But he wasn’t. I was alone.

 I sat on his bed, my knees drawn on my chest and my face hidden in my knees. I was crying, sobbing loudly. My face was screwed up in sorrow, my mouth drew back in a grimace of pure agony. I couldn’t see and I could taste the salt on my lips. I sobbed so loud I thought I would wake the entire house, so I buried my face in his pillow. I breathed in his scent and I couldn’t stop the moans escaping my throat.

“Oh Frank!” I cried, clutching the pillow close to me, letting it soak up all my tears. I sobbed his name over and over again, letting the sorrow all flow out of me. Suddenly I felt a wave of anger, at him and at myself. How dare he leave me alone like this! How dare I drive him away! In my anger, I gripped the pillow, punching in over and over again. At first it was his face, then mine, then no ones and I was weeping again, holding it close to my chest. It was the closest to Frank I could be that night. I couldn’t leave his bed, I needed this comfort. With one final punch, my fist slammed the wall and I wept again, the pain searing my knuckles. I curled up in his bed, holding the pillow to my face and clutching my hand to my chest. 

 Unlike the morning before, I woke up colder than I had ever felt in my life. My face was frozen and sore with tears and my skin was stuck to the pillow forced against my face. I breathed in, loving the smell. I opened my eyes and unstuck my tear threaded mascara-coated eyelashes. It was Frank’s bed, Frank’s room with Frank’s things, but there was no Frank to make the room a real place. Until I saw him, nothing was real to me. I sat up and whimpered. My hand was red and swollen, the knuckles purple and cracked. Stupid girl. Why’d I punch the wall?

 I stood up slowly, feeling my spine uncurl and my bones reset themselves. It hurt, but I felt like I deserved the pain. Was Frank ok? He hadn’t come home all night, where did he spend the night? Had Gerard and the others found him? Oh God, I hoped he was ok. I couldn’t stay in his room, I could barely look at it. It hated me now. It knew I had let Frank down and now it hated me. It didn’t care I’d spent the entire night crying for him. It wanted me out and I left willingly. I needed to stay active, if I stopped moving I felt the tears stir inside me again. Outside, I paused to look at my house, straight up at my room. A tiny part of me told me Frank had gone to my room, only to find me gone. The thoughts made me whimper and I held my head in my hands, wishing I would stop teasing myself. Frank wasn’t in my room, or anywhere I knew. He was somewhere new and he was alone. And there was nothing I could do. 

 I went inside, blinking back painful tears. It was too early for my mother to be awake. Plus I didn’t want to speak to her, or anyone. I needed to do something, I felt the need for violence and action. I padded upstairs and crept into my room, letting Stud sleep on my bed, his paws hanging in the air like an unruly duvet. I needed to get out of these clothes, I needed to change. These clothes smelt of sweat and tears. I changed into my baggy black trousers, my belt with the multitude of chains and a tight bright blue tank top. I brushed my hair out and re did my make up. I stared at myself in the mirror. What kind of friend was I? My best friend was out there somewhere and I was making my face up. 

“Hey fuck you,” I told the voices in my head “Frank’s always ok. I don’t even know what town we were in last night,” I added. The voices were quiet for now and I glared at myself, willing myself to leave. I left my room quietly for once, after grabbing my skateboard from the closet. I only knew one place I could find good enough violence without the use of a moshpit. 

 I went to my parent’s door and heard them both sleeping soundly. Or snoring, depending on how you wished to describe it. Mum would be up soon, but Dad would sleep in until lunchtime. His work shift was mid afternoon until midnight, so he slept differently to us. I hardly ever saw him, which sucked. He was pretty cool, except for the whole door thing.

 I went downstairs like a ghost, a shell of my former self. Without Frank, there didn’t seem to be much of me left. I wrote my mum a note, knowing she’d go mental if she didn’t know where I was.

_Dear Mum_

_I know you’re pissed off at me for dyeing my hair, but I love it. I’m sorry. I’m also sorry I ran off last night and that I came in so early this morning, I don’t know if you heard me or not. I’m kinda upset right now, so I’ve gone out to clear my head. I’ll be at the skateparks. I’ve got my mobile, but don’t call me unless you need to. I’m fine, I just need to think. If next door want to know where Frank is, I don’t know but Gerard might. I’ll be back for dinner, I promise. I love you._

_Sapphire_

 I lied a few times, but I wasn’t going to tell my mother I spent the night next door without their consent. I poured out so food for Stud, grabbed my CD player and ditched the house, holding my skateboard in the hand that wasn’t throbbing painfully. I flexed my fingers on my fucked up hand, I didn’t think it was broken, just sore. 

 As soon as I hit the empty pavements of the early morning, I jumped on my board and zoomed off as fast as I could. The speed and the thrill of jumps and tricks along the walls of the gardens made me forget briefly about Frank and last night. Then I remembered Frank and Vince and that kiss and I went flying off the board. I hit the road hard, whacked my hand and grazed my ribs on the tarmac. I sat up and saw my top was ripped along the ribs, the cuts bleeding, but I didn’t care as the wind stung them. I wanted the pain to clear my head. I wasn’t going to think about Vince until I sorted everything out with Frank.. I kicked my board over and zoomed off again. I pushed the board harder and faster, my hair flying out behind me like a flag. As I skated, I remembered all the tricks Frank had taught me. I jumped up, flipping the board, I cut tight circles, I trailed rails and steps. Soon the suburban hell I had grown up in yielded to a deserted parking lot full of broken up trolleys, graffiti on the ground and halfpipes and others obstacles. Mounds of dirt had built a bike zone, with jumps and slopes, and a maze of lines made up a kind of racetrack from rollarbladers. This was skater heaven and it was empty so early in the morning. I aimed for the biggest pipe, and soon I was roaring up and down the slopes, kicking the board back, flipping and working myself into a sweaty frenzy. With a final double flip back down the curved side, I missed the board and went skidding down, grazing more skin and yelling in pain. My hand hurt like fuck and I sat in the middle of the pipe, holding it to my chest and clenching my teeth. I refused to cry. My side of cuts stung in the dust I had kicked up but I didn’t care. Angrily, I grabbed my board again and sailed off of the half pipe, aiming for the biker mounds and the last car parking rails. This huge area was empty and all mine, and I planned to enjoy it.    


	21. Frank

I woke up to light. My hands hurt, my head was sore and I basically felt like shit, but I was awake which was something. I felt like I had died several times over. The first thing I thought of was Sapphire. Was she worrying about me? Everything confused me, the lights disorientated me and I lay there blinking for God knows how long. Lights changed, the light was turning from orange to purple. Huh? Did Sapphire know they changed the colour of lights in hospitals? 

“Good, you’re awake. Are you hungry?” asked a voice. I sat up with difficulty, finding myself in a crisp hospital bed and in a shitty hospital robe. A nurse stood  by my bed, smiling. I managed a smile. The drugs were wearing off with speed now.

“Starving, where am I?” I croaked. 

“Do you remember coming in?” she asked, confused. I shook my head. All I remembered was looking at that nodding dog and then a bunch of questions. Where they before or after the dog? Why did I like that dog so much?

“You’re in Bleaker hospital, you came in because you were badly hurt. We operated to get the glass out of your head and stitched up your hands. You can go home tomorrow morning, you’re too weak to go home tonight,” she told me like I was dumb. I didn’t care, it meant I didn’t have to think. It was evening then. The lights were from outside, the sun setting. Not lights changing colours. They must have operated that morning and now I had come round. Bleaker…so I was still in the same town as the Depression. 

 I remembered I had told someone I didn’t have a home, or parents. I didn’t want to be caught out now. I needed a phone though. I had to tell someone who knew me enough to know my last name I was alive and ok. 

 But when I turned back to talk to the nurse, she was gone and I was alone in the recovery ward. Someone came to wheel me through the hospital to a ward with three other patients. Dinner was waiting. I was still numb, and I couldn’t stop staring at the drip in my arm. It creeped me out, but fascinated me at the same time. Was that my arm? Was that water dripping into it? Wow, was that a doughnut??

 Food was amazing after my whole day. I hadn’t eaten since I helped Sapphire dye her hair and pigged out on popcorn. I was starving and the nurse who helped me eat found it hilarious the way I eagerly ate off the fork she offered me. My hands were too heavily bandaged to be of much use, but I managed to go to the bathroom but myself. My feet were sore and stiff but I could walk well enough. I’d be throwing myself around in moshpits in no time I told myself. The scar on the side of my head given to me by Kleaver was hidden by the bandage to hide the new one. I wondered what the new one would look like. Back in my bed, the nurse had brought me a second dinner with two doughnuts instead of one because she knew how hungry I was. I wondered if my hunger convinced her I was living on the streets, but I didn’t care. She talked to me as I ate, trying to find out more. 

“You’re Frank Doe, you know. What’s your last name?” she asked me, offering me a fork of spaghetti Os. 

“Don’t have one,”

“Never?”

“Maybe once. Now it’s Doe apparently,” I liked pretending to be a street kid, making her believe I was a hard luck case. It made me feel special, like I could influence someone even wrapped in bandages and forced to eat off someone else’s fork..

“How did you get the scar on the side of your head? The other one?”

“Got in a fight,”

“With the same person you gave you these?”

“No, I fell asleep on a bottle,” I said truthfully. It sounded dumb, but it was true. 

“Were you drunk?”

“No,” I answered once again, remembering I had answered these before.

“Were you on drugs?”

“No,”

“Have you ever been on drugs?”

“Only the ones you gave me,”

“Have you hurt yourself before?”

“No,”

“Was this intentional?” 

“No,”

Her questions started to bug me, I felt like I was being interrogated. I frowned as I ate. 

“Am I upsetting you?”

“Why do I get the feeling you won’t believe me even if I tell you the truth?”

“I don’t know Frank, are you telling me the truth?” 

“Yes,”

“Then I believe you. What do you remember of last night?”

I sighed, and decided I might as well tell her. Maybe I’d feel better if I talked about it. 

“I was at a club with some friends. I was with my best friend, a girl I’m in love with. She got pulled onstage and started kissing the singer. I got upset and confused and ran out and I fell asleep in the middle of a graveyard or something. I woke up and found all this glass around me and I got even more confused and then someone brought me here,” I told her. She smiled at me and reached over and wiped away a tear I never even knew I shed. 

“What’s her name?”

I smiled softly. “Sparkle,”

“You love her?”

“Ever since I knew I could love a girl,”

“When was that?”

“When I was about 9,”

She laughed. 

“Would you like another doughnut?”

“Oh hell yeah,”

 

She left me alone later that evening and I watched TV. I watched some shitty Simpson’s episode, then a documentary on a new way we’re all going to die and then I found the Powerpuff Girls. Wow. I loved those girls. The little girl in the bed next to me came over and watched it with me. She reminded me of Sapphire when she was smaller, she had gentle black hair curling around her shoulders and a sweet smile. Her skin was dark though and she didn’t say anything, only watched more cartoons with me. Her shoulders were bandaged and she had to drag her drip around with her. 

“What happened to you?” I asked her. She didn’t look at me, her huge brown eyes fixed on the screen.

“I got hit by a car,” she said sweetly, her voice small. 

“It broke your shoulders?”

“No, they got cut up,” she said softly. 

“By a car?” it sounded unlikely that a car could cut up a girl’s shoulders. She nodded fiercely. 

“Yes. It was a car. It’s always a car,” she said firmly, still staring at the screen. Her words scared me and when she looked up at me I saw fear in her eyes. 

“He says it’s always a car,” she told me, her huge chocolate eyes shining. I felt a terrible sinking inside. Looks like I wasn’t the only person lying that evening. 

 

The next morning I sat in my wheelchair in a private examining room. The doctor in front of me was mumbling more and more nonsense to me, talk of procedures and fancy names. It didn’t mean anything to me. My name was full of dreams I had suffered. Sapphire running towards me, throwing her arms out as if she would wrap herself around me and never let go. She ran with a smile, her eyes fixed on mine. But why wouldn’t she reach me? She ran and ran but she never touched me. I called her name, reached out my hands and then she was gone. I screamed her name and she was still gone, hidden from me. Then I would turn and she would be running towards me again. I was exhausted. With dreams like that, I hadn’t been able to rest my body properly and I felt like total shit. My legs and feet had returned to their normal colour, my bones and muscles reset themselves. I could walk without limping, which felt fantastic. But my hands were still bandaged and my head still throbbed. My doctor turned to me and finally the shit he was coming out with seemed to make sense. 

“You will be fine,”

“Oh good. When can I take the bandages off?” I asked him, flexing my fingers inside the itchy bandages and finding them sore. 

“The bandages can come off before you leave, but leave the stitches to fall out on their own. You won’t be able to use your hands fully for a few weeks,” he told me, looking into a folder with only the name Frank on the front. The fact they still believed me to be an orphan living on the streets amused me, but I had began to feel guilty. I had sent away the woman who came to talk to me about government policies and opportunities at universities and all that shit. I didn’t need it and I didn’t want it. I had a future, I just had to figure it out first. 

“When can I go?”

“After the blood test results come back, which should be just before lunchtime,” he said without a hint of a smile. Was it just me or did I think doctors should always be smiley and pleasant?

“Blood test?”

“Just a test for any waifs who come drifting in. We screen for drugs, illnesses, anything unusual,” he told me, looking at me accusingly as if he expected me to suddenly blurt out that I was, in fact, an AIDs sufferer or  on heroin or something. I didn’t say or do anything. What would I say? I’d told them a million times I didn’t take drugs, but they continue to not believe them. 

Well, fuck you. 

I waited all morning for my test results, wanting to get out of there. Not only would my parents be going mental that I had been gone for two nights without getting in touch, but my friends must have been going mental. Sapphire would be distraught…wouldn’t she? Damn, depressing thoughts again. 

“Can I use the phone?” I asked the nurse who had been nice enough to get me extra doughnuts. She left me to call someone, but I couldn’t decide. Not my parents, not Sapphire. Gerard. 

“Hello?” He sounded like shit. 

“Gee?” I asked.

“Holy fuck! Frank! Where the fuck have you been? We’ve been going fucking insane! What the fuck?” he started yelling down the phone and I had to hold it away from my ear. 

“Dude, shut up,”

“Where the fuck are you? I’ll yell at you as soon as I pick your sorry arse up,” he grumbled, leaving his grievances to himself for now. I turned away from the nurse. 

“I’m at Bleaker hospital, I need you to pick me up,”

“Hospital!?”

“Dude, shut up. Just get here for lunchtime and wear something old. Don’t tell Sapphire or my parents yet ok?”

“I told your parents you were crashing with me last night, I didn’t want the police ringing up,”

“Good thinking,” I said, leaving a question about Sapphire unsaid. He answered it anyway. 

“She’s going insane. Seriously. I’ve never seen her so fucked her before,”

“She’s not the only one,” I said miserably, looking at my hands. 


	22. Sapphire

I skated all morning and I earned more and more injuries as the day drew on. Then kids started to turn up, including all my old skater friends. 

“Holy Fuck Sapphire, what the fuck did you do to yourself?” asked my friend Tazmin. I didn’t answer, only turned away so she couldn’t see the blackened bruises on my arms, the grazes on my knees and the tears across my ribs. She saw them anyway. Soon everyone was crowding around asking me about them, all with worried expressions. 

“Leave me alone!” I yelled, hitting the pavement hard and going to the most far away pipe in the whole park. Only Tazmin’s brother Jesse followed me. Tazmin was cool, she had short blonde hair and had the coolest tongue stud ever. She was a skater to the bone and far better than me but she and I weren’t that close. Jesse  was like her, blond and a rollarblader and we were much more friendly. He was in my class at school, with Mikey. Us three hung out a lot, but Jesse spent most of his time skating at lunchtimes and after school. They were both pretty cool, but one sided. There was more to life than skating, but right then I was so upset all I wanted to do was go as fast as I could. 

“What’s wrong Sapphire? You only skate when you’re pissed,” said Jesse, sitting on the lip of the pipe, his wheeled feet dangling. I didn’t say anything, just concentrated on not falling off once again. 

“My best friend abandoned me,” I hissed suddenly, kicking my board away from me in anger. Jesse zipped off and grabbed it, as I moodily kicked around the pipe, pulling at my hair and clutching my head. 

_Frank Frank Frank._

“Why?” Jesse’s voice interrupted me, his hand on my shoulder. I flinched away, his warm skin stinging the skin deep skid mark reaching across my upper arm. How much skin had I lost that morning?

“I don’t know! He hates me now! I’m a slut! A bitch!” I yelled, turning away and running my hands through my hair. 

“No you’re not Sapphire!” cried Jesse, standing in the middle of the pipe and holding my board like a holy object. It was a beautiful board, black with a white lightning bolt down the middle that I had carefully painted blue with nail vanish. I turned back to him, my eyes wide, hair wild and my hands shaking. 

“He’s gone! I can’t find him anywhere! He ran away and now I can’t reach him!” I screamed, running and grabbing my board form Jesse’s hands and pushing past him. I needed to get away, to be alone. Jesse came blading after me, keeping pace with my frantic kicks. 

“No, Jesse, go away,” I yelled, trying to turn away from him. 

“You have to calm down Sapphire!” he said, dodging to the other side of me. I pulled away from him so sharply I fell off my board again and landed painfully on my back, tearing at the skin once again and screaming. 

“Sapphire!” he cried, trying to help me up. I pushed him away weakly, the tears streaming down my face. Nevertheless he held me close to him in a hug. Blood was running down my back and tears and mascara stained his shirt but he held me close as I punched him and howled and cursed. 

“Oh Frank!” I whimpered into his shoulder, clinging to him. “Frank Frank Frank,” 

“He’ll be back, I promise. He loves you,” Jesse told me gently. I whimpered, more tears leaking out from under my eyelids. 

“How? I’m a slut!” I cried. 

“Are you? I don’t think so,” chuckled Jesse, releasing me and wiping my tears off my face. I tried to nod but he held my face firmly. “You’re not a slut. Frank loves you, he can’t just start hating you now,” he said evenly. I looked into his brown eyes and I sobbed loudly. His calm pale face smiled at me and I hugged him hard, ignoring the pain. 

“I want Frank,” I whispered like a little girl. 

“You need to get cleaned up,” commented Jesse practically, eyeing the blood on my arms, running down my knees through my ripped trousers. 

“Go home, clean yourself up and wait for Frank. He may even be home right now,” said Jesse hopefully. I sniffed and nodded, I needed to check. What if he was? 

 I started to skate home, ignoring the weird looks I got. Jesse went back to his sister. I knew they were watching me leave, but I didn’t look back. Skating home was different to skating away from it. I felt a sickness inside myself, I was disgusted with myself. I was in pain, but I didn’t care. I looked at my arms, covered in grazes and trickles of blood. I felt the warm blood reach the belt of my trousers on my back, and I could feel the breeze through my ripped top. My ribs stung and were gritty. My knees felt wet and my trousers stuck to my skin. I was covered in bruises and I had tears on my face, sticking my eyelashes together. But I skated on in pride, ignoring the people who stopped to stare at me. A blood soaked girl with black hair and the expression of a statue.

I felt better with the wind rushing through my hair, but as Frank’s house came into view I felt bad again. I needed to sort things out with him…

I left my board by my kitchen door, going down into his room. It was still empty. His bed was still the way I’d left it, the pillow still a sad mass of tearstained fluff. I turned and left almost as soon as I saw it was still empty. That room hated me so much the walls screamed when I touched them with my sore hand.  

 In the safety of my own house, I found a note from mom, telling me she was going to Texas to see her sister for a few days. Dad was awake, he called out to me from the sitting room, but I ran upstairs to shower the blood and tears off myself. Dad was the overly protective type (think door) and if he saw me like this now I would never be allowed to the skateparks ever again. 

“Hey pumpkin!” he called, the football on as he ate his breakfast. 

“Hey dad,” I managed, disappearing into the bathroom. I looked a mess. My face was streaked with dirty tears trails and smudged with make up, There was blood from a graze by my ear and my lip was split. I undressed and threw my bloody tank top into the bin. My trousers could be salvaged. Naked, I saw how many bruises I had managed to get in a single morning. Not counting my deeply purple and swollen hand, I had deep violet and midnight blue bruises on my arms, collarbones, hips and legs. I got in the shower and washed away the blood as fast as I could, biting my lip as the water made my cuts and grazes scream. Soon I was pink, sore and stinging. I rubbed antiseptic into the deep gouges along my ribs and my back, applying plasters to every cut I could find. The grazes I couldn’t do much for. I disappeared into my room, and dried myself . I was shaking and I was sniffing fiercely not to cry again. Out of the corner of my window alcove, I peered down at Frank’s basement. Was he home? No. 

Gerard. Find Gerard, I told myself. He can help. I had to escape my father without him seeing my injuries though. I put on a long sleeved blue top, then a short sleeved black top and my baggy black and blue jeans. I covered my legs with big stripy socks and put on my comfy trainers. My clothes stung my cuts but I ignored it. My hand was still bright and a horrible shade of magenta. I pulled my black and turquoise striped gloves carefully over it, wincing in pain.

“Going out Dad!” I yelled, slamming the door and running off. Stud barked from under Dad’s legs, but I left him behind this time. I ran  to Gerard’s, praying he was in. 

He was and he was almost as bad as I was. He was pacing his room and kept asking Mikey where they hadn’t checked. Mikey kept telling him over and over again that they had looked everything three times over. Frank had just vanished. Then Gerard looked at me properly and saw the graze on the side of my head.

“Sapphire, what have you been doing?” he demanded, turning my head to look at it. 

“Nothing,” I said, batting his hands away. He caught my hand, and saw the grotesqueness. 

“Blue!” he gasped, rolling up my sleeves and seeing the plasters. Both he and Mikey looked shocked. 

“I didn’t do them myself. I fell off my skateboard,” I told them slowly and honestly. It was true, and they believed me. Then I had to show them the cuts on my ribs, and my back and my legs. I left them both shaken by how much violence I had put myself through. I left them in tears again. It was now late and I went the long way home, calling Frank’s name and looking for him everywhere. I walked everywhere in town and screamed for him at every street corner. Then Gerard found me in his car, took me home and made me go to bed. I didn’t want to sleep, but I did. And my dreams hated me too. 

_Sparkle Sparkle little star_

_You don’t know where you’re friends are_

_He has gone_

_And run away_

_And now you’ll die with a new day_


	23. Frank

Gerard walked into the ward looking more like a vampire than I’d ever seen him before. He wore an old black jumper and patched black jeans, just like I’d told him to. His neck was purple and his face was unnaturally pale and his eyes were huge and puffy and demented. I stood up to meet him and he instantly grabbed me in a tight hug. 

“You complete…and utter…idiot!” he told me, kissing my cheeks and hugging me again. “I’m so fucking glad to see you!”

I laughed, hugging him back. I had no idea why he kissed me but it was nice to know he cared. Then he whacked my head. 

“What the fuck did you think you were doing?” he yelled, his relief turning into anger. “You’ll need a hospital by the time I’m done with you, you fucker!” he raged. A nurse darted out to shut him up. I took him down to the private visiting rooms, still dressed in my stupid hospital gowns. 

“What the fuck did you do to yourself?” he asked, sitting down in a chair and eyeing the bandages on my hands and head. I grinned lopsidedly. 

“Doughnut?” I offered.

“Fuck yes,” he said, grabbing a jam doughnut from the box in front of him. I sat down and started a sprinkled one. 

“I didn’t do it to myself…I collapsed in a graveyard…on a bottle…” I said shamefully. Gerard choked on his doughnut, laughing. 

“You idiot! Why the fuck did you run out like that?”

“Did you miss the part where the girl I’m in love with had her tongue down the singer’s throat?” I said coldly. Gerard stopped laughing. 

“Yeah…ok, I can see why you ran. Why a graveyard?”

“I didn’t know where I was. I just kept running til I fell over. Too fucked up to do anything else I guess,” I shrugged, staring at my doughnut. Right now that doughnut was so comforting. Gerard didn’t say anything, just took a huge bite out of his doughnut. 

“If you’re wondering, Sapphire is severely fucked up. She was crying her eyes out that night, and got herself severely beaten up skating. Jesse called me and told me she was going mental over you, crying and everything. Even her father called and said she was sobbing and moaning in her sleep,”

I received this news with a mixture of emotions. Part of me felt terrible she was so upset. Part of me was relieved she was so fucked up without me, that the little voice in the back of my head was wrong about her not caring. Another part of me was happy because I had caused her pain and now only I could make it better again. 

“Sparkle…” I whispered, smiling. “I love her so much,”

Gerard nodded. “Yeah, figured that. She called me this morning to see if I had heard from you, about five minutes before you called. She sounded…dead. Seriously fucked up,”

“Well, I can sort it out as soon as I get out of here,”

“Yeah, when’s that happening?”

I sighed and rubbed my clump of bandages I called a hand over my eyes. 

“When they come and tell me I’m not suffering from an STI or high on cocaine I guess,”

“Right…”

“Oh, and when they give me something better to wear than this robe,” I chuckled, plucking at the plastic material distastefully. Over the top I had a white dressing gown, to spare the other patients the sight of my fabulous arse. Gerard smirked. 

“I dunno, I think it suits you,” 

I gave him a withering look. “You’re so helpful,”

 To cut a boring story short, I was clear (told you!). The doctor shamefully told me he couldn’t find anything wrong with my blood, no drugs, no STIs, no nothing. I couldn’t help but grin. Then Gerard and I got taken off to get my hands unbandaged. That hurt. Like holy fuck on a stick, that hurt. Gerard went even paler at the sight of my hand. They had deep gouges in the fingers and palms, all carefully stitched together with black twine. I could barely moving my hands, they were so stiff and sore, but they were very nice and gave me some cream. Yay, cream. They left the thing attached to the side of my head and the nice nurse gave me back my clothes, freshly cleaned and smelling of detergent. My T shirt had loads of tiny tears in it from the glass and my jeans were ripped but at least I got my belt buckle back. One guess what it was and who gave it to me. Yes, Sapphire gave me a doughnut belt buckle. 

 As I checked out and me and Gerard wandered out to the car, a thought hit me. 

“Hey Gerard, why does Sapphire think I ran away?” I asked him as he backed out. He shifted uncomfortably. 

“Well…she eventually got it out of us that you ran off because she kissed Vince-“

“ _He_ kissed _her_!” I hissed.

“Ok, she eventually got it out of us that you ran off because _Vince_ kissed _her_ ,”

“You told her I loved her?!” I exploded. 

“No! No! She thought we meant you were angry because she was being slutty by jumping from John to Vince,” explained Gerard “We let her think it, we didn’t know what else to tell her she’d believe,”

I sat in silence, stunned. 

“Oh …Holy… Fuck. The girl I’m in love with thinks I hate her because she’s a slut. Now that’s just pure shit,” I said tonelessly. 

“Could be worse,”

“How? How could this possibly be worse?”

“She could think you hate her because she not a lesbian,” suggested Gerard. “Or even because she didn’t buy you a doughnut factory for your birthday instead of a piercing,”

I stared at him in complete silence. What the fuck?

“Is your brain even connected to your mouth?”

He grinned at me and I realised he was being stupid to try and cheer me up. It didn’t really work when his serious face with that creepy. 

“Just saying, you need to have perspective!”

“Just drive,”

 It was a long drive back home, and Gerard and I talked the entire way, discussing how to explain to my parents how my hands got so fucked up. In the end, I decided I’d just avoid them until they healed. That could work well enough, I guessed. We also discussed how to separate Vince and Sapphire as best we could without pissing off Sapphire. I banged my head against the glass when Gerard told me she’d given him her number. Kleaver was a lucky break, she’d left him hanging, but Vince was a different entity entirely. We had virtually nothing on him. 

 The drive took a long time, mainly because we got stuck in traffic on the highway. 

“Hey, Gee, sing,” I said suddenly. 

“What?”

“Sing,”

“Is this a word game?”

“No, I would you to sing you idiot,”

“Oh. Really?”

“Yeah,”

“What will you give me?”

“How about a doughnut?”

He opened his mouth and then began to sing the first song that came to mind, which so happened to be a song I’d heard him sing so many times before but never recognised. I think he wrote it himself. He hadn’t finished, I could tell. 

_“Hand in mine, into your icy blues”_

Icy blues. Sapphire’s eyes weren’t icy, they were brilliant blue and glowed. 

_“And then I say to you_

_We could take to the highway”_

I dimly remembered the time I’d taken Sapphire to skateboard down the highway in the middle of the night. No one was driving, we went for miles and miles and miles before sneaking back to my house at  in the morning. Ah, happy memories.

_“With this trunk of ammunition too_

_I’ll end my days with you in a hail of bullets”_

Why was it Gerard’s depressing and dark lyrics conjured up so many images? I remembered when we were ridiculously young and played war games. Gerard, me and Sparkle against Mikey, Ray and Jesse (just to make up numbers).I remembered she would turn to me behind our fort of a wheelbarrow and a tarpaulin, ducking to avoid water guns and she would say ‘let’s go down together’. I would die for her over and over again in a blaze of silver water.     

_“I’m trying_

_I’m trying_

_To let you know just how much  you mean to me”_

How fucking true. Was he making these up as he went along? It sounded like he was just trying to prove a point to me. 

_“And after we’ve put each other through,”_

All our years together, how many sins had we played against each other? How many Halloween jokes, April fools, practical jokes? How much shit had she put me through, never letting me feel close enough to tell her how I felt? How much I had put her through, torturing her, teasing her, being always a joker. Fuck Gerard, you were good at making a point…

_“And I would drive on to the end with you_

_A liquor store or two keeps the gas tank full”_

I almost chuckled when I remembered the first time we had taken Mikey and Sapphire to the field and gotten them drunk, to welcome them into life with booze. Mikey had gotten so drunk he’d puked up everywhere, but Sapphire remained tipsy all evening, entertaining us and being even more adorable. She was raving on and on at the time about engines and driving and car crashes. I held onto her in the dark and she told me in slurs that she would drive with me anywhere, even over a death, to death. Sweet. 

_“And I feel like there’s left to do_

_But prove myself to you and we’ll keep it running,”_

Oh, how I wanted to prove to Sapphire how much I loved her. The words were right, I had nothing else to do, save exact my revenge on Kleaver. I smiled to myself, remembering the plot Sapphire had cooked up with me. 

_“But this time_

_I mean it_

_I’ll let you just how much you mean to me,”_

I had to. I had to do it soon, before she slipped away from me. I had to show her, finally, how much she meant to me. I thought of all the times I could have told her, and I knew that I had to do it soon. 

_“As snow falls on desert skies_

_Until the end of everything”_

Ok, Gerard, if you’re trying to prove another point of memory, you’re failing. What the fuck does that mean?

_“I’m trying_

_I’m trying_

_To let you know how much you mean_

_As days fade and nights grow_

_And we grow cold”_

His words struck a chord in me, even if I didn’t understand a fucking word. I was trying to show her how much she meant to me, I was trying to show her every single time I smiled at her, or touched her. What was so wrong with me that I couldn’t just find the words? And everyday they failed me, the day faded and night came and she left me alone for another night, to grow cold in my bed without her. Dammit Gerard!

_“_ _All we are_

_All we are_

_Is bullets I mean this_

_All we are_

_All we are_

_Is bullets I mean this,”_

You fucking lost me, mate. I wasn’t planning on killing her any day soon…

_“Know how much I want to show you’re the only one_

_Like a bed of roses there’s a dozen reasons in this gun,”_

Gerard sang loudly, his eyes fixed ahead of him and his entire face tragic. He sang so beautifully. I so wanted to show Sapphire she was the only one for me. Did that mean I had to kill her? Gerard, cryptic much? Oh! Was I meant to kill Vince? Why didn’t ya just say?

_“_ _And as we’re falling down_

_When in this pool of blood_

_And as we’re falling down_

_And in this pool of blood_

_I mean this_

_Forever,”_

“Holy fuck Gerard, that was doughnut-worthy,” I said, my entire face stunned at him. I had little idea what the last part was about. Were we meant to slip in a pool of blood or something?

“Thanks!” he grinned. His face had changed entirely from when he had been singing. I swear when he sings his inner demons come out and he just changes. It was creepy, but fucking awesome at the same time. 

“Am I meant to kill Kleaver?” I asked, quite serious. Gerard smirked. 

“Only if the voices in your head tell you too,”

“Oh, well in that case everyone’s a dead man,” I chuckled.


	24. Sapphire

I woke up the next morning and almost yelled out. My body was killing me! Everything fucking hurt! Stud didn’t help, jumping on me. I limped into the bathroom, knowing full well I could have screamed and my bulldozed father wouldn’t have woken up. All my plasters were soaked with blood and I had blood running down my calves again. 

“Fuck!”

I had another shower and changed all my plasters again. This time I bandages my knees and ribs and back clumsily. I didn’t want to go through any more boxes of plasters, that’s be an obvious give away. The next thing I did was call Gerard.

“Gee?”  
”Holy fuck Blue, could you sound any more dead?”

“You tell me. Has Frank called?”

“No, I haven’t heard from him or seen him. We’ve been everywhere Blue, I swear,”

“Well he’s not home,” I said, before breaking out in sobs, holding the phone to my ear. 

“Don’t cry Sapphire, he’ll be ok. You know Frank! If the mafia were chasing him, he’d be ok!” Gerard said, trying to cheer me up or stop me crying childishly. I could hear in his voice he was just as distraught as I was. 

“Hold fuck, what if his folks call the police? He’s been gone more than 24 hours!” I gasped, lowering my voice in case my dad decided he was going to wake up suddenly. 

“Relax, I called them yesterday and told them Frank slept over here. They think he’s holed up with us right now,”

“You’re a fucking genius,” I marvelled, wiping my tears away fiercely. 

“I try,”

“Gee? What do we do if he never comes home?” I whispered, terrified. 

“You think he’s that pissed off?” scoffed Gerard. 

“No, what if he got in trouble? What if he ended up dead?!” I whispered frantically, clutching the chair I was sitting in until my sore hand was pumping red and white and pain was shooting up my arm. 

“Fuck that Sapphire! Frank is not dead! Now go find something to do and keep your mind busy, I’ll find him, I promise,”

“Really?” I said, wanting to believe it was that simple. 

“Hey, I promised I’d be a nice rock star and now I’m promising I’ll find Frank. I keep my word. Be good,” he said, hanging up. I sighed. Be good? Like fuck was I going to be good. Yesterday I fucked myself up and today I was fucking up someone else, someone who deserved. Of course, He Whose Name Brings Sorrow was meant to help me, just as we had plotted on the way to the concert and during the cartoons before that, but for obvious reasons I was solo. 

 Kleaver was going down. 

 I went back upstairs and dresses completely in black. No blue whatsoever. I did my long hair up in a bun and jammed a beanie on my head, hiding all the blue. I pulled my special revenge hoodie close and grabbed the bag of goodies I had gotten in town so long along, when He Whose Name Brings Sorrow brought me hair dye. 

 Then I set off. It was early, once again, but there were still people around. I got a few glances, but mostly people ignored a black-clad teenage hurrying down the streets. It soon became too warm to deal with a hoodie, but I didn’t take the essential item off. I needed to stay discreet. To that end, I wore boring black trainers, not my usual huge clumping combat boots or heels. Kleaver lived across the other side of town, so I caught the bus and held the plastic bag of glue, glitter and spray paint close to me. All the way, I whispered to myself that I wouldn’t think of He Whose Name Brings Sorrow, I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t.

 I was concentrating so hard on that I almost missed my stop. Kleaver’s house was immense. It was a large white mini mansion, sitting in the middle of a huge plot of fake green grass. Trees lined the road down to the automatic gate I was staring through, and the immaculate flower beds around the orange-painted garden walls disturbed me. Everything seemed wrong about that place. Luck was with me in an extraordinary fashion, I wondered if I really was that lucky. Kleaver’s expensive electric blue car was on the street, parked badly on the curb. Obviously there wasn’t enough room in the garage under the house, along side his Daddy’s boats and RVs and shiny motorbikes purely for show. I wondered what He Whose Name Brings Sorrow would have said. I shrugged and eyed the time and the house. All the curtains at the top of the house were closed and it was only 9 in the morning. I guessed he’d get up soon. Should I wait until he left or rush it now? Do it now, run if you need to, I told myself. 

 I worked quickly, and kept alert. I started by emptying two huge tubes of super strength glue under each tyre, sticking the rubber to the heated tarmac. Then I ran the nozzle around the lining of the backdoors and the boot and the bonnet, sealing them. I opened the front seat with my dad’s master key and sliced the alarm cords, before coating the inside with a thing layering of glue and glitter. I spray painted the outside orange and lime green, going too fast to draw patterns or smiley faces or anything. I scrawled in glue and glitter “I fuck puppies” on the windscreen and finished super gluing the front doors. Then, to finish off the effect, I poured the remaining glue, glitter and paint all over the top to slowly drip down and covered it in a bright blue tarpaulin. The idea is he doesn’t notice until he takes a proper look. 

You may think it’s a little over the top to wreck someone’s car like that, just because they pissed me off, but it’s not like kids these days have anything better to do than seek revenge. I had been avenging tiny hurts ever since I could get away with it, and so had He Whose Name Brings Sorrow. Plus, I didn’t give a fucking flying blind monk’s purple rabbit-foot.

I left the screen of the crime as fast as I could, my hoodie pulled over my face and my beanie pulled down. If I had done it right, the way I walked to the shitty black ‘designer’ hoodie I was wearing would point to the chavy arseholes would lounged around outside Mc Shitty’s. Now do you see why the hoodie was essential? 

 I rode the bus home, head down and eyes downcast. Again, I couldn’t stop thinking about He Whose Name Brings Sorrow. Why couldn’t I look for him with Gerard? Why did I have to stay here and sit around my house, getting more and more worked up?

So if he comes home, you’ll be the first to see him. 

Oh yeah. 

Oh shit, I was talking to the voices in my head. I needed help, now. I got out at Ray’s stop. Gerard and Mikey would be out looking, they promised they would. Ray was meant to be ringing around everyone we knew and asking. He would be home, I was sure. 

 As I walked down the street to his house, my beanie stuffed in my pocket and that shitty hoodie rolled into a ball under my arm, a car pulled up next to me. At first, I thought it was Gerard and my heart jumped, had he seen He Whose Names Brings Sorrow? Then I thought it was Kleaver, seeing it wasn’t Gerard’s car, and my heart took a suicide jump. 

Shit shit shit. 

The window went down and a head stuck itself out, with messy black hair and stubble and a cigarette. Eyes behind sunglasses looked me up and down and Vince smiled. 

“Hey sweetheart,” he called, as I walker over to him. I tried to smile, but I wasn’t feeling up to it. 

“Hey Vince,” I said, giving him a half smile. He raised his eyebrows at my bummed expression and removed his sunglasses. His bloodshot eyes focussed on me with some difficulty. He still looked gorgeous though. 

“Who died?” he asked. I caught my breath in my throat and shook my head violently. 

“He’s not dead!” I said sharply, shaking my head. Some of my hair came free from my bun and framed my face in black and blue tendrils. Oh fuck, now he must’ve thought I was crazy. But he didn’t drive off, he got out of the car. 

“Who?”

“My friend…he ran away and I haven’t seen him for days, not since you’re concert. He’s not dead!” I said again, blinking back tears. He looked sad for me, and pulled me into an awkward hug. He smelt of alcohol and sweat. It was weird to think the last time I saw him his tongue was in my mouth. 

“Yeah, you’re right, he’s fine, he’ll be back before ya know it,” he said into my hair, patting my back. I pulled away from him, embarrassed. 

“Sorry…I’m kinda fucked up at the moment,”

“That’s ok Sapphire,” he said, smiling at me. I was surprised he remembered my name. 

“Thank you,” I said simply, giving him a smile back. He grinned. 

“See? I made you smile! Hey, can I give you a lift anywhere?” he offered. I shook my head, releasing more tendrils of hair. 

“No, I’m going to my friend’s, to see if he’s seen him. Maybe another time,” I said, stepping away. He looked a bit put down but he nodded and smiled again. 

“Ok, I’ll call ya. Bye Sapphire,” he said, savouring the syllables of my name. He leaned over and kissed my cheek. He stayed close to me for a second, to see if I would turn my face towards him, to give him another kiss properly, but I looked down at my feet, trying to silence the voices that screamed _SLUT SLUT SLUT!_ in my head. He kissed my cheek again. 

“I’ll call ya sweetheart,” he whispered into my ear and then he drove off, leaving me to go to Ray’s. 


	25. Frank

“Come on Gee! How hard can it be?”

“Ok! Ok! Um…fence?” he guessed. 

“Yes! Finally! We’ve only been stuck next to it for half a fucking hour!” I groaned, rolling my eyes. Gerard smirked. 

“Yeah, you chose the worst time to get released from hospital,”

“Cheers, baby. I told you you should’ve taken the 42,” I nagged.

“No you didn’t dear, you said to take the 43, which you know fully well was blocked back up to Hicksville!” joined in Gerard, us playing the part of the holidaying couple who could barely stand the sight of each other. 

“Hey, call Mikey and Ray, tell them you’re alive,” said Gerard, suddenly reminding both of us they were still clueless. We had decided the only way to spring it on Sapphire was to literally spring it (being me) on her. It was now quite late in the evening, we’d been stuck all fucking afternoon and thoroughly sick of it.

I dialled the numbers. 

“Hello, Gee?”

“No, it’s Frank,”

“Oh hey Frank…wait a minute, WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?” screamed Mikey down the phone. Even Gerard glanced at the phone then. 

“Holy shit…” he muttered. 

“Mikey-“

“WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GO?!”

“Mikey-“

“DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH SHIT YOU’VE PUT US THROUGH?!”

“Mikey!”

“SAPPHIRE’S BEEN GOING FUCKING INSANE! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!”

“MIKEY!”

“Yes?”

“Shut up,”

“Whatever,”

“I got hurt, went to hospital. Gerard just picked me up. Now we’ve completely stuck in traffic. Please, please, please don’t tell Sapphire, I wanna explain to her myself,” I told him. 

“Hurt how?”

“Nothing extensive…”I said casually, causing Gerard to make a noise of disbelief. 

“Well Sapphire got hurt too y’know. She went skating and we all know how that ends,”

“Yeah, Gee told me. How badly?” I said guiltily. 

“Enough to make Vampire boy over there go visibly paler,”

“Hey, that’s an exaggeration!” interjected Gerard.

“Oh fuck,”

“Yeah, she’s actually going mental,”

“Fuck. I’ll see you tomorrow mate, bye,”

“Bye you fucking retard,”

“Man, your brother’s nice!” I commented, hanging up the phone. Gerard smirked. 

“Yeah, he’s the best little brother in the world- overly protective, sarcastic as fuck and a good cook. What a catch,”

“Awww, you love him really,” I teased, dialling Ray’s number.

“Especially when he make doughnuts…” said Gerard quietly. 

“Shut up,” I said as Ray picked up.

“Frank?”

“No, Anne Rice,”

“FRANK!”

“Yes, I’m alive and I’m well enough. I was at hospital if you really need to know, because I didn’t look to see what I fell asleep on. Please don’t tell Blue Babe,” I rushed. 

“Good thing you didn’t call ten minutes earlier then,” said Ray, chuckling. 

“Why?”

“Blue Babe just left, my dad gave her a lift home because she was so weird. Crying and calling herself a slut and basically creeping my parents out. They let her stay here most of the afternoon because she was so fucked up,”

The hard, putrid hole in the bottom of my stomach I dimly recognised as guilt, sorrow and shittiness grew heavier. 

“She’s that bad?”

“You haven’t seen the grazes,”

“Yeah, I heard she went skating. That’s just bad news,”

“So what happened to you?”

“Well, you’d really have to see it to believe it, but the important part is I won’t be playing a guitar in a while…” 

 I hung up the phone after talking to Ray and Gee and I talked some more about Sapphire. 

“So should I or shouldn’t I?”

“I say do it as soon as humanly possible. You heard Ray, he said she was calling herself a slut because she saw Vince again. If you don’t do something, she’ll go with him,”

“Too late, I’m guessing,” I said miserably. 

“Fuck no!” yelled Gerard, making me jump as he whacked the steering wheel. The traffic finally started to move and we made for the home stretch. Gerard was yelling at me the entire way, telling me how much Sapphire and I were meant to be together and we just didn’t know it yet and if I loved her I had to do something about it. He went all cryptic on me again and all tortured-soul but when he parked outside my house he reached over and grabbed both sides of my head.

“Go get her you pussy,” he said, before kicking me out of the car. Wow. Feel the love in that car, I thought as he drove off. I wondered if Sapphire’s parents were in, as I silently let myself in the kitchen door. It was empty and I couldn’t hear anything. I saw a note pinned on the fridge and grinned when I saw her mom would be out for  few nights. That meant Sapphire was alone tonight and tomorrow night. Instantly the word party sprang to mind.

 I pulled off my shoes, leaving them hidden in the multitudes of her boots and went upstairs, listening for her. As I stood outside her door, touching the wood like it was the wood of the Cross. I listened close and heard the soft beat of Fall Out Boy playing. 

_What are you waiting for? Kiss her kiss her_

Sapphire loved music, even when she was asleep. I quietly opened the door, my hands sore and bloody. I hoped I didn’t get blood on her door. I closed it, shoving that annoying brick back. I guessed Stud was asleep in her parent’s room because I didn’t get bombarded with fur attached to a rough tongue. Inside, the soft melding lights coloured me purple and blue. I looked and saw her lying on her bed. She looked beautiful, like goddess you picture in your mind. She was more beautiful than I remembered her, that hair shining in the changing light. Her face was towards her, her neck turned in a gentle curve. Her face was serene but lined with tears tracks. Even in her sleep, tears fell into her pillow. She lay free of her duvet, one arm held near her face, the other across her bare stomach. She wore only a tiny top and short shorts to sleep, her long legs graceful and smooth in the darkness. As I drew closer, hardly daring to breath I saw what the guys meant. The hand by her face was so many shades darker than the skin of her face, and swollen. White plasters covered her arms and bandages on her knees and across her ribs, I could just see them under her top. Bruises looked black in the stark contrast of night and her arms, shoulders and legs were completely covered in circles of bruising. My beautiful goddess, in so much pain. 

  I knelt by her head, touching the graze on the side of her head, running my fingers down her soft cheek to smooth away the tear that lingered by her adorable mole. My touch made her stir, but she refused to wake up. Instead, I stood up and pulled off my hoodie. My hands seared with pain, but still I gently edged into the bed behind her, lying between her and the window. I wrapped my arm over her stomach, avoiding her bruised and cut arms and the bandages on her ribs. Her skin was warm against my cold, tender fingers and I wriggled as close to her warmth as I could.       

  Again, she muttered and stirred and I swear I heard her mutter my name. I leaned forward and kissed the back of her neck with my lips, rubbing the side of my face without the bandage on it against her soft hair. I breathed in slowly, savouring that smell of strawberries and Sapphire. I couldn’t stop myself from gently burying my head in her hair, breathing in and out, kissing her neck again. The hairs rose on her flesh, and I pressed against her, whispering to her that I was finally with her. 


	26. Sapphire

Something woke me up, and at first I had no idea what. I slowly opened my puffy eyes and saw my poor hand. Then I felt something on the back of my neck, a pressure that sent tingles across my skin. Someone was breathing loudly, sighing with each exhale. A hand held me close to a body I felt was cold. 

“Frank?” I whispered, barely daring to believe it? Was this a dream?

“Sparkle,” he whispered to my hair, kissing my neck again. I made a noise of happiness, half between a cry and a giggle, and slowly turned around to see him. 

“Oh Frank!” I whispered, and then I cried again. I was so happy to see him, I felt my entire body lift and I couldn’t stop the smiles or the tears. I touched the bandage on the side of his head, the whiteness shocking me just as much as his sudden appearance in the flesh. 

“Are you really here?” I whispered, stroking his cheek. His skin felt prickly under my fingers, he needed to shave. Two days not knowing if he was alive! And now he was with me again, holding me close with his rough hands. 

“Yeah, and I’ll never leave you again,” he told me, kissing my forehead lovingly. I wrapped my good hand around him, ignoring the discomfort from my cuts. To hold him close was to feel his heartbeat, to really know he was with me. I held my sore hand to my chest.

“Promise?” I asked him, looking into his deep brown eyes under that bandage. What had happened to him?

“I promise,”

“What happened to you? Why did you run away from me? Why couldn’t you just talk to me? I promise I’m not a slut,” I told him quickly. He smiled softly, his head resting on my pillow. I thought about all the tears that had dried inside it. 

“You’re not a slut, I never thought that. I’m sorry I ran from you, I’ll never leave you again. Do you really want me to tell you what happened?” he asked, unsure. “It’s pretty grisly,”

“Tell me,” I said firmly. 

“I ran until I couldn’t run any further. My legs were frozen and sore and I fell over. I cut my hands on glass and my head too, and I spent the first night on a gravestone, cold and wet and bleeding. I got taken to hospital and they took out the glass and stitched me up and I spent the second night away from you in hospital. Gerard picked me up the next day when I asked him not to tell you because I wanted to tell you I was ok like this,” he told me slowly and calmly, before leaning forward and kissing my forehead again. I shivered and raised his hand to see it. The ugly black stitches stood out in the darkness and I couldn’t hold my gasp. 

“Oh Frank! You idiot!” I said, kissing his hands. “You’re poor hands!”

“You’re poor body! You’re a mess!” he said, kissing my hand which I held to myself, and running his sore hand over the bruises on my arms. 

“Why, oh why did you go skating? You always get beaten up when you skate!”

I shrugged, nestling close to him and lying so I could hear his heart. 

“I was so upset, I thought you hated me. I needed to escape from myself. I didn’t mean to get so hurt, I was just being an idiot, like you,”

He chuckled and kissed my head again. 

“So we’re both idiots. But we’ll both heal,”

“Yeah,” I agreed sleepily, before remembering something important. 

“So you don’t think I’m a slut?”

“Never! You’re only a slut if you jump from one guy’s bed to another and you’ve been pretty consistent on sharing just mine!” he laughed and I giggled.

“Good. I feel so much better now,” I sighed, and a tiny part of me started rejoicing because I could now see Vince with a clear conscience. But right now I was with Frank and that’s where I wanted to stay.  

“I love you Frank,” I whispered, holding on to him hard. 

“I love you Sparkle,” he told me, giving me a soft little smile and closing his eyes as he lay back. We were both exhausted and we were together. We could sleep safe and that’s what we did, our broken bodies entwined and our arms securely locked around each other. 

 

 

“Owowowow, get off my arm Sparkle!” gasped Frank, rudely waking me up. I instantly sat up and got off his sore hand. I paled when I saw blood on his skin and blood on the sheets. I looked and saw his blood imprinted on my top. Great, another top ruined. 

“Are you ok?”

“I’m ok now,” he smiled, holding his hand close. “Come back to me,” he said, holding his arms out and I hugged him hard. I ignored the painful twinges from my ribs. But still he saw me grimace. 

“What?”

“Oh nothing, just my ribs,” I said, sitting up again. My legs were cold and I crawled under the duvet crumpled beneath us, hiding the purple and green-tinged bruises from him. 

“Can I see?” he asked. I held my top up enough to show him the bandages across my ribs now smudged with crimson blood. I also showed him the stains on my back and my knees. I saw him grow more and more upset as I bled more. 

“Sparkle, go change those, now,” he warned. 

“Only if you wash your hands carefully!” I warned back, poking his nose. He bit my finger. “Ow!”

“Go on, gorgeous,” he said, gently pushing me out of bed and watching me leave. I waved at him, smiling and double checking the fact he was still there. I was smiling like I hadn’t smiled in days. Frank was back! And he didn’t hate me! I had yet another shower, enjoying the water rushing over me and changed my bandages. When I came out, I found Frank on my computer, reading the fiction I had been working on.

“Frank!”

“Oops! Caught red-handed!”

“Those are my new chapters!”

“Well I couldn’t wait! You’re story so good it’s mean to withhold vital chapters from your adoring fans!” he shrugged, grinning at me. I laughed and poked him on of my seat, clutching a towel around my body. 

“Go shower you smelly idiot,” I told him. He made a big show of sniffing himself and then making a face of complete disgust. 

“Dear God!” he said, pretending to choke. He then left me alone to get dressed. Today I wore a short black skirt and a blue T, glad Frank was back and deciding to celebrate by wearing a skirt. I only wore skirts on special occasions or when I knew I’d have a boring day to lounge around in. I went online and saw Kleaver, who I had blocked, had changed his screen name to If I Ever Find Who Fucked Up My Car, You’re Dead Meat. I giggled to myself and found myself attacked by Instant Messenges from people who knew Frank had vanished and was not back, or knew that I was going insane. I only replied to Gerard.

_::Vampires Are Normal People, Only Romantic ::-_ Hey Blue. Everything ok?

_**Sapphire Stars**-_ If you mean did Frank wake me up, the answer is yes, he’s in the shower. 

_::Vampires Are Normal People, Only Romancic ::-_ So you two are ok now?

_**Sapphire Stars**-_ Totally. Frank’s hands are so fucked up, aren’t they?

_::Vampires Are Normal People, Only Romantic ::-_ Disturbingly so

_**Sapphire Stars**-_ You coming around to see us this morning?

_::Vampires Are Normal People, Only Romantic ::-_ Yeah, me and the guys plan to invade so we can all collectively yell at and hug Frankie. We missed him *pout*

_**Sapphire Stars**-_ Didn’t we all! Oh, he’s out. I’ll see you later Gee

_::Vampires Are Normal People, Only Romantic ::-_ Tell him I say hi. So long Sapphire

\----Sighed Out----

 

“Hey, who was that?” asked Frank, remerging from the shower with wet hair and a towel wrapped around his waist. 

“Gee man. He’s coming around later,” I said, yawning. Frank leaned over me in a wash of moist smells. 

“Hey, who’s the car one?” he asked, reading my list of contacts. I giggled again. 

“Kleaver,”

Frank raised an eyebrow. 

“Why?”

“Why haven’t I deleted him or why is his screen name about his car?”

“Either will do,”

“Yesterday morning I paid his car a particularly _sticky_ visit,” I grinned, giggling manically. Frank grinned and circled my neck in a one armed hug. 

“You didn’t!”

“I so totally did!”


	27. Frank

Being home even after two days was fantastic. Actually, it really only felt like one day and a bit to me because I’d spent most of the first day knocked out. But still, two nights away that were not spent well. I had been sick physically and sick mentally, driving myself crazy. 

But now everything was ok, so I don’t need to dwell on what I felt. I was home, in my own happily messy room with my friends who, while they were disgusted by the state of my hands, teased me mercilessly about being an idiot and falling asleep on glass.

“Well, technically, I passed out,” I countered each time. I sat on my couch, now free of popcorn, with Sapphire under my arm. She held my sore hand in her sore hand and we stared at them, carefully interlocked but at the same time held back by pain. It seemed to me it was the perfect image to describe our relationship: close and permanent like the scars that would heal on my fingers, but just too tender to hold on any tighter. 

“In a graveyard? Morbid much?” laughed Ray, strumming my guitar. 

“Yeah, did you see any of Gerard’s friends?” added Mikey, ducking as Gerard swatted him from the other side of the couch, his feet lounging on mine and Sapphire’s laps. I couldn’t be bothered to push them off. 

“No, but I did see a ghost or two,” I said, smiling a little. They looked vaguely interested. 

“Who?” asked Sparkle. 

“Well, there was a girl in blue and black laughing at me…” I said, smirking and raising an eyebrow. She chuckled.

“You didn’t see me, did you?”

“Probably, but I don’t remember exact details,” I shrugged. I was thinking about the dream of her running towards me, but now wasn’t the time to share that. She shrugged and leaned her head against my shoulder, tired. 

“So what do we do now? We have to celebrate!” interjected Mikey, bored with our conversation. Gerard and Ray picked up on this too, begging. I wasn’t really bothered, being home was being home, but Sapphire started begging too and it was decided. 

“Ok, but we’re not going to the Ice Cream Factory!” I warned. I knew what our birthday celebrations ended up like there. The round of mischievous grins told me tonight would be a repeat. 

 We hung out all afternoon, Ray playing my guitar, Mikey and Sapphire squabbling over the last jam doughnut and Gerard trying to ask me behind Sapphire’s back if I’d asked her out yet. I avoided his gaze. 

“Frank, honey, could you and your loud friends please be not here this afternoon? The vicar’s coming to tea…” my father called. I hid my hands when I heard his voice but there was no point, he never even came down the stairs to the basement. All he did was poke his head around the door emblazoned with swear words and catchy slogans and yell. 

 We all exchanged horrified looks. 

“The vicar?!” said Ray. I shrugged. Gerard started laughing.

“What the fuck’s up with you,” I demanded as we all stared at him, leaning on the side of my couch and laughing like an idiot. 

“Oh, please…” he gasped for breath “Can I scare him?” he begged, pulling a terrible face and baring his teeth. 

“You’ll kill the poor guy, you psychopath!” Sapphire laughed, pushing his legs off her and standing up. 

“No, no, no, what Gerard is would be a sociopath,” corrected Mikey. 

“Or maybe a megalomaniac?” I suggested. Gerard looked vaguely annoyed. 

“I’m not that crazy,” he pouted, brushing back his black hair. Sapphire giggled and ruffled up his hair again playfully. 

“Not yet, anyway!” she said, searching for her shoes in the pile by my exit. 

“Where you going?” I asked, my side growing cold and my insides squeezing painfully at the idea of her leaving me, no matter for how long. She smiled at me, relieving the pressure inside me. 

“You heard your dad, the vicar’s coming, so we’re leaving,” 

“Where to?” asked Ray, getting up too. Holy crap, that guy was tall. Sapphire shrugged. 

“Well, we’re going to the Ice Cream Factory tonight, so let’s fill in time before then,” she suggested, offering Mikey a hand up. 

“So where to?” asked Gerard. Sapphire shrugged again. 

“Hey, why don’t we go to the mall?” I suggested, saying the first thing to come into my head. It got greeted with a lot of confused, slightly scared looks. 

“The mall?” said Mikey, his face screwed up in disgust. 

“Other than the CD shop, there’s nothing to do at the mall,” said Sapphire, sitting on the couch arm next to me so I could wind my arm around her waist.  

“Au contraire, chere!” I quipped, flicking her nose and making her screw up her face in the cutest way possible. I felt Gerard’s eye burning into the back of my head with that creepy and accusing stare. 

“Dude, English!” yelled Ray, who got seriously pissed when anyone spoken in a language he didn’t know. God knows why. 

“Pourquoi?” I asked, teasing him and getting kicked on the shin for my trouble. 

“Leave him alone Ray. Frank, try speaking something sensible, even if it’s English,” said Mikey, flipping through the comic collection on my shelf. I chuckled. 

“Ok, I’ll try. There’s the tattoo place,” I suggested. The others gave each other vaguely impressed looks. I already had a few awesome tattoos, like a pumpkin on my back and Halloween across my knuckles. My birthday’s on Halloween, so it’s an important holiday for me. 

“You getting some more ink?” asked Sapphire, resting her arm on my head which was at the perfect resting level for her. I nodded, making her slide off and stood up.  

“What?” asked Gerard, as we all collectively made our way to the door. 

“Not sure yet…”

“Do you even have the money?” asked Mikey, suspiciously. I then realised I didn’t. 

“Oh well, let’s go to the mall anyway. I’m sure we can find something interesting to destroy. Maybe Sam’ll let us hang out in the backroom anyway,” mused Sapphire, referencing to the violently coloured tattooist known as Mad Sam. 

“Unlikely, that guy’s a total nutjob. Unless he’s got a needle in your skin, he’s more likely to kill you,” muttered Ray, pushing Mikey out of the trapdoor so he could get out too. We all winced in the light and Gerard made a show of hissing and throwing himself into the shadow of Sapphire’s house. 

“Well, we’ve gotta do something vaguely interesting,” I said, my arm thrown over Sapphire’s shoulders. She was the perfect height and she fitted perfectly under my arm. It felt so right to walk with her like that, she walked the perfect speed and everything. 

“Sapphire!”

We all turned to see her dad, only half awake, looking out his bedroom window. I dropped my arms quickly and hid my hands. Sapphire’s dad was cool but I knew he wasn’t overly pleased with her hanging out with a bunch of 19 year olds. I saw Sapphire hide her purple hand behind her back too. 

“Hi Dad!”

“Are you going to be home tonight?” he asked, and I knew mum had told him to check. He never would’ve bothered to ask if she hadn’t. 

“Yes! I’ll be at Frank’s most of the evening!” 

“Good. Do you have your mobile?”

“Yes?” she tried, patting her pocket to make sure. He nodded and then leant out again. 

“Sapphire?”

“Yes dad?”

“I like your hair,” 


	28. Sapphire

Leave it to Frank to take the most boring place in the world for anyone remotely interesting (i.e. us) and make it fun. We ran around the mall like little kids, racing each other, tackling, giving piggy back rides and causing annoyance. We hid in the fake bushes, we borrowed some 12 year olds bikes and zipped everywhere, we rode the elevators in a huge game of man hunt. We went through every CD in the CD shop, yelling out things like ’Rubbish!’, ‘Decent!’ and ‘Fuck me sideways, here a good one!’ at the tops of our voices. We went into the little kid’s ball pen and had a huge scale plastic ball fight, earning glares and reprimands from disapproving adults. We played a huge game of hide and seek in the department store and the others forgot about me hiding in the woman’s sweaters. I found them twenty minutes later, waiting for me at the food court, pigging out on about fifty plates of chips, burgers and doughnuts. After that we linked arms and walked from one end of the mall to the other backwards, causing great amounts of swearing and blocked human traffic. Anytime we saw a guard, we conveniently walked in separate direction and regrouped somewhere else entirely. 

“Hey, guard!” warned Mikey, detaching his head from the bowling ball polisher machine and we all instantly wandered off in different directions. I pretended to be fascinated in a book shop’s summer sale, and found Frank behind me, holding his gruesome hands over my eyes. 

“If there is any blood on my face when I guess Frank, you are in **so** much trouble,” I warned, leaning on one hip and trying to resemble someone sensible. That is, someone sensible with a manic rock god behind her with severely fucked up hands over her eyes. Frank chuckled and hugged me instead, kissing my neck. 

“Is the guard gone?” I asked, glancing either side of us. People who weren’t on holiday were so grouchy that they were still stuck in New Jersey seemed to flock to malls. The place was full of pissed off middle aged arseholes, who obviously could not take a joke considering some of the thing we’d been called. 

“Who cares?” snorted Frank, resting his chin on my head and sighing. I shuffled around in a circle, Frank following my footsteps so I could check myself. There was a guard, but he was busy trying to extract a four year old from a plastic bush and trying to extract the plastic bush from the four year old. 

 We quickly wandered off, trying to look as innocent and boring as possible. It’s very hard to look innocent and boring when you have masses of black and blue hair and such nice legs, and walking next to someone like Frank. I glanced at him and saw him smiling peacefully as he held my sore hand in his. Was he happy he was back, even though he’d only been a few days? Was he happy to be with me? Was he happy fullstop? He certainly looked it. 

“Hey Frank?” I asked, realising I was staring. He turned and looked at me, smiling again. His brown eyes lit up so beautifully. We were standing in a patch of sunlight, right next to a beautiful sparkling fountain, surrounded by fake palm trees. It was a beautiful picture, and he completed it. 

“Yeah?”

“Watch out,” I warned. Too late. A tall, very quite afro grabbed him from behind, lifted him up and dropped into the fountain. I almost fell over laughing, especially when I saw Frank’s shocked face appearing from under the clear, rippling water. He glared up at Ray, sitting in the fountain with water running off his face. 

“You dickhead!” he yelled. I was laughing so hard, I couldn’t even warn Ray. Another figure then jammed into Ray, toppling him into the cold water. Mikey stood proudly on the side, grinning as Ray surfaced, his afro repelling the water like a wax sponge or something. Frank grinned at him, saying what goes around comes around. 

“Hey, wait, where’s…” I started, choking on my tears of laughter. My question was answered when Gerard appeared out of nowhere and pushed Mikey in too. That vampire could sure move fast! Now Frank, Ray and Mikey sat on the tiled bottom of the fountain, all talking quite nicely and politely (right after Mikey’s swearing drove the last of the shoppers away from the edges of the fountain). I slumped against the side, giggling fit to burst. Frank caught my eye and winked in such a way I knew what he wanted me to do. 

“So guys, defeated?” crowed Gerard, hands on hips and grinning his adorable little grin. 

“Maybe…Depends,” said Ray slowly.

“On what?” asked Gerard. 

“On me!” I screamed, rugby tackling him into the water. The cold hit me and the air instantly went out of my lungs but I surfaced as soon as I touched the tiled floor and flung back my soaking hair, now a tangle of black and blue seaweed. Gerard spluttered next to me, shocked he’d been dunked too. I laughed and tried to swim over to Frank. The water was so shallow I ended up crawling, giggling and avoiding splashes from Gerard, Ray and Mikey. Frank sat against the middle, under the plumes of water erupting from the top, leaning against it. His ankles were crossed and one would think he was lounging in his own back garden, let alone a fountain in the middle of the mall. I sat next to him and he snaked his hands around my middle, pulling me onto his lap. 

“Are your hands ok?” I asked, seeing a little bit of red leak out of the cuts. He held one up to see and we saw tiny streams of red run down his skin with the rivers of clear water. He grimaced but smiled. 

“I’ll be ok,” 

“Sure?” I asked, flicking back my hair and craned my head so it stayed out of my eyes. Frank’s eyes fixed on my neck and he grinned. 

“I’m be fine, but will you?” he asked. I wasn’t sure if I liked that grin…

“Yeah, course, why?”

“No reason. Hey, did you ever wonder what it’d be like to be bitten by a vampire?” he asked, his eyes still looking at my neck and his sharp little teeth biting the flesh of his lower lip. I was too busy trying to comb my hair out in some sort of tidiness to notice.

“No, I don’t think I’d like someone like Gerard near my neck,” I giggled, thinking how weird it’d be to be bitten by Gee.  

“What about me?” he asked. I barely managed a “huh?” before he darted forward, tipping me off his lap and nipped my neck. I fell back into water, squealing, with his teeth attached to my neck. The cold water sloshed around us, but he kept biting my neck.

“Frank!” I laughed, his tongue tickling my skin. I tried to put free, but he held onto me and I found I was enjoying the sensation. I was half lying on the floor of the fountain, propped up by my miraculously unhurt elbows, and Frank half on top of me, his face buried in my neck. His teeth pulled at my flesh, teasing it and straining it until I felt the skin grow warm as blood rush to the area. He was giving me a bite! I felt his tongue rasp over my skin, and he growled, his hands holding onto me. I held back my head, my mouth open and my eyes closed. It felt so wonderful and terrible at the same time. My arms started to shake, propping me up in the cold water. Was I shaking all over? Was I just cold, or was I feeling that insanity I did last time Frank pinned me somewhere? I didn’t realise but I was gasping as he bit me harder and harder. It just felt so good! So right! I never wanted it to end!

But end it did, with a huge wave of water splashing my face and throwing Frank off me. Ray, Mikey and Gerard stood nearby, swishing the water and when I sat up to see properly, I got hit in the face with another wave of water. Frank was behind me, laughing and pulling me up and away from them. 

“Come on! Fight back!” yelled Mikey, his glasses covered in droplets of water and his hair stuck on his face. 

“But we’re injured!” I called back, from behind the plumes, showing them my hand and pointing to Franks. That didn’t stop them though, and we ducked to avoid the water they began throwing at us. 

“Hey! Guys, no fair!” Frank yelled, before furiously splashing water back. I joined him and the fountain became a battle zone of water going in every direction as five very, very wet teens fought it out. 

And then it had to end. 

“Sapphire!” yelled a voice, outside of my wet playpen. I flipped around, abandoning Frank to fight alone for a bit, and saw someone I had almost completely forgotten about. 

“Vince!” 


	29. Frank

“Vince!”

That name completely threw me and I almost fell over once again. The others stopped attacking and we all turned to stare at the singer we all admired. He looked a lot more normal standing near the lip of the fountain than onstage, but it may have been the loss of thugs wielding guitars and flashy lights. Sapphire awkwardly waved at him, and I almost giggled evilly, her completely soaking. But I knew that the fact her top was sticking to her like that and her hair was bedraggled and shining like silver only made her more and more gorgeous and Vince wouldn’t be able to stop staring. 

He was staring, and looking her up and down so blatantly I was surprised she didn’t get pissed off. Sapphire was the kind of girl who hated being admired like a piece of meat. She did seem a little uncomfortable under his gaze, but she didn’t say anything, only hid her hand behind her. He beckoned her over and she went slowly. I couldn’t tell if she was reluctant or eager to go over to him. 

 I couldn’t hear what they were saying, as he offered her a hand out of the fountain. She didn’t take it, staying in the water. We were all staring at them, speechless. There was a polite cough from the other side and the appearance of mall security warned us to calmly step out of the fountain and we did, slowly, silently. Out of it, we were the pinnacle of respectfulness, squeezing out jackets and shaking our hair loose of droplets, and the evitable slipping. But as the guard buggered off, we all turned to watch Sapphire being helped out of the fountain by Vince, half smiling and blushing furiously. He offered her jacket, but she shook her head, sending water everywhere. Nevertheless he swung it around her shoulders. She blushed again and he was standing so close she had to bend her head back to talk to him properly. 

“Which would you prefer? Handgun or chainsaw?” muttered Gerard. 

“Chainsaw,” I growled, my bleeding hands clenched and dripping blood into the puddle collecting around us. People were giving us weird looks, four teenagers staring fixedly at a girl and a guy, dripping and shaking water out of our ears. Well fuck them. 

“Sapphire! You coming?” yelled Ray. He spoke words we all wanted to yell, to get her away from that cocky rock star. She turned and waved, holding up her finger to show she was only going to be one more minute. Vince looked over and smiled, and gave a small wave which we didn’t give back. They began talking quietly again and he laughed at something she said. 

“Frank, you’re dripping a disturbing amount of blood,” warned Mikey in my ear. I looked down and saw I was standing in a faintly scarlet puddle. My hands were shaking with the amount of force I was clenching them. It got worse. She started to walk towards us, but he pulled her back by her wrist and pulled her into another kiss. My breath got caught in my throat. I wanted to scream to them, my tongue feeling leaden in my mouth. I could still taste her skin where I’d made that brilliantly purple mark on her neck. I could see the love bite under her hair, as she kissed him back. I looked up, feeling sick again. She wasn’t mine. She was never mine. 

 I felt two sets of hands grip my arms, the others stopping me from running. I turned away so Sapphire couldn’t see the two tears joining the water on my face. Gerard gave me another look and I heard Ray sigh, telling me she had left him 

“Hey guys. Where now?” her cheerful voice said behind me and I felt her touch my arm, wrap her arms around me. She was my best friend. That’s all she would be. I smiled at her and the others relaxed. I wasn’t running this time. I’d never leave her again I promised.  

“Making friends?” I joked, leading the way from the fountain. She blushed and her eyes went dreamy. Why did they never go like that for me? 

“Yeah…he’s cool,” she said simply. I smirked, but as soon as she looked away my smile dropped like a stone. The others were quiet too, but as she talked, laughing with them, we all moved on. All of us, except for me. I just kept thinking about her and Vince. The way they kissed was exactly how I wanted to kiss her, to taste her lips and her tongue in my mouth. I wanted to feel her so bad it was torment to have her clinging to my arm, but I knew it would be worst torture to not have her touching me. The way her eyes went all misty and far away, with that little smile too, was exactly how I missed she looked at me. But she went that way for him. I guess I had to accept it, she was his and not mine. 

Oh fuck life. 

“So where are we going?” she asked me. 

“The Ice Cream Factory, where else?” I grinned. I was going to enjoy the rest of today with my friend, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight. She squealed and reached up and kissed my cheek, and the others cheered. We were technically banned but as we were the Golden Customers for being the only kids to completely finish an Ice Cream Mountain (and suffer the consequences for it too) we were welcome back. It was pity that, despite our Golden Customers discounts, we always managed to turn the clean, shiny and pretty ice cream bar into a complete battle zone of ice cream fights, flying doughnut attacks and suicide split missions. 

 You could tell as soon as we entered the Factory that everyone knew who we were. Well, our faces were emblazoned on the walls with our names, Golden Customer titles and crimes against ice cream. The place cleared remarkably fast as we offered out favourites. 

“I’ll have a quadruple chocolate super swill with chocolate sauce, chocolate chips, chocolate dusting and those really nice chocolate wafer things,” I ordered. “Anyone else think I’m going to suffer a very chocolately death?” I chuckled. Sapphire made a face. 

“I think we all are, bearing in mind chocolate gives you the worst gas!” she giggled, making everyone grimace and I laughed, hugging her close. 

“I’ll have the same but replace the word chocolate with strawberry,” she told the waitress to lingered nearby, ready to bolt. I don’t see why, we didn’t have any ice cream yet.

“I’ll have one of your half metre banana splits,” ordered Ray, crushed into the middle of the booth, still dripping water from his afro.

“Ooo! Vanilla version of what the babe’s having,” ordered Mikey excitedly, almost bouncing up and down on his chair. We all looked at Gerard who was smiling pleasantly like something violently amused him and he was too polite to say what just yet. 

“Gee?” 

“I’ll have the Molehill,” he said through half closed eyes. We all breathed in and ‘ooo’ed. If the Mountain took five teens to slaughter it (after three hours), imagine something roughly quarter the size and you’ve got the Molehill. For one guy, it was nutritional suicide. Even the waitress looked alarmed. 

 By the time our deserts appeared, we were in the middle of a debate whether or not to exact more revenge on Kleaver or if he’d had enough with Sapphire’s little glue mission. 

“In my mind, only Sapphire’s revenge has been honoured. Hence,” I said, breaking off to spoon in a mouthful of deep brown goodness “We still have four equally crippling rounds of revenge to deal out,”

“Why four? He left me alone, remember?” asked Mikey, vanilla ice cream already all over his face. I raised an eyebrow. 

“Did he not slaughter your brother?” I asked, pointing a spoon full of chocolate sauce and chocolate chips at him threateningly. He moved away from it, eyeing it warily. 

“Yeah, I guess,” he said shamefully. 

“Therefore revenge is yours to be taken,” I finished, pointing one last time. Sapphire, who had been watching my spoon a little less warily and a lot more wistful, jumped forward and grabbed it in her mouth, licking off all the goodness. 

“Hey!” I yelled, before seizing a dollop of her strawberry sauce and sprinkles and sticking in my mouth. She gasped, horrified and stole some more of mine.

“Oh God. It’s started a lot sooner than last time, hasn’t it?” commented Ray quietly as Sapphire and I fought over ice cream, before she grabbed a huge dollop of pale pink ice cream and threw it at me. 

“Try that!” she squealed, giggling as I licked it off my face. I grabbed some of mine and hit her in the neck, covering my proud lovebite. Ray managed to get splattered as well as I think we can all guess what that lead to. 

Soon we were all in the thick of it, ice cream flying everywhere and the waitresses and manager watching helplessly. We only stopped when the ice cream ran out and we were all coated in thick, multicoloured gloop. Sapphire’s beautiful hair was now a hideous shade of cream because Ray and I had tipped mostly of Mikey’s vanilla monument over her head. Opposite me, Gerard was unfetching shade of pink and peppermint green and was happily drawing smiley faces in the brown on Mikey’s cheek. Ray was just a disgusting portrait of colours as Gerard’s Molehill had mainly gone to him. I leaned over and removed a chocolate wafer from the massiv of floppy curls and began to eat it. Mmm.

“So…” said Sapphire, looking over the melted remains of our food on the table and smiling pleasantly. “Looks like we don’t need to worry about how Gee’s gonna manage that Molehill now, eh?”

“Oh, he managed it all right! Right into Ray’s face!” giggled Mikey, before Ray slopped his hair all over Mikey like demented dog. 

“Hey!”

“Revenge is ice cream flavoured!” chuckled Ray, wiping ice cream look of his eyes. We all discovered the joys of drawing in the ice cream, like Gerard was doing on Mikey’s face. 

Sapphire drew a little tiny stick figure, next to another one, holding hands. 

“That’s you,” she proudly told me, like a five year old telling a parent. She pointed to the stick figure who was slightly taller. 

“And that’s you?” I asked, pointing to the other one. She nodded excitedly, grinning at me through her cream coloured foundation. I looked at her, puzzled. 

“Hey, hold on, you got something on your cheek,” I said quietly, so she could just hear me. I darted forward once again and licked her cheek, savouring the taste of vanilla and licking my lips. 

“Ewe! Frank!” she squealed, rubbing her cheek and giggling, before giving me a shove. 

“Frank, please observe manners at the dinner table,” scolded Gerard, glaring crossly from under his pink hair. We both looked at him and burst out laughing. We were being scolded by a pink vampire!

“Um, excuse me, would you like anything else?” interrupted a waitress who looked faintly terrified at the idea of bringing us anymore ammunition. I grinned at the others. 

“Got any doughnuts?”


	30. Sapphire

Even though I knew no one was home, I was keen to get home. I wanted to shower (once again) and then I wanted to chill out with Frank as normal. Gerard, Mikey and Ray were going to a guitar competition over in a different town, but Frank and I were staying in tonight. We’d been through too much recently to bother. Both of us just wanted to chill. Preferably together. 

 We walked home arm in arm, the ice cream drying to our skin and hair. We must have looked a sight! Frank coated in pink and orange and chocolate, and me literally covered in cream! But just like when we wandered around dripping, or when I had skated home covered in blood, we walked with our heads high. We were proud to make people stare.

“So…you and Vince, eh?” Frank said suddenly, after we’d been walking in silence for about ten seconds. I smiled and blushed, thinking of that kiss.  

“Hopefully,” I said. I hoped Vince wasn’t just toying with me. I didn’t think he was, he seemed to really like me. And I knew I really liked him. 

“He likes you, I can tell,” said Frank in a weird voice. Was he sad? Or was he disapproving? Oh God, please no. 

“Are you ok?” I said worryingly. He glanced at me and saw the anguish in my eyes. 

“Sparkle, I don’t think you’re a slut for liking him, case closed,” he said firmly, wrapping his arms around me. I hugged him back glad. 

“Do you like him?” I asked after a minute or two. 

“Do I need to?” he asked. 

“I won’t see him if you don’t want me to. You’re the most important thing to me in this world,” she said sweetly, squeezing me.

“And you’re the most important thing to me,” he told me, kissing the top of my head. 

“So do you like him?” I asked, curious. I wouldn’t go out with Vince unless Frank was ok with it. Frank was my best friend, his opinions meant everything to me. He took a while thinking. 

“I like his music, and he seems pretty cool. I don’t know him though, and you know I don’t trust people I don’t know. He could be like Kleaver underneath,” he warned, tightening his grip around my shoulders. 

“Urgh, I hope not!” I shuddered. If he was, I’d drop him like the hottest potato ever cooked. Frank chuckled at my disgust. 

“Be careful Sparkle. I don’t want you getting hurt,” he said quietly, as we neared our homes. 

“I will and I won’t,” I promised. Inside I was skipping with joy, thinking about Vince and his lips and that kiss. Oh, it was overwhelming! Vince! The lead singer of Real Fiction! I could barely believe it! It was like a fairy tale, or one of those daydreams you have in the middle of a history lesson when it’s beautiful and warm outside and you have a song stuck in your head and you don’t want to concentrate.

 I kissed Frank’s cheek and left him to go into my empty house. After my shower, I would return to his basement, to spend another night in his arms, watching shitty movies. Having a friend like Frank was like having a twin who wasn’t constantly annoying you or stealing your stuff. Ok, Frank did steal my stuff, but I stole it back and some of his too. The Hellboy T shirt flung over my chair was his, as were the creepy Victoria Frances posters. I knew he had one of my multitudes of stuffed animals that crowded the foot of my bed, but I had absolutely no idea which one was missing. I also knew he had one of my bras he’d borrowed for a drag queen Halloween outfit and forgotten to give back. Most likely that was buried somewhere in his room. 

 Stud was lying on the couch, looking bored and unloved as I came in. Smelling vanilla, he attacked me and started licking all the vanilla trials he could reach, covering me in dog slobber. 

“Studder! Knock it off you bad dog!” I giggled, his tongue tickling me. It wasn’t as nice as Vince’s tongue tickling mine, or Frank’s on my neck, but it tickled nonetheless. I wrestled my way upstairs, fending him off, and I wondered which I preferred: Vince’s tongue or Frank’s tongue. Weird, but I was curious. Frank’s had a lip ring. One notch up. His tongue tickled me far more than Vince’s, which I liked. One notch up again. Vince was a bit of an overpowering kisser. One notch down.

“Frank wins, two to minus one!” I told Stud, locking him out of the bathroom and stripping off more stained clothing. I was in serious danger of losing my entire wardrobe through destruction, stains and ice cream. The water washed away all the ice cream and I left the steamy bathroom bright pink and still cheerful. I was humming to myself and singing, some old HIM song I couldn’t remember the name to.

I sang loudly, not caring how my voice came out as I sang it louder and louder, alarming Stud. I twirled around my bedroom in my fluffy white towel, my hair spinning around me and wrapping around my neck like a warm, wet snake. For some reason, every HIM song sprung to mind, the love and warmth in all of them enchanting me just like they used to before I outgrew them a bit. Oh, I missed those lyrics, even if the newer ones were totally abstract. Ville had such a beautiful voice and the music was passionate and easy. Oh, I was so in love with love just then I put on Razorblade Romance and sang along to every song on there.

“OUR LOVE IS A RAZORBLADE KISS!

SWEETEST IS THE TASTE FROM YOUR LIPS!

OUR LOVE IS A RAZORBLADE KISS!

SWEETEST IS THE TASTE FROM YOUR LIPS!” I sang as loud as I could, turning the music up ridiculously loud. I’m glad no one was home, I would had been in so much shit for playing music THAT loud. Stud seemed to be scared of me dancing around my room, weaving to the gorgeous music violently. I quickly pulled on my comfy black jeans, with ones covered in repaired rips and splits and blue patches and my night top. I stayed for one more heartbreaking song chorus, flinging my hair wildly around with a look of joy spread across my features. 

 And then I skipped downstairs to see Frank, fresh bandages on my ribs, back and knees. I was grinning like I hadn’t grinned in ages and Stud was adding to my excitement with his excited barks and yips as he chased me downstairs. 

“Come on, oh Stud my darling my baby! Let’s go see Frank!” I giggled, ruffling his fur and kissing his big, wet nose. He yipped and licked my face.

“Eww! I just washed you slobber machine!” 

We ran across the bare earth to Frank’s room, where I heard loud music pumping out of the stereo, Alice Cooper I think. 

“Frank?” I yelled, entering his room and instantly flopping down on his couch, Stud rummaging through a pile of clothing to find something tasty to chew. What he found happened to be the remains of a doughnut, still imprinted with my shoe sole. Frank wasn’t there, and for a second I panicked, thinking he was still missing and today and last night had been a wonderful dream. 

 Then I heard him singing loudly along to the music from the shower and I laughed.

“DIRTY DREAMS!  
HOW YA WANNA DO ME?” he sang loudly, doing the same I had minutes earlier. I joined in, and so did Stud, get to let him know I was there. The room didn’t hate me now, it was warm and inviting, almost apologetic for being such a bitch. I patted the wall. 

“It’s ok, I’m sorry for punching you. Then again,” I said, holding up my purple hand to no one “I came off worse,”

“Who are you talking to, Sparkle?” asked Frank, appearing with a towel wrapped around his waist and his hair plastered to his skull. Stud barked happily from the nest he’d made himself. I grinned at Frank, sitting cross-legged on his couch. 

“The wall,” I said simply, patting it again. 

“Of course. The wall say anything interesting?” he asked, pulling his track suit bottoms from under his bed. 

“Just that it was sorry and I said sorry too, and then pointed out I got more hurt than it did,” I told him, enjoying the slight look of confusion he gave me. 

“Why are you and the wall sorry?”

“The wall hated me for pissing you off, and I punched it. Hence, hand,” I said, knowing my story didn’t make much sense unless you were there at the time. 

“Never explain it, it’s too entertaining on it’s own,” chuckled Frank, coming over to join me on the couch. I moved over for him and soon we were watching shitty movies and sharing a packet of cheesy Doritos. 

“Ok, Notting Hill, Hellboy or Spy Kids?” asked Frank, listing the movies from the ordering page. 

“HELLBOY!”

“Spy Kids, was that?” he teased, tapping his ear. 

“Hellboy Hellboy Hellboy!” I begged bouncing up and down. 

“Hellboy it is then!” 

“Yay!”

 Half an hour later, we’re watching a big red dude with shaved horns getting beaten up by a weird demon dog thing. I was lying with my head on Frank’s lap, my feet dangling over the arm of the couch. He was still wet but so I was I, so it didn’t matter. His fingers were slowly tracing my hip, before my top stopped and my jeans started. He made the skin go all bumpy with his rough fingers. I didn’t tell him to stop, I liked it. With his own hand he was feeding me crisps absentmindedly. 

“How’s your neck?” he asked suddenly, bored with the action on the screen for a bit. I touched the bite mark and grinned. 

“Purple!” I said. We didn’t say anything for a while, both of us staring at the movie, but not really watching it. I was just enjoying being back with Frank, listening to him breathe and winding my finger around the fold of material at Frank’s knee. 

A while later he spoke again, breaking the sleepy spell. 

“Have you ever thought of getting ink?” he asked me. I twisted my head back to look at him, as there was just some boring talk going on in the TV. 

“Yeah, but I have to be 18,”

“What? And where?” asked Frank, curious. We’d often talk about tattoos we’d like to get, about symbols that represented different parts or times in our lives. Frank was always pretty constant about his ideas, but mine changed rapidly. Tonight, I was thinking about nightmares. 

“The word Creeps across my hip, where you’re stroking right now,” I said quietly. 

“Why?”

“Remember that nightmare poem I wrote ages ago? About abandonment in the dark and nighttime horrors and all that?”

“Yeah, I loved that poem. Wasn’t it meant to be a song?”

“Since when was I any good at tunes? Anyway, the past couple of days were exactly the kinds of feelings in that poem/song thing. I don’t want to forget how terrible life is without you,” I told him softly. He smiled at me, his eyes shining. When he smiled like that, I trembled deep inside myself. I couldn’t help but smile back. 

“I promised I’d never leave, and I won’t. But you might,” he pointed out, his hand now resting warmly on my skin. I frowned. 

“No. Why?” I said like a sulky child.

“What happened when you leave school? Your parents will make you go to college,” he pointed out again, and he looked so sad I felt like crying. 

“I’m staying on for 6 th form or whatever. And there’s a creative college right here in New Jersey, it’s just a bus ride away! I can go there!” I cried, grabbing his hand like he was disappearing from me already. 

“Do you want to go to the creative college?” he asked, surprised. I nodded.

“There’s a writing course, I can do that!”

“But Sparkle, what about your career? Your future?” he asked. I frowned again and sat up, facing him. 

“Frank, listen to me. I’ll work it out, I can write for England. I’ll find work whatever happens. And as for my future? My future is you, and the guys. No matter what, I’m not leaving you. We go down, we go down together,” I said passionately, meaning it with every fibre of my being, my teeth gritted. Frank looked hopeful, but still worried. 

“I don’t want to hold you back,”

“Who said you’re holding me back? I’m choosing to stay here with you!” I cried, before throwing my arms around his neck. I squeezed my eyes shut to stop tears flowing. “I love you Frank, and I never want to lose you,”

He sniffed, hugging me tight. I wondered what he was feeling, was it anything like the emotions I was suffering? I felt determined to stay with him, and pissed off that anyone would even think of separating us. And then, I felt scared of the future. What if Frank and I lost each other?

 Action on the screen drew us apart and soon we were back where we started, our hands linked and our bodies gently falling into sleep on the couch, with Hellboy being all dramatic onscreen. I was smiling, and my tears with of happiness. No matter what happened, tonight I was with Frank and we were together. Always. 


	31. Frank

So the summer continued. We spent our days hanging out at the waterhole, but obviously not swimming. We hung out in trees, we hung out at the mall. All five of us, spending every minute of daylight together and driving people crazy. We went crazy, having water fights and barbeques and going to concerts and clubs and even going skateboarding. My hands healed and soon I was able to play the guitar again, not better but not any worse. Sapphire’s wounds faded as her beautiful white skin turned brown. No wonder, we spent all our time hanging out in half dead fields, lying in the sun and eating ice cream. We went on road trips and got completely drunk. We stayed all nights watching shitty movies and setting fire to things. We listened to music constantly and soon Gerard began writing more songs, me and Ray helping him work out tunes. Most days we were so tired for our nights we just flaked. 

 On her 17 th birthday, we celebrated all night and all day, with constant drinking and dancing and loud music. We woke up all the neighbours and ran away for the police and finished it off in a field, falling asleep in mounds of hay. She and I had woken up together once again, with the worst hangovers ever. 

 A fortnight on from that Real Fiction concert, my episode of stupidity and Sapphire’s encounter with fame, we were living the life of impulse. Unfortunately, Sapphire was dating Vince. She went to the Real Fiction rehearsals in the mornings, leaving us to mope and wait for her to come back and tell us what to do. She saw him in the evenings sometimes, but not that much. I liked to think she preferred our company but I think the truth was he was too busy to see her a whole lot. 

 Some nights he’d blow her off completely and she would run to me, pissed off and upset. Of course, he’d call the next day and win her back. I hated seeing her on that seesaw, their relationship in general making me feel like shit but she seemed so happy most of the time, I couldn’t bear to break it up. Gerard was pissed at me for letting her go, but I tried to pretend I wanted her to do what she wanted. Inside, I knew I was lying and that I wanted more than anything to take her for myself. I got used to feeling like shit. 

 She was with me all the time though. We never slept away from each other, sleeping in her bed or mine (and I bet she didn’t tell Vince that!). Our nights were soft and warm, both of us telling each other how much we meant to each other, and promising never to let go. 

 But in the mornings, Vince would arrive to pick her up and whisk her away. She came back at lunchtimes, full of joy and smiles. We teased her mercilessly, but in private we mourned her loss, even for the mornings. What kind of boyfriend only sees his girlfriend in the mornings?

I spent a lot of time drawing and scribbling anything that floated into my head, or moping at the Way’s house. Then she would return and bring sunshine into our day and we would go insane until the morning came again and she left. 

Sometimes there were times we hoped they’d break up. She caught him drunkenly kissing a girl one night and refused to see him for three days, hiding in the fields with me and the guys and ignoring her plaintive mobile rings. He got her back in the end, singing a song he written for her below her window as we lay in her bed. I had held onto her then, partly lending her comfort, partly trying to hold her to me and silently tell her she belonged with me. 

 Another time he got pissed off when he found me, Sparkle and the guys in the fountain once again, wrestling and laughing like kids. He accused her of being a tease and a slut and she went insane, screaming at him. We tried to step in, but she never gave us the opportunity. They argued for a while, and she stormed home with us, furious he’d called her a slut. We were positive they were history, but he went around her house that night (so I had to hide in the bedroom once again) and begged her back. He gave her a necklace that she then went on to wear everyday, a silver cage with a sapphire in it. It must have cost him rather a lot.  

 The next day, I had moped off to the CD shop to cheer myself up with angry rock. It was there I met someone with long black hair and a cute smile. Her name was Jade and she was nice and quiet and sweet and she loved me. I know it was mean, but everything about her reminded me of Sapphire. Her hair rippled like hers, even though it wasn’t blue at the ends. They were the same height, the same curves, everything. But there were little things that would catch me up. Jade’s smile was nothing like Sapphire’s. Sapphire was a lot more fun and bubbly and imaginative than Jade. Jade avoided the sun to keep her pale, almost sickly skin colour. It was brilliant, startling white as Sapphire’s used to be, and nothing like the healthy bronze tinge she was now. 

 I knew my friends would hate that I’d found myself a Sapphire replacement to seek comfort in, so I only saw her in the mornings when Sapphire was out too. I didn’t tell the others about her. Ok, I’m a total bastard and a dickhead and I should eat my own testicles without ketchup as a punishment but I was lonely and Jade was a nice girl. But she wasn’t Sapphire. She didn’t tease me like Sapphire did, she didn’t joke around or make me laugh or make a public spectacle wherever she went. She didn’t throw her food around, or play in fountains or play in ball pits. 

And, worse, she hated doughnuts. 

Nevertheless, I was so miserable seeing Sapphire run to Vince’s van and kiss him good morning, Jade’s arms were the only thing that even remotely helped. When she kissed me, I knew Sapphire would taste better, but it was the next best thing. 

Go ahead and hate me for being such an arsehole. I already hate myself enough. 


	32. Sapphire

“Vince, are you sure now is the best time for this?” I asked him, biting my lip nervously. He stopped kissing my neck and looked at me, surprised. 

“Don’t you want to?” he asked me, sighing and leaning back a little. I wound my hands around his shoulders again, anxious not to lose him. 

“I do,” I said, a little uncertainly “But now?”

 It was the morning, light streaming through the dusty window, half covered by a curtain. Next door, I heard guitars twanging and drums being hit, his band messing around before they started. And here we were, in the backroom, lying on a pile of dusty old curtains. Vince was lying on top of me, almost crushing me with his body. His hands were travelling up my top and he was sucking my neck like no tomorrow. All the could hear was his band laughing together and the noises his lips made on my skin. It seemed so tainted, unhinged. 

This wasn’t how I wanted my first time. 

But Vince was firm on his intentions, his hand now tracing my skin down, into my jeans. 

“Come on, sweetheart, it’s just sex,” he whispered into my ear. He moved his head, kissing me roughly. I loved kissing him, he was such a  powerful kisser, but today I was unsure. Just sex? It was more to me than that. We’d only been dating two weeks!

Do you want to lose him, Sapphire you idiot? He’s older than you, he wants more for this relationship., You are 17, y know. Sex is sometimes everyone does. The voice in my head wasn’t helping matters. I didn’t want to lose him, but did I really want to keep him by yielding the very thing that kept me apart from the one thing I hated the most? Sluts.  

 But Vince’s touch was so strong, so passionate that I felt my body tremble again. Vince loved me, he told me so every time he said goodbye to me. He would kiss me like I’d never been kissed before and look into my eyes and whisper that he loved me. And I was sure I loved him. I felt it in my gut. Or did I? I was confused, unsure. 

 But sensations and pleasure overtook me and I knew that if it was all like this, I was ready to give myself to him. 

“Yes,” I whispered, my hands raking his back as my breaths came in stops. He grinned, kissing me again and straddling me, pulling his shirt off. Slowly, with practised ease, he rubbed his hands down my top, unhooking the top I wore. I clenched the curtains, his touch driving me crazy. His hips dug into mine and I bit my lips. He felt so good on me, his kisses across my breasts. His hands traced down, unzipping my jeans slowly. I twisted my head back, and felt a little silver cage on my neck touch my cheek. He did love me, I was sure of it. 

“Vince! Come on! Stop fucking your girl and let’s go!” yelled one of his friends through the door. I gasped, turning red. Of course they knew! But still, I was very embarrassed. Vince didn’t seem to care though. 

“Fuck off mate, I’m busy!” he laughed, his face turned towards the door. I had a jolt of reality. Did I really want my first time to be in a backroom, while I guy I was doing it with was just going to get and leave to practise with his band, who must have already passed judgement on me? 

It didn’t feel like I had a choice now, he was leaning into me again, his lips on my chest, his hands raking my skin. It almost hurt, the way he touched me now. What happened to the gentleness? 

But then came back the pleasure, the lust. He was scratching an itch deep inside me and my breath was coming out in little pants. He moved down again, his hands on my jeans again. His touch was so wonderful, his tongue so tender on my skin, I couldn’t help moaning. 

“Oh, more! Keep going, don’t stop…” I begged, my fingers clenching the curtains and my toes curling in tension. 

“I love it when they beg,” he said quietly, unbuckling his belt. 

Such a rush of emotion, I hardly heard his words, which I would have found insulting if I wasn’t swimming in sinful pleasure. I wanted him so much I could feel my muscles clenching and begging him. I wanted it so bad now, I could feel the pressure inside me mounting, drawing closer, driving me insane. I wanted…

“Oh Frank!” 

It stopped. Then I realised what I’d said. My eyes flashed open, and I sat up, seeing Vince standing over me. The look do disgust on his face was so vicious I winced, suddenly terrified of him. 

“What did you say?” he said quietly, zipping his trousers up again. His voice was low and dangerous, his eyes flashing full of anger. What and I done?

“Vince, I’m-“

“DON’T SAY MY NAME! DON’T EVEN SAY YOU’RE SORRY YOU BITCH!” he yelled, reaching down and tearing the necklace from around my neck. I cried out, the metal stinging my skin and I flanked away from him as he knelt next to me, pushing his face close. He looked so terrifying. 

“You’re a slut, and you deserve to go to hell,” he whispered harshly, spitting in my face. I was so shocked, by what I’d said and what he’d said, I couldn’t speak. I just stared at him, tears in my eyes. 

“But I didn’t-“ I tried to explain. I don’t know why I say Frank’s name, but I hadn’t had sex with him! Vince could understand, couldn’t he? After all, he’d made out with that girl, as well as a million other things I hadn’t told my friends about. He loved me, didn’t he?

“Didn’t what? Didn’t enjoy sleeping with your best friend behind my back? Didn’t mean to moan his name just now? DIDN’T MEAN TO BE SUCH A SLUT?!” he yelled, pacing the room and kicking old lighting equipment. I started to shake, scared of him, of what he would do to me. He stopped and looked at me, his lip curled. He grabbed his T shirt and strode over to the door.

“Feel free to die, you slut. You were just a groupie to me,” he hissed, opening the door and slamming it. I broke down, weeping into my arms. I felt so confused, so empty. Was I just a groupie to him? Had he never loved me? Was this all just a way to get into my pants? I cried, hearing angry voices outside, crude laughter. I shrank away from it, pulling my top back on. I felt dirty, I needed to get out of there. Thank God there was a side exit, I didn’t have to face them all. 

 I was a slut, a bitch. What I had always tried not to be, more than anything, I was. A sleep-around, an old joke. But was I? I was still a virgin, he hadn’t touched me inside, and I knew I wasn’t a slut! No! My pain turned to anger. 

That bastard! Using me like that! He deserved every slight on my pride I could give him. I wanted to run back and scream at him that he was an arsehole and the real cheat and he would never make a girl happy, but I shook with the prospect on an entire band of guys calling me a slut. I pulled my hoodie on, eased on my shoes and ran out of the door, tears drying on my cheeks. 

Oh, Frank, what was wrong with me? Why did you manage to get in my head, even when I was on the verge of having sex with my now ex boyfriend? I wasn’t angry with hi, just confused How could I be angry at my best friend for something I’d done? It made no sense. Why had I moaned his name? Why had I, in the height of my  ecstasy, said his name? Why?

I stopped, my feet heavy on the pavement. My mouth was wide open and I could barely breathe! I knew why I had said his name! I knew why I thought about him every second of every day! I knew why I spent my nights in his bed and why every breathing second I could, I spent by his side! I knew why he made my skin tingle and made me smile even when I didn’t want to! I knew why my heart skipped every time he touched my hand or wrapped his arm around me or kissed my forehead! I knew why I loved it so much when he bit my neck in a way so unlike Vince! I finally understood why now!

I was in love with Frank Iero!


	33. Frank

Jade and I were on the couch, kissing shamelessly as usual. She had been here most of the morning, smiling in that quiet little way of hers and hugging me back. I breathed in her smell, and almost coughed on the scent of overpowering perfume, but I didn’t care. I smiled at her and kissed her, her tongue touching my lip ring softly. Her mouth tasted of coffee, just like it did every morning I saw her. Her hands lay by her sides, she never hugged me properly when we kissed. Slowly, she leaned back, drawing me with her. What now? She kept kissing me, and her hands began playing with the front of the shirt she was wearing. I took the hint, even though I wasn’t sure. 

 Her chest was pale and netted with blue veins. On one level, it was rather off-putting, on the other hand the idea of so much blood pumping through her turned me on a bit and I kissed her chest, her hands easing the buttons away. Her chest was weak under my touch, I was afraid I’d bruise her. With Sapphire, I knew I could punch her arm and she’d bounce back, laughing. I almost chuckled, thinking of Sapphire, then a voice yelled at me that I should’ve been focussing on Jade. 

“Frankie…” she whispered. Why did she have to call me Frankie? Hardly anyone called me that. By hardly anyone, I meant Sapphire when she was teasing or talking to Stud about me. Instead I bit her neck, a little harder than I meant to. 

“Ow!” she gasped, sitting up sharply. 

“Shit, sorry,” I said, looking at the red bite marks on her throat. She gingerly touched the area, and then smiled at me. I could tell, even though her smiles weren’t particularly expressive, she had forgiven me already. I didn’t mean to hurt her, but I guess I was anyway. I was hurting her in ways she’d never know. 

“That’s ok,” she said, taking my hand and kissing the Hallo on my knuckles, the opposite the Ween on the other hand. She loved my tattoos so much, and my piercings. I guessed she was one of those girls. I sat back, watching her kiss my knuckles, her tongue tracing the pale knotted scars I’d earned a fortnight ago. It felt weird, but I didn’t stop her. 

“Frankie, you should get another tattoo,” she said suddenly, cupping my hands together and stroking her thumbs over the inked letters. I smirked, I wanted to be I didn’t know what. Immediately, I thought of asking Sapphire what she thought. I yelled at myself. 

“I’d like to,” I shrugged, getting up and going over to my stereo. I didn’t want Jade to see the intense anguish in my eyes. She sat on my couch, her chest standing out against the black of her bra and her hair trailing across her skin. I could barely look at her. 

“I’ll be 18 in September. We should get matching ones,” she said brightly. I hated the idea. 

“You sure you want one? Tattoos are painful,” I warned, trying to dissuade her from the idea. I didn’t plan to be seeing her in September. Yes, I know I’m a total arsehole. 

“I don’t care, I want one and I want to get one with you. What about each other’s name?” she suggested. She sat up, baring her hip over her trousers. 

“I could get yours right here,” she said, touching the bony flesh. I turned and saw and I hated the idea even more. Why did everything about her have to remind me of Sparkle? I didn’t want her name burned into my flesh, and I didn’t want mine on hers. Thank god she couldn’t go off and get it done before September. As I stood watching her, I then I couldn’t do this anymore, I had to let her go. It was unfair to her, it was sickening for me. 

“Look, Jade…”I started. She looked up at me, smiling warmly. Why did she have to look so much like Sparkle? I went over to her and sat down next to her. She tried to cosy up to me, but I held her away, shaking my head. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked, her big eyes going even wider and confused. I felt so shit, but I knew it’d be ok once I’d explained myself. I’d tell her everything, apologise and try and make it up to her. No idea how I’d make it up to her, but I’d try. 

“I need to explain some stuff to you. You’re going to hate me afterwards, but I can’t do this anymore,”

It was a shock to think I had been seeing her for three days and here she was, half naked and wanting matching tattoos. The girl had issues.

“I won’t hate you, I love you,” she said brightly. My God, she was dim. Couldn’t she tell this was the beginning of a break up speech? I almost shuddered when she said she loved me. She didn’t love me, she just thought she did. It made things all the more worse. 

“No, you will hate me. I like you, but I have to be honest with you. We can’t see each other anymore, because it’s unfair to you,” I said unhappily. When I looked up at her, she just looked confused. 

“What’s unfair to me? Why can’t I see you?” she asked. 

“Ok, look. I’m in love with my best friend. I have been for years, but she’s not interested,” I said bitterly, “You reminded me of her, and that’s why it’s unfair to you,” I said. She looked shocked, but still rather lost. 

“So why can’t I see you?” she said, her eyes shining. 

“Because I’ve been using you! Aren’t you angry? You should be yelling at me, screaming!” I said. I couldn’t believe she didn’t understand. She looked ready to cry. 

“But Frank! I love you!” she whispered, reaching for me. 

“No, you don’t, you just think you do! Look, we can’t be together because I love someone else! Not you!” I said, growing impatient wither. She looked at me steadily, then her face coloured red and she pounced at me.   


"You bastard! I can’t believe you’re breaking up with me!” she yelled, slapping at me face. I cried out at her sudden display of aggression and tried to hold her hands by her sides. Then her arms were around my neck and she was kissing me again. I tried to push her off, to pull away, but she was sitting on top of me, holding my head in her hands and kissing me roughly. What was wrong with her? I’d just broken up with her.

“Jade!” I yelled, annoyed. 

“Oh my God…” a voice interrupted us and we both spun around, me pinned under Jade. Sapphire stood at the bottom of the stairs, her beautiful blue eyes wide and glazed, like she’d been crying earlier. She covered her mouth with her hands and started to back away. I saw the shock fade from her eyes, and then replaced by intense sadness.

“I’m so sorry! I’m, oh, shit, sorry!” she gasped, and then ran out, leaving me completely aghast and Jade slightly stunned and a lot less aggressive.  

“That’s her, I guess,” she said bitterly, climbing off me and pulling her shirt back on. She was upset, but I was still staring at the spot Sapphire had been standing, our eyes locked in some sort of intense connection. It was more potent than just a look, she’d said so much with her eyes. So much I couldn’t understand. 

What did she want me to see? What had I seen? Had I just imagined it? Oh fuck, I was completely lost. All I could manage was

“Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck…oh fuck,”

“I’m guessing you’re not happy,” she said. She hmphed moodily and grabbed her hoodie and her bag, her face turned away from me and her movements slow and deliberate, like she wanted me to watch her and magically reconsider. 

No chance, honey. 

Then she looked up at me, her huge eyes shedding tears. I hated seeing her cry, I hate seeing anyone cry. She looked so sad, I hated myself even more. But I’d hate myself even more than that unless I did this. 

“I’m sorry,” I said, meaning it so much. She shook her head sadly. 

“Everyone always is. I just wanted an escape from sympathy,” she said her bag sliding off her shoulder slowly. She was standing so delicately, like she was some sort of fragile china doll on the very edge of a mantelpiece. Her skin was so white, her eyes so shiny, her thin wrists and slender neck reminding me of a swan. She looked ready to be broken, but at the same time like she had been broken before. 

“Escape?” I repeated, confused. I didn’t move towards her, but I felt closer to her, ready to comfort her. I wouldn’t love her, but I was a human being, I cared.

“From him, from all of them,” she whispered, her eyes looking past me. Tears were sliding down her face now. I pushed Sparkle out of my mind, her words striking cold chords inside me. 

“Jade? What’s wrong?” I asked, unsure how to ask her. What’s wrong? By the looks of it, rather a lot, you jerk. You just broke up with her. Slowly she sank to the floor, hiding her face in her long hair. 

“Everything’s always wrong. No matter what I do, I’m always fucking wrong to him! He’s never stopped telling me that!” she sobbed, drawing her knees to her face and choking on tears. I sank onto the floor, reaching out for her. She seemed so desolate. 

“Who?”

“Daddy!” she cried, her whole body shaking with tears. I caught my breath. 

“Does he hurt you?” I barely dared to ask. She made a strangled noise and shuffled closer to me, hugging me, searching for some shred of human comfort. I hugged her back, wishing I could help her. 

“What did he do to you?” I asked her softly, but she shook her head and whimpered again. Tears flowed freely down her porcelain face, but she moved away nonetheless. I stayed on the floor, watching her gather herself up, wipe away her tears. She looked desolate, abandoned, but in control. 

“Nevermind Frank. I’ll see you around maybe. Good luck with your girl. Bye,” she said in a clipped tone, swinging her hair over her shoulder and vanishing before I had a chance to realise she was going. 

I sat back against the couch, balancing my elbows on my knees. I felt sick inside, evil, guilty, but a vague sense of pride. I had done something right for once; I wasn’t such a screw up. 

“Wahoo,” I muttered darkly. 


	34. Sapphire

I don’t remember running through my kitchen, or up the stairs, or into my bedroom, but I must’ve done because here I was, my head buried in my pillow and my eyes screwed shut. 

_I’m not gonna cry I’m not gonna cry I’m not gonna cry_

I told myself over and over again. But I felt the cold creep of betrayal edging up my back, tinged with grief and a horrible feeling of sickness. I wanted to throw up, or burst out crying, or laugh until my sides ached or scratch my eyes out, just so I could feel the pain. I wanted pain so bad. But not pain like this. Not like my heart had been stamped on, sliced apart and minced up into cat food. 

“Oh fuck!” I groaned, curling up into a ball and wrapping my arms over my head. My nails dug into my scalp, blood beginning to seep into my hair. But still, tears refused to form on my eyelids. My eyes refused to prick. I was hollow. 

“Sapphire?” a gentle voice floated over me and I sucked it in like an empty shell begging for something to fill it. I felt a hand on my arm, another gently untangling my hands from my head. “Pumpkin?”

“Daddy!” I whimpered, opening my eyes and letting my father pull me into his embrace. “Oh, Daddy!” 

As he held me close, stroking my back reassuringly and murmuring comforts into my ears, I remembered when I was little. He would pull me onto his lap in the afternoons, before he went to work; cuddle me close while eating his breakfast. Every night I would try and wait up for him, but I never made it. He would carry me upstairs, and lay me down in my bed, kissing my head and giving me sweet dreams. At weekends, he would let me crawl into bed beside him and tell me all about things I never really understood, like the Government and tasers. My daddy, he was always there for me. My sweet, overly protective, thin-haired daddy. 

 As he cuddled me, his strong arms holding me up, I remembered every happy memory I had with him, and then the tears began to form. Was I losing him? I felt like I never saw him these days, he was always so tired. 

“Pumpkin, what’s wrong?” he asked me, looking at me with his stone grey eyes, peppered with green. I shook my head, tears seeping into his shirt. I couldn’t say, I couldn’t bear to say it myself. He held me closer and I cried onto his shoulder, my sobs becoming harder and louder until I was howling into his chest, until they quietened to more sobs that chocked me.  

“Come on, lil Pumpkin-pie, tell me what’s wrong. Please,” he said quietly. I sniffed loudly, angrily wiping the back of my hand over my ruined eye makeup. He smiled softly, and wiped them again, probably fixing the trails of black across my cheeks. His touch made my eyes water again and I could barely manage to speak through my whimpers.

“Oh Daddy! I’m so sorry! I should never have…” I tried, imagining the look of disappointment on his face when I told him. When I told him. I was going to. I could never hide something so huge from my dad. 

He shushed me growing voice, wiping away a tear that was quickly replaced with a million others. 

“Whatever you’ve done, as long as you’re not hurt, I won’t be angry,” he said seriously, cupping my chin. “Tell me, Pumpkin,”

Pumpkin. He always called me that. Ever since I was tiny, with my big blue eyes and almost orangey hair, which darkened as I grew. He said it was because I was gingery, and because I loved pumpkin soup as a baby. I loved his name for me, even though it didn’t really fit anymore. He was my daddy, I’d do anything for him. I’d die for so many people, dying meant nothing to me. But for my father, I’d kill. To murder would be worse than to die, but for him I’d do it. I could only say that about one other person. 

Frank. 

That name brought tears to my eyes again and I gave a small strangulated noise of pain. 

“Everything’s weird now, Daddy. Vince and I…” I tried, but Vince’s name brought back his accusations, his voice screaming in my head. _SLUT SLUT SLUT_

He didn’t say anything; he let me bring it out on my own. He knew I was seeing a guy called Vince, he’d seen him pick me up in the mornings. He didn’t know who he was, or that he was a rockstar, or anything like that. Over protective, remember?

And he knew Vince’s age. 

“Vince wanted to, but…I wasn’t sure…we started to, but then I…then I…I,” I choked on tears, crying out in a loud roar of tears, too many trying to force themselves out. I wanted to throw up with the wave of guilt. He hugged me tighter. When I opened my eyes and looked up at him, he wasn’t angry, he was gently telling em to continue. 

“I said Frank’s name,” I whispered, almost fearfully. No tears fell, even after that wave. I didn’t sob once, or even sniff. I just stared at my father, wanting to see what he thought of me. Did he think I was a slut too?

That would be enough to kill me right here. 

“Daddy?”

“Do you love him?” he asked me, stroking back my hair. I nodded slowly, pressing against his hand. I was thankful he wasn’t angry, or disappointed. 

“So bad. I love him so much I never even felt it, because it was there all along. Then, with Vince…God, he hates me now,” I shuddered. Dad smiled softly. 

“He doesn’t hate you, pumpkin. He’s embarrassed, angry, resentful, but he can’t hate you just for loving someone else,”

How is it my Daddy always knew what to say? Even if I didn’t care about Vince anymore, he made me smile. My face was coated in dry salt trails and seemed stiff, my skin aching. 

“What about Frank?” he asked me. “Does he love you?”

“I don’t know! I went to see him, but…but he was with…another girl,” I said, the tears coming back, along with the betrayal. Why betrayal? Frank wasn’t mine; he wasn’t committed to me or anything, so why did I feel like he had betrayed me?

My dad sighed deeply, and looked sad for me. Sad was the only word I felt could describe it. Not sorrowful, but just sad. Like he’d hoped out story would end together. 

“Well, that’s just bad, Pumpkin. You know, I always thought you two would end up together. You were always hanging out together, getting in trouble. I know you think I didn’t like you hanging out with a 19 year old and his friends, but let me tell you a little secret,” he said, his voice becoming mischievously. I angrily wiped my tears away, annoyed with the amount of water leaking from my eyes. I leaned in, curious through my sorrows. 

“That only made you want to hang with him more, didn’t it?” he whispered. 

“Yeah?” I whispered back, confused. 

“Well, see? That’s why I ‘disapproved’. I’d rather you were with those boys than girls your own age, or even other guys who I haven’t seen grow up around me!” he said, smiling. I frowned, but smiled at him. 

“Girls my age?”

“Take it from me, I get a lot of complaints about teenage girls being bullied by their closest friends, running away from home, self harming, all sorts of shit. Have you ever had an argument with those guys?”

“Nothing huge,”

“See? You’re safest with them. You’re happy with them. And you’re happy under the belief I don’t like it!”

“You’re just annoyingly devious!” I giggled, wiping at my wet eyelashes and hugging him again. 

“Yes I am. But, seriously, Sapphire,” he said, drawing me away with a grave look on his face. 

“Did you use protection?”

“Daddy! We never got that far,” I said quickly, and he knew I was telling the truth. He smiled and looked proud. 

“I know you’re 17 and all, but I’d prefer to know the guys you’re having sex with. But this isn’t the time for a talk like that,” he said, grinning and moving along. My cheeks stopped flushing red and I wiped my eyes again and hugged him forcefully. 

“I love you Daddy,”

“I love you too, Pumpkin. Come on, I’ve got a few hours before I need to be at work, let’s go have a nice breakfast together in town,” he offered, standing up and dragging me with him off the bed. 

“Really?” I gushed, grinning like a idiot and feeling better already. How was it my dad always made the sun shine?

“Oh yeah,” he said, grinning at me slyly. “Who’s up for doughnuts?”

 

Dad and I went to a favourite café of ours, the one he took me too every morning on my birthday. Mum never came with us, she has a complex against doughnuts, but this little pastry shop was the highlight of my life. I looked forward to it every year, just me and Dad and box after box of doughnuts. Jam, sprinkle, caramel, swirl, chocolate icing, peppermint cream, everything! 

This time Dad and I sat in our window spot, pigging in. I told him everything. My date with Kleaver and my argument with Frank beforehand, Kleaver’s advances, the RF concert, meeting Vince and then the latest saga. Frank and that girl. I refused to think of her as a slut, but the word was lurking in the back of my mind. I tried my hardest to ignore it. 

Obviously, I left out Frank’s disappearance for two days and all that dramatic shit, but I told him everything else. My dad’s a policeman; he’d get worried if I told him about Frank and his night of chaos. 

All the way through, he listened, and ate doughnuts. He would reach over and squeeze my hand or offer me a bite of the flavour he was eating, or jut give me his warm, stubbly smile with those grey eyes. 

 When I finished he spoke. 

“Well done Pumpkin. You’ve taken a step into reality. Whatcha think?”

This is where I get my humour from. I shrugged, smirking. 

“It’s not bad…”


	35. Frank

As soon as Jade left me, I felt the sudden need to tidy up, or possibly make more of a mess. I went for neither of them, too worked up to summon the effort, if that makes any sense. I was too restless to do anything, but think.

Sapphire.

What was that look she gave me? She was shocked, that much was obvious. She was embarrassed, who wouldn’t be? She was sad-why? Why would seeing me with another girl make her sad?

I barely dared to hope she had feelings for me too. 

After so many close calls, near misses and false alarms with her, it didn’t help me to raise my hopes then watch them crumble like dust. 

 I paced my room, rubbing my eyes and tossing my head. I was feeling so…pent up. So closed in. Everything was sucked in around me, driving me crazy. I needed to do something. Instantly, I thought of and decided on going to see Sapphire. I needed to see her. Thinking of her was like letting the air out of a balloon, it relieved all my pressure. She was like a light in a pitch-black room full of clowns. She made me feel unstoppable. 

 For some reason, as I walked the steps to the top of my stairs, Gerard’s haunting song cam back to me. 

_Hand in mine, into your icy blues_

What beautiful words. They seemed to fit us so well. 

_And then I say to you_

_We could take to the highway_

_With this trunk of ammunition too_

_I’d end my days with you in a hail of bullets_

_I’m trying_

_I’m trying_

_To let you know just know much you mean to me_

_And after all the things we’ve put each other through_

Kleaver, Vince, the whole span of our friendship, it all seemed so pointless to me now. Why did I waste my time worrying if I was going to spoil this? How could I? I had nothing to spoil, no relationship with her, nothing. I couldn’t spoil it, even if we were nothing. We were so perfect together it was like we always would be. 

I wasn’t thinking any sense, but the meanings were there, inside my head. 

We were the closest friends ever, that was the best possible foundation to base a relationship on. We were meant for each other. Now as I took step after step, it became clearer and clearer. I saw the entirety of my life with Sapphire, the happiness, the laughter, and the memories. Why did I worry that if I kissed her, she would run? She’s wouldn’t, I felt sure of it now. So why didn’t I just hold her in my arms yet again and instead of kissing her forehead or just holding her close, lean down and dare to kiss her lips?

“Because I’m scared. I’m a pussy,” I muttered to myself, admitting that I was the very thing Gerard repeatedly called me when I chickened out. I stepped out into the light and I knew it, as I looked up into her window. 

I was scared, but I was determined. I had to make her mine. Now. Fuck Vince, fuck Kleaver, fuck it all. She was mine. 

 But, standing outside her door, listening to her sob into her father’s arms, her words muffled and distraught, I felt myself weaken. Why was she in so much pain? Had I hurt her? Had Vince. If he had, I’d kill him. I clenched my fists and leant against the wood, listening hard. I heard her cry, her father murmur to her. I wished I were the one in there, comforting her, holding her hold. But this time she didn’t need me.  

She had a different knight. 

Silently, wiping away a single tear that threatened to drop, I left the house and went back into my house. I went straight to my bed and buried my face in it, breathing in the smell of Sapphire’s hair. She had slept here nearly every night for two solid weeks, and this was the closest I would get to her today. It was only fucking lunchtime and I had already had enough of a day to go to sleep. 

So I did. 


	36. Sapphire

Daddy left me in town, a crisp 20-dollar note nestled in my pocket, telling me to spend it on something loud, brightly coloured, full of swear words and guaranteed to piss my mother off. I watched him drive over, waving as he turned the corner and sighed, smiling. He had made me feel so much better. As I walked towards the CD store, I thought about Frank and what to do about him. However happy I was, it wouldn’t compare to how happy I would be when I was with Frank again. 

I didn’t care about that girl (not slut!), she was out of my picture. I always got what I wanted, and this time I wanted Frank. Just thinking his name made my skin tingle, my heart do that flippy thing I never thought really worked. It even made it hard to breathe. 

I felt like a character in one of my Fanfics…

Everything was perfect for me. Everyone was smiling, everything was glowing. Life seemed wonderful when you’re in love. I sang his name over and over in my head, making my spine tremble and my hands twitch uncontrollably. I almost laughed out loud, thinking of every crazy stunt he’d put me through and every dumb thing we’d ever done together. Every revenge, every punishment. Everyday of our lives had been another perfect day with the man I loved and I’d never realised it. 

No wonder I’d never felt anything for anyone else!

Did the others see it? I wondered. Did Gee and Mikey and Ray know how much I loved him? They’d never said anything, I wondered if they’d noticed or not. 

_Frank Frank Frank_

His name brought about another round of delightful tingles and melting eyes. Ah, he made me want to lay down on the grass and roll around in the daisies, to jump around in fountains and scream his name at the top of my lungs. I wanted to just stay there and thin about him. 

I didn’t care where my feet took me; I was skipping and floating in my head. I didn’t look around me, merely admired everything I passed. Everything seemed shiny and new, covered in sparkles from the rain in the night. Soon I was walking through a place I loved to come with Gee to be all deep and meaningful. The graveyard.

It was huge and green, the grass long and wet. The trees hung over the crumbling headstones like bentback mourners, trailing their leaves over the remains of long dead corpses. Flowers covered the earth with riots of colour that begged me to stop and smile at them. Ivy trailed around the tombs, making the area so wonderfully beautiful it took my breath away. I wished Frank was with me to see everything like this. 

I just wished Frank was with me. 

I wanted him so much, all I could do was sit and mope. Logical? Not at all…

I might have asked myself, why didn’t I go to his house then and there? Why did I stay in the graveyard all afternoon, admiring everything from the point of view of someone deeply and madly in love? Why didn’t I go to the man I loved and hold him in my arms? 

Why didn’t I, when I could’ve saved us so much pain.


	37. Frank

I woke late afternoon, and the first thing I remembered was that look in Sapphire’s eyes. I smiled, just thinking of her face, with that cute little mole, but then I remembered that shine of sadness. 

Fuck, I had to find her. 

I got up and went over to her house, letting myself in once again and scratching Stud’s head as he lounged on the floor by the front door. She wasn’t in, but I stayed in her room for a little while, sitting on her bed where she had with her father. I could almost feel her sorrow. 

What had upset her so much? Had she been crying over me? Or just she returned early from a fight with Vince and gone to someone else for comfort? I hoped she had, I wanted that guy gone from our lives. 

I stroked her pillow, imagining her head resting on it with the purple love bite I’d given her still there. Her room was silent, the walls cold and still. I knew if it could, I would be crying, just like she had. Why? Why was she crying? I needed to know. 

Just like I needed to breathe. 

I stood up, walking softly over to her computer. The desk was completely hidden, covered in magazines, drawings, workbooks and makeup. Placed neatly on top of the chaos were her framed pictures. A few months back, Sapphire had found a camera somewhere in her attic and run around taking photos of everything and everyone. She then lost it two weeks later, after taking about a million photos and getting them taken of her. On her desk, she’d framed her favourites, and so many more plastered all over the walls and taped by her bed. I sat down in her chair, and looked at the few she had by her computer. 

There was her and Amy Lee, both grinning madly and hugging like sisters. There was her getting spun around by Ray, screaming and kicking her legs. Her on her birthday, dressed beautifully and on her way out for a meal with her family, right next to the one from her birthday party which showed her and Gee dancing crazily to the music, both grinning. Another showed Mikey on her back, looking vaguely terrified. Where was I?

I checked all the frames again, searching for my face. Then I saw one. Stuck to the side of her computer, right at eye level, but where I had managed to miss it was one that brought back a fond memory like no other. One night she and I had watched a marathon of scary movies, the most terrifying we could get our hands on. She had been so scared that evening we’d crawled under her bed to hide together, me holding her close. We stayed up all night, me telling her over and over again Leatherface wasn’t going to kill her. Then she shot me with the lens. 

The result was a close up on my face, smiling calmly. I didn’t realise she liked that photo enough o have it there. But she’d taken so many more of me, where were the rest?

I scanned the wall behind her computer, but saw none, only her and the guys, and plenty of Stud. 

_Look by her bed_ said a voice in my head, and I obeyed it. I never questioned why my head was telling me to do things. 

Her bed lies in a window alcove, surrounded by curtains to keep the light at bay and the walls in it were covered in layer after layer of photos of me and her, just us together. Hugging, smiling, screaming, pouting, posing and running. So many happy memories and flashbacks in each one. Why had I never noticed these before? Maybe because I spent all my time looking at her, not her walls. 

I smiled when I saw a joke one we’d taken in a photo booth. Our faces were pictured grinning stupidly from a cartoon bride and groom on top of a wedding cake. She’d coloured it in black and blue, but we still grinned through the cartoon figures, and I couldn’t help but chuckle. 

Where were you, Sparkle?

Where would you go?

_Hopefully not to the skateparks…_ said the voice in my head. I ignored it, and wondered where else she went when she was melancholy. Then it hit me. Duh. 

The graveyard. 

Me being me, I had no shame running. In fact, it cleared my head a bit. No more fucking around, you pussy. You see her, no matter what, you walk straight up to her and you kiss her. The voice in my head tried to counter my thoughts, telling me she might not feel the same way.

_What if you fuck it up?_

_Fuck you, I won’t. I know I love her, and I’m not going to sit around and let her slip by me again, maybe for the third time_

_What if she doesn’t love you?_

_How can’t she? Where’re closer than best friends_

_Maybe she can’t love you more than that?_

_Fuck you, you’re wrong. I’m going to try which is more than you’ve ever done_

_I’m just trying to protect us from more pain_

_By wallowing in it? Ok, what if she does love me? Won’t that cure it all?_

_It may lead to more pain._

_You’re wrong, it’ll be perfect. We’re too close to ever fall apart._

_Pain is inevitable. No matter what you do Frank, you will always be in pain. And you’ll always cause Sparkle more pain, no matter what. You’re doomed._

I slowed down, the words echoing through my head. I didn’t want to think about the possibility. Could I cause her more pain? Were the voices in my head right?

Holy shit, I’m worried about the voices in my head…

I was nearing the edge of the graveyard, and I could see the trees in the warm light. The rough brick walls, which had been crumbled down by rain and time, were basked in a fiery red glow, welcoming me into the place Sapphire and I had spent many an afternoon. 

_You’re doomed_

The words rang through my skull like a bell, making me shake my head irritably as I neared the gate. I slowed once again, pausing at the entrance. This was it, I knew she was here, I always knew. This was it. I was going to walk in there and make her mine, finally. 

_You’re doomed_

It’s amazing how shit life can be sometimes. The voice said it had tried to shield me from more pain, but it obviously wasn’t trying hard enough. It made me stop. 

What if I had just kept walking, past the walls, into the graveyard? Maybe I would’ve had a chance to cry out then. 

_You’re doomed_

The words haunted me once again as the blinding crash of pain cracked my skull, making me stumble. I breathed in sharply, but before I could even make a noise, it came again. 

I crumpled. 

“If it wasn’t for ya, Iero, she’d still be mine,” hissed a voice in my ear. Rough hands gripped my wrists, sharp tugs cut into my skin. My eyes rolled, I felt blood on my head once again. A hand, a blindfold and I was gone.

_You’re doomed_


	38. Sapphire [Part 1]

I was dancing around on a gravestone, spinning on my toes and throwing my arms around, singing with the songs in my head. I was smiling and I was laughing. The warm sunset light spilled across the treetops, coating me in orange honey-like light. It seemed to ooze through my fingers, and my shadow danced with me. 

 I span, holding my arms out to the light. I loved this feeling. I felt so alive, so powerful. I couldn't help but laugh. 

The sound echoed back to me across the empty graveyard, and I spun around again, her hair whirling through the air. I tripped on a ivy strand and fell off the gravestone, giggling. As I lay in the grass, rolling on my back and laughing as loud I was sure I was distracting the birds singing in the tress, I felt a shadow move across my face. I tried to open my eyes, but tears of laughter were blurring my vision. 

There was someone there. 

Instantly, I sat up. 

“Frank?” I asked, blinking in the blinding lights. 

“Anyone but,” came a cold voice that chilled me right through to my bones. Oh shit. 

 

“Now, what I don’t understand,” he said, pacing around me wildly “Is why ya even saw me in the first place?”

He was drunk. He was agitated. He was furious. 

I sat on the gravestone, the cold stone starting to bite into my back through my thin coat. That day I had worn my sexy tight black jeans with the buckles, the hooked corset top and my demin coat over those. Why hadn’t I changed? My knees were drawn up on my chest and I wrapped my arms around myself in a vague attempt to hold the warmth inside my body and not let it bleed away 

He turned again, making me jump. He looked terrible; his eyes glazed and open wide, like everything surprised him. He looked demented. He strode over to me, swaying a bit and grabbed my hair, forcing my head back against the stone roughly. I winced as my head cracked against it. He smiled grimly, pushing it back further and leaning in close, his disgusting breath making my stomach heave. 

“Well, slut?” he hissed. “Does it hurt?”

“V-Vince…” I stammered, screwing my eyes shut against the tears that threatened to overspill. I didn’t want to cry in front of him. 

“Well?” he asked again, more forcefully, through gritted teeth. He ground my head into the stone, and I gasped as my skin tore, blood beginning to stain the tombstone a new colour. 

“No!” I whispered, weakly trying to force his hands away from me. He grabbed my wrist in his free hand, twisting it away from my body. He was too strong, I couldn’t move as he crushed into me, his knees pushing against my shins. I felt tears seep from my eyelids. 

“That’s right, cry for yarself, slut. Ya never cried for me, I bet,” he said. But maybe the tears worked, as he released my head and I touched the head gingerly, feeling warm liquid seep around my fingertips. He still gripped my wrist, his fingers digging into my flesh. Blood pumped in my hand, complaining. 

“Please Vince-” I tried, imploring him with my eyes. I wanted to run, to escape, but I had tried that. My knees were bloody thanks to it; he’d caught me before I’d even managed a step. 

“DID I NOT TELL YA NOT TO SAY MY NAME, YA SLUT?” he yelled, dragging me off the stone by my wrist and throwing me down into the gravel of the path. My wrist cracked under his palm and I cried out. Stones pressed themselves into my face and I held my wrist close, knowing it was broken. How could this happen?

He stood over me, as if trying to decide what to do with me. I sobbed loudly, from fear and pain. I felt pressure on the side of my face, his boot pressing into my head. Dread gripped my heart. What was he going to do? Crush my head to a bloody pulp?

It didn’t seem that unlikely. 

“Come on, slut, I wanna hear ya beg,” he said, kneeling down and increasing the pressure on my face. It hurt so much I could hardly hear him over my heart thumping in my ears. 

“Please…no…” I begged, trying to edge my face away from the sole of his boot by that just made him press harder. 

“Move and I’ll break every bone in ya body,” he whispered to me. His hand reached for my broken wrist, squeezing the area sharply. I squealed, the pain stabbing like hot pincers. I knew he was grinning evilly. 

“Course, I’ll probably do that anyway,”

I whimpered, biting down on my lip. 

“By the way, I loved ya singing. Ya’re right, this could be ya last summer,”

Maybe it hadn’t hit me properly before, but I suddenly realised how much trouble I was in. He could do anything to me here. He could hurt me, he could torture me, he could kill me. I would never see my Dad again. Or Gee, or Mikey or Ray. 

I would never see Frank. That made everything so much more worse. I would never tell him how much I loved him. 

“Oh God…” I sobbed, tears soaking the path beneath my cheek. 

“Come on, slut. Don’t make me beat it out of ya. Beg, goddamit,” he growled, pushing harder. I cried out again, and this time I gave it words.   
”FRANK!” 

It was the second time I’d yelled out his name that day, both times with Vince. It worked just like before. He jumped away from me as if stung. 

“YOU WHORE!” he yelled, grabbing my shoulders and pulling me up, screaming into my face. His spit sprayed my tear-streaked face, but at least I wasn’t being crushed beneath his boots anymore. 

“YOU DIRTY SLUT! YA SAID HIS NAME WHILE I WAS FUCKING TOUCHING YOU!” he screamed at me, shaking me. I could barely feel anything anymore. Not the throb of my wrist, the tears and the blood mingling on my face, Vince’s fingers digging into my arms. I was numb and I just wished it was over. 

“Frank….” I whispered again, but he barely heard me in his ranting. He threw me down again and spat at me, standing back. I lay there, unable to move. Terror and pain had merged into a single emotion that immobilised me while shrieking to run, to hide. 

All I could see was Frank’s beautiful face, smiling at me the last time I saw him smile. His eyes gazing into mine. I wanted to stay there, with him. When I opened my eyes though, it was a cold, harsh reality that slapped me in the face.

Vince’s kick left my jaw bruised and me spitting out blood. I couldn’t feel it properly, I was going into shock. His next kick was delivered at my stomach, forcing the air out of my lungs and I coughed, choking. Another to my back, cracking ribs. 

“Please…” I groaned, barely summoning the energy to cry out. I waited for the next assault, but it didn’t come. Instead, he stood as watched me writhe in my own blood. 

“Ya know…” he said, almost calmly, his eyes roving over my broken body inside my sexy outfit. “We never did finish up, did we?”

I opened my swollen eyes, where his first attack had blackened them, searching his face. He looked insane, pure evil. I saw what he wanted to do. I had never felt so terrified in my entire life. 

“Maybe it’s time we do,”


	39. Sapphire [Part 2]

Maybe my mind blacked out, leaving my body to suffer. Maybe it was over so fast, all I could remember was his crushing weight on top of me, his hands on my sore skin, his tongue in my bloody mouth. Maybe I had just died a little in his arms. 

But whatever the case, I was left lying there as he pulled my trousers back up over my hips, and fastened my coat around my bruised chest.  

“There you go, slut. Was it good for you?” he asked me, his breath on my ear. I lay in the gravel like a broken doll, my tearless eyes staring past him at the stars, wishing I could fly away from here. 

Was that it? Had he really raped me? No fucking way. 

I tried to move, to ease myself up. 

“Ah, now, sweetheart,” he said bitterly “Not so fast. I’m not finished with ya yet,” 

I stared into his cold, alien eyes. How could there be more? Why? What kind of monster did this to a girl? I felt my pain slowly meld into anger, and I glared back at him. I was screaming inside, and I saw that he could see every single insult in my eyes. 

“Now don’t look at me like that, sweetheart. Ya don’t want to make me angry,” he warned, grinning evilly and pulling a bottle of vodka out of his pocket. 

“You’re sick,” I hissed. Nothing could be worse than what he’d already done to me. He had beaten me, scarred me, and he’d taken the one thing I was saving for Frank, even if I hadn’t known it. Nothing could be worse than that. 

Not even death. 

He chuckled throatily, swigging deeply from the bottle and staggering backwards. 

“Ya think so?” he grinned. I tried to will myself to stand, to swipe out at him and run while I still could use my legs, but I could barely breathe right. 

“I think you’re sick, and twisted, and I hate you. No matter what you do, I’ll always hate you for what you’ve done,” I said evenly, keeping my eyes fixed on his. I wanted my words to hurt him, even if I couldn’t. My lips were swollen, and torn, but the sharp edges of each word stung the air between us like razors. 

He didn’t say anything, merely stared back. He turned away from me, obviously trying to think through the drunken chaos in his head. Then he turned back to me with a sadistic smile on his face. 

“Ya know, I could kill you. I could peel your skin off ya bones. I could choke ya until you’re blue in the face and no one will hear. But I’d rather make ya cry,”

I shuddered, his face twisted into a picture of malice. He knelt in front of me, and his face cleared. He looked almost normal again, and I felt even more terrified. 

“Remember I told you you were just a groupie to me?,” he asked me, his voice light. “I only half meant it. I only talked to you cos I wanted to get in your pants. Which I did, but that’s not the point,” 

I shrank away from him, pressing against the gravestone still coloured with my blood. 

“I thought I was gonna fall for ya after a bit. We put each other through a lot of shit, but I thought we’d last. Think about that, as I break every of your bones. Think about how close I came to loving ya,”

This was chilling, but what came next was worse. 

“Do you love him?”

“What?”

“Iero,” he spat, drinking more vodka. I nodded before I could think about it. I was greeted by being hit in the face with his bottle. The glass broken against my jaw, slitting my cheek. I screamed, hiding my face and feeling the blood drip onto my fingers, warming them up. It didn’t hurt, but the alcohol stung in my cuts. He grabbed my hair and twisted my face around to see him, holding the broken bottleneck. 

He looked insane again. 

“Do you love him?” he asked again, tugging at me hair. I gasped on vital air, feeling my muscles beginning to slack in the cold wet of the graveyard. He edged the broken shards towards me, threatening for an answer. 

“Tell me,”

“Yes…” the word eased past my lips, dripping with tears and blood, just like the face he looked upon. He pushed me down into the grass again, crushing my waist and hip with his knees. It hurt, but so did everything now. 

“Do you love him?”

“Yes,” I said, a little bit stronger. The bottletop, with its sharp edges grazed my coat, tearing the buttons away until my pale chest was visible to him again. It was now painted with purple and black, stained. 

“Do you love him?” he asked yet again, his face deadpan, but his eyes glinting. I felt the cold pricks of glass upon my skin, over my heart. I didn’t dare to tell him again, but I had no choice.

“Tell me, or I’ll push harder slowly. Inch by fucking inch,” he said every word like a drop of poison. 

“Yes!” I cried, wishing I couldn’t feel anything, that I would black out. But the pain was there. Every last throbbing bit of it. 

The glass ran down my chest, easing over my left breast and down my ribs. I felt the skin give way under the blade, splitting and warm trickles in the hollow of my breastbone. It didn’t hurt me, it just itched terribly. 

“Who do you fucking love?”

“Frank!” I cried out, my hands gripping the grass beneath me. “Oh God…” I sobbed, each breath feeling like sandpaper was ripped up and down my throat, scorching the skin. I lurched to the side, vomiting violently. 

Vince just chuckled. 

“Say his name again, I’ll carve it into ya skin,” he offered, removing his hand from my hair and clenching my throat with it. I choked, spitting out bile and blood, trying to breathe. 

As the darkness began to close in, my body screaming for oxygen, I dimly wondered where Frank was. I prayed that when Vince had finished with me, he’d let Frank go. I felt the glass scrap my skin again, raking across my breasts, my collarbones, onto my stomach. Deeper cuts, the alcohol stinging them painfully, as Vince sang me my last song.

 

_Sparkle, Sparkle, little star_

_How I wonder how you are_

_I raped you,_

_Yes it’s true_

_And then I’m gonna do you through_

 

Let the darkness take me. Let me die now.

 

This hurts too much. 

 

_Sparkle Sparkle little star_

_You don’t know how this ends_

_You’re gonna die_

_No more words to say_

_And now you’ll die with a new day_

 

I’m sorry, Frank. 

 

I want to die.


	40. Sapphire [Part 3]

This was the second time I died tonight. My eyes fluttered open and I took the largest breath my bruised ribs would let me without coughing out more blood. My skin ached like split drum skins, the blood cooling on my sweaty flesh. 

How long had I been out?

Did it matter?

I was still lying in the cold, wet grass, half naked, covered in blood and numb. Then the pain came crashing back. I cried out weakly, fresh tears springing to my eyes. 

“Ya awake,” grunted Vince, reappearing in the dark. Why hadn’t he killed me? Why was I still here? Why, God, why? I sobbed, wishing more than anything that this would just end. 

 He staggered over to me, and collapsed on top of me, straddling my hips. I made a wordless noise of pain, feeling my bones groan beneath him. I felt his hot fingers across my ice like skin, tracing the weeping slits on my skin. 

“I cut ya bad,” he said, digging his fingers in. 

“No!” I forced through broken lips.

“Hey, guess what? Come on, slut, listen,” he said, slapping my face and forcing my eyes open. He looked inhuman. He seemed to lose track of himself, seeing the look of pure hate I gave him. 

“Man…you’re eyes are so pretty…” he said softly, reaching up with his other finger and touching my eyelid. 

“I wanna ruin them. They’re the last pretty thing about you,” he spat. I shook beneath him, and not just from cold. 

“Yeah, the last! Look what I did when ya slept!” he chuckled, blindly drunk and probably high on something. He forced my eyes open again, and had up something black and blue, and shining. 

My hair. 

“Cut every last bit off! Mighta cut ya head at some point…” he droned, slumping against the gravestone next to me. I stared at the masses of black, shocked. It wasn’t real. Now everything just seemed some sort of sick joke. Was that really my hair? Had I really seen Frank with that girl? Had I really been with Daddy this morning? 

Oh, Daddy…What would he do when they found my body? Would he find it? Would he cry?

“Daddy…” I whispered, even more tears springing to my eyes. Vince didn’t hear me, forcing himself up and off me. 

“Got a surprise for ya! A surprise for the slut!” he crowed, using the gravestone for support. I eased my neck over to watch him. I knew if I hadn’t been so hurt, I could have escaped. Escape was impossible now. 

I was lost. 

“Look! It’s your fucking boy!” he yelled, dragging a heavy shape out of the shadows. I jerked. 

It was Frank.

He was beaten, his hands tied and his face gagged and blindfolded, but I knew him anywhere. Vince dumped him so close but so far from me.

“Frank…” I whispered, willing my arm to reach out and touch his shoulder as he slumped across the stone. My hand crawled over the grass, then the gritty stone. Vince’s boot came crushing down on it, breaking another bone or three in my fingers, making me whimper. 

“Not so fast, slut,” he growled, kicking it back. He knelt down by Frank and pulled the gag roughly down from his mouth. He had the bottle back, pressing it to my beautiful Frank’s neck. 

“Wake up, li’tle Iero,” he called. Frank stirred, his mouth opening and shutting as he gasped in air. Finally he spoke. 

“Sparkle?”

His voice made a weak smile come to my face, and even more tears to form. Oh, how much I loved him! Even here, in this place, like this, I tingled just being near him. Everything felt better. 

A thought at the back of my mind told me I’d die with him. 

Like Romeo and Juliet. 

Vince wasn’t impressed. He pressed the blades into Frank’s neck, his teeth gritted. 

“Your little slut’s here, Iero. She’s too cut up to talk though,” he hissed. 

“Sapphire…” said Frank weakly. I blinked away the blurs, straining to see him properly. His skin was blotched with bruises, like mine. Only I had been at the receiving end of that bottle, and Frank had yet to feel the stings. 

No, not him, Vince. 

Please. 

“Frank…” I whispered, the words feeling sweet in my throat. Vince looked furious at the calm both of us had been given, just hearing each other’s voice. He grabbed my hand and dragged it over to Frank’s face, making me jar in pain. Then came the wonderful smooth warmth of Frank’s cheek as he held my hand against him. 

“Sapphire!” gasped Frank, squirming. Vince held the glass closer. 

“Don’t move or I’ll slit ya throat,” He warned. He held my fingers tightly, the very tips brushing against Frank’s skin. 

“Listen close Iero,” Vince snarled, grabbing my pinkie and pulling back towards me sharply. I cried out, feeling the bones snap, and bit down on my bloody lip. Frank yelled out, a wordless noise of horror and anger. 

“No!”

“Listen, you arsehole. Listen to what you and your little slut have come to,” said Vince, cracking my ring finger, right next to Frank’s face. I felt tears drip from the blindfold onto my throbbing fingers, my eyes fixed on him. 

“Frank…God, no,” I begged. 

“Hey, Frankie boy, wanna hear something funny?” giggled Vince, cracking my middle finger and dropping my hand. Frank’s face was screwed up in pain, listening to my bones snap like sticks. I could barely feel them, or anything anymore. I dimly wondered what he could be feeling. My head was becoming lighter and calmer than it had been all evening. 

Was I feeling safer because Frank was here?

Or was I just dying?

“Come on, Frank, speak up. I think ya better listen,”

“What?” gasped Frank, sniffing fiercely. Glass dug into the soft flesh of his throat. 

“When I was fucking your little slut, guess what she did?” hissed Vince. I felt a painful jab under my ribs, my breath catching. Liar! We never slept together! I wanted to scream it at him, to tell Frank he’d never fucked me when I’d let him! He’d raped me!

“Rapist…” I hissed, air squeezing out of my lungs. Vince glared at me, before leaning over and slashing my cheek with the bottle. 

“Shut up!” he yelled, as I felt more blood trickle down my face. I didn’t think I had much left. I’d bled so much that evening. Frank cried out, calling my name until the glass was imbedded in his skin again. 

“Yeah, I raped her. She was good too, y’know,” Vince whispered in his ear. “She’s warm inside, Frankie boy. I know ya two fucked, so I guess ya know that too, eh? She’s a good little slut. Guess what she yelled this morning, eh? This morning when I was fucking her?”

Frank seemed to be choking on tears, Vince’s knees crushing his ribs against the stone as he leaned heavily into him. 

“Come on, Iero, guess before I do something you’ll regret,”

I blinked slowly, watching Vince’s face and then Frank’s. One, demented and sweaty, full of anger and sadistic delight. The other, blindfolded and dripping with tears. Poor Frank, he seemed worse than me right then. I was sure I was dying. Everything was calm and warm now, I was sinking deeper into my mind. If I died, Frank would never know I loved him. That couldn’t happen. 

“Frank…I said Frank…” I croaked as loudly as I could. Vince turned his glazed eyes on me. 

“Yeah, she did. The slut admits it! She screamed your name, Iero! Yours!! Why’s that, eh? Cos you were fucking her behind my back!”

“No!” said Frank, shaking his head despite the glass digging into him, making little scarlet trails inch down his neck. 

“Yeah, you were. Don’t lie Frank, I don’t like it. Now you two are gonna pay for what you’ve done. Cheating’s a sin, and I’m gonna punish you both,” he yelled, getting up and off Frank with a wobble or two, dropping the glass. He staggered back a few steps, and pulled back his coat. 

I dragged my eyes from Frank’s beautiful figure, wishing I could hold him as I faded. Vince must’ve seen the cloudiness affecting my vision. 

“Hey Iero! I think you’re girl’s dying! Better say your last words now, cos I don’t want her missing the finale!” he yelled, laughing evilly. 

“Sapphire! No!” cried Frank, wriggling closer to me. Vince watched us, laughing as Frank crashed off the stone next to me, and lay there, feeling my cold body next to him. 

“Frank,” I whispered, willing my body to move, but finding all I could do was look at him. I thought back to that morning when I had woken in his arms after the RF concert, or the day after my date with Kleaver. I wished now I was lying in his arms, safe and warm. Instead, I was numb and dying. 

But at least Frank would know. 

“I love you,” I told him, my finger’s barely touching the softness of his arm. He pushed his face against the stone, shoving the tight blindfold off him, his beautiful eyes finally digging into mine. 

“Oh Sparkle!” he gasped, seeing my half naked body covered in so many wounds and my face so battered. I never knew one man could cry so many tears at one time. 

“Frank…I love you. That’s all that matters,” I told him, ignoring everything but him. Vince was still laughing at us, the sharp, insane noises bouncing off the stones. 

“Do you?” he could barely speak for sobs. I knew he wanted to touch me, but his hands were tied behind him. All we could do was stare into each other’s eyes, hoping this wasn’t the last time. 

“I’ve never loved anyone more…Remember me…” I begged. He nodded, his whole body shaking with anguish. 

“Don’t leave me Sapphire! I need you! I love you!” he choked, shaking his head. I smiled at him calmly. 

“I’ll never leave you…we promised…” 

My voice sounded so far away, like an echo. Frank’s melded into my head like warm honey, spreading across my body like sunlight. I had forgotten what it felt like to be cold, or hot, or tired, or restless. Now I was just calm. 

“Sorry ta break this up, fuckers,” yelled Vince, breaking our spell like a sledgehammer. 

“But I got a gift for the happy couple,” 

It was then he pulled out the shining handgun from his waistband, pointing directly at Frank’s skull. 

“Think of it as me giving ya eternity together,”


	41. Frank

Oh shit. 

 

I took a short second out of blissful relief that Sapphire loved me back, sickening grief that she was in so much pain, gut-crushing fear and mind-numbing shock to wonder how someone so amazingly drunk had managed to sneak up on me earlier that evening and knock me out. Then I remembered there was a gun pointed at my head and began to panic just a bit more. 

“Frank…” Sapphire whispered next to me, her eyes fluttering. In an instant, I forgot the gun and Vince, my attention fully on the girl lying broken beside me. 

“Sparkle! No! Stay with me!” I cried, forcing myself closer to her. Her body wasn’t giving off any heat, her skin was turning blue. “Sapphire!”

I screamed her name, trying to keep her with me. Her eyes widened, her pupils slowly focussing on me. I saw so much love hidden in the pain I felt sick. Why now? God, why had this happened? 

“Fra…” her words were tiny shreds of sound, her chest heaving to drag oxygen into her flesh. 

“Hey!” yelled Vince, waving the gun. He looked furious at our lack of attention. I shot him the most venom-filled glare I could, edging closer and closer to the girl I loved. My fingers touched an ice shard of glass, and my heart jerked, I could cut the ropes. Vince may kill me but I wanted to die with Sapphire in my arms. 

“Hey!” he yelled again, firing a shot at the gravestone next to me. 

“Fuck!” I screamed, splinters of stone peppering my hair and stinging my eyes. Beside me, Sapphire barely registered it, her face growing slack again. My fingers were slippery with blood and the cord was tough, but I cut at it as fast as I could. 

“Sapphire, stay the fuck here. Don’t’ you fucking die!” I yelled at her, causing her eyes to widen again. I saw her lips try and form words. Suddenly the cords were free and I reached for her, grabbing her tiny frame and embracing it in my warmth. Blood soaked blood, tears soaked tears, and I felt her gasp and breathe raspily, her body shaking under my touch. She was dying, she needed help. 

No, God, please. I begged. Not her. 

Then I felt a cold clunk against my head. Vince was standing behind me, holding the nozzle of the gun at the base of my skull. 

“I admire ya, Iero. Even at gunpoint ya’d risk everythin’ for a girl. It’s idiots like you that end up dead,”

His voice reminded me of every nightmare I’d ever had, every person who’d ever made me feel fear. His voice seemed to be the embodiment of fear itself. Fear of pain, fear of losing Sapphire, fear of death. And then I knew I wasn’t scared anymore. 

As I looked down into Sapphire’s wide brilliant blue eyes I knew I wasn’t scared to die with her, and she wasn’t scared to die with me. 

“It’s idiots like you,” I said harshly, stroking my beautiful Sparkle’s cheek, smoothing away the blood and running my fingers over the stubble “that end up unloved and unwanted,”

It wasn’t the harshest thing I could have said but it was more true than anything I could have said to him. 

I felt the gun press harder into my head, the hand gripping it shaking. 

“Last words, fucker?”

I gazed into Sapphire’s eyes and felt her heart beat slowly, against my palm. What last words could possibly sum up everything I wish I could’ve said? To him, to her, to myself. I didn’t need to say anything more to the man who would murder us, I didn’t need to tell the voice in my head what a fuck up it was. There was only Sapphire and the words I should have told her every day of my life. 

“Hand in mine, into your icy blues…

And then I say to you…

We could take…. to the highway…” 

With every word, a tear dripped onto her face, into her poor swollen mouth, and her tongue tasted them. In her eyes, I saw the words sung back. 

“With this trunk of ammunition too…

I’d end my days with you…”

A gun chamber clicked into place. 

“In a hail of fucking bullets…”

“HEY!”

A shout ran through the whole graveyard. Vince jerked. Two shots. Another one. Then life as I knew it crashed around me. 


	42. Gerard

Life wasn’t going to be the same, that’s for sure. Not with two of our best friends stuck in the hospital, both in intensive care and both barely holding on to life. 

The day had started out normal, with me and Mikey fighting over the last jam doughnut and me ending up with the majority of it. We were meeting Frank, Sapphire and Ray at the park later, so we were filling in time. 

Around lunchtime, we got a phone call from Sapphire’s dad. There was some mild celebrating at the mention of her and Vince’s break-up, and we skipped out to find Ray and Frank, knowing Blue was going into town with her dad. 

 It was later that afternoon when we couldn’t find her or Frank that we began to get worried. 

At first, we thought they’d finally hooked up and were hidden away somewhere dark, secret and noise proof. 

Then, the next thing we knew, her mum was calling us in the middle of the night with some bad news. 

Very bad news. 

The news report told us the details her mother couldn’t before the paramedics bundled her off to hospital with her husband, a bullet lodged in his shoulder. Sapphire and Frank were also taken there, both barely alive. Sapphire, bled almost dry from so many wounds and broken bones, and Frank, beaten and gushing from a bullet straight through his lower chest, missing his heart by inches. 

And Vince?

That fucking lunatic? 

Six feet under with a single bullet straight through the neck, thanks to Sapphire’s dad on patrol. 

They say Vince shot Frank, then at Sapphire’s dad before crashing to the ground dead, his spinal column severed by the best shot Sapphire’s dad would ever make. 

They say he was hysterical over Sapphire and Frank’s bodies, barely managing to call the ambulance. 

When we arrived at the hospital, we met him and her there, both whiter than me. He was bandaged with a sling, holding his face in his hands and crying silently. Thye didn’t tell us anything for three fucking hours, until finally they told us that they were both still alive-barely. 

When we saw them through the ward windows a few hours after that, it was a shock to everyone. Her father crashed to his knees, sobbing and had be given more medication. Us? 

Mikey threw up, Ray had to excuse himself for a long time and I was left standing by the grilled window, leaning against the glass and staring at them. 

In identical hospital bed, with identical white smocks over their identically pale bodies and with identical transparent tubes weaving in and out of their flesh, they lay as still as fuckign corpses. 

Sapphire’s beautiful face was swollen and a mush of colours, her once gorgeous hair resembling burnt stubble. One wrist was plastered, the other swathed in bandages. Blood was being pumped into her tiny frame, making it seem more sterile than ever. Bright crimson against white. Her chest slowly rose and fell, jarring with every breath as the machine clicked between the two motions. Was she actually alive? Or was she just a grotesque puppet?

Frank was turned on his side, facing her. The arm connected to the drip was splayed out, his fingers stretched lightly towards hers. Even then, he was reaching for her. The bullet wound had almost paralysed him, but he was alive. His whole body shook as the oxygen was pumped in and out of his bruised chest.

It was a show from Hell. I wanted to help them before so much, but it was up to them and the love between them keeping them alive. 

 

I was woken by a nurse, telling me Frank was alive. I had leant against the wall of the grilled window, so tired my legs had refused to drag me to the chairs. No one else was around, so I went in myself. 

“Frank?”

“Gee…” he didn’t sound good at all, his voice cracked. 

“Oh fuck Frank. How do you manage to get into this kind of shit?” I said, fitting into the gap between their bed, so Frank could see me. 

“How do you manage to look so much like shit all the time?” he fired back, grinning at me weakly. Only his eyes and his lips moved, his body held in one position by a brace. 

“It’s a gift. How’d ya feel?”

“Like I got shot. My parents around?”

“No idea, I just got woken up,”

“Mornin’. What about Vince?” Frank looked tense, his eyes flickering over to Sapphire. 

“Relax man, he’s dead. Shot straight through the windpipe,” I grinned, hoping the news was welcome. Judging by the relieved sigh and Frank’s smile, I guessed it was. 

“Poetry. Sparkle’ll be safe now,”

“Personally, I would’ve liked the chance to break his skull apart with some rusty shovels before he hit dirt, but you’re right,” I said, looking over at Sapphire. “She’s safe now,”


	43. Frank

I refused to let them move me; I needed to stay with her. Since they didn’t have any space in the wards yet anyway, they let me. All night I listened to her breathe through machines, watching her fingers twitch around the cast. My beautiful Goddess, tortured in ways I couldn’t reach her. 

As the night went out and she continued to lie there, comatose and broken, I sang to her. Every song that had ever meant anything to us. I sang her Aerosmith, Alice Cooper, Fall Out Boy, Blink 182, HIM, Green Day, Evanescence, Nightwish, any song I could think of. I even sang her the songs I didn’t know the words too, making up new ones to try and bring her back to me. Anything. 

They echoed across the tiled room, plaintive calls to a closed off mind. She couldn’t hear me. 

I knew she couldn’t, she was on too many drugs to stop the pain, to help her sleep, to stop her panic. She was still critical, or so they told me. From here, she just looked asleep, almost peaceful despite the bruises and slits and bandages soaking up blood on her cheeks. Her eyes twitched under their lids, flickering. What was she seeing?

I wish I could’ve saved her from her nightmares. I wanted to go to her, crawl in beside her and hold her closer than I’d ever held her in my whole life, but I couldn’t move. I couldn’t even flex my fingers. I was drugged up too, barely there. 

Words came, my lips opened, but all I could do was stare. 

“I’m broken when I’m open

I don’t feel like I’m strong enough 

I’m broken when I’m lonesome

I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

 

Cos I’m broken when I’m open

I don’t feel like I’m strong enough

I’m broken when I’m lonesome

I don’t feel like I’m strong enough,”

I sang them over and over again, remembering every time we sang them to each other, the time we’d played it over and over until we knew all the words. 

I remembered the concert, her voice and Vince’s. Maybe she did too. 

“No…”

I barely heard the whisper over the machines, or through the mask on her face. Maybe I’d imagined it, but the frown on her face was clear enough. That song was wrong now. We weren’t broken any longer, we were strong enough. 

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, once again trying to reach out for her. I knew that if I just touched her, that if she felt my thick, blundering fingers on her porcelain skin, she’d be alright. She’s wake up.

Once again, my body failed me. My back gave a painful stab and I fell back against the brace, groaning. We had a new song, one I knew would always stay with us. 

“Hand in mine, into your icy blues…”

The night dragged on, but I was lost in a whole of numbness and happy relief she was alive and with me, my words wrapping around her like the embrace I longed to give her. 


	44. Sapphire

I hate hospitals. I always have and something tells me I always will. Coming around was like a slap in the face. I ached everywhere. Literally. I knew I looked shit, but the way my parents gushed over me you would’ve though I’d won the national beauty contest. 

I never thought I’d see my Dad again. It was so surreal now. I had forgotten now of that night, but I knew I would never be able to thank my father enough. 

Once I was awake, and on my way to healing, the shrink came in. Hours of him talking and me sitting there silently, unable to say a word, he left me alone.  

There’s so much to say inside me, I’ll never manage it. He came back every day, but I never said a word. I didn’t say anything to my parents, or Gerard or Mikey or Ray. I didn’t talk to the nurses or the doctors. I just shook my head, nodded, cried in their hugs and smiled weakly. I felt so dirty inside, so sick, I couldn’t bear to talk to anyone. 

I think Frank knew that. He sat in his wheelchair next to my bed and played with my fingers. He smiled and he looked at me with his beautiful eyes and he stayed with me all night, soothing me when I had nightmares, which was far too often. 

I dreamed of Vince every night, his cuts, his body on mine, his song. I woke crying, thrashing, jarred in pain. Then Frank would reach for me and I’d hold onto him until he soothed me back to sleep. 

I wasn’t allowed up for weeks. My ribs were broken, my skin slit and carefully stitched back together again. My hands were useless and my head was a walking crater zone. My hip had been badly damaged too, hence the not walking. 

The worst was when the rape counsellor came. I screamed at her, forcing her to leave. I didn’t want her pathetic words, her soft phrases around the issue. She had no idea how powerless I had felt, how inexistent! Now I was tainted, poisoned and nothing could be said to take that back!

Frank was hurt, I could see it. I loved him so much; it hurt to see him look at me like that. I touched him and I felt his reluctance to hold me close. Anything closer than a friend, he would shrink away. Was I paranoid? There were so many drugs in my system I might as well have been. Did he still love me? 

He sang to me every night, he held my hand whenever I reached for it, but anything more than a touch and it would start again. 

Inside, I knew it was me shrinking away, terrified of the internal pain of it all again, scared to open my bruised heart. I cried bitterly into my pillow at night, hiding my face from Frank as he slept. I wanted to love him so much, but how could I? When I’d felt that, when I’d been used in such a way, would I ever know something a sweet and innocent as love with him?

I’d always be incomplete. 

No matter how much I loved him, no matter how hard I wished for him to be close, I wished him far away. I needed to heal, I needed to regrow again. 

Would I ever?

The thoughts in my head were scattered, they didn’t make sense. I wanted everything and nothing at the same time. When my friends visited me, I wished them gone. When they left me cold, I wanted them back. When I refused food, I’d yearn for it, but feel revolted at the same time. When I touched Frank, I wanted to hurt him to keep him away from me, to keep him safe from the violence inside, but I wanted to hold him and cry in his arms. 

Always, inside, there was this growing sickness, this revulsion. As my body healed and I began to grow stronger, so did this feeling of illness. I knew I wasn’t pregnant, the tests I’d insisted upon were positive. This growth was my own. 

In the night, I would lie and look at myself, revolted with what I saw. This was my own fault; I’d brought this upon myself. I hadn’t seen my love for Frank before it was too late. I had gone to Vince in the first place. I hadn’t gone home to Frank that day. This was all me. My mistakes were taunting me.

_Sapphire you’re a whore._

_A slut._

_You’re not a girl anymore._

_You’re a sick, twisted slut._

_Why would Frank ever love someone who’s been taken like you?_

_I bet you liked it._

_You’re just a slut._

_You’ll never feel love._

_Sluts don’t get loved, they get fucked._

_Just leave Frank alone._

_He doesn’t need a girl like you._

_You bitch._

_You whore._

_You SLUT._

Words spun around my head, forcing my limbs to move. Air felt cold on my legs under the gown, my feet tender on the cold tiles. Was I standing? Blood pumped from my twisted heart, causing my wounds to throb. My legs obeyed the voices, my eyes rolled back into my head. I just wanted to slip away in eternal sleep.

“Frank…”

_NO! LEAVE HIM ALONE SLUT!_

The words stung me like broken glass raking across my skin once again. My body was weak, my bones creaking. I felt a gentle tug on my arm, the drip piercing my vein. With a disgusted cry, I ripped it out, smarting the pain. 

_You deserve the pain_

Yes, I deserved this pain. For what I’d done to Frank. I’d made him love a slut. I’d made him almost die for me and that was unforgivable. 

_There’s only one forgiveness_

The weight of the door felt impossible against my fingers, the Velcro sticking. No, I had to get through. The lights of the corridor burned my skull, making my entire body step away. Go back, sink into bed again, go to sleep…

_No! Beg for your forgiveness! Walk, slut, walk!_

My feet led me, I followed. Where was I being led? Every breath felt like a knife scratching at my lungs, air rasping through my mouth. I needed to stop, to cough, to breathe again, but I couldn’t stop walking. I didn’t want to. Where?

_The one place where sinners and sluts get forgiven_

“But Frank?”

_He’ll meet you there soon_

My heart swelled. My footsteps grew lighter. Lights blinded me, I couldn’t see forward, so I followed the voice as it whispered to me. 

_There’s only one way_

_One way, slut_

Which way?

_Down_

It felt like we were going up, my knees clicking and my gown swishing around my thighs. Up and up, my cast clumping against the walls. A corridor, a door, darkness. 

Where are we?

_Feel the cold; taste the air, the rain, can’t you guess?_

Hard gravel pricked the sensitive soles of my feet, cols, wet air wrapped itself around me. Ice stung at my warm flesh. 

No! Why here?”

_Where else?_

Why?

_You deserve this, remember? You deserve pain, punishment, eternal darkness without him! You don’t deserve him!_

I didn’t want it! I didn’t want it to happen!

_You let it. You’re sick and unfit for human touch. Do it, slut_

I felt my knee bend, my body lifted again, the wet stone digging into the soles of my feet. The air snapped at my gown, cutting through my bandages with harsh temperatures. I whimpered, my eyes filling with tears. 

_Tears are for the innocent_

No, please

_You are already dead to him_

You are already dead to him.

You are already dead to him. 

You are already dead to him.

The lights spanned out in front of me, the drop seemed less than a step. 

_One step, one fall, no more pain. For you, for him_

_You are already dead to him._


	45. Frank

“NOOO!!!!!!!”

The scream that tore from my throat would have been enough to wake every patient in the hospital. I ran forward, ignoring the alarms in my body, the stabbing pains begging me to stop. I ran forward regardless, until my hands were safely around Sapphire’s waist and yanking her to the ground. 

“No!” she cried, thrashing in my arms. I’d been begging to feel close to me for weeks, to feel her warmth, but now her body seemed alien to me. She was thinner, drawn, her hair gone and cold. “No! Let me go!”

“Never!” I yelled, grabbing her wrists and pulling her into me. Why had she done this? Why did she want to throw her life away so badly? I’d seen her becoming more drawn lately, but I never knew she was so desperate for peace!

“Please, Frank! I’m a slut! I don’t deserve this!” she shrieked, beating up me weakly with her fists. My legs gave way, my back creaking in pain and we crashed to the wet tarmac of the roof. 

“No! Don’t leave me! You’re not a slut!” I gabbled over her shrieks. Surely someone would’ve heard? I didn’t care, I needed her to talk to me. She’d been silent for far too long now. 

“Please Frank!”

“No, Sapphire! Listen to me! Don’t you dare be so selfish and leave me!” I yelled at her over the whistle of the rain and the wind. Her body was weakening, her eyes shedding tears faster than I’d ever seen them. 

“Is that all you’ve come to? You survive Vince only to try and kill yourself?”

“No! To save you from me! To save you!” she cried, collapsing into me. I was shocked, overwhelmed. 

“Why? Sparkle, why?” I begged her, pushing her chin up to look at me. She looked so wrong, so messed up.

“I wanted to be pure for you…I love you so much, I don’t want to hurt you with my body! I’m sick!”

“How could you? You’ll never hurt me! Why can’t you see I don’t care about Vince or what he did to you?”

“But I do!” she screamed. “I do!”

She cried over and over again, clutching at me, and I held her close. I couldn’t’ think of anything else to do. 

“I love you Sparkle, I love you too much. Don’t you ever fucking leave me!” I whispered fiercely, wrapping her tiny body in my arms. 

“Oh Frank! I’m so sorry! I’m so fucking sorry! This is all my fault!” she sobbed, howling into my chest. 

“No it’s not,”

“I let him fucking rape me, Frank! I let him touch me when I shouldn’t been with you! Why didn’t I just go home before the sunset?” she screamed. “Why?”

I shook, freezing, and scared. How was this going to end. 

“Sapphire…look at me,”  
Her eyes turned up to mine, bloodshot and narrow, but still shimmering blue. 

“I love you. I don’t care what Vince did, because I’ll always love you. Whatever you need, I’ll give it to you. Whatever you want, I won’t stop until it’s yours. Whatever you feel, I’ll love you. In time you’ll forget Vince and all you’ll remember is how close you came to doing the dumbest mistake of your life,”

She didn’t say anything, merely clung to me like a broken child in a teenager’s body. 

“I love you Frank. I always have. I’m sorry it took me so long to realise,”

“I love you Sapphire. I’m sorry I never told you before this,” I whispered into her stubby hair. We stayed still for a bit longer, holding each other of the painful grit of the roof. 

“Frank?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you take me inside?”

 

In the stark brightness of the hospital, she slumped against the wall, and so did I. I could barely stand as it was, my legs trembling in exhaustion. 

“You left your chair,” she murmured, looking at my blue feet on the green plastic floor. I shrugged, reaching for her hand. 

“I had to follow you up stairs. I had no choice,”

Her face was numb, her body moving as if on automatic. I was worried again. What if she tried again? I needed her to stay with me. At least outside she had opened up. 

“Sapphire?” I said, pulling on her gently to make her face me. 

“Frank?”

“Look at me and tell me you love me too much you try that again,”

She looked at me. Those eyes I had loved every day of my life still managed to enchant me. She stood so close to me her gown stuck with rain to the front of my damp T-shirt. I could feel her breathing, her heart slowly pumping away under her lacerated skin. I felt her arms touch my waist, her hands settle into the gentle dips either side of my body. Her touch made my cold skin tingle, raising goosebumps. I held her shoulders with my rough palms, the pale scars of so long ago yet almost yesterday glinting softly in the light. She took a tiny step closer to me.

“Frank…I love you too much. I’ll never, ever leave you ever again,” she whispered, and I saw in her eyes she meant every single word. She raised herself lightly, still gazing into my eyes like she was under another spell. She was so close to me, I felt my chest tighten. Was this is? Would I finally feel her lips on mine?

 Closing her eyes, I followed suit, and then I felt a soft, warm brush against my lips. Instantly I felt my body shake, every atom focussing completely on this feeling. Her lips pushed against mine so softly, a tiny spark of her life given to me. My stomach clenched, my hands shook and under my fingers I felt her trembling. 

Then she left my lips cold. It was only the smallest of kisses, just more than a perk. But it told me everything I needed to know. It was everything I’d hoped for. It was everything I wanted. 

Sapphire loved me. Finally. 


	46. Sapphire

_Waking up was one of those really nice moments in life you wish you could live forever, or record so you can play it back again and again. My body was completely flattened out because I’d danced so much, my muscles aching. The warmth of Frank’s bed soothed them and I sleepily opened my eyes, drinking in the lovely feelings. His bed was soft and warm and so lovely, mainly because he was there to keep me warm and had his arms around me. It felt nice waking up in his arms, my head resting on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. How can I describe it to you? It was just so nice, I was well rested and I woke up with a smile on my face, instead of the usual grimace of having to get up and face reality. I dimly wondered what my hair looked like, but dismissed it. Right now, I just settled deeper into Frank’s embrace and sunk into his warm bed. I would deal with real life just as soon as I spent enough time dealing with the dream world I was waking up in. Or maybe not._

I hadn’t been dancing, and this wasn’t Frank’s bed. But waking up was such a beautiful feeling I didn’t let it slip past me. I didn’t want to wake up to reality yet. 

What had happened last night?

Oh, yeah, I remember. The voice, the lights, the rain, the roof. My desperate attempt to cure the sickness inside me. 

Where was it? Where was the grating feeling of disgust inside me, the sensation of crawling insects under my flesh? I had grown so used to the frustrating itch inside that its absence was like a refreshing soak in the rain. 

My eyes cracked open, salt clinging to the lashes and cracking off onto my cheeks. My body way stiff, aching from all I’d done. My skin was coated in a thin salted covering of dry sweat, my throat parched. 

But I was warm and calm and I felt so much better. I tightened my grip on my salvation, the sleeping sex god in the hospital bed with me. 

Frank. 

I whispered his name, feeling it roll off my tongue and savouring the sweet taste. I never wanted it to stop, this happiness. I had never felt as happy as I did in his arms, in this bed. After every thing we’d been through, all the surreal shit; this was exactly how I wanted my fairytale to end. 

But not yet. 

I wanted to remember everything. The smoothness of Frank’s skin compared to the rough hospital blankets. The way his chest rose and fell in rhythm to mine. The way his face relaxed in his sleep and looked clear of all the pain and worry I’d put him through. I wanted to remember exactly the way we were, him lying on his back in that brace, my body half on top of his with my arm trailing across his chest, my fingertips gently stroking the soft flesh of his neck. My fingertips eased over the stubble of his chin, enjoying every little inch of skin I could see, my eyes drinking it in. Even though he smelt terrible, and I knew I did too, his scent still intoxicated me. I breathed in, my ribs complaining quietly and sighed, the smell making my skin tingle. Why was Frank always so warm and comfy, despite being all muscley? 

I sighed, settling down further into the bed. I wanted to sink right through it with him, forever cocooned in warmth. Frank’s warmth to be precise. He was so beautiful and serene when he slept. I knew that if I woke him, the concern for me would come back into his face, making him older and heavier with problems I wish never existed. 

But if I didn’t wake him, I’d never get to see his eyes. His choclate brown eyes, so full of mischief and love. I thought then that I’d always seen something different shine on of Frank’s eyes when he looked at me. Now I knew it was love. He had never stopped loving me and I was ashamed to think I’d never realised it until now. 

I remembered our kiss, the first kiss. It had been exactly how I’d hoped for all my life. Even the tiniest, driest little brush of his lips against mine had been enough to untangle every knot in my stomach, wash away the pain I felt and send shivers through my body. Even thinking about that explosive first kiss made me shiver now. 

Fuck Vince, fuck everything that had happened to me. I am Sapphire, the Blue Babe; I’d get over it. And when I did, I’d had Frank and his gorgeous lips waiting for me. 

“Mmmm…” I moaned without meaning to, stretching my legs out slightly. My legs rubbed against his and I rolled my bones in their sockets all over, loving the mobility. Next to me, Frank’s arms tightened around me, his brow furrowing the smallest possible amount. 

“Frankie…” I whispered. My voice didn’t sound like mine, the result of screaming and howling your guts out of a hospital roof the night before. I pushed myself up slightly with my sore elbows, wriggling closer to his face. His hands stayed on me, the warm pressure feeling more comfortable than any touch I’d ever received. I lay next to him, the tip of my nose touching his cheek. My breath ran over his skin lightly, tickling his ear. With one plaster bound arm draped across his chest, my fingers rested against his rough cheek, stroking him slowly. I stared at his profile, a smile spreading across my face. 

This was exactly how I knew it should feel. This was exactly what I wanted. My heart dancing in my chest, my skin tingling, my breath short. 

“Frankie…I love you,” I whispered, bending my neck back a tiny bit so my lips met his skin, gently pressing against him in a soft kiss. 

“Now that’s something to wake up to,” he said sleepily, his mouth curving into a smile. I grinned, tracing his lip with my finger. 

“Mornin’,”

“How are you feeling?” he asked me softly, turning his head slowly, our noses touching. I leaned forward and brushed my lips against his softly, both of us closing our eyes and holding on just a bit tighter. Another soft, delicate first kiss. 

“Stupid. And in love,” I sighed, resting my head back on the pillow. He smiled and reached up and traced his finger down a dry tear trail. 

“You’re stupid for trying to leave me. I’ll never let you,”

“I know, I’m sorry. I never wanted to do it,”

“So why did you?”

There was no accusations, no blame in his eyes, or his voice. I knew this would be the time we could have when anything could be said and understood. This was the time to share everything. 

“The voice in my head was driving me insane. I felt so dirty, so sick. I didn’t want to hurt you by being less of a girl, and in my stupidity, it seemed the only way out. I’ll never stop being sorry for it,”

We spoke quietly, calmly. There were no tears, hardly any emotions. We were too relaxed, too mellow and too happy to just be near each other to bother with stressful emotions. Frank knew I was sincere, and so did I.

“What Vince did was his fault, you’re not guilty. I don’t think you’re less of a girl for it, I think you’re more of a woman for surviving it,”

“Really?”

“Sapphire, look at me, I love you. I’ve loved you my entire life and I’m not going to stop just because you were tortured and…” he stopped, suddenly unsure. 

“Raped?” I finished the sentence for him. It was a horrible word, a reminder of the sickness. It was a wound that would never heal, but continue to be ripped open and bled every time someone said it. But I needed to accept it and move on, I knew I could. I’d be ok, in time. 

“You’re still a virgin really. He took your body but you didn’t give him your heart, and that’s what’s important,” he said softly. 

“That’s yours, utterly and fully. Thank you, for everything. Thank you for loving me, even when I didn’t love myself. My body didn’t feel like mine anymore, it was Vince’s plaything. But now…now I think I’m getting better. Thank you Frank, for loving me,” I said, smiling from my heart. 

“Are we…Can we…Sapphire, I want to be with you. But I don’t want to rush you. I just want you to know I’ll wait until the end of the world for you,” he told me slowly and calmly. I nodded, stroking my finger over his earlobe. 

“I want to be with you, so much. But I need some time to…to heal I suppose. I love you more than my heart can hold, and I don’t want my love for you being tainted by this whole thing with Vince. Once I’m over that, I want to start again, with you. I’m yours Frank, remember that. I’m always yours now,”

“You’re mine and I’m yours. Case closed,” he said, leaning forward and lightly kissing my lips once again. I never wanted those feelings to end. Ever. 


	47. Frank

It’s my way to cut everything short and focus on the big details rather than the little things. I could tell you about Sapphire’s mother’s embarrassment to find us curled up together in bed. I could tell you Sapphire’s delight when they finally classed her fit enough to go home, with me alongside. I could tell you what it was like for us returning home to find a impromptu party held in our honour in my basement, with Gerard, Mikey, Ray, Tazmin, Jesse and some of other friends, all cheering and hugging us and sharing stories about how dim we were. I could tell you what it was waking up after that party with Sapphire. I could tell you how wonderful it felt to be loved back after so long.

 Everything was back to normal. Except now I spent every moment with Sapphire. I woke up with her in the mornings, I ate breakfast with her (and sometimes her dad who I now worship as a God), and we spent our summer days singing and laughing and loving life. We spent every second we could having fun, just to remember what it felt like to have fun.

Gerard and the guys made life so much better, and we always had something else to do. Every day was an event, and we were always together. My arm was always around Sparkle’s waist, or my hand in hers. Even though my body yearned for it, I never pushed her. My lisp craved hers, but the only refreshment I got for them were quick, light kisses. I treasured each one, savouring them. 

She never pulled away from me, but I always knew when she began to feel uncomfortable. I wished I could’ve helped me heal faster, I wanted her so bad and I wanted her to be completely free from him, but I knew this was one burden I would have to let her carry alone. 

Her slits and cuts healed, and soon you couldn’t see that there was anything wrong with her other than that annoying wrist cast that always somehow managed to piss her off. Things were getting back to normal, and the summer seemed to be paradise after our hell. Life was suddenly perfect. The story I will tell you though, is the one that happened a week before she was due to go back to school and the day after I got my back brace finally removed, and it sealed our love forever. 

I was in the shower, singing loudly to myself as I always did. I had kissed Sapphire on her doorstep, promising I’d be over to stay with her that night as soon as I’d showered and spoken to my parents about the road trip we were planning to take. 

“ _Turn off the lights and turn off the shyness!_

_Cos all of our moves make up for the silence!_

_And oh, the way your make up stains my pillowcase!_

_Like I’ll never be the same!”_  

I exited the shower, shivering as the cold air surrounded my body and pulled a warm towel off the radiator. I wrapped it around my waist, flinging my hair out of my eyes and looking at myself in the mirror. It was a different Frank Iero that looked back at me. He stood taller, his shoulder held back and proud. He looked more muscular, tougher, and a shit load happier. His eyes shone with it, the gleam of happiness and his smile crept onto his face like he couldn’t stop it. The best part was the marks covering my neck in varying degrees of purple, red and almost black. Sapphire’s bite was intoxicating, and when she started I didn’t let anything make her stop. She could control me with her teeth. 

I exited the bathroom in a cloud of steam, feeling strong as I strode to my basement room across the hall from the downstairs shower that had become mine. I continued to sing as I went down my stairs, rolling my neck and breathing deeply. Now my back was free, every moment felt like the first one, independent and unbeatable.   
”Turn off the lights…” I sang, running my hands through my wet hair, my thoughts dancing around Sapphire once again. It didn’t take me long to pull on my tracksuit bottoms and rub my head free of water with the towel. Seconds after that, I was bounding up my other stairs.

“And turn off the shyness,”

I entered her kitchen, stole some of the orange glass left in the carton on the side and climbed the stairs, still singing to let her know I was coming. I couldn’t keep the smile off my face. 

“And oh, the way! Your make up stains my pillowcase!” 

Pushing open the door I found her room dark and coloured by the light I had given her so long ago. 

“Like I’ll never be the same!” she sang back, smiling at me from her bed. 

The covers were drawn up to her shoulders and her arms crossed under her head, lying on her front and her eyes soft and happy. 

“Evenin’ luv,” I joked, going over to her and sitting down beside her on the bed, drinking in her eyes.

“Hi baby. There’s something I need to talk to you about,” she said seriously. Despite her tone, I could see the corners of her mouth curving upwards. 

“Yeah?”

“Well, I was thinking and-“

“You, think? Shock! Call the newspapers!” I chuckled. Ok, old joke but still as funny. She scowled at me, trying not to smirk. 

“Frank, listen to me. I was thinking a lot about us and where we’re going and stuff like that, and I came to a very serious conclusion. It’s going to change our entire relationship though,” she said, and I thought I saw something I didn’t recognise in her eyes. I felt a small stab of worry. 

“What?” I asked, suddenly feeling scared and unsure. And also felt rather naked, in just my tracksuit bottoms.

“Do you love me?” she asked, avoiding my question. I stared at her. I told her it every day, and I would tell her it until the end of everything. 

“I love you. I don’t know how to say it so you’ll understand exactly how much I love you,” I said quietly, praying to God she wasn’t going to break up with me. Please God no. No, anything but that. 

“I love you. Holy doughnuts, Frank, I love you so much! It’s almost painful how much I love you!” she giggled, and all my fear evaporated. 

“You little tease! Don’t mess with me like that!” I chuckled, a grin exploding on my face and I jumped forward to tickle her through the blanket. She squealed and wriggled, trying to escape my fingers. The covers got messed up between her squirming body and my hands, and came loose from her pale shoulders. It was then I realised something very important. 

“Sparkle? You do realise you’re not-“

“Frank Iero, my one and only love, this brings me back to the point,” she said, almost professionally. 

“Are you-“

“What I’m saying is we couldn’t actually do anything properly with you in that annoying brace, but now it’s off…” she trailed off, twisting around and reaching up to touch my cheek. The look in her eyes was almost enough for me to get the whole plot. Her words finished it. 

“We can finish what we should have started a very long time ago,”


	48. Sapphire

Frank looked a little stunned, and I’m not surprised. The heaviest thing we’ve done so far is shameless making out. But now I was ready, and I knew he was too. Tonight was going to be the night. My father was at work, my mother was in Texas (once again) and I had left Stud locked in the living room. I didn’t want anything to interrupt us. 

“Sapphire?” asked Frank a little nervously as I began to sit up slightly, holding the covers over my very naked body. 

“Frank,” I replied softly, reaching out to touch his lip slightly. My touch made him close his eyes, shiver a little bit against the warmth of my fingers. His skin was cool, damp from the shower. He pressed his lips against my palm, kissing me lightly. 

“Are you sure? Is this what you want?” he asked me so softly. I felt like his words were so fragile and tender, I could stroke them with my fingers and feel them crumble under my touch. 

“I’ve never wanted anything more,” I told him just as softly, holding his face in my hands and drawing his face to meet mine in a kiss. 

At first it was like so many of our other beautiful kisses, soft and breath-taking. I felt an acute tingle pass down my bare spine. His lips eased over mine, his tongue pushing against my lips to open my mouth gently, to deepen the kiss. 

Under my hands I felt him tremble, his whole body tensing and relaxing. I felt the desire in his skin, the need in his bones. He had wanted this for so long, it was all I could do was to give him what would make us both so perfectly happy. This was right. I knew it. 

I felt his hand on the back of my head, his fingers curling around the short wavy bob that had began to grow back. His other hand was on my side, over the covers. He was scared, scared of hurting me, or taking this too fast. 

Instead of telling him he would hurt me, no matter what he did, I showed him with my body. I drew but into the soft warmth of my pillows. Lying half on top of me, Frank’s kisses became more and more frantic, his hands still unsure of themselves. I placed mine over his, drawing it down over my shoulder, under the covers, and onto my breast. He gasped slightly, and I kissed him again. 

“Love me Frank,” I whispered into his ear, running my hand down his muscled back. Oh, I wanted him so badly. I felt the desire begin to build up inside me, my breath getting short. His only response was to kiss me harder, his tongue in my mouth and his hands on my chest, my ribs, gently pulling the covers free of my upper body. 

His lips broke away from mine, kissing my neck, my collar bones, moving down my chest with soft, loving kisses. I lay there, helpless and completely sure. This was what I wanted. It was perfect. His fingers across my skin made me tremble with delight, touching me in ways I never knew I could be touched. 

I looked into his eyes and saw complete love and trust, no fear left. His smile warmed my heart and I pulled him closer to me. His hands travelled further down my body, until I was lying naked in his arms, my leg hitched over his. Soon his tracksuit bottoms joined the covers on the floor. 

Naked, our eyes sailed over each other’s bodies. We were finally laid bare to each other, open and vulnerable but safe. Frank’s body was exactly how I knew it would be. Strong, muscled, soft and so ravishing all I could do was lean closer to him and kiss his chest. I wanted more. 

 His hands travelled over my skin, stroking over my curves and holding me close to him. I felt him breath easily, his breath joining mine in the beautiful quiet of my room. I kissed him hard, pushing myself into him. I felt him react, his body working against mine. It was then I pulled away from his arms and retrieved a special something from the drawer beside my bed, something I had gotten well in advance. Frank’s eyes followed my movements. 

“This is it…” he whispered, letting my hands caress him as I helped him on with it. His breath was almost gasping, his hands clenched around the sheet as I teased him gently. 

“This is it,” I confirmed, lying down next to him. No more words, no more soft lovings, we were ready. Frank’s body eased onto me, his weight exhilarating me. It felt just right. I held his hand gently touch my inner thigh, spreading my legs. 

When he entered me I gasped so loud I was sure my entire street heard it. It was nothing like the time before, this was real. Frank moaned slightly, thrusting into me again and I held onto his shoulders, biting down on my lip to stop the cries of joy spilling out of me. It was poetry, our movements. 

Frank thrust into again and again, deeper and faster. His breath tickled my hot skin; sweat beginning to form on his brow. I never wanted it to end, and I knew he didn’t either. He moaned my name with each slide, and I shivered in pleasure, rolling my head back and sighing deeply. 

“Frank…” I groaned, his loving driving me insane. I was building up with pressure, my muscles clenching and tightening around him. I came so hard I didn’t hear myself cry out his name, my nails digging into him. With a low gasp he came as well, wrapping his arms around me and holding me close, withdrawn from me. 

I kissed him with as much love as I could muster, wanting more and more. I wasn’t finished yet; I needed him so close to me I wanted him to be inside me. I wanted to be with him so bad it hurt. 

With our hands heavy on hot skin, and our movements rougher and so much more thrilling, I soon felt him react again and he made love to me again and again and again until he collapsed beside me. Sweat ran off our bodies, soaking the bed. We were so tired, so happy, we could barely speak. 

“I can’t…do it anymore…I love you,” he panted, kissing me forehead and mingling the sweat on our bodies. Without his presence inside me, I felt cold and I buried myself into his embrace, finding warmth there. 

“Frank…I love you,” I whispered back, my chest heaving with effort to draw breath. We fell asleep together; our bodies so closely held together we couldn’t even move in our sleep. 


	49. Frank

The morning after was…numb. Our bodies were so tired we could barely move. We smelt terrible but we couldn’t stop smiling at each other, toughing each other’s faces. Sapphire was just so beautiful, even the lack of hair cascading down her back didn’t bother me. I lay next to her, running my fingers over her naked flesh and telling her over and over again how much I loved her. 

In return her soft, sweet voice told me the only poetic thing I ever wanted her to say to me: I love you. My heart swelled within my ribcage, knowing she felt the same stomach-clenching, heart throbbing devotion. 

The sunlight coloured her in dazzling hues, painting her. I wanted to kiss every bit of her skin, to run my tongue over the  beauty I could see. 

But I was just so drained. My muscles complained every time I moved, my lower stomach throbbing painfully. Sapphire’s cunning hands trailed across it, gently rubbing the sore area. Not enough to tease me again just to comfort me. I let her, loving the feel of her on me. 

“Are you ok?” she asked me sleepily, running her hand down my thigh then back up to my shoulder. 

“Mmmm…” I murmured, gazing at her through half closed eyes. She smiled, making her just a bit more beautiful and leaned forward to brush my lips with hers. Her kiss lingered on me, and I felt as if this morning would stretch on forever.  

But life and time moves on relentless. We lay on her tangled sheets, our body heat keeping ourselves warm, and listened to the sounds of the world. We heard cars in the street, people walking and laughing, Stud whining for Sapphire’s father to feed him. We listened to him get up and yawn loudly, walking down the corridor towards Sapphire’s room. 

I often wondered what Sapphire’s dad would do if he found us together, but after running into him in the mornings coming downstairs I realised he knew I spent my nights with Sapphire and didn’t mind. I knew he wouldn’t come in. He probably thought this is what we did every morning; whereas we knew this was the first time this had ever happened between us. It certainly wouldn’t be the last. 

“Sapphire? Frank? You two awake?” he called through the door. 

“Yeah!” yelled back Sapphire sleepily, burying her head in the hollow in my neck, breathing in the scent. 

“I’m gonna make pancakes, you want some?” he offered. 

“Yes!” we yelled together. Sapphire attempted to sit up, stretching and yawning. 

“Oh no you don’t!” I chuckled, grabbing her wrist and pulling her back down into my arms, kissing her.

“Come on Frank, let’s go shower. You stink!” she giggled, pulling away from me with one last final kiss on my lips. I grinned at her and she wriggled over me, sliding out of bed. 

“And you’re any better?” I teased, dragging myself up and swinging my legs out of the warmth. She smirked at me, throwing a towel in my general direction. 

“Why do you think I’m showering?” she giggled “And why do you think I’m making you come with me?”

“Kinky!” I chuckled, standing up with difficulty and pulling my tracksuit bottoms on. When I looked up Sapphire had pulled on a huge white T-shirt with two blood-splattered roses on the front. 

“Wow, nice T shirt…”

“Thanks, Gee made it for me,” she shrugged, threading her hand into mine and leading me to the bathroom. My whole body felt tired but liberated, and finally free of some huge weight. The pressure of being horny. Sapphire turned on the shower and pulled me in, even though the water was just warming up. I yelped as the cold water stole more of my precious warmth and I yelped again when Sapphire attacked me, her teeth nibbling my bottom lip. Water coursed over our bodies as we made out in the shower, washing away the sweat from the night before, but not he passion. 

“Can I colour your neck?” I purred to her, running my hands down her back, over her buttocks and then back up again. 

“Just keep in the lines,” she giggled, bending her head to the side and letting me attach my willing lips to her pale flesh, my teeth biting at her. Her moans and sighs were almost enough for me wanting to push her against the tiled wall and make love to her all over again. But then my member throbbed painfully and my muscles shook with exhaustion and I settled to just loving her neck all over again. 

We left the bathroom soaked and grinning, me admiring the purple marks on Sapphire’s neck. The smell of pancakes pulled us downstairs, me carrying her on my back just for the hell of it. Now I wore some jeans I’d left at hers a long time ago, along with Gee’s T-shirt, and she wore a knee length swishy black skirt and a tight T bearing the logo: Life Is A Popularity Contest. 

Her dad laughed at us as we entered the kitchen, me having to bend my knees to stop Sapphire’s head from hitting the doorpost. 

“You two are definitely full of joy! Had a lot of fun last night?” he asked, raising his eyebrows. 

“Yu huh!” said Sapphire, sliding off my back and spinning into her chair. I lowered myself into mine, unsure if saying anything was a good idea. I was sure the hot flush on my cheeks was enough. It got worse. 

“Did you use protection?”

“Yes Dad!” she groaned, rolling her eyes at me and grinning. I sat there staring at them both, completely caught out. Sapphire’s dad smiled at me warmly, clapping my shoulder. 

“No need to look so shocked, Frank. It’s about time,”

“What…err…Um…” I stammered, feeling rather embarrassed. I felt Sapphire’s hand on my knee. 

“Frank, relax,” she said, smiling at me. I couldn’t be angry, not at that gorgeous face that had been a mask of total pleasure last night. Instead I chuckled, and ran a hand through my wet hair. 

“It seems only yesterday you two were running around screaming as tots,” said her father, serving up a huge plate of pancakes. As I shovelled as many onto my plate as I thought I could get away with, Sapphire scolded her father for being so nostalgic. 

“Really, Dad!” she said, shaking her head in a tiny wave of dark brown tresses. “You’re becoming so typical!”

“Actually, dear, typical would be pretending I didn’t know you were having sex last night, instead of embarrassing the fuck out of Frank,”

I managed quite successfully not to choke on my pancakes.  

“Well…at least we don’t need to worry about that,” I shrugged, after finally finding I could breathe again. Sapphire’s dad clapped my shoulder and winked at Sapphire. 

“You two are great together, I wouldn’t stop you doing whatever it is you want to for the world. Ruby on the other hand…” he shrugged, grinning and for up to get some orange juice. 

“Hey Dad, we were thinking of taking a road trip with the guys if that’s ok with you?” Sapphire said, reminding me at the same time. Me, Sparkle, Gee, Mikey and Ray all wanted to drive down to Miami for the hell of it, where a friend of Ray’s had a beach house. What was his name? Bob or something…

My parents didn’t have much choice to whether or not I was going; they only had a choice over how much money they were ‘lending’ me. And even then, they didn’t have much choice. 

“How long for?”

“Five days, we’ll be back a day before I go back to school,”

“Sounds good, pumpkin. How much money do you want?”

“Not sure,”

“Well, how much alcohol do you plan to lay your hands on?” he asked, parting to me as well as her. Once again, I found myself stumped at the simple honesty existing between father and daughter. What kind of policeman was he?

“Frank, close your mouth, you’re wasting good pancake,” he commented, giving me another smile. “You may think of it as very unprofessional of me to allow my daughter out of road trips with men older than her, have sex and drink vast amounts of alcohol, but she’s legally able to engage in intercourse and you shall be buying the alcohol, and giving it to her. All legal. Plus, I know she’s going to do it anyway, so she might as well have permission,” he said simple and clearly, drinking orange juice at appropriate intervals. Sapphire just smiled sweetly and ate her pancakes politely. You’d never guess she was listening to a conversation between her father and her boyfriend about sex and drinking. 

“No drugs,” she added sternly to both of them. We both nodded. 

“Yes, you’re right, no drugs,” supported her father, looking at me. I saw a small warning in his eyes, but still a fatherly warmth. I wished then I was this close to my father. 

“Nah, we don’t do that kind of shit,” I said honestly. It was kinda true. We’d smoked cannabis before, and had shrooms once, but we never brought them, just ended up trying them at parties for our own curiosities sake. Nothing special. 

“Glad to hear it. That’s one of the things I severely disapprove of,” said her father, tossing Sapphire an apple. “Bad manners, drugs and bad style sense. No good,”

Sapphire giggled, biting into her apple and winking at me. I grinned back and felt her feet next to mine under the table, her warm toes tickling the soles of my feet.


	50. Sapphire

I loved my dad so much. Every morning when Frank left to change, he’d give me a look as if to ask ‘well?’ and I’d shake my head. Being so open with him was so relieving, so different to how I was with my mom. I was still buzzing from the intensity of the night before, and he goes and makes it all better by letting me go on the road trip with my beautiful Frank and the guys, and giving a rather large amount of money. 

Guess he was just proud I was dealing so well with Vince and all that shit. I surprised myself how well I was dealing with it. At Frank’s request, I went to a counsellor, worked a lot of stuff out. Ok, I hadn’t been going very long but I’m just good at moving on from these things. Once my scars healed, so did I. 

Pressing another 30 dollars into my hand, Dad told me and Frank to wander into town to buy some more offensive music or something. He loved seeing us together, it was almost weird. I didn’t mind too much. I grabbed Frank’s hand, pulled on some more marvellous boots and we headed off into town, stopping every so often to make out in someone’s bush or on a wall. 

 I couldn’t stop looking at Frank, seeing him in such a new light. I’d always loved him, but now we’d loved each other we saw more. We were completely transparent to each other. He knew everything about me. He knew the patterns of every one of my scars. he knew the way I thought about things. He knew about the birthmark on my upper thigh. He knew exactly why I was laughing, even if I wasn’t laughing at something in front of me. He knew what made me moan and he knew what made me giggle. He knew me. 

 In town we got looks from people, half narrowed, half awed. I looked away, gripping Frank’s hand hard. The story of Vince’s death and the event surrounding that entire night had been printed a few days after I got taken to hospital with Frank. Everyone recognised us, even though I was missing the majority of my hair. Some people pointed, others just stopped and stared as we passed. Frank glared at every one, I could feel the tension inside his arm, his muscles clenching as he death glared everyone who dared to stare back at us. I saw reddened faces look away, stung by his eyes. 

We walked stiffly into the CD shop, the post-love buzz we had being enjoying all morning beginning to fade slightly. That is until Frank grabbed me behind the vinyl wall and began kissing me roughly, almost pulling me off the ground. 

I returned his kisses with just as much passion, holding my heavy boot up in the air like that girl from the Princess Diaries movie. Unfortunately our steamy return to happiness was interrupted by a polite cough. 

“Can you please not do that in the store?”

They turned, breaking contact to find Mikey grinning at them, wearing the black shirt of the store. 

“When did you start working here?” demanded Frank, taking it in a lot quicker than I did. I was admiring the way Mikey’s hair looked almost reasonably presentable. Mikey shrugged and grinned, going slightly red. 

“This morning…I need to the money to pay for comic books,” he said sheepishly. Frank shook his head sadly. 

“Oh, Mikey. Mikey, Mikey, Mikey. I told you where those Role Playing Game Debts would get you…you and all your nerdy little friends…”

I laughed, as Mikey smirked and punched Frank’s arm. 

“Sorry Mikey, but you do look nerdy in that outfit! And your hair!” I laughed, giving him a hug and ruffling it for him. 

“Much better,” smirked Frank, wrapping his arm around my waist. Such a small touch made me caught my breath, biting my tongue. 

“Thanks guys, you’re so sweet,” said Mikey sarcastically, trying to smooth down his crazy hair as best he could. We followed him back to the counter, bugging him over CD discounts and his name badge that currently read ‘Fred’.

“Hey, guys, my manager’s coming over. I get lunch in half an hour, be back then, ok?” he begged. Frank looked ready to cause some mischief but I smacked his arse and pulled him out of the shop, waving to Mikey. 

“Where now, sugar?” asked Frank, winding his fingers through mine and kissing them softly, his eyes going all soft and gooey when he looked at me. 

“As long as I’m with you, I don’t care,” I told him, reaching up to stroke his fringe out of his eyes. 

“To the bakery it is then!” he grinned, starting to lead me in the right direction. I laughed.

“But we just had breakfast!”

“Your point? Come on Sparkle! Doughnuts!” he grinned like a little kid, his youthful face full of excitement and happiness. That face. He could be so expressive. I’d seen him convey hate, intense sorrow, shock and enough pleasure to satisfy every girl in America. I’d seen those eyes die a million times over and then come magically to life. I’d seen that face filled with concentration, intensity you only saw on guitars onstage, beating music out of instruments they looked like they were making love to. That was the face of face you idolised. 

“What are you staring at?” 

His voice interrupted my happy gazing. 

“Huh?”

“You, Sparkle, what are you staring at?” he asked again, his eyes telling em he knew the answer already. 

“Something really ugly!” I teased. He pouted and bent down to kiss away my giggles. I wrapped my arms around his neck, never wanting to let him go. I forgot the stares and I forgot the pointing. I forgot everything but Frank’s lips and his tongue in my mouth. I tasted lemon and sugar on his lips, running my tongue across his lips to catch every last bit. 

“Taste good?” he chuckled, knotting his arms securely around my waist. 

“Way too good. You must be bad for me,” I replied softly, my face still pressed into his. I never wanted this warmth, this happy zone to leave me. I felt like life was perfect, and nothing could ever hurt us again. 

“Oh, look who it is,” 

A sharp, nasal voice interrupted us. A tone heavier than spite, laced with hatred, tainted with grief. A familiar accent. Oh God. 

Vince’s sister.

“Tracy,” I said monotone, dropping my arms so my hands rested on Franks’ chest. My eyes were wide, my face frozen. It felt like my heart had stopped beating. One squeeze of Frank’s arms and it started beating again. She was like a wasp; you had to watch it to know where to run from it. 

“If it isn’t little Sapphire. And her boyfriend,” spat the girl, glaring at me with such fury I was sure my eyes were about to be stabbed out. Frank’s shoulder shielded me from her, I looked over it, gripping him hard. 

“What do you want Tracy?” asked Frank loudly, trying to evaporate some of the stinging tension between her and me. I felt fear stab with every breath, the scars from my wounds reopening. 

“What do I want?” she laughed, shifting her death glare to Frank. Free from her accusing eyes, I found oxygen re-enter my lungs. I clung to Frank’s warmth. 

“What do I want, Iero?” she repeated, her brittle cackle draining away from her like blood draining out of a corpse. “I want revenge,” she hissed and I almost whimpered, her daggers aiming back at me. My legs trembled underneath me. She looked so much like him…

Those eyes, that mouth. The way she stood, the colour of her hair. She was him, all over again. All I could see was his face, taunting me, hating me, killing me. 

“No…” I whispered, my body beginning to shake. I couldn’t drag my eyes away from her. Frank’s hold tightened. 

“Fuck off Tracy, get away from us!” he yelled, leading me away as fast as he could without me collapsing. My heavy boots clumped on the ground, my legs trying to run but my body trying to fall. 

That girl had been so close to her brother. After everything I went through with him, I knew she could do worse. She could kill me without a regret. She could seek revenge. 

“Oh God!” I gasped, thinking of my body lying cold in a casket, Frank’s tearstained face. Then I felt Frank’s arms hoist me up again, lifting me off the ground and around the corner as Tracy stared after us, already planning her shots. 

Frank let me down behind the back of the shop, me collapsing against the wall and trying to breathe. 

“Oh fuck…Frank…” I gasped, holding my head and stumbling. I felt his hands on my arms, gently leading me to sit down against the brick wall, stroking my hair, my tears. I felt light-headed, dizzy, sick. 

“Shh, it’s ok Sparkle. I promise I won’t let her hurt you, or us,” he whispered, crouching down beside me and wrapping his arms around me. I saw her face again, then Vince’s and my stomach heaved. I lurched to the side, violently throwing up. My stomach clenched horribly, my eyes smarted. Beside me, Frank held my shoulders, aiming me away from myself, stroking my hair, whispering comforts in my ear. I needed him so badly. Gasping for breath, spitting out the taste of bile and wiping my eyes, I reached for him, losing myself in his embrace.  

“It’s ok, I promise. We’re going away from here soon, we’ll be fine. I’ll never let her hurt you,” he told me, wiping my mouth with his sleeve and dabbing at my wet eyelashes with his thumb. I nodded mutely, afraid to open my mouth again. His smile warmed my core, quietening the clenching in my stomach. His hand was on my waist, his thumb stroking the sore skin above my bellybutton. I placed my hand over his, his touch making me feel so much better. I laid my head back, breathing in cold, fresh air. 

“Bitch…” I muttered finally, making Frank chuckle. He helped me stand, my legs wobbling terribly and my head spinning. I felt gritty, tried. All I felt like doing was crawling back into bed with Frank and sleeping until everything sorted itself out. 

“Come on Sparkle. Let’s go annoy Mikey,” smiled Frank, and I smiled back weakly, wrapping my arm around his waist for support. I saw in his eyes worry and devotion once again. He would never leave me, I knew it. He would protect me forever. Against Tracy, against my nightmares, against life. 


	51. Frank

That night, in an attempt to cheer Sapphire up, Gerard decided we were having a sleepover. I’m not kidding. A sleepover. 

“Awww! Come on! We can watch chick flicks and eat popcorn and braid each other’s hair and wear Powerpuff Girl PJS!” he cried, jumping up and down in excitement. “Please please please?” he begged. Sapphire looked at me with her eyebrow raised. 

“Told you we shouldn’t have let him have all those doughnuts…”

“It’s the only way to shut him up,” I shrugged, grinning and winding my hand around her waist. 

“Come on, please? Fuck Tracy, let’s have a sleepover!” he begged again, giving us the biggest puppy dog eyes I’d ever seen. Sapphire laughed, ruffling his hair. 

“Aw, Gee, you’re just too cute! Ok, I’m in!”

Gerard whooped and turned to me, repeating his eyes. I rolled mine. 

“Ok, fine…just don’t bring Titanic. I’ll be crying for hours,” 

We were hanging around the back of the CD shop, Gerard and Ray having come over to tease Mikey during his lunch break. I had my arm securely around Sapphire and she was gingerly sipping water, still shaking slightly. I squeezed her hip slightly and she smiled at me again, releasing all my fears. I could see in her smile she was fine. 

“Ok, but promise us you and Blue won’t get groinal on us!” warned Mikey, smirking. Ray laughed and Gerard did another face of innocence. 

“What’s groinal mean, Uncle Fwank?” he asked as I batted at Mikey. 

“Sex, Gee, dear. Sex,” answered Sapphire, grinning wickedly. Gerard pretended to be shocked, and then his boy-ish face broke out in a huge grin. Sapphire wriggled away from me, kissing my cheek and saying she was going to the lady’s room. Probably just to clear herself up a bit. 

“So, you two had sex last night, right?” asked Ray pretty much as soon as Sapphire disappeared. I flicked my head over to him. 

“What?”

“It’s obvious man, just tell us,” grinned Gerard, sitting down on the ground and grinning at me. 

“How’s it obvious?” I demanded, growing hot. 

“Well, you two haven’t been able to keep your hands off each other all day, Sapphire didn’t kill us over the word ‘groinal’, which is just not like her, you know how touchy she is over jokes in bad taste and shit. Oh, and you’re walking funny,”

I shuffled my feet as Mikey and Ray howled in laughter.  

“Am I?”

“Oh yeah!” laughed Mikey, leaning on the wall for support. 

“So did you?” asked Ray, even though they already knew the answer. 

“Yeah,” I replied, grinning and flushing red. They whooped and I got pulled into a huge hug.

“Dude, you two are so fucking perfect, it’s almost revolting!” laughed Gerard in my ear, squeezing me hard around my middle. 

“So, she didn’t freak out or anything?” asked Ray quietly, after they’d finally released me. We’d talked about the idea before, that Sapphire would freak if I ever put her in a position like Vince had done. It was one of the reasons I never pushed 

“No, she was the one who kinda made it happen,” I said sheepishly, grinning idiotically at the memory. 

“What, she jumped you?”

“No, not like that, guys. Look, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is we’re in love and that’s not changing, ok? Tomorrow morning, after Gerard’s sleepover chaos, we’re all driving down to Miami, aren’t we?” I said, changing the question. I left the others talking about what to take and where to stop over for booze and shit like that, slipping inside to find Sapphire. 

She was standing outside the toilet, resting her forehead against the cool tiles. Her hands were held out, palms flat. I silently came up behind her, my footsteps muffled. I wanted to reach out and touch her, but something made me stay there and watch her. With every breath her whole body rose and fell. 

“Frank?” her voice whispered softly. I reached out and touched her shoulder. 

“Sparkle,” I whispered back. Her voice made my heart thump painfully in my chest, a heavy weight settle in my stomach. I wanted to take her away from the worries in her head. I wanted to save her. 

“I’m…I think Tracy’s serious. I think she’s gonna try and get revenge on us,” she whispered, turning around and leaning against the wall with her hands behind her back. I stood close to her, wanting to wrap my arms around her and soothe away every last fear. Why did I fell I couldn’t? I hadn’t felt like I couldn’t touch her for weeks!

“We didn’t do anything, he did it to us. If anything, she should be fearing our revenge,” I snorted, trying to put aside my own fears. She looked down, and I saw one tear form on her lower lash. 

“Oh baby…” I sighed, reaching out and dashing it away, stroking her cheek. Her beautiful eyes looked back up into mine and I saw real fear. 

“I never want to feel like that again Frank. I never want to feel powerless, broken. Like I’m nothing,” she said, leaning her face against my hand. It was all I needed, and took her in my arms and held her hard. 

“You aren’t nothing, you’re everything to me. God, I wish I could do something…I wish you could see what I felt for you. Then you’d know how much I’d do for you, how much I’d sacrifice,”

She clung to my shoulders, burying her face in my shoulder. I felt tears smudge the material. 

“I love you Frank, and I know how much you love me. She scares me. She looks like…” she didn’t need to finish her sentence, I knew she was thinking of Him. 

“We’ll talk to your dad, see if we can get a restraining order or something. She comes near you, she’s history. I promise,” I whispered fiercely, stroking her soft fuzz of hair. She freed her head, smiling at me with her eyes. They glistened with tears she had yet to spill but I felt as if I’d spared her from every last tear. 

“Thank you, Frank Iero. I love you,” she told me softly, reaching up to stroke my fringe out of my eyes. I kissed her fingers and she leant up to kiss my lips softly. With every bit of shit we’d been through together, the love we shared together seemed even more precious. I’d never let this go. If anyone tried to take her away, I’d kill them. 


	52. Sapphire

“Um…um…oh, shit…er…oh shit!” I squealed, the game beeping loudly in my face and spraying me with water. Gerard giggled manically and passed it over, his hair making me giggle all over again. 

So Gerard got his way. We were crushed into his and Mikey’s conservatory, the dark night outside held at bay by blinds and the fairy lights he’d strung around them. The whole room was lit up with soft glowing lights, melding between the colours. I sat on the carpeted floor, my legs settled underneath me and Mikey sitting behind me, a hairbrush in one hair, and hairspray in the other. 

True to form, each of us were wearing Powerpuff Girl PJs. Ray sat behind Gerard, attempting to braid it with the beads I’d given him, struggling with the specialised needle and getting ever more annoyed as Gerard moved his head. 

“Dammit Gee!” he yelled, dropping the pink bead he’d been trying to thread into Gerard’s messy but somehow plaited hair. 

“That hurts!” Gerard moaned, pouting at Ray. I laughed at his cute boyish face, in his pale blue Buttercup PJs, his fingernails black and his toenails drying pink. 

I aimed the machine above my head, where Mikey in his pale yellow PJs adorned with Bubbles was trying to sculpt my hair into punk spikes. 

“Ok, a vegetable!”

“A carrot!”

I pointed it at Ray. 

“Lettuce!”

Then at Gerard. 

“Um, beans?”

Mikey again. 

“Potato!”

“Pumpkin!”

“Doughnut!”

Gerard squealed as the water soaked him, causing Ray to drop the next bead he’d been trying to thread into Gerard’s scruffy plait. 

“Dammit Gee!”

I laughed until my sides ached, Mikey leaning on my shoulder for support. By this point, we’d had far too much Coke, too many skittles games and way too many doughnuts. 

“Hey, where’s Frank got to?” pointed out Ray, his two pigtails bobbing around wildly as he peered into the kitchen through the darkened door. I looked, hoping to see Frank’s cute smile returning. He’d only gone to order pizza. 

“I’ll go check guys, get Titanic ready,” I giggled, just managing to stand up. My sides ached with so much laughter. I wondered if we were keeping the Way’s up, but Gerard had promised the conservatory was soundproof. 

“When you find him, no fucking on my bed!” ordered Gerard sternly. I looked at him, about to fire back, but paused when I saw his dark eyes staring at me through his messy plaits, pouting in those PJs. I couldn’t stop laughing. 

“Ok, we’ll do it in the bathroom!” I giggled; leaning on the wall for support and freeing myself from the nest of duvets, pillows and sleeping bags we’d collected to see us through the night. Around the TV in the corner sat many videos of the Powerpuff Girls, Buffy re-runs and chick flicks Gerard had insisted upon. 

As I opened the door and slipped into the far cooler kitchen, my feet slapping against the cork flooring, I caught sight of the clock above the stove. 

2 AM. How time flies. 

“Frank?” I called, padding though the kitchen and entering the living room where the Way’s kept the phone. 

“Frank?”

I saw him standing by the window, the curtain held aside in his hand. I saw him silhouetted against the orange street lamp outside. His hair spiked in a Mohawk, his face turned away from me, towards the street. In the gentle light, I saw the patterns of his matching pink Blossom PJs.

“I’m here Sparkle,” he whispered, not turning towards me. All he did was blink slowly. I leaned against the wall beside him, watching his profile. I wasn’t scared, or even worried. Frank’s sentry-like pose I had seen before. He had often sat by my window in the middle of the night, watching the night slip by until the sun rose again. But only after Him and That night. 

“What’s wrong, baby?” I asked softly, reaching for the hand that hung limply by his side. His fingers gently responded to my touch. They were cold, stiff. Then I felt worried. 

“I thought…something worried me…I didn’t want to upset you, or the guys…I just needed to check,” he said calmly, twisting his head to look at me. His eyes caught my half completed spikes and his sweet mouth twitched into a smirk. 

“Nice hair,” 

“Shut up Iero, come here and kiss me,” I grinned, pulling him away from the window and into me. His hands grabbed my waist, his lips landing on mine as soon as I spoke the words. There was something special about him tonight, something about the way he thought over things that made him so mysterious and sexy even though I knew him backwards and forwards. I felt a thrill rush through my veins, tingling my flesh with goosebumps as he pushed into the cold wall. His hands travelled up my body, hitching up my PJ top slightly, fingers running over ribs. I moaned, the sensations tickling me and scratching a deep itch at the same time. Instead of travelling further, his hands ran over my arms, holding my wrists above my head and pinning them there. 

At once I felt a new kind of desire. I wanted him so bad. I wanted him in me again, to fill me with those hard feelings and vibrant emotions. I wanted everything and I wanted it now. His lips graced over my skin lightly, teasing me until I moaned again. 

“You fucking tease!” I groaned, his hips grinding into mine, pushing me to a whole new edge. 

“Say it again,” he whispered, his face so close to mine that his breath was my breath. I fluttered my eyes open, gazing deeply into his. This was love at it’s most carnal. 

“You fucking tease,” I growled low, bending my spine so I pushed right into him. 

“Oh, Sparkle,” he purred, leaning in and kissing me roughly, his tongue reaching down into my mouth with total passion. Every breath rattled my body, my muscles shaking under his touch. His hands moved to my waist again, lifting me up and out of the wall, carrying me to the couch. 

Pushing me down into the soft black leather, I wriggled under his weight, unable to keep still. Instead, I flipped him over, straddling his hips and bending down to kiss his lips. 

“Did you actually come out for pizza?” I breathed, kissing his lips softly and sweetly. 

“Yeah, and for this,” he grinned, hands on my waist. I felt him begin to harden under me, his grin telling me he didn’t care that the others probably knew we were doing this. We’d been gone for long enough anyway. 

My fingers trailed up his shirt, undoing the buttons out by one. My thumbs dug into his skin beneath the soft material of Blossom. With each press he moaned, closing his eyes and leaning his head back. 

“Like it?” I teased, freeing the shirt from his chest. Before he could answer I leant down and licked his collarbones, tracing old bite marks. 

“Oh yeah!” he moaned, his fingers digging into the soft flesh of my thighs in pleasure. I bit at his skin, playing with him and enjoying every tiny sensation. 

“Now…Gerard told me…we weren’t allowed…to fuck,” I told him quietly, planting kisses down his pale chest, moving onto his stomach. 

“But I figured…we’d find something just…as good to do,” I trailed off tantalisingly, my tongue brushing over the skin between his bellybutton and where the band of his PJ bottoms started. His gasps told me he agreed with me. 

“Please…” he groaned, his hands gripping the leather beneath him hard. 

“You sure, baby? Is this what you want?” I teased, taking control in my hands. 

“Spaaarkle!” he groaned, muscles clenching and breath gasping. I chuckled, hands gliding over the material of his pants. I ran my thumbs firmly across the waistband, marking him give a small cry. I was teasing him so badly. Hooking my thumbs, I drew down his pants and his boxers together, licking my lips. The sight that greeted me was possibly one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen, and I had no problems keeping the flow going. 


	53. Frank

Sapphire’s lips fastened around me, covering me in moist warmth. I bit down hard, quietening the moans I yearned to release. My hands clawed at the leather beneath me, but I didn’t stop to think if I left any marks. All I could think was the melting pleasure Sapphire was giving me. 

 She moved her tongue around my member, licking the underside slowly then lashing it either side, all the while moving her head up and down rhythmically. Fingers dug into my flesh, causing my skin to ripple with pleasure. I had never felt this good before, only when I had entered Sapphire the first time, or the rest of the times either. 

“Yes…yes…” I groaned, letting her know how much I loved the feeling of her tongue and her lips on my member. As she went, moving up and down, one second covering my length in warmth and gut-clenching pleasure, the next leaving it cold and tingling, she learnt more and more about how to make me moan.

Her tongue flicked the end of my member, sending a pulse through my entire body and I jerked beneath her, forcing my dick further into her mouth. I must’ve shocked her, the rhythm jarred. But she didn’t gag, she didn’t withdrawn, merely paused and pushed me back down into the leather that was rapidly becoming hot under me. I spread my legs under her body, restricted by the material of Blossom. The felt the cool air stroke the sweating flesh all around my member where Sapphire regained her momentum. 

Everything was just exciting me further, bringing my breaths out in short gasps. She pushed me down, her fingers working at the base of my hard penis, rubbing at the skin and teasing the whole sensitive area. I felt blood on my lip where my teeth snagged the skin, and I pushed my feet against the armrest of the couch, angling my hips so she could access me better. 

“More…please…” I begged. I wanted to feel her closer to me. I never wanted this pleasure to end. She pushed down deeper, her lips straining to cover her teeth as she let me further and further into her mouth. Rivers of saliva began to thread down my skin, joining the sweat I was building. 

 Trying something new, she withdrew her lips, teasing the fragile skin with her teeth, making me moan so fucking loud I shoved a cushion across my face to shut myself up. It merely muffled the yelps of pleasure I was emitting. 

She was winning. I could feel the pressure in my loins beginning to build up, the solid pleasure turning into one surge of delight. Another stroke of her tongue wrapping around my penis, another change between hot and cold and I saw nothing but flashing lights. With a burst of complete ecstasy, I exploded into her mouth, filling her with my physical rapture. She didn’t pull away, leaving me to clean myself up, she gripped my skin hard, taking it all into her throat and swallowing. 

Then she withdrew, with one final lick. I lay under her, gasping, feeling the pressure drain away. 

“Frank? Was that ok?”

Her voice seemed laced with my lust, filling me with so many warm feelings, just like the ones felt over in my stomach. The teasing dominatrix she had been before had been driven away, the sweet, unsure Sapphire returning, asking if that pure delight had been ‘ok’.

“Oh Sparkle…my beautiful Sparkle…” I gasped, wiping a hand across my sweating eyes. I felt her hands touch me again, pulling my boxers back over my member, over my butt cheeks, covering me up. The material felt so course compared to the smoothness of her mouth now. 

“Did you like that?” she asked again, her little voice stroking me like a wave of warm water. I stretched my arms out for her, inviting her to lay her beautiful body down next to me. Her arms circled my waist, lips pressed against hot skin. I bent my head, meeting her lips in a soft kiss. 

“I loved that…” I panted, closing my eye sand resting my head back against the couch. 

“Really?” 

I looked into her eyes and saw everything I had always wanted. Innocence, purity, mischief, love, devotion. God, she was everything. I felt so wore out just looking at her, she was too perfect. And now my member throbbed with such a powerful burst. 

“Oh God yes…”

Her smile made me forget everything for a while. Everything being Him, That night, the pulse beating through my lower organs or the fact Gerard and Mikey would never sit on this couch again if they knew. 

“Are you ok?” I asked, remembering the brief moments she had hesitated, unsure of herself. I never wanted to make her feel uncomfortable. 

“That was new, but I liked it,” she said honesty, running her hand over my chest and fiddling with the button on my shirt. 

“Oi, you two in there?” came Mikey voice, the door opening slightly. I thanks Christ he didn’t come in a few minutes earlier, he’d never forgive us. 

“Yeah, just snugglin’!” I called in the cutest voice I could manage. Sapphire giggled. 

“Well whatever you two lovebirds are doing, you’re missing serious Titanic plot line!” he giggled, standing in the door but not entering the room. Something told me he couldn’t quite see where we were, but the squeak of leather gave him a clue as Sapphire untangled herself from me and pulled me to my feet. I never wanted to leave that couch, I’d think of her lips on me every time I sat on. The Ways would never forgive me. I almost chuckled at that thought, but instead I hastily did up my buttons, disguising my chest in a frenzy of little Blossoms. 

“You guys didn’t seriously get Titanic?” I asked, groaning in a completely different way. I felt for Sapphire’s hand and followed them into the conservatory again, concentrating on not walking funny.

“Course we did! It’s a sleepover tradition! Sapphire wears Blossom PJs, we do Ray’s hair, Gee gets sick on jam doughnuts and you get watery eyed over Titanic,” he giggled, as we entered the comfortable warmth of the conservatory, where Gerard and Ray were already cocooned in duvets, their faces peeking out over pillows. They were already entranced. 

“Shut up! Rose’s is trying to commit suicide!” whispered Gee in a scandalised voice.   

“Oh, I hate this part!” I moaned, remembering how emotional I got when I saw it in the cinema with the girl currently digging us both a hole in the black and red duvets Gerard had supplied. 

“Hey, Mikey, what’s your sleepover tradition?” she asked, remembering he hadn’t confessed his. Mikey’s rimmed glasses reflected back the TV as he looked at her, grinning. 

“Skittles,” he said slowly, the word laced with malice and mischief. Sapphire giggled, recalling the many situations Mikey had somehow managed to get in over those tiny multi-coloured dots. 

I settled down beside Sapphire, trying to find a way of sitting that didn’t ache or turn me on. Sapphire twisted her body, leaning her head against my chest and sighing contently. I wrapped my arms across her, my thumb playing gently with the edge of her shirt, but no further than that. 

“Hey, guys, what took you so long? Is there a problem with the pizza?” asked Ray in an emotionless voice, staring at the screen like a zombie. I wondered what to say that wouldn’t get me in trouble. 

“Um…”

“We had to argue whether or not they delivered here and this time of night, even though they claim to be 24/7,” shrugged Sapphire, in a bored tone. I glanced at her, she was watching the screen carefully, but I saw the beginnings of a smile twitch the corners of her mouth. 

“Stupid bastards,” she said again when no one commented. From the looks on their faces, I guessed we could’ve confessed to our secretive blowjob and they never would’ve noticed other than to grunt and watch Rose in that low neck line. 

Instead Sapphire looked up and grinned at me, settling herself further into my embrace. I sighed loudly, thinking how enjoyable this entire night had been so far, and sat back to watch the movie. Of course, it all ended in tears. 


	54. Sapphire

“Holy Christ Gee! Get in the fucking van!” I yelled, grinding my teeth. 

“Hold on!” he yelled back, almost laughing over the sound of running water. That just made me groan and slap my forehead. That little annoyance was enjoying this! Beside me, Frank chuckled and reached for my hand, squeezing my fingers. 

“Relax Sparkle,” he urged. 

“Shut up Iero, and kiss me,”

He shrugged and leaned over, holding my face in his hands and kissing me like I’d never been kissed before. I remembered the night before and giggled into his mouth. 

“What?” he chuckled, pressing his nose against mine, kissing my lips lightly. 

“Just thinkin’ happy thoughts…like last night,” I whispered the last part back, so Ray in the front seat wouldn’t hear. Frank grinned and kissed me again. 

“Now those are happy thoughts…” he growled, moving closer to me and letting my tongue enter his mouth. 

“Guys! Can we keep the backseat PG 13?” said Ray, grinning at us in the rear-view mirror. We both sighed and complied. 

“Where abouts in Miami are we headed?” I asked, leaning forward and resting my elbows on the headrest of the driver’s seat. We were in Ray’s van, the back fully stocked with our suitcases, crates full of booze, fireworks and some pot safely hidden in one of my spare bras. Frank, Gerard and I were sharing the back while Mikey helped Ray navigate and got control over the music we listened to. That is, Frank and I _would_ have been sharing the backseat with Gerard, but the stupid vampire boy was still fucking around inside the house. Mikey was checking the boot while we waited. 

I was ready to go, my itchy feet wanting us on that freeway as soon as possible so we could open the food basket, share out of the doughnuts and turn the music up ridiculously loud. 

“No idea. The beach, or something. Bob’s place is a beach house so it should be pretty fucking awesome,” Ray told me, pointing to a fringe of gold on the map with a big pink highlighter circle around it. 

“How do you know him?” I asked, trying to ignore Frank’s hand on my arse as I leant forward. 

“Met at summer music camp a while ago, ran away and hid out of his beach house for the rest of the time. My parents didn’t care that much, they just came to pick me up when I should have been picked up. Bob invited us all back cos he gets bored on his own,” he explained, his eyes tracing over the map. I gaped at him. 

“You just ran away?”

“I did tell you this…didn’t I?”

“Ray, you didn’t know you had numbers on your front door for all the time you lived there,” pointed out Frank from the back seat. Ray frowned slightly. 

“Yeah but-“

“You forgot which state you lived in,”

“Only becau-“  
”You forgot your last name,”

“Frank-“

“You forgot you had a sister-“

“FRANK!”

“What?”

“Shut the fuck up!”

Frank sat back, pouting. I turned and grinned at him. 

“Moody bitch,” he muttered, causing Ray to throw a pen in his direction. I laughed and leaned back to kiss Frank lightly, running my nails across his stubble. 

“Where you goin’?” he teased, trying to hold me closer to him as I slipped out of the van. 

“To drag Gerard’s arse out here!” I laughed, squeezing his hand and running into the house. I don’t know why but I was wearing possibly some of the dumbest things to be wearing on a road trip. I had my fishnets on, a ripped up knee length skirt with blue thread and my calf high New Rock boots I adored to death even though they were purple instead of turquoise. My top was a long sleeved, low-neck line number with buckles down the front. I hadn’t felt like dressing up in a long time, I had felt so sick and dirty inside I wanted to cover myself up, but Frank cured me. I wanted to look good around him. I wanted to feel like myself again. That meant sexy boots. 

“Gee! Come on you fucktard!” I yelled, entering the Way’s home. “What the fuck could be taking so long?”

“In here!” grunted Gerard for the living room. I pushed open the door, resisting the temptation to brush the newly gelled spikes Mikey had sculpted into my hair out. I wasn’t used to the feeling of so much gel in my hair. At least they looked cool. 

Gerard was sitting on the couch Frank and I had been on last night, exactly where Frank had cummed into my mouth, playing Spiderman on the Playstation, a crate next to him. 

It took me a while to regain speech, staring at where Gerard was sitting. Then I realised why he was wasting our time. 

“Gerard Arthur Way!” I yelled, putting my hands on my hips and glaring. His eyes flashed between me and the screen, then back at me. They panicked and he quickly saved the game. 

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly, flicking his fringe out of his dark eyes. “Just figured out part of the game…”

I shook my head irritably, then turned away before Gee could see my smirk.   
”Hey Blue! Wait up!” he called, shutting the Playstation off and running after me, holding the crate in his arms. I glanced at it, then fixed him in my death gaze. 

“Can we go now? Come on, this is taking too long!” I complained, pouting at my resident vampire. It did the trick. Five minutes later we were in the van and driving down the road, belting our Bohemian Rhapsody as loud as we could get it without killing even more brain cells. 

“Wait! Wait! Mikey, Ray, remember the plan! Turn left!” yelled Gerard over Freddy Mercury’s vocals. 

“What plan?” I screamed over the music, as Ray swerved. I didn’t like the grins on their faces. I looked at Frank who was watching them with just the same amount of worry and confusion, as well as a hint of interest. 

“What fucking plan?” I yelled again, but Gerard shook his head, grinning. In the front seat, I saw Mikey prepare the crate Gerard had landed him with on his lap, the contents hidden under a cloth. Looking out the window, I saw we were in a run down area. 

Crockley View. 

Shit, that name was familiar. 

“Gerard…what’s going on?” I asked slowly, beginning to sense trouble. Outside the van, a girl was walking down a cracked pavement, her skirt riding up around her arse and her pointless body warmer covering about an inch of sin in the oppressive heat. I recognised her immediately and reached for Frank’s hand. 

“What the fuck?” he yelled, glaring at Gerard, who just grinned evilly. 

“NOW!” he yelled to Mikey, who passed back a box full to the brim with glistening water balloons. Gerard threw open the side door, Mikey winding down the window and they began throwing them mercilessly at the girl, laughing. I watched, mouth open and eyes wide as they soaked Tracy head to toe.

“Fuck you bitch! Revenge is for the worthy!” yelled Gerard, throwing the final balloon at her furious, dripping face and Ray screeched off, him and Mikey sharing a high five.  

As Gerard slammed shut the door and we left Tracy biting our dust, I just sat back in Frank’s embrace, remembering the look of complete hate boring from her cold eyes into my skull. She wanted to kill me. And I knew she could. 


	55. Chapter 55

It is a universal fact that when you take a road trip, someone gets ill. Someone always has to feel sick. No guesses who it was this time. 

Yep, Mikey, feeling a little green due to a Skittle fest all last night decided he needed to hurl around mid afternoon. 

We stopped the van near a gas station and while Ray restocked the car with food and gas and Gerard helped Mikey clean out his innards, Sapphire and I took a little stroll around the outside of the station, going past the car park and into the woody area next to the freeway. We walked slowly, lazily in the heat, her hand resting in mine. We wandered through dappled sunshine, birds singing cheerfully, rabbits bolting as soon as they heard us coming, insects buzzing. It was almost revolting. Then I looked at Sapphire and saw the light curving across her features, lighting up her recently re dyed black hair. I saw the eyes her beautiful eyes flowed across everything, taking it up in and her lips smiling softly. Then she looked at me and everything was perfect in it’s cliché. 

“You look so beautiful,” I whispered, lifting my hand and touching it her cheek. I expected it to burn me somehow, to be untouchable in its beauty. Instead her soft skin rubbed against the knotted scars on my hands. Her eyes closed, her face still glowing from inside. 

I pulled her into my hug, feeling her breath deeply. 

“Hey, Frank? What’s our song again?” she asked, adding to the poetry of our embrace. I smiled at her, leading her over to the steep rock face that backed up the station and overshadowed the freeway for the next 20 miles. I touched the warm stone and brought out my keys with a large metal bottle opener on them. 

Half an hour later I stood back with Sapphire under my arm to admire our permanent vow of love. 

_Hand In Mine, Into Your Icy Blues_

_And Then I Say To You_

_We Could Take To The Highway_

_With This Trunk Of Ammunition Too_

_I’d End My Days With You In A Hail of Bullets_

_I’m Trying, I’m Trying_

_To Let You Know Just How Much You Mean To Me_

_And After All The Things We’ve Put Each Other Through_

_I’d Drive On Until The End With You_

The writing was scratchy, cut deep into the rock and my fingers bled from where I’d slipped, but Sapphire looked as if I’d painted her a Mona Lisa. Back in the darkness of the van she took my face between her soft small hand sand kissed me forcefully, enjoying the privacy we knew we wouldn’t get until we reached the motel late that evening. 

“Would you love me even if He had blinded me?” she asked me in between world crushing kisses. 

“Of course,” I whispered back in the warm darkness. 

“Would you love me in the light of the dying moon?”

“Yes,”

“Would you love me in this life and the next?”

“Yes. What’s with the sudden poetry?”

She smiled at me, her eyes flicking between my eyes and my lips. 

“I just need to know you’ll always love me, no matter what”

“Would you love me if I became a fat, money-obsessed politician?”

“Yes, but I wouldn’t let you become fat,”

“Would you love me if I asked you to dress in a vinyl cat suit and whip me?”

“Yes,”

“Would you love me even if I suddenly developed an allergy against doughnuts?”

“Doubtless,” she grinned. “Why?”

“I just need to know you’ll always love me, no matter what,” I replied, teasing her gently. 

“Can you two shut the fuck up? Or Mikey not the only one who’s chucking his lunch!”

As one, Frank and I grabbed the Powerpuff Girl pillow Gee had brought and smacked Ray in the face with it. 

I’m not going to bother telling you about the rest of that day’s trip, what with Gee treating us to his vocal talents with a helium balloon, Mikey groaning every time we turned a corner or Sapphire causing a riot on the freeway with her middle finger and her bra. 

Instead, I’ll skip to us spilling into the motel lobby at ten minutes to midnight, all of us giggling like drunken teenagers and then spending half an hour convincing the lady behind the desk we were just high on helium and doughnuts, nothing else. Eventually we dragged our stuff upstairs, forced the door open and collapsed into the room. Gerard and Mikey bagged the big double bed, sternly warning us that if we’d had it, no one would get any sleep that night. That left me, Sapphire and Ray to take the bunk beds. We were all too tired to fight, so Ray couldn’t be bothered to stop Sapphire crawling into my bunk in just her huge T and boxers. He fell asleep muttering something that sounded like ‘I hear any strange grunts and you’re gonna be in so…”. Insert snoring. 

Soon it was only me left awake, cradling Sapphire in my arms. In the narrow bunk she was forced almost on top of me, instead of at home where we just lay beside each other, loosely clasped. She made the cutest sounds when she slept, little murmurs of happiness and twitched every so often. Her fingers wound my hair in small circles, tickling the sensitive skin where my neck joins my skull. If I moved my body just a little, I felt her weight on top of me and bit my lip, trying not to get turned on but how close and warm she was. 

She stirred, and I quickly closed my eyes, not wishing to disturb her. I felt her move her head, looking at me. I felt her lips on my cheeks, her scent filling me with instant comfort. Then her hand trailed across my chest and her weight left me, leaving me cold and alone. 

I wanted to open my eyes and call out to her, beg her to return but I heard her pad into the bathroom, turn on the light. Returning to me, she lay down with her back to me, fitting into my embrace like two spoons. 

“Frank? You awake?” she asked me, netting her fingers through mine as I slipped them across her stomach, pulling her close. 

“No,”

“Liar,”

“So what? This is better than being awake,” I whispered softly into her hair, my tongue poking out to lick the back of her neck. I felt her skin prickle, a shiver running down her spine and arms. I reached down and pulled the blanket over our bodies, so just out heads poked out. 

“I love you Frank. I always will,”

I loved hearing her say it, even though he said it to each other a million times every day. Every time we meant it. I remembered her as a tiny little girl, playing in a paddling pool in a pale blue swimsuit as I ran around the garden with Gerard, water pistols in our hands. I remembered her on her first day of primary school, looking ridiculously tiny in the uniform and so alone at lunchtime it never occurred me not to walk over to her playground and eat with her. I remembered her on my prom night, in that midnight blue dress and that movie star smile, laughing at my dancing. I remembered her the night we’d had sex, the same smile, the same face, the same Sapphire. Now, as I held her close, time stood still, just for those words. 

“I love you Sparkle,”

She sighed deeply, wriggling her back closer into my chest. 

“Frank? Would you love me even if I hurt someone?”

I smiled sleepily, not catching the tone in her voice. Sleep clouded my mind in a soft fuzz. I was so warm and happy I didn’t think any further into her words other than I could hear her voice. 

“Of course…”

“Really?”

“I’d love you until the end of everything…” I whispered, meaning it so hard it hurt me. My eyes drooped, my tongue felt like a weight in my mouth. My limbs were so heavy I couldn’t even twitch them, or stop my thoughts drifting into darkness. Then I heard her voice again. 

“Would you love me…even if I killed someone?”

“Yes…”

I lost myself in dreams. 


	56. Sapphire

Three days on the road. Three nights in motels. Finally, we reached Miami. The sky was my favourite shade of blue, the sun decided it was going to turn me bronze again and Frank decided that every waking minute we should be together. 

 As we drove down the beach side road, watching kids and adults on the sand enviously, hoping we’d get a chance to play in the sea soon enough. In the back, Gerard was attempting to clean up sweet wrappers and fast food packages we’d picked up on the trip here, while Frank held me on his lap. 

“Frank, that better be your belt,” I leant down and whispered in his ear over Green Day. He looked at me innocently and smirked. 

“Sorry, just remembering last night,”

Ah, yes. Last night had been fun. Separate rooms and all that. In fact my whole lower section still throbbed, which explained why Frank’s did too. I grinned at him, turning my attention back to the window and trying to ignore the gentle pressing from his crotch against the curve of my buttocks. His grip tightened around my waist. 

Soon Ray turned into a house, tearing us collectively away from the beach sights. Instead we saw a house I think we’d all love to live in. It was one of those ridiculously expensive, big white and glass numbers with all the modern gadgets and a tropical garden full of hidden niches and even more gadgets. Why the fuck do you need a sprinkler system with AI?

Ray parked the van and we all literally fell out of it, gasping for air and finding the air outside the van was as moist and heated as it was inside. Frank stayed inside the van, picking up with Gee had left off, gathering up Burger Kind wrappers. He winked at me and I remembered why he didn’t feel like standing up just yet. I giggled as I followed Ray up the path. Gerard and Mikey began running in circles, trying to catch each other for some bizarre reasons. 

The guy who answered the doorbell was blond, had an awesome lip stud and wore large sunglasses. He was dressed in black board shorts and a white singlet, and as soon as he saw Ray he cheered loudly, pulling him into a tight hug. 

“Ray!”

“Bob!” laughed Ray, slapping his back and looking happily than I’d seen him in a long time. He and Bob looked at each other for a second, grinning sheepishly until Bob realised I was standing there. 

“Hey, you Ray’s girlfriend?” he asked me, his voice taking on a new tone, a certain stiffness. Ray flushed and I laughed. 

“No, I’m with the guy in the van,” I grinned, shaking Bob’s hand and pretending not to notice Bob’s grin. He looked over me shoulder and saw Mikey in a headlock from Gerard. 

“You know those two?”

“Gerard and Mikey Way. Just spray them with the hose and they shut up pretty fast,” Ray shrugged, smiling at Bob again. I noticed a weird look in his eye and smiled at Bob, slipping away to leave the friends talking. I ignored Gerard’s pleas to help me tickle Mikey and went over to the van. 

“Coming out babe? Come meet Bob, he’s nice,” I said, offering my hand to Frank. He glanced down then nodded. As he exited I couldn’t hold a giggle as he pulled his T-shirt down as far as it could go. 

“You horn dog!”

He grinned sheepishly. “I blame you and those trousers entirely!”

“Well my arse does look fabulous!” I grinned, leading him over to where Bob leaned against the garden post with Ray, both of them laughing at Mikey who now had Gerard in a headlock. 

“Bob, Frank. Frank, Bob,”

Bob’s house was like something in a bad sci-fi movie. There was an intercom to every fucking room, automatic doors and enough pointless timesaving gadgets in the kitchen to make a Star Trek junkie hurl. 

“First off, I apologise over the shit in this house. I only live here, I didn’t buy it. That’s my father’s department,” shrugged Bob, leading us into the kitchen and pressing a button on the fridge so six cups filled up with ice. 

“How many rooms does this place have?” asked Mikey, admiring a coffee machine with over 30 settings. 

“12 bedrooms. Fuck knows why,”

“Looks like we’ll have to christen them all,” whispered Frank in my ear, making me go red and slapping his butt. 

“What does your father do?” asked Gerard, completely fascinated by one of those magnetic things that never stop moving. Bob shrugged again. 

“Fuck knows. It’s not like I actually talk to him,”

“Doesn’t he live here too?” I asked, sipping my Coke. 

“No, we don’t get on at all. He hates having a son who’s gay,”

Other than Ray, I was the only one in the room who didn’t react even a tiny bit. I’d totally known at as soon as I’d seen him smile at Ray. Frank’s arms tightened around me and he struggled to finish swallowing his coke. Mikey broke the coffee machine and Gerard spilled his orange juice. Ray gave Bob an apologetic look, but it didn’t matter since Bob was laughing. 

“Sorry guys, I couldn’t help myself!” he laughed, drinking down his Coke. 

“Sorry…” said Gerard sheepishly, mopping up the orange juice with his jacket until Ray threw a dishtowel at him. There was an awkward silence in the kitchen now, one that seemed to amuse Bob no end. 

“Well, I don’t know about the rest of you but I’m going to get my stuff out of the car and find a bedroom!” I said loudly, smiling at Bob and Ray, and slipping out of Frank’s embrace, leaving five rather awkward boys to themselves. 

Guys will be guys though. 

When I came back in, they were involved in a heated debate over whether to go to the beach now, or later when the others were going. 

“The others?” I asked. Bob turned towards me, grinning. 

“All the other kids around here don’t surface until the sun goes down into the ground. Then the beach becomes a party zone,”

“Yay! Party!” whooped Mikey, and so it was decided. 

As Frank and Gerard struggled upstairs with luggage, and Mikey tried to negotiate the shower with voice control, I followed them upstairs. Passing a door I heard Bob and Ray’s voices, talking softly. The two friends were split away from us bringing suitcases in, Bob wanting to show Ray his new guitar. I didn’t want to intrude but I couldn’t help but overhear part of their conversation as I got stuck behind Gerard. 

“…Do they know?”

“Sapphire probably does, she’s good at this kind of stuff,”

I tried not to listen in when I heard my name. Instead I concentrated on the catch of my suitcase, trying not to hear. This was a private conversation. Damn my curiosity!

“Will you tell them?”

“Yeah, I don’t want to have to sneak around to see you,”

“I’m glad you came…I missed you,”

“I missed you too,”

Their voices were low and soft, they reminded me of Frank and myself stuck in a corner. I smiled to myself, thinking how happy Ray must be. I loved my friend, I wished him every happiness in the world, but that didn’t stop me being a little hurt he hadn’t told us all outright. Oh well, he said he would. 

“What are you so happy about?” asked Frank as I ran into the room we’d chosen, dumping my suitcase on the floor and catapulting myself onto the huge, nicely made bed. The room we were in was so neat and shiny, it felt like a 5 star hotel. I beamed at him. 

“Just thinking happy thoughts,” I replied, biting my lip. 

“Such as?” he grinned, coming over to me and standing at the foot of the bed, a cheeky look in his eyes. 

“Such as the expression on your face when you see me in that new bikini,” I teased, leaning back into the pillows. His face froze, then broke out in a wide grin. 

“Think I’d prefer so see you out of it,” he growled, leaning down over me on his hands and knees. 

“What time are we going out?” I asked, tugging at the bottom of Frank’s shirt. 

“Bob wants to show us the area in about an hour,” replied Frank, as my fingers travelled up his ribs and pulled his shirt with them. 

“An hour? I think we can manage that…”

“Guys! Keep it to nighttime at least!” yelled Mikey, standing in our doorway. He had a towel around his waist and his hair was dripping. Frank laughed and rolled next to me, sitting up and leaving me hmphing. But as soon as Mikey shut the door he rolled back on top of me, making me squeal. 

“Now where were we?”

 


	57. Frank

As you’re probably quite familiar with by now, I skim. I’ll skim over our walk down the beach, and also Bob taking us out to out of the best Italian meals I have ever eaten, as well as the episode of Sapphire getting lost in the woman’s bathroom. I’ll skim over our evening swim as the sun set and the other teens and cool kids came out in droves. Everyone knew Bob, and some we were overwhelmed with names. All the while Sapphire stayed by my side, my hand lazily hooked in the strap of her bikini bottoms, resting on her hip. When the stars came out and spliffs and bottles were being shared around half naked girls and tanned guys, Bob took us and a select few of his friends back up to the house. The party that ensured was pretty wild by our counts, with drunken girls and guys everywhere, beer games, chaos erupting in the bedrooms and loud music. By Bob’s standards it was a fairly calm party. 

 Sapphire and I wove through the dancing crowd, waving to people we recognised and talking briefly with people we probably had already met. Sapphire had thrown on her black cut-offs over that fantastic arse, feeling a little under dressed when we moved back inside, but several of the girls here wandered around in their skimpy little suits. We found Gerard outside with a bottle of vodka in one hand and a pretty girl in the other, attached to his neck and purring into his ear. 

“Guys! Meet Sophia!” he yelled, before forgetting us as they slumped across the garden bench, locked in a passionate drunken kiss. Sapphire giggled stupidly, already a bit tipsy and clinging to me to stay upright. Me, I was a little better at controlling myself, but I couldn’t help myself chuckling as Gee and Sophia fell off the bench, still kissing. 

Dragging me inside, we collapsed into the dark living room, only to find we’d landed on Mikey getting kissed by not one, but two rather drunken girls. Relocating once again, we found ourselves in a fascinating conversation with a guy with a bright red Mohawk and even bigger New Rock boots than Sparkle about the existence of a Sadistic D n D Dungeon Master, instead of God. No one won in the end. 

The highlight of the evening may have been the sweaty dancing Sapphire made me do, sandwiched in with so many other bodies I couldn’t tell who was what gender. With Sapphire body moving so close to mine, I got so burned up and turned on she took me upstairs and we made love until morning. 

Coming downstairs had me stumbling across Bob and Ray asleep on the couch. Not being sure what to make of it, I left them to it and attempted to work the coffee machine. 

“No, not like that! Press the green button,” came a sleepy voice. I turned and found Bob riffling his hair and rubbing his sleep glazed eyes. 

“Sorry,” I mumbled, too tired and worn out to really think. 

“No worries. Hey, you want breakfast?” he offered, yawning and stretching. I noticed purple marks all over his neck, mirroring the ones all over mine and Sapphires and most likely Gerard’s as well. 

“Yeah,” I said stupidly, dragging my eyes away from the violent bite marks. Had Ray done those? It didn’t bother me if he had or not, I was just plain curious. I wanted to ask, but it’s not like me to make assumptions. Usually. 

 Bob pottered around the kitchen, pulling out bacon, eggs, a large assortment of bread and jams and possibly the biggest box of doughnuts ever. My mouth dropped open, making Bob grin. 

“Yeah, Ray told me he loved them, so I prepared,” he shrugged, smiling softly at the mention of Ray’s name. I looked back at Ray’s crazy afro-head just visible over the arm of the couch through the door to the living room. If he was gay, how come he hadn’t told us yet? I thought it was great he’d found some as cool as Bob, but I was kinda hurt he hadn’t told us. I put it at the back of my mind as Bob offered me one of the best-looking jam doughnut I’ve ever seen. It was like those doughnuts you see in the ads. Perfect. 

 Later that morning, Sapphire emerged from our wrecked room, her hair a static fuzz and her face in a contented smile of happiness. Gerard revealed himself a few minutes later, his hair even scruffy than usual and limping ever so slightly. Mikey did not appear until much later that day, as we all sat around the kitchen table, eating breakfast foods and talking as loudly as we could without shattering any headaches. 

In fact the atmosphere was so relaxed, Ray decided to announce his sexuality and we all told him how cute he and Bob were. Brief, but the atmosphere was somehow even more relaxed and happy after Ray stopped shooting Bob gooey looks and finally allowed himself to be pulled onto Bob’s lap. 

See? I skim. A lot. I’m not kidding though when I say the whole Ray/Bob thing was fucking easy. He might as well have announced he was having a shower and planned to use the last of the soap. I could tell from his ecstatic expression as Bob kissed his cheek lovingly that he had been worried about our reactions. 

Later that day Sapphire and I went to the beach again, playing in the waves and chasing each other in the spray and building sand castles. I even let Sapphire bury me. I’m saying I _let_ her! She did _not_ sneak up on me while I took a doze…

We got in trouble with a mother of five when our small making out fest developed into a rather large one. We retreated to the house to witness first hand Bob and Ray kissing tenderly in the backgarden. I had to cover Sapphire’s mouth to shut up her ‘awwww’s. I had to admit, they were really cute together. 

The week slid by us lazily, every moment finding some new delight to entertain us. Sapphire went shopping with the other girls on the beach, I went beach car racing with the guys. There were parties every night, and I swear everyone got lucky every night, even little Mikey. The whole time was a blur of sex, alcohol, pot and music. 

Then came the party the night before we had to leave. No one wanted to go, we all wanted to stay on the beach forever, Ray particularly. We heard him and Bob talking about it for hours before they eventually fell asleep in each other’s arms. Sapphire and I talked about it too. This place was so new and fun, we completely forgot the ordeal of That night, and everything to do with it. Miami felt like a fresh start. But we knew we had to go back, merely so Sapphire could finish her final year. Bob made it clear he wanted us to come whenever we could, and we planned to. We wanted nothing more. 

To say goodbye, Bob threw us possibly the biggest party yet. So many people came, we hardly recognised anyone, but everyone knew us. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe that’s how it happened. 


	58. Sapphire

“Come on Frank! Dance!” I laughed, pulling him over into the living room that had become the dance zone. It was sometime in the morning, just after midnight. The whole house was completely packed, reminding me of some of my favourite clubs, except without the overuse of strobe lighting effect. Bob was so keen on sending us off with the worst hangovers ever (I swear we haven’t stopped drinking since we got here) he pulled out all the stops. There was even a live band playing in the garden. As I pulled my gorgeous Frank closer to me and began to dance with him attached to my hips, I heard the singer change and Gerard’s voice spill across the party. 

I grinned, and then passed my attention back to Frank, kissing him gently at first, then more forcefully, him pulling my leg up over his hip. We and the others around us were so out of it, nothing seemed to matter much anymore and as we fell backwards into the couch, no one gave us a second glance. I could’ve given him one of my fabulous blowjobs and no one would’ve raised an eyebrow. 

As we lay on the couch, writhing to the music and kissing passionately, Frank suddenly lurched to the side, throwing himself off the couch and running to the bathroom. I lay there, blinking slowly. Then I realised he’d gone and got up to follow him. I heard him in the bathroom, vomiting violently. 

“Aw, baby, too much vodka,” I crooned, slipping in after him and shutting the door. He was bent over the toilet, gripping the sides. For once, the sound didn’t repulse me, I instantly went over and rubbed his back, smoothing back his hair and whispering comforts in his ear. 

“It’s okay, baby, we’ll be ok. See? You’re ok now,” I told him gently, running my hands over his naked back, wiping the sweat from around his sore eyes. He gasped for air, leaning against the side of the bath, wiping a trial of vomit from his lip. I flushed the toilet and poured him a glass of water, watching him carefully. Outside, the party continued full pelt. The thick tiled walls of the art deco bathroom cancelled it out mercifully. 

Frank’s eyes stung with tears, his muscles shaking with effort to heave. He drank down the water, managing a half grin at me. 

“You ok, honey?” I asked, stroking his hot face and using a wet towel to dab his forehead. 

“Oh yeah…” he grinned, squeezing my knee and breathing deeply. 

“You shouldn’t have challenged Bob to that drinking match,” I giggled, pulling my tiny tank top up a bit. 

“You kidding? It was in your honour, and Ray’s!” he laughed, before leaning his head back and groaning. 

“Urgh, I feel like I’ve been run over!” he smirked. 

“Close enough!” I sat, taking his arm and helping him to his feet. His legs shook but he remained upright. 

“Hey, I’m gonna go upstairs, I need to lie down for a bit,” he said, using my shoulder for support. 

“Want me to come with? I’ll keep you warm,” I offered seductively. He grinned and squeezed my arse. 

“Sure you will, Sparkle. Nah, I’ll sleep it off and come down later, ok? You enjoy the party. Bob went to all this trouble; I’d hate to see his effort wasted. You party for both of us,” he said, kissing my cheek. I gagged, he smelled terrible and I told him so, laughing. 

“Cheers gorgeous, see you later, ok?” he squeezed my hand a final time, winking at me and wobbling upstairs. I watched him go, enjoying the view of his sexy arse and then went off to find Gee or Mikey. I found Bob and Ray, lying across the hallway, kissing like no tomorrow. 

“Hey, Blue, enjoying the party?” asked Bob. Like Ray, he’d picked up my nickname too. It was like he was fully part of the group even after a single week. Ray was too busy kissing Bob’s ear to notice. 

“This has got to be one of the best fuckin’ parties I’ve ever been to!” I squealed, leaning down so he could hear me over the music, and toppling over to the other side of him, giggling hysterically. Bob chuckled, dislodging Ray, who looked rather surprised to see me. 

“Morning Blue! Here to steal my guy?” he joked, his body firmly on top of Bob’s. I giggled again. 

“I couldn’t even I wanted to! You two are just too inseparable!” I told them. They smiled softly at each other, their eyes going gooey and their mouths meeting in a poetic agreement. I left them to it, dragging myself up. 

“Blue! Blue! Help! They want me to play strip poker!” cried Mikey’s voice from somewhere inside the kitchen, but I just laughed, imagining how much he’d enjoy that. Going into the kitchen, I headed for the bar, looking for my favourite blue drink, an original WKD, but found we were out. 

“Hey, Jackie, where’s the extra booze?” I called to a girl sitting on the windowsill with a guy I’d never seen before. 

“I think Bob keeps in the garage! With the secret doughnuts!” she called, waving. I sighed, leaning against the bench and lazily watching her make out with the guy a second after telling me. I became entranced in the ways their mouths opened and closed together, their tongues touching in the space created by open lips. It reminded me of Frank, his beautiful face and his soft lips. A tingle carried down my spine and I shook myself out of my rather pervy observations. Tripping slightly on the floor, I made my way out of the house, giggling at nothing in particular. The sky was such a beautiful colour, I just stood and stared at it, blinking heavily. The mixture of cannabis and drink made me feel sleepy and warm, and like everything was just so wonderful. If Frank had been beside me, I might have just started having sex with him right there in the middle of the garden.  

 Deep purple stained the sky, broken up by black clouds and a huge misty orb of silver, so fucking clear I could see the dried up seas on it’s surface like paint splotches an artist forgot to shade in.  Music wove its way into my mind, making my body move even when I didn’t remember telling it to. 

Slowly, contentedly missing the path and going too far either side each time I tried to walk on it, I made my way through the dark garden. It became a jungle at night, the trees blocking out the crystal moonlight and the exotic flowers that burned in sunlight becoming ghostly hands reaching out to stroke me. 

The garage was right at the end of the winding garden, with a backstreet exit for all of Bob’s cars. Ok, Bob’s Dad’s cars. Even out here, so far from the lights and music of the house, couples and small groups of people sprung up. I walked straight through a game of spin the bottle without realising and walked into the garage door, missing the mesh across the door. 

“Ow!”

“Watch it Sapphire! You’ve had a little too much!” said a voice to my right. I giggled, waving my hand towards it. My hair and the dark stopped me seeing who it was, but I shrugged it off. Giggling, I struggled with the door handle, kicking the door in frustration until I felt inside the cold pitch-black room. I didn’t feel the gravel of the floor scratch at my palms or my knees, alcohol numbing the stinging pain. Oh well, it didn’t matter. Where the fuck was the light switch?

“Need a hand?” came the voice again. I felt a grip on my elbow, yanking me off the ground. I giggled stupidly, embarrassed to be pulled off the floor. Maybe, if I hadn’t been giggling so much, I would’ve heard the voice clearly. 

Maybe I would have recognised it straight away. Christ knows it haunted my dreams long enough.

Maybe, if I hadn’t stooped over to brush dirt off my knees, I would have looked to see who helped me. 

If I had, what would I have done? 

Run?

Scream?

Would I have even seen her in the light?

Maybe. I wouldn’t know. The last thing I remembered properly was a dull thud and my cheek hitting the floor again. 


	59. Frank

Ow.

Ow. 

Oh Christ Ow. 

I swear your head isn’t supposed to hurt this much when you wake up…Oh, wait that’s my neck…why does my neck hurt?

Oh, right. 

I woke up lying with my legs on the bed, my torso hanging over the side and my chin resting very uncomfortably on the carpet. I groaned, my voice box vibrating through the irritated skin of my stretched neck. This was going to hurt.  

“Fuck!” I yelled, trying to prop myself up by my hands and remove my head from the carpet. My neck clicked so loud I swore it was louder than my yell. 

“Fucking doughnut cunt fuck!” I swore, sliding myself off the bed and rolling on the floor slowly, trying to ease away the stabbing pains. My head ached with a dull hangover, and my mouth tasted revolting, but that was the side effect of throwing up. Looking at the clock, I saw it was only 5 in the morning, or near enough. The party was still going, by the sounds of excited screaming and loud music.

I wondered where Sapphire was. Passed out in a bush again? Still dancing? I decided I was ok enough to go find her. 

Standing up was a struggle. Walking was a problem. Getting downstairs was an adventure. 

“Sparkle?” I called, wincing at the sound of my scratchy voice. I sounded terrible. Ok, first priority, wash out mouth, then find Sparkle. Stepping over slumped bodies in the hallway, their faces hidden by messy hair, my feet got me to the kitchen, and I almost threw myself at the tap. Colds water washed over my stinking skin, swilling out my mouth, waking me up. It also made me incredibly dizzy. 

“Sparkle? Hey, has anyone seen Sparkle?” I called, looking for familiar faces. Had more people come to keep the party going? I didn’t recognise anyone. I spotted a familiar head of messy black hair, lying under the table with a girl next to him and a spilt bottle soaking his hair and shirt. 

“Gee. Gee, wake up you nocturnal,” I urged, crouching beside him and shoving his shoulder until he sleepily opened his eyes. It took him a while to blink away the glaze and see me properly. 

“Hey man…you ok?”

“Peachy. You?”

“Is there a girl on me?”

“Notably,”

“Then I’m good,”

“You seen Sapphire?”

“Blue? Um…about ten minutes…no, wait, what time is it?”

“Nearly five I think,”

“Holy doughnut-fuck. This is one awesome party. Ok, I haven’t seen her for several hours,”

“Wanna help me look?”

“Is the girl on me a red head?”

“Nope,”

“Then yeah, before Sophia wakes up too,” he said hurriedly, sliding the girl’s arm from around his neck and wriggling out from under the table. 

“You whore,” I smirked, giving him a hand standing up. It hurt him a lot more than it had hurt me. 

“Am I still wearing pants?”

“Yeah,”

“Then I’m not a whore! I’m just confused! That’s my defence and I’m sticking by it no matter what you say, your Honour!”

I stared at him swaying lightly, before breaking into a wide grin and laughing. 

With Gerard’s some what hindering help, we looked through each room, asking anyone we recognised if they’d seen her. Finally one of Sapphire’s friends helped us out, waking up long enough to mumble something about the garage. 

“She wanted more booze…”

“Thanks Jackie, you ok there?” I asked, concerned. She gave me a look that was either annoyed, like she was trying to place me or possibly seduce me. 

“What’s wrong with where I’m sleeping?”

I shrugged, trying my best to hide a smirk. 

“Nothing. Just most people prefer not to sleep on top of a TV,”

Outside, the sky was turning pink, the cold morning air waking me up a bit more and managed to amuse Gerard mightily. 

“I’m going die! The sun’s gonna tear the flesh right off my bones!” he giggled, baring his teeth and running around in the patches of pale sunlight before tripping over a hose and falling headfirst into the flowerbed. 

“Dimwit!” I giggled, pulling him out and ignoring his swearing rant as he spat mud out of his mouth. “You’re a muddy vampire now!”

Somehow, we got to the garage without further injury, but it was empty. The back door was open, one of Bob’s vans missing. I shrugged it off, leaving the cold garage without noticing the dark sticky stain on the floor. 

“Well, she’s not there…let’s go check the house again,” I announced to Gerard, who was staring fixedly at the garage wall. 

“Frank?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t remember coming here at any point in the night…but did I?”

I turned, wondering what the hell he was talking about. He was tracing his fingers over the wall. It was painted in dark colours. The words spelt out were familiar.

** REVENGE IS FOR THE WORTHY **

“Oh fuck…” 

I stood gaping at it, trying to place it, dread beginning to knot my stomach. Gerard’s tone frightened me more than the words. 

“What?!”

He turned to me, his face paler than I’d ever seen it. His eyes bulged with fear. He held his fingers to his lips, the dark paint coating his fingertips. 

“What?!” I yelled, running forward and grabbing his shoulders. My heart was racing, my wind reeling. Was I still drunk, or was this gut clenching fear all too familiar. Gerard gaped at me, his tongue touching his fingers. 

“It’s blood…”

 

 

“Mikey! Ray! Bob! For fuck’s sake someone help!” I was panicking. A lot. I kept replaying that moment after we water ballooned Tracy, the exact moment when Gerard’s lit up face yelled ‘Revenge is for the worthy’. The look of hate on Tracy’s face. The glint of terror in Sapphire’s eyes as we screeched away.  

Was Tracy here? Had she got Sapphire? Whose blood was that? My blood ran cold at the idea of Tracy using Sapphire’s blood. It ran so cold I stumbled, grabbing the wall for support. 

“Fuck! Help!” I yelled again, my voice tearing out of my throat. I felt Gerard’s hands on my arm, pulling me up, his voice filled with the same cold terror that beat in my heart. If Tracy hurt her…

I couldn’t even finish the sentence in my head. There were no words to describe the revenge I’d seek, the torture I’d inflict on her. There were no words to even describe the emptiness inside me, just thinking Sapphire was gone. I couldn’t breathe. 

A hard slap across my face, forcing my eyes open again. Gerard’s demented face was up close to mine, filled with anger. 

“Don’t you fucking pass out on me Iero!”

Dimly, I was aware of more bodies around us. Ray and Bob, both in their boxer shorts and ruffled hair. Mikey, looking ready to fall over backwards. My screams had done the trick. 

“Frank!” yelled Gerard again, slapping my face. Breath hit the back of my throat, sense came back. 

“Sapphire’s gone. Tracy’s got her. We’ve got to find her,” I gasped, clinging to Gerard’s shoulders for support. His anger faded, intense fury at Tracy colouring his dark eyes with a blood red sheen. I knew my eyes mirrored the same. There was an unspoken vow among us that if any harm had come to Sapphire, Tracy would die by our hands. 

“Guys! Frank! We have a big problem!”

A voice interrupted my angry thoughts, my brain still trying to figure out to keep breathing whilst such hateful images flashed through it. We looked up, Ray and Bob both feeling a little sparsely dressed. I screwed my face up in confusion. 

“Jesse? Aren’t you in New Jersey?” I asked the blonde tipped skater kid. Everything was just getting more confusing. He stood in Bob’s doorway, looking between us. I noticed him look a little confused at Bob’s hands around Ray’s waist, resting in his lower stomach. Then he looked back at me. 

“I was, but I’m here now. And so is Tracy,”


	60. Sapphire

“Tracy…I’m begging you…just take the blindfold off me…”

I had thought, at one point, that it couldn’t get much worse than what He had put me through. A small part of me thinks I still can’t get any worse than rape and torture that painful, but the rest of me had a feeling it was about to get a lot worse.

All the feelings I had dealt with over Him and That night were coming back to me. Trickles from a breaking dam. Soon I’d be wallowing in them again, panicking and suffocating myself. 

I was blindfolded, tied at the wrists, the ankles. Cords bit into my skin, burning me. I smelt blood, felt it soaking the cords. I was getting used to the taste. That was a terrifying thought. My body ached, my head throbbed, everything hurt in some way or another. I wanted so badly for this just to end, frustration fuelling my yells over the van engine. 

“Tracy! You fucking bitch! Let me go!”

The engine stopped, a door slammed. Silence, broken over by shoes digging into gravel, coming around the side of the van. It was then I remembered how terrified I had been with him, and how terrified I’d been just looking at her. Please, God, leave the blindfold on. 

The van door opened, someone climbed in. 

“What did you call me?”

A harsh voice whispered by my ear, closer than I had thought. I jumped, shrinking away from it. The cold hate stung me. I was trembling. I was lying on the uncomfortable van floor, cold seeping into me. Air wrapped itself over me. If I had been able to see, maybe I would’ve tried to run. But my legs were tied; I would’ve gotten nowhere. If this had been fair, I’d have laid my fists into Tracy’s face and hit her until she bled. 

But since when was life a fair bitch?

“What did you call me, Sapphire?” Every word was firm and spat through clenched teeth. I felt breath on my neck, her presence behind me. I held back a whimper. I felt powerless. At least she couldn’t rape me. That thought was a comfort. I wouldn’t have to go through that again.  

“I called you a fucking bitch Tracy. Because that’s what you are,”

Why the fuck did I say that? I was scared, but I was also incredibly pissed off! This bitch had no right to seek revenge! If anything, I should be the one dragging her out of a van and kicking her ribs in. 

“You bitch! You whore! You fucking slut! You fucking killed him! You deserve to fucking lick my shoes clean you bitch! You’re just a slut!” Tracy screamed at me, still kicking. I couldn’t breathe, I was spitting out blood, and I was sure she was breaking something important. Why did this all feel like it’d been done before? I knew I was scared, I knew I was pretty much terrified, but the voice in my head kept telling me to wait it out. I’d be saved. Just like last night. 

How? My dad wasn’t even in the same state! I heard something snap and I knew I wasn’t going to be ok. Now, I was riding on terror. God, how I fucking hated Tracy just then. Her kicks had stopped; she was dragging me with some difficulty. Where to? Oh God, Frank help me. Was he still asleep? Did he know I’d gone? When he missed me, would he ever find me again?

“Oh Frank…” I moaned. Tracy didn’t hear me. If she had, I’d probably find myself in even more pain. I was still quite drunk, the alcohol making me head reel and numbing the pain just a bit. It also made everything a lot more overwhelming. As she dragged my legs, I lurched to the side and threw up, just like my beautiful Frank had done earlier that evening. 

“You’re revolting,”

I didn’t need Tracy to tell me that. I wanted to cut back at her, but sense gritted my chattering teeth together. My head jarred across the ground, the gravel scraping at the skin. I concentrated on holding it up, even though my back was being rubbed raw. Why the fuck did I chose to wear my bikini top and shorts? Smart choice, you idiot. I cursed myself, moaning as stones cut into my back. Finally, she dropped my legs and left me to roll onto my side, wincing. 

“Hey, Sapphire. Did my brother ever tell you his favourite movie?”

Her voice made me want to throw up again. I felt something blisteringly hot against my back, scorching the tender flesh. I made me cry out, writhing in pain. Tracy dug her hand further into my grazes, stinging them. 

“Answer me, please. See? I’m better than Vince. I’m polite. Now be polite back and answer my question,” she hissed, wrapping her fingers around my throat and jamming her hand harder into my back. I whimpered, her grip cutting off air to my lungs. 

“No…” 

“It’s Texas Chainsaw Massacre. He loved that movie so much. Could never decided which one he liked better, the original or the re make. Personally, I thought the guys in the re make were hotter. What do you think, Sapphire?” she asked, digging her nails in. I choked. 

“Oh yeah, you’re a one man slut. I don’t get it Sapphire, what was wrong with my brother? He liked you, and you just go and sleep with that Iero kid. What kind of girl does that? Come on, Saph. Tell me,”

She swung her boot at me, connecting hard with already broken ribs. Her grip released my throat and I lay on the ground, spluttering. 

“A slut. That’s what you are. Vince told me you hated sluts more than anything. You’re a hypocrite, you know that? If it weren’t for you,” he leant down and turned my weak frame over, crushing me into the gravel. “I’d still have my big brother. I hate you Sapphire. I hate you so fucking much,”

“Tracy, I’m sorry. I didn’t kill him. He tried to kill me,” I told her quietly. She slapped my face. 

“SHUT UP YOU SLUT! SAYING SORRY WON’T BRING VINCE BACK TO ME!”

She pushed off me, but not after I felt spit against my face. That was the least of my worries. 

“So, back to what I was saying. Vince loved Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Where do you think that leaves you?”

“What?” I asked, my stomach jolted and my whole body beginning to shake with fear and cold. 

“You and your little man whore and his friends. You took my brother away from me, and now you’re going to pay,”

I felt her nails scrap my face, the blindfold suddenly gone. What I saw almost made me thrown up again. 

“Meat hooks,” said Tracy triumphantly. 

“Oh God…Frank…”

Frank, Gerard, Mikey, Ray and Bob, together in a long line. Hanging off meat hooks. Thank God not by their ribs. They’re feet were tied, hanging them up side down like pieces of meat. Their fingers brushed against the floor softly. It was revolting. 

“No!” I screamed, my body moving towards them in a jerk. “Frank!” I screamed again. Tracy swung her shoe at my face and the taste of blood filled it, blinding me in crimson. My screams had done something though. Frank stirred. I lay crushed on the floor and watched him twitch, his beautiful eyes fluttering open. 

“Holy fuck…Sapphire?”

“Oh God Frank!”

“Shut up both of you!” screamed Tracy, kicking my face again and punching Frank in his wide open stomach. As my vision saw spots, and my lips began to swell, I saw Frank splutter, choking. Oh God no. I was one issue; touching Frank was a whole new one. 

“God why? You fucking bitch!” I yelled. I wanted to do everything I could to keep her away from Frank. She turned back to me, pure venom in her face. I flinched. She looked so much like Vince, it was disgusting. 

“How dare you!” she shrieked, flying at me with her fists, her nails. 

“You wanna know why? DO YOU? I TOLD YOU SLUT! YOU KILLED HIM! YOU KILLED ME!”

Looking into her eyes was like sinking head first into acid. I never knew she loved her brother so much. I closed my eyes against her, lying still as she attacked me. Nothing hurt me now, I was winning even while I was bleeding on the floor. 

I felt her pull off me, a stronger force saving me from her attacks. 

“No, Tracy dear. Leave her for now. We don’t want her passing out before the real fun begins,”

Was that who I thought it was? I opened my swollen eyes and gagged. 

“No!”

“Hey Sapphire. See your boyfriend over there? Like the way I strung him up? Come on Sapphire. Say something,”

“Oh Jesse…why?”


	61. Frank

“Isn’t it obvious Sapphire?” asked Jesse, letting go of Tracy and smiling at my beautiful Sparkle. My blood was pumping painfully in my head as I struggled to watch. That smile was so full of malice it made me shiver. Beside me, Gerard stirred lightly, mumbling incoherently to himself. How the fuck had we gotten here? I remembered being in Jesse’s van. He’d gotten out to do something, and I’d gotten drowsy. There was strange smell…then Gerard lolled on my shoulder and I was out. 

Next thing I knew, I was waking up upside down in a warehouse with my girlfriend tied up, bleeding, bruised and blackened, and I was hanging upside down from a meat hook with my friends. 

This was a lot worse than last time I’d woken up. 

“Leave her alone Jesse,” I croaked, my throat constricted painfully. He turned towards me. I had never once in my entire life seen a look of hatred like that. I would have flinched if I hadn’t been completely helpless. Sapphire’s beautiful eyes fixed on me, but I couldn’t drag myself away from Jesse’s. 

“Frank…Frankie Iero. I don’t even want to know the words for how _much_ I hate you,” he said dangerously, walking over to me. His footsteps crushed in the gravel under his shoes, creating sickening noises. To me, it sounded like tiny skulls popping under his weight. I imagined him crushing my skull, just as he probably was to. 

“Why Jesse? I thought we were friends?” I asked. Beside me, I heard Gerard wake up groggily, Mikey as well. I glanced at his face, coloured pale red. He was gagged. Jesse crouched down in front of me, his face set in firm lines of anger. 

“I hate you Iero. I hate you so much. Now shut your mouth before I go back over to your girlfriend… _and make you watch me rape her_ ,” he whispered, leaning close to my ear. I shivered, biting down on my lip. 

“No,” I managed, my lungs tightening. I needed to vomit again. A dull thud of his elbow connecting with my jaw sent tiny signals of shock through my upper body, my blood throbbing inside veins. 

“No Jesse! Leave him alone!” came Sapphire’s broken voice, cutting through the beats in my head. I gasped for breath, the blow disorientating me. 

“Shut up bitch!” yelled Tracy, kicking out at Sapphire. Jesse watched the two girls, smirking. His hand drew out something long and white from his pocket, and he proceeded to gag me. 

“Don’t want you calling out again, Iero,”

The material cut off the circulation around my face, soaking up the salty sweat running across my cheeks. I bit down on it, but it was so tight I could barely breath through it, let alone speak. My eyes searched Sapphire’s. 

The look she gave me made everything seem just a tiny bit better. She loved me; I could see her trying to tell me. One word from her lips would lead to a painful punishment, but she gazed at me, making a bond between us no one could break. 

Jesse’s body cut across my field of vision, blocking her from me. 

“Now…you were asking why?” he said, his voice light, almost conversational. But underneath it was a sadistic hiss, of a man enjoying watching a fish die in air. He sat down next to Sapphire, cross-legged. Such a simple, friendly gesture made him all the more deadly. He’d trusted him all our lives, he was one of our closest friends! And he betrayed us, for what?

Sapphire watched him, terrified. I could see her hands working, trying to ease themselves out of the tight codes. All she managed to do was paint fresh rivers of crimson down her hands. I wanted to beg her to stop, to save her strength, but I couldn’t. 

“As long as I knew you Sapphire, I loved you,” said Jesse softly, his words only just reaching me. A cold feeling tickled down my body, I was slipping into some sort of shock. Over the roaring in my head, I could barely hear him. 

“You sat in front of me in Home Room, with your beautiful hair and your laugh, and you enchanted me. When we started to talk, I hoped you’d fall for me too, but you never did. I tried to tell you so many times, but you were always too busy with Frank or Gerard to notice me,”

Sapphire looked ready to burst into tears, or pass out. She struggled to keep her gaze steady at him. 

“Jesse…”

“Don’t say anything yet, Sapphire. I wanted to ask you to the prom that day at the skateparks, you were insane that day. Wouldn’t shut up about _Frank._ I knew before then he loved you, but never as much as I did. He could never love you the way I did. He could never fuck you the way I could’ve,”

I felt rage building up inside me, blinding me in tears. It wasn’t true, Jesse couldn’t ever love her the way I did! He was just obsessed with her! I squirmed, trying to get her attention. Jesse’s eyes flashed towards me, following Sapphire’s. With one flick of his wrist, Tracy stepped over to me, pulled a heavy metal crowbar out of the shadows surrounding us and cracked it against my ribs. It hurt like fuck. I coughed, spluttered, blood dripping out from my cracked lips. Tears blinded me, and I choked, trying to breath through my nose.  

Why were they doing this? These fucking psychos! What had we ever done to them to deserve this? 

“I warn you Frank. Shut up and pay attention, or Sapphire’ll be the one who pays, got it?” Jesse warned, wagging a finger at me. I looked between him and Tracy. Why were they together? Why was she letting him control her? 

Over by Sapphire Jesse began to talk again. 

“I had known for so long you loved Frank. I knew it before you did and it killed me inside. I hoped you’d never realise, that you’d think you loved me, but that day turned me. You would never love me, never look at me, the same way I loved and looked at you. It was that moment,” he said softly, snapping his fingers in front of her swollen eyes “That love turned to hate,”

“No Jesse!” she whispered, shaking her head. He smiled, and touched her bruises. 

“Please don’t interrupt. I wouldn’t want to add to these. Tracy’s got such a temper, doesn’t she?” he smiled. There was no warmth in his smile, no tenderness in his hands as he touched her dark purple cheekbones, running his fingers along her lips. I want to break his fingers just for touching her. 

“You have no idea how much I hate you for loving someone else, Sapphire. I can’t explain how much I want to hurt you, to kill you. It would be…perfect,”

She quaked in front of him, tears sliding down her face. I knew what she was thinking. Would he rape her? Would he take her by force when she never gave herself to him? If he knew what she was thinking too, he didn’t say anything. 

“Wondering how me and Tracy hooked up in this together? It’s quite simple really. Tracy’s never been quite all there,” he said, pressing his finger to Sapphire’s temple. “And she went even more loopy when Vince died. She lives on my street, remember? I saw her everyday, going around the fucking bend. I saw her as a chance for revenge, an accomplice. Then when you ran to Miami, all I had to do was offer her a chance,”

“But I-“

“Be quiet. What were going to say?” he asked her slowly, each word gently formed in his mouth. He was enjoying every single second. He was savouring this, taking it as slowly as possible. “That you didn’t do anything to her? True, Tracy even knows it. But she’s insane, my beautiful Sapphire. In her crazy little mind, _you’re_ the murderer. You and Frank. Your love has killed so many people, caused so much pain,” He told her softly, bending so close to her that he was whispering in her ear. I strained to hear over my own laboured breathing. 

“That’s a fucking death sentence,”


	62. Sapphire

“So why doesn’t she just kill me? Why’s she letting you have your little wasted love rant?” I asked, anger flaring up inside me. If I was going to die, make it fast. I’d die with Frank; we’d be together forever. But what about the others? I looked over at them, their eyes all watching me sadly. Mikey and Gerard, looking scarily similar, two of the closet brothers I’d ever know. Bob and Ray, their fingers loosely clasped together as they hung there. And then Frank.

God, I loved him so much. Let us die together, in each other’s arms. But Jesse stole my attention again, forcing my face back towards him. 

“She’ll have her fun, after I have mine,”

My heart skipped a beat, or several. My teeth clenched. Please God, don’t let him rape me. He seemed to hear my silent plea. 

“Oh, I not going to rape you,” he added, almost laughing at the idea. “Why the fuck would I want to rape something as filthy as you? Maybe, if you were _clean_ …” he murmured, running his eyes over my bruised chest, my scratched legs, before snapping back to me. 

“But you’re not, little Sapphire. You’ve been used before, haven’t you? You’ve been fucked one too many times…” he said, running his fingers over my thigh, tracing the tender inner skin of my leg. I shivered; wishing my skin would repulse him, repel him like a magnet. Shutting my eyes, I felt tears squeeze themselves from under my sore lids. 

“I told Frank I would, if he didn’t shut it,” he shrugged, looking over at my poor beautiful Frank. “But that was just to shut him up. I’d never touch you like that, not now. You hear me Iero?” he called, raising his voice. “I’ll never touch your girlfriend like that because she’s just a dirty slut. She’s sick, and so are you for fucking her,” he spat. I stared at him. 

Jesse was my friend. He’d been my friend for years. He’s taught me so many tricks at the skateparks, he’d made me laugh so often during maths and history. Him, Mikey, and me, we had been together during school all the time. We bunked together, hiding behind the RE block, getting stoned or burning other people’s textbooks to get them in trouble (petty revenge, but whatever) or just lying in the grass waiting for the bell to toll so we could buggar off and find Frank and the others. Ok, Jesse had started spending less time with us and more at the skateparks with the other skaters, but we were still friends. But now…

Now, Jesse had turned that against me. I had never known he’d loved me, and I’d never known he’d hated me. It was a terrible thought. To be so close to someone and never realise how much they hated you. I wondered if he hated me enough to kill me himself, or was he too cowardly? Would he let that psycho bitch over there kill me in some horribly disturbing way? If I was her, I’d mangle me up so bad it’d be worse punishment for my father, the real murderer, to identify the body. Or body parts. 

Man, that was a sick thought. I remembered the calm feelings sinking through me. Everything was just so wrong, it seemed it would never reset itself. I was fucked. 

“So want do you want me for Jesse? Wanna fuck with my head some more?” I asked cuttingly. Maybe, if I pissed him off enough, he’d just kill me now instead of dragging me through torture again. Thinking back to That night, I remembered the sick feelings of fear and panic, of helplessness. 

Today, this morning, there was the same feeling of helplessness, but now I was just so fucking angry. 

“Well, I haven’t actually decided. I thought maybe matches, possibly a lighter, but I left them in the car,” shrugged Jesse, scratching his head. 

“I hate you,” I hissed. He looked a little surprised. 

“Pardon?”

“I fucking hate you. God, you’re just so pathetic. You had to get a psycho to tie me up to talk to me, you fucking coward. I don’t care if you kill me, cos at least I was happy, you motherfucker!” I yelled, glaring at him. There was so much I wanted to scream at him, to let him know how angry I was at his betrayal but harsh enough words failed me. He sat there, his mouth open with shock, then it filled with fury faster than I could blink. Next thing I knew, his fists were connecting to my face in bursts of pain. 

“Shut up you bitch! Shut up! Don’t say that! Don’t you fucking say that!”

“It’s true!” I screamed, turning my face away from the blows, my voice ringing out through my gasps of pain and splutters of blood. “You’re pathetic! You’re weak! You’re useless!”

“I’m not! You’re a fucking bitch! I’m gonna kill you!”

“Fuck you!” I screamed, rolling away from him, throwing insults. His body crushed me into the warehouse floor, pinning me down. Over by Tracy, I felt Frank make wordless sounds of distress. Jesse’s blows came thick and fast, leaving me dripping blood from my nose and squinting through swollen eyelids. 

“You’re not a beauty any more,” came his hate twisted voice, close to my ear. “You’re just a broken toy Sapphire! I’m done playing with you!” he hissed, throwing me down and leaving me there to spit the blood out of my mouth. 

“You fucking piece of shit…” I gasped, but if he heard me through my ragged breathing, he didn’t make it known. He was walking away from me, towards Frank and the others. I could barely see them through my squinted eyes. Tracy grinned at him, her eyes wide and demented in the fragile light of the warehouse. 

Why the fuck were we in a warehouse?

Dammit, stay alert! There’s a psycho bitch walking towards you with a crowbar. Oh Christ, she had a crowbar. 

“My turn Sapphy!” she giggled, swinging it off her shoulder and holding it in front of her in two hands. Frank made more grunts, muffled screams of panic. I couldn’t tear my gaze from Tracy. She was insane; I could see it in her eyes. She was completely twisted. Did that make her more dangerous? Or could I use that hinge to snap her? 

_Get off it Sapphire, you’re hopeless until pressure._

_You’re not helping. Since when?_

_One word. Braintan._

_If I survive this remind me to get a lobotomy_  

_Charming!_

Ignoring the voices in my head I stared at Tracy, trying not to let the cold dread lining my muscles throughout my body show on my face. 

“What are you gonna do? Follow in Vince’s footsteps?” I asked defiantly, hoping she didn’t hear the shake in my voice. For all my anger, for all my rage against these two, I was the one tied up and bleeding on the floor of an abandoned warehouse with my friends hanging from meat hooks. Tracy was the one with a crowbar.

The odds did not look good. 

“I plan to walk further than he did, Sapphy. I plan to actually kill you properly,” she giggled, her laughter bouncing off the rusting walls. My throat closed up, but I still managed to spit back a response. 

“Plan to die as well? Like your brother?” I yelled, forcing air through my clammy throat. Her smile flickered to a disfiguring sneer, her grip tightening. 

“Be quiet!” she snapped, taking a step closer and holding the crowbar up a little. I tried to chuckle, but it came out a strangulated cough. 

“You think I’m scared of that? You’re brother used his fists, little girl! He tried to kill me with his bare hands and he failed!” I yelled, trying to test her. How far could I push her? 

“Shut your face!” she yelled, getting ready to swing the crowbar at me. I looked at the sharper end, the split metal looking strangely soft in the light. 

“Why? Why follow me all the way here, just to avenge someone who deserved to die? Your brother was spineless, just like you! I should be the one seeking revenge for what he did to me! You’re brother raped me! He tried to kill me! Why are you avenging a madman?!” I shrieked, staring her down. The crowbar dropped, the points digging into the soft flesh of my calf. I threw back my head, howling in pain. This was a hundred times worse than Vince’s glass slits or Jesse’s fists. Looking down I saw thick dark liquid colour the metal, bubbling out of my pliable skin, soaking the ground. With every drawn breath I let out a shriek, my face contorted in panic. This wasn’t happening! This wasn’t real! No! 

“Cos I’m a fucking madman too, you slut! Listen up,” growled Tracy, twisting the crowbar’s angle ever so slightly in my head and making me scream so fucking loud the metal of the walls screeched back. It hurt so fucking much there were lights flashing in my eyes, everything halting in my pain. 

“Come on, sweety, don’t let her go into shock. She’ll pass out and bleed to death. We want her for longer than that,”

I heard Jesse’s voice from so far away and felt metal extracted from bone, but everything seemed secondary, as if passed to my brain through long distance cables. I felt lower in the ground than ever, like I was in a grave with my body still lying on gravel. A sharp slap across my face snapped me back up. The pain still kicked like a mule, making me gasp and whimper loudly, but looking down the wound was clear, the crowbar gone. 

“How…far…did…you…go?” I panted, clawing at my leg, trying to hold the blood back. There was a painful banging in the base of my skull, where I’d cracked my head against the floor as I screamed. My eyes rolled, my mouth began to form with words I couldn’t force out of my mouth. Everything was just going so fast; my heart felt like it was exploding. I felt hands on my leg, easing it and aggravating it. 

“You broke the bone Trace…we’re gonna lose her unless we stop the bleeding…”

Why were the voices so fucking far away? Why was it so fucking hot in here? Sweat dripped into my sore eyes, stinging the cuts on my face. Whimpering, I fell down into gravel, my eyes going past where two heads crouched over the source of my pain. 

Frank’s eyes flooded with tears, dripping out of her hair. I wanted to brush it away from his face…hear his voice telling me to relax…his eyes had never looked so deep…

“Frank…” I whispered, a tiny smile coming onto my face. Somehow I completely forgot where we were, how much blood I was losing. I was lying on our bed at Bob’s. I could smell bacon, not blood. Frank was asleep, smiling as he mumbled softly. My fingers were stroking his face…easing over his lip…down the bridge of his nose…my lips touching his cheek…breathing in the smell of his hair…so warm…

So… warm…

So…wonderful…

So…dark…

 

 

 


	63. Frank

This wasn’t happening. This wasn’t fucking real. 

“Ap ‘arya!” I screamed through the choking gag, trying to call her name. The old bullet wound Vince had given me was screaming for relief, the tension of hanging upside down slowly killing us. Beside me, Gerard moaning softly, tears blinding him, jut like me. I couldn’t see her properly for so many salty droplets. Now she was just a pale shape, blurry and dotted with her turquoise bikini top. I couldn’t see Tracy or Jesse anymore, their dark figures blinked from existence as they leant over Sapphire’s poor leg. 

Blinking rapidly I tried to see her clearly, I needed to. My body shook with sobs, the chains holding me up clanking. Sapphire was looking straight at me now. Her body was lying crushed into the ground, in a position I swear wouldn’t be comfortable. Her face was turned towards me, a smile edging around the corners of her swollen mouth. 

Why the fuck was she smiling? Why were her eyes so soft? So shallow? 

Oh Christ no! Don’t let her be dying! Under Tracy’s feet I could see her precious blood being churned into the dirt. Please God no. Take me instead of her, let her live. I couldn’t bear this, everything was killing me. And her. 

Jesse stood up, and I glared at his face like it was the portrait of all evil. If I had been free, that face would be broken before it could blink. Over my sobs, and the groans of my friends beside me, I could hear his treacherous voice. 

“Drag her to the van, I’ll deal with them,” he said to Tracy, stepping over Sapphire’s broken form and walking towards us. I tried to glare at him, tried to shoe him through one gaze how much I hated him. He didn’t see me, instead walking past us and rattling chains behind us.  

With a sickening racket, and a painful thump, the chains holding me up dropped and I crashed into the floor, groaning in pain. Beside me, the others found themselves on the gravel floor, writhing in pain as our blood rushed back to our legs, leaving us light headed, dizzy, sick and beyond sore. 

Instantly, I tried to claw my way to Sapphire, my fingers digging into the sharp gravel. I ignored the shooting pains, the dull throbs, everything in my desire to get to Sapphire. A thick pressure on my back pinned me down, and I cried out, reaching towards Sapphire with one ragged-nailed hand. 

“Arp hira!” I yelled, as Tracy began hoisting her mangled legs up and dragging her away slowly. I screamed out my frustration, my anger, my rage at letting this happen to her again. If only I’d stayed with her! If only I’d let her come upstairs with me! Maybe I could’ve stopped Tracy from taking her! I was so angry. At Jesse, Tracy, for doing this to us, for myself for letting them take the one thing that made my life whole and for letting myself be so easily tricked in Jesse’s van! I screamed high, wordless howls of anguish, watching her beautiful face gape at me as she was dragged out of the pool of light, her mouth open for air, her eyes still resting on mine. Her hand was the last thing I saw as she was swallowed up in darkness, leaving dark, revolting stains on the floor. 

With Jesse’s boot on my back, I was pinned, but my anger built so high, sense was lost in the fury. 

“Es E!” I roared, pitching over violently and grabbing at him. I wanted to crush him under my fist, beat him until not even the rats could smell the blood. Beside me, I saw Gerard and Bob lunge for him, three pairs of hands reaching at him. Jesse cried out, jumping backwards. We crashed to the ground, our legs still clamped together. I tore at the gag with my free hands, biting through it. 

“You sick son of a bitch!” I yelled, writhing forward and trying to lay my hands on him. I wanted to do _something_ to him, to punish him. In that perfect, liquid moment of realisation, I knew I wanted to kill him. 

For Sapphire. 

“Back off Iero! Back off or I’ll go slit your girl’s throat right now!” he yelled, taken aback by the five pair of cold dead eyes boring into him, each one wishing to do him so much damage no CSI in America would be able to figure out his gender. 

I stopped moving, grinding my teeth and clenching my fists. 

“You arsehole,” I hissed, wishing harsher words upon him. I wanted to scream insults at him, bellow out my torment, but that wouldn’t help anything. Still the hot, sick rage was there inside me. I knew the others felt it too, their faces pictures of pure hate.

“Arsehole with a lot of heavy metal objects, thank you very much,” growled Jesse, taking a step back and pulling a long metal pole out of the shadows. The end already held flaking dark brown stains and it was dented. Dried blood, from a skull injury I’m betting. I looked up at Jesse, a sneer appearing on my face. 

“You sick fuck…you’ve done this before,” I hissed, and beside me Gerard blanched. Did I hear Mikey throwing up? I hoped to God, if he did, he got the gag out first. I kept my narrowed eyes on Jesse, wishing I could use that pole on him. Thick, dull thuds echoed across my imagination, quiet cracks, moist squishes, agonised yells. Beautiful. 

“Actually, no, Frank. This would be the first time I’ve ever kidnapped anyone and beaten them with poles, or crowbars for that matter,” said Jesse, swinging the pole and smiling almost conversationally. His smirk made my blood boil. 

“It’ll be the first time we ever kill anyone if we get our hands on you…” muttered Gerard beside me, grinding his teeth. I didn’t know Jesse heard him until he lightly swung the pole from across his shoulder and rounded Gerard across the face. Blood from Gerard’s mouth splattered across my face and on my tongue as I yelled out. 

“Gerard!” I yelled, hearing three other voices join mine. Gerard spluttered next to me, his body crashing to the side and dripping blood from his mouth and nose. Anger inflamed me again and I once again went for Jesse. Feeling the pole against my forehead, dry blood and wet blood combined against my hot skin was enough to drain away the anger. Oh shit. If I died, would I see Sapphire again? 

“Wanna know where Tracy and I got these lovely blood coated objects? All these torture devices?” giggled Jesse, as if marvelling in how horror movie cliché it sounded. I didn’t say anything, my eyes fixed on a trail of blood running down the pole, before touching my skin. A shiver racked my body. Gerard moaned loudly, cradling his face. 

“They’re Vince’s. His and his little rock gang. Quite the good little sadist, I’m guessing,” shrugged Jesse, as if he was dismissing a goal he was trying to surpass. I thought of that dead lunatic, of the ease at which he tortured my beautiful Sapphire. 

“Tracy was determined to use them to get Vince’s revenge, so here we are, with all these. She’s a little…well, very insane,”

_You’re one to talk_

“Now Frank, either you guys quietly allow me to shove you into the cages or I’ll beat you unconscious and drag you there,” he said, offering me a choice I really didn’t like.  

“Cages?” asked Ray from behind me somewhere. Jesse glanced at him disdainfully, like he couldn’t bear talking to a man who took it in the arse. Another reason to hurt him. 

“It’s a warehouse. So what’s it going to be then, eh?” he asked, quoting Clockwork Orange at me. I looked at Gerard, gasping for breath and holding blood soaked fingers to his face, hidden by his matted hair. 

“We’ll go,” I whispered, dropping my face in shame.  


	64. Sapphire

The smell was the first thing that really pointed out I was awake. Then the cold damp spreading across my back and down my limbs, telling me I was lying on my back. I couldn’t feel my leg, anything from the hip down. Why? Why did it smell like cigarettes and oil and damp metal? Why was it so cold? 

“Frank?” I whispered. I could barely squeeze air through my lips and tiny shots of lip zigzagged across my cheeks as I did, my teeth stinging my soft inner cheeks. Tears dropped without me even realising they were coming. 

Everything was dark. Cold. Solid. 

I wasn’t dead yet. 

“Frank?” I tried again, praying he was nearby. My eyes refused to open; my muscles refused to obey me. I relied on my ears, and even they were half useless with the sound of my heart thumping in them. Pain was trickling back to me, and I recalled everything in a violent flash. 

 My body jerked upright, sending juddering gasps of pain to expel from my lungs. My eyes snapped out, ripping apart eyelashes caked in dried salt and blood. I could barely squint. 

I was in the van again and I was free. Elated, I tried to throw myself at the door, to tug the handle down and free myself from this suffocating metal prison. Hot, blinding white pain flashed across my vision as I tried to move, and I grabbed my leg, the source. 

Screams came from my mouth, and it was seconds before I realised I was making them. My leg was wrapped tightly in snow-white bandages, stained grotesquely with dark patches. Even in the stunted light of the van, I could see the deep crimson. 

“Oh God…” I gasped, my chest heaving as I tried to remain calm and dragged air in and out of my sore lungs. With a swooning crash, I hit the floor of the van again and shook. I was so dizzy, so weak; I knew I’d never even manage to sit up again. 

The door opened and I was so drained of strength I didn’t even open my eyes to see who it was. I recognised the smell. The stench of evil. 

“Morning sleeping beauty,”

“Fuck off Tracy,” I hissed through clenched teeth. She giggled manically and I tried hard not to let my revulsion show on my sore features.

“Be nice Sapphire, and I might just play nice. Wouldn’t count on it though,” 

I shuddered, feeling her crouch down beside me, a tiny glimmer of warmth in the darkness. It was like holding your hand too close to a flame. The warmth burnt my flesh.  

“Could you just answer me one question?” I asked, my speech slurred as my split and bloody lips moved over my teeth. 

“Why should I?” 

“Don’t then,” I said. Why was I even talking to his monster? I felt screams bubbling up inside me, the panic ready to strike out, but I kept my cool. I needed to know why. And Tracy wanted to know too. 

“Go on then,”

“Why?”

My question, although not exactly the brainteaser I could have given her, shut her up for a second. I felt her move next to me, making herself more comfortable. Her voice was manic, but controlled. I couldn’t feel the fury she’d screamed last time I’d asked her. This girl was insane, and she was like every other psycho out there. She wanted people to know about it. 

“Just so you know, you’ve been out for about a day. Your little friends have been very good and kept their mouths shut,” she said, and I resisted the temptation to ask after Frank. I didn’t want another beating yet. Hidden from her, I clenched my fists until my broken nails cut the skin. 

“You wanna know why Sapphy? You wanna know why I did all this just to hurt you?”

“Yeah, I really do,” I replied through cracked lips. I heard Tracy chuckle softly. 

“You’d never think we were that close, would you? I mean him, some big rock guy with tattoos and leather and all that shit he got involved in. Gang violence, drugs, rape, all that shit. Then me, little miss TopShop, Next, whatever you call me. Two opposites, right? Wrong. He never cared about that stuff, he loved me no matter what. He cared for me, looked after me. He was the perfect older brother. You don’t have an older brother, do you, Sapphy?”

I hated that name, I always have. My name Sapphire, or if you’re Frank, Sparkle. Or Blue. Everything else is cheating my name. 

“No…I’m an only child,” I told her softly. Her voice was light, like she was smiling while she spoke. She had loved Vince so much, but that didn’t stop me hating them both. He was a psycho and so was she. Sibling love didn’t stop that. But I did pity her. Terribly. 

“Then you’ll never understand how much I loved him. I knew what he got into. I knew about the gang stuff, the murders, the rapes,”

I shivered, thinking back to the Vince I’d known before That night. He had been nice, easy to talk to, fun. But he’d been defensive sometimes . He’d never tell me everything, he’d be vague. Now I knew why. Why did he even bother with me? When he could’ve just gone out and raped anyone? Why’d he try a relationship with me? 

“I didn’t care, and neither did he. He loved his life, but he always needed something more. He wanted love.  I couldn’t give it to him, not the kind he needed. I was his little sister, but he wanted a girlfriend. Someone to be jealous over, to protect even more than me, to love fully. The girls he had his way with were just that, he told me. Girls to fuck. He wanted a girl to love. Then you came along,” she paused. She had sounded so sad, now she started to clip her words, resentment growing in her. 

“You know, he thought he was falling in love with you. He was going to give it all up for you. Everything. You were supposed to save him. Then you betrayed him, you killed him. You killed his heart, and you poisoned his mind. He went insane. That day, he came home and got drunk, telling me all about you and how you betrayed him. Then he hit me. You made him hurt me. Me, his little sister. You poisoned everything between us. Then your father finished off the job, leaving me alone in this world. I hate you for that. If it weren’t for you…he’d still be here, and he’d still love me. You broke him. You fucking broke him!” she hissed, her voice rising in volume, but still remaining calm enough. I trembled near her, turning my face away so she wouldn’t see my tears. 

“I never wanted to…” I stammered. She gave a laugh, getting up. 

“How could you be so stupid? How could you not see you wanted Frank before Vince gave his heart to you? How could you do that? How the fuck could you do that?!” she cried, before storming out of the van. I waited for the slam of the door, so I could weep in peace, but it didn’t come. I heard Tracy breathe heavily. 

“Now you’re awake…you’re gonna wish you were never even born,” she said evenly, before slamming the door so hard my ears rang with it, echoing back her words that sent chills across my body. 


	65. Frank

“Come on, you can do it,” I encouraged, holding his head up gently, holding the metal bowl to his blood-crusted lips. Gerard moaned loudly, easing his lips apart slightly. He moaned again, a bit louder, as the cold water stung his face and swallowed it finally, before dropping back down and wincing as much as his face could. 

 I sat next to him, watching a tiny trail of water leak from the side of his mouth, unchecked and unnoticed as it inched across the angry wound on his cheek. The bright red scarred his pale flesh, coloured with deep purple bruising across his jaw and swollen to an impossible size. He couldn’t feel it properly, not the dull throb of the blood pumping through his face. He could barely open his mouth to speak, and drinking was painful for him. Most of the time, he lay on the filthy concrete floor, running his finger lightly over the ridges of scabs and tender flesh. His eyes were permanently closed now and he often woke up only to lurch to the side and spit up more blood and pus. The wound was much worse on the inside of his mouth than the outside. 

Mikey sat on his other side, rinsing out bloodstained cloths he had been using to clean Gerard’s injury. We had been here for almost a day, locked up inside two small storage cages, with nowhere enough headroom, meaning we had to stoop. Jesse had only given us water in bowls, but it was something. Across the narrow strip of free floor, between cages, I saw Bob and Ray watch us miserably. Their hands were scarcely apart; needing the fragile comfort they could give each other in this hellhole. I thought of Sapphire for the millionth time and grimaced, hoping she was alright. I didn’t even consider the possibility she was dead. I refused to. 

“How you feeling now Ger?” asked Mikey tentatively, dabbing at his brother’s sore chin with a damp cloth still tinted pink. Gerard groaned and opened his eyes, wincing against the low argon lamplight spilling into the cage from the corridor outside. 

“I’ll take that as shit. If I was any use at medical stuff I’d say you’d need stitches-“ I broke off as Gerard violently gripped my arm, shaking his head stiffly and his eyes wide and white. I smirked. “But I’m not, so I won’t, so you don’t. You’ll have one heck of a scar though!” I said, knowing how terrified Gerard was of needles and injections. 

_No where near as impressive as the scar Sparkle’ll have…_

I shook my head free of the horrific memories, Sapphire’s gaping face disappearing into the darkness, the stains of her blood on the floor staining my sight. 

“She’ll be ok,” said a voice, and I looked up to find Mikey smiling at me faintly, his eyes rimmed with pale red. I didn’t say anything, and soon his attention was taken up by his brother. I moved away from them, over to the bars. 

“Mikey’s right, y’know. Blue’s the strongest girl I know, and I know a _lot_ of girls,” said Bob, throwing me a soft smile as he leaned his head against the rusting bars. He shot Ray a wink and squeezed his hand. “Although, that’s not always a good thing,”. The light bulb flickered. 

“How many of the girls do you know who got a crowbar in the leg?” 

Bob didn’t say anything, dropping his gaze. 

“Frank, she’ll be fine. Don’t you think Jesse’s would be in here hamming it up if she had…y’know?” said Ray. I tried to ignore his thumb running tenderly over Bob’s hand, thinking of Sapphire’s hand doing the same to mine. 

“Died?” 

Our attention jerked towards the door as Jesse appeared in it. There was no smile on his face, but a frown seemed to have carved itself fully on his brow, and his eyes narrowed harshly at the edges, like everything he saw blinded him. Maybe this whole torture idea wasn’t sitting as well with him as he expected. 

“So that’s what you think of me now, eh? Some animal that gets a kick out of killing his old best friends?” he asked, in a tone that suggested he didn’t care. I could see, under that harsh exterior he did. 

“Certainly seems like it,” muttered Mikey, glaring at him. Jesse glared at Mikey before dropping his gaze. 

“If you’re not a sadistic animal, what are you?” I asked, gritting my teeth. Jesse sighed loudly, walking forward. He held up his hand, holding a soft loaf of bread. He ripped I in half and threw it into either cage. Mikey grabbed it for Gerard, Bob and Ray already ripping out large soft chunks. Although hunger burned in my stomach, I ignored the offering, instead wishing for mental satisfaction. 

“I’m just seeking revenge, just like Tracy. Except, unlike Tracy, I’m humane enough to feed you until the final blow,”

“The final blow?” I asked hollowly, hoping that didn’t mean what I believed it to mean. Jesse smirked. 

“We’ve been waiting for Sapphire to wake up. Now she is, we can continue. Sounds terrifying, doesn’t it?” 

I breathed a sigh of relief, thanking God I had been right and she had survived. Then came back the grating feeling of dread, coupled with the grating sound of Jesse unlocking our cage. Gerard groaned loudly, and Mikey protectively moved in front of him. 

“Get out,” he said, jerking his head to the side, staring at me. I slowly got to my feet, stooping under the low ceiling and wincing when my knees clicked. Jesse led me out of the cage, unlocking it behind him. 

“Where are you taking him?” demanded Mikey, gripping Gerard’s shoulder. His broken glasses flashed in the light. Jesse shot Mikey a poisonous look. He seemed to hate Mikey the most after Sapphire and myself. Maybe it was because they had been so close before. I looked at Jesse again, now standing taller than him. I used to love this kid, I thought he was hilarious. Now I just thought he was pathetic. 

“I’m taking him to see a girl,” shrugged Jesse, turning his gaze away from Mikey’s hateful stare. He led me away. I contemplated tackling him and freeing the others, but maybe he’d guessed that. As soon as darkness swallowed us, he turned and punched both fists into my empty gut. I felt to my knees gasping. As I crumpled before him, he roughly took my wrists and wove a tight cord over the flesh, cutting deep into it. 

“God Jesse…why did you do this?” I asked, coughing roughly. Jesse pulled me to my feet, shoving me forward in front of him. 

“I told you already. It’s easier hating you than loving you,”

“That’s what you told Sapphire. Why hate all of us?”

He didn’t say anything for a while, and when I glanced over my shoulder I saw he was looking down, as if embarrassed. 

“I don’t. I just wanted to hurt you all, just so you’d all see me properly for once. I wanted to kill Sapphire, to save myself from hurting anymore. Then I had to kill you too, if only to spare you,” he said stiffly. I kept walking through dusty corridors, steered in the right directions by Jesse. He sounded so angry, but with himself. Thinking back over the years together, I thought Jesse spent time with us only when he wasn’t busy, but was that only an excuse not to see him suffer? He didn’t love Sapphire, he was obsessed with her. 

“What about the others? Mikey? Gerard? Ray?” I asked quietly. Another pause. 

“I resented them I guess, but never enough to want to kill them. I planned to leave them desolate, but they insisted coming with us in the van,”

“How _did_ you kidnap us?”

“Gas,”

I nodded slowly, remembering the smell, the feeling of fatigue. 

“Why couldn’t you just tell us? Why did you have to resort to this?” I asked, a pleading tone entering my voice. I thought again of Sapphire and a tear stung my eye. 

“Tracy gave me the chance to act upon all the hate I was feeling. Against you and Sapphire, and against myself for being such a chickenshit. Thinking about it now, I never wanted to kill you or her. I wanted to hurt her, to make her think of me only; even if was just in hate. But now…now I just wish this was over,” he said sadly. I stopped and turned, searching for his eyes in the dark. 

“It can be! Let us go! Please Jesse!”

Silence. I took a step towards him, pleading. 

“Tracy’s insane, she’ll kill us all! Please, save us! I’m sorry for everything, but you can’t just let Sapphire die! Save her! I’m begging you! Help her!” I whispered, suddenly afraid Tracy would hear me. More silence. 

“Please! Just look at her, she doesn’t deserve to die for something she never did! I don’t believe you’ll let her die, after everything we’ve ever been through! Remember your last birthday?” I said, grasping at straws. 

“We went out and got plastered and danced all night! We had one of the best parties, just for you! You showed us all your skating moves; you blew us out of the water! Remember? Remember how happy we were? Think of Sapphire! If you kill her, you’ll never be happy again! Please, please, Jesse. Stop Tracy, free us, save her life,” I begged. 

The silence scared me more than the cold metal pressed against my forehead. 

“Walk,” he said coldly, his voice stained with regret. The metal dug into my skin again and I shuddered, turning and walking forward again. I had tried my hardest to save Sapphire, but my hardest wasn’t good enough. With the metal pole stabbing at my spine, I knew I couldn’t hurt him as much as he was hurting me. 

I hardly felt the tears slid down my cheeks. 

Jesse nudged me forward into light, back into the warehouse. It was early evening, the light fading fast. In the hot summer sun, the inside of the warehouse was stuffy but cooling fast. It took me less than a second to set Sapphire sitting on a chair in the middle of the room, her hands tied behind her back and her head dipped forward. All around her lay metal objects. Poles, pliers, sharp knives, the crowbar already stained with her blood, and worse of all, a huge chainsaw. Under it’s patchy red paintwork, the dull metal glowed menacingly in the light. The serrated blades running alone it looked more dangerous than in the movie, far more real. 

I looked at Tracy, fear blocking the air going into my throat. In my eyes, she was more disgusting than Leatherface, and that was saying something. 

“How can you call yourself human?” I gasped under my choppy breaths, as Jesse forced me towards the horrific scene in front of me. “This isn’t revenge. This is murder,”

Jesse’s silence told me everything I already knew. He was just as crazy as Tracy. We were fucking doomed. 

My eyes fixed on Sapphire, blocking out the violence around her. I tried not to see the ugly bruising staining her arms and body, the dark patches over the scars on her ribs and stomach. She looked like a colour by numbers gone wrong. 

“Sapphire!” I called gently, drawing nearer to her. Tracy moved closer to Sapphire’s back, her hands resting on her shoulders. The sadistic smirk on her face infuriated me. Given a proper chance, these two lunatics would be dust under our knuckles. But, with Tracy so close to being able to hurt Sapphire even more, I was frozen to the spot. 

Holy shit, this sucked. 

“On your knees Iero, don’t want you doing anything stupid,” said Tracy, hissing across the distance between us. Sapphire raised her head sadly, her eyes locking with mine even through the squinting of her black eyes. The corner of her mouth twitched, as if to mock the position we’d gotten ourselves into. Oh God, I’d promised never to let anything happen to her. 

As I sank to my knees, that promise snapped in two in my mind, scattering itself like dead leaves to the wind. As I did, I glanced at Jesse one last time, pleading him. 

In response he looked away. 


	66. Sapphire

If breathing hadn’t been such a chore, I would have been calling out to Frank. I wanted to, so badly. I wanted to tell him once more how much I loved him before I got brutally murdered in front of him. 

 I wondered, briefly, if he would die too. We’d be together forever, even in death. That is, if there was an afterlife or something. Oh well, if not, we could be ghosts and haunt Tracy and Jesse for the rest of their lives, and then their families. Ha! That would serve them right. 

But what if Frank didn’t die? What if he somehow escaped? He’d live on without me and then what? Would he move on? Fall in love with another girl? Marry and raise a family? Jealously flared up in me, thinking of the life I should have had. Our wedding, as unconventional as we could get it. Long summers with squealing brats playing in sprinklers. Warm evening in front of the fire, curled up on a sofa watching re runs of the Simpson’s. Growing old and ugly, but still loving each other as we walked slowly down the beaches of Miami. Two old lovers, watching their kids with kids of their own. 

That is, if I didn’t die here. If I did, my funeral would be beautiful; it’d have to be. I wanted the most beautiful blue and black funeral available, I wanted to say goodbye to everyone I loved in the loudest possible way. My beautiful Frank crying so hard, he wouldn’t be able to speak, slumped in the front pew, tears glazing his face. Gerard, his eyes naturally red, would try and read our song out, his voice breaking... Mikey, trying to say something meaningful and burbling off about our doughnut fights as tears dotted the podium… Ray, his afro messy and Bob standing by his side, remembering all the times we’d come up with random songs about electrical wires or yellow snow…

My parents would sit there, standing at my casket as if they could still see me laughing at them, my father unable to even walk without help. There would be such a heavy silence, so much sorrow as everyone remembers everything that happened to me…they would marvel at the reconstruction job…I would look like I was asleep, peaceful…but slightly smiling. 

I would smile in death, just for Frank. 

I wanted to live so much, but when death beckons you forward, all thoughts turn to stone. 

I looked up, my eyes connecting with Frank’s as he knelt in front of me, outside of the ring of blood stained metal torture devices. I had forgotten how brown they were, how deep. Chocolate orbs speckled with flakes of black and gold, brimming with misery. All I could was twitch a smile, wishing I could reach over and how his face, stroke his hair away. 

_Oh Frank…never forget me…_

Tears welled up in his eyes and I wished I could kiss them away, taste the salt on my tongue. I wished I could move closer to him, hold him close as I died at Tracy’s hands. My hands were tied behind me, tight cord slicing through tender skin, already rubbed raw and swollen. 

“Tracy…let’s get this over with,” 

I looked away from Frank’s beautiful face and glared at Jesse, wishing more satanic tortures on him than anyone could ever conceive. He avoided my gaze, shuffling his feet and he held Frank’s broad shoulders securely. 

“What do you mean? This is when the fun starts!” laughed Tracy, her nails digging into my skin. I barely noticed. Go back to that place, Sapphire. Think of the life you’ll never have… the life Frank deserves…think of Frank…

I was so busy thinking of what I wanted written on my gravestone other than ‘told you I wasn’t a hypochondriac!’ and Our Song, I barely registered Jesse’s voice. 

“You’ve had enough fun, let’s just kill them…this is just getting kinda sick,”

The nails left my shoulders and Tracy stepped in front of me, blocking Frank’s eyes. Bitch. 

“What are you saying? You don’t want to go through with this?” she asked him slowly, her voice filled to the brim with dangerous venom. It was so crushing; I didn’t want to breathe, in case she turned it on me. It was that kind of voice that commanded suicides. 

And it was aimed at Jesse. He didn’t say anything, merely shuffled his feet, the concrete tapping lightly underneath his soles. All I could hear my own laboured breathing. 

“Do we have to do everything you planned?” he asked softly, after what seemed a lifetime. 

“This is revenge, Jesse! It’s not some weak punishment, a slap on the wrist! You wanted to do this as much as I do!” screamed Tracy, going from low and deadly to loud and terrifying. God, I hated her. She made my ears ring with her nasal shrieks. I wanted so much to grab that crowbar and shove it down her throat, cut off that scream at the source. Lips parted over teeth in a sneer, thinking of how hard I’d thrust it into her warm flesh, blood spurting over me as I hacked. 

As Tracy moved, I saw the same bloodlust in Frank’s eyes, overcoming the weary terror both of us felt. I blinked slowly, clearing my vision and my mouth slacking back as breath struggled to go past my lips. 

Jesse looked unconvinced, his gaze shifted from all three of us. Tracy reached over and grabbed his face, her nails causing him to wince. I almost laughed, seeing the fleeting pain dance across his face. You have no idea motherfucker…

“Look at her! You hate her! She’s ruined your life and if you don’t take revenge, you’re a shell of a man! She led you on! Wasted your time! She never loved you! You deserve revenge for everything she ever made you feel! You’ll always be nothing if you don’t do it! You’re a fucking pussy! Now take what’s yours!” screamed Tracy, throwing him away from her. He staggered back, rubbing at the smell half moons across his cheeks. Anger flared on his features, aimed at Tracy, but directed at me. 

Her words seemed to have sunk in. Slowly, he bent down, picking up a rusty razor. My eyes widened as he straightened, watching him grip the sharp metal tightly. Then his gaze shifted back to Tracy. 

“I never said I wouldn’t do it! Don’t you think I know how much I hate her? But torture’s just too sick, Tracy. Even your brother left it to his friends. Why can’t we just kill them?” he asked evenly. 

“Oh please! Vince was worse than his friends, he wanted to be the one who _watched_! You know that as well as I do! Where’s the fun if she’s not screaming?” she demanded. 

“Tracy, are you insane enough that you want to do everything? Everything you told me?”

“Yes! And more! I want to peel her skin off her body, I want to burn her, I want to cut her up until she’s a whole new colour! And I want _him_ to watch!” laughed Tracy, kicking Frank hard in the stomach. He choked and bent down, his forehead touching the cold concrete. 

Tracy’s words floated around my head dimly as I listened to her scream about all the revolting things she was going to do to me. The needles, the knives, the matches. And then, finally, just to finish me off…

The chainsaw. Vince’s favourite movie, Tracy’s insane homage to a rapist and a murderer. 

I glanced at it as she strode around the circle, waving her arms and screaming at Jesse, filling him with her insanity. His coldness came back as she screamed, the silent rage building up on his face. With a final eerie howl, Tracy let up her rant, booting the chainsaw violently and striding off. 

Silence swooped in, and Frank’s eyes met mine again, fear staining them. I could see him imagining every little bit of the torture Tracy had described, playing the sick movie in his mind. I couldn’t bring myself to smile, tight knots in my stomach. Tracy’s rant had taken its toll, but worse came from the look Jesse was giving me. He walked around Frank, standing in front of me. The burning emotions in his eyes made it impossible to look away. 

He crouched down, face level with mine. 

“Not even a bitch as revolting as you deserves the shit she wants to do to you. No even a slut as filthy…” he said so quietly I wondered if Frank heard him. He raised his hand, stroking the side of my face. I tried not to let the discomfort show on my face. 

“Poor Sapphire…what beautiful colours on such a beautiful face…you poor little whore…its such a shame…” he said so softly I wondered if he was even speaking to me. His eyes flowed softly over my face, over the damage he’d caused, over my swollen features. His touch went down my cheek, over my lips, my neck, drifting down to my chest and tracing the jagged lines of grazes and bruises. 

“You were so beautiful to me once Sapphire…I wanted to frame you…I wanted to hold you as an image and admire you forever…it was all I could do in the end, you never let me get close to you…never let me touch you…”

His touch went further, stroking my stomach, to the waistband of my cut-offs. I tried not to jerk away from him, his hand moving in slow circles on my inner thigh. 

“I wanted to touch you…to fill you…smell you and taste you…every little bit of you I loved to the point of worship…I wanted to fuck you so bad, it became all I thought about,”

I shivered and his touch left me briefly, before returning, pushing at my crotch. I shut my eyes tightly, screwing up my face in disgust. _He said he wasn’t going to fuck me, he said I was too dirty…please God, don’t let him do this to me…_

“Do you like it?” came his soft voice, and I felt his breath on my ear. I turned my head away sharply, groaning in discomfort. I wondered if he took it as something else, he moved closer to me, his face pressing against the side of my face, breathing in deeply. I gagged as his tongue touched my skin. This was worse than Vince in some ways…I could feel Frank’s smouldering gaze burning Jesse as his weight settled on my lap, making my fucked up leg clench painfully, the throbbing blood trapped. With Frank there, the idea of rape seemed dirtier, even more revolting somehow. _Please God don’t’ rape me…I’m too dirty remember? Please God don’t touch me…_

With Vince, I hated him and I feared him. I could cut myself off completely. He had been overpowering, terrifying. Jesse had been my friend, so close to me. Somehow this seemed some huge terrible joke, my friend doing this to me. I hated him, and I remembered loving him.

My gaze looked for Frank, begging with him to help me somehow. He began to squirm, trying to work his hands free. On my lap, Jesse’s hands wrapped around me, his tongue on my skin. I clenched my teeth, sucking in air and trying not to let sound out. I wanted to scream, and I wanted to vomit. 

“You’re so revolting…so sick…you’re a fucking disease,” hissed Jesse, his hand touching the side of my head and forcing me to look at him. I realised he had been holding that razor as he touched me. I realised there was blood joining the salty sweat on my body, tiny flows stemming from cuts I’d never felt him make. I felt blood run down my cheek, dripping off my chin. Jesse held the razor in front of my face, grinning sadistically. 

“Razorblade kiss, Sapphire,” he whispered, dropping the razor over his shoulder, grabbing my throat and shoving his face down onto mine. Poor Jesse, his experience at kissing lacked the passion Frank and I held, but his fumbling kiss was still enough to make me squirm, trying to free my lips from his tongue. 

“None of that slut,” he growled, tightening his grip on my neck and cutting off my air, causing my eyes to widen. 

“No…” I coughed, trying to wriggle free, but held too tight by cords. Jesse pushed his lips back down onto mine, forcing my mouth open by force and pushing his tongue deep into my mouth. I wanted to heave, all the feeling from Vince flooding back. Jesse’s hand pushed at my shorts again, his hands playing over my body, smearing blood everywhere. 

It was then I realised that the sounds I could hear over my thumping heart were Frank’s wordless howls of anguish. 


	67. Frank

Rage blinded me, and I could barely hear my yells over the furious beating of my heart and the screams in my head. Fresh slits opened on my wrists as I struggled to free my hands, wanting to pound Jesse’s face until his lips couldn’t be identified from his eyes. 

 Roaring in insanity as he continued to ignore me, kissing Sapphire and letting his hands wander over her body, I tried to force myself up to my feet, muscles creaking. All the latent fury I’d built up, dealing with a girlfriend who’d been raped and tortured, came back as I witnessed the second, even more disgusting, round. 

“Oh no you don’t!” came Tracy’s voice and I saw clearly long enough to see a heavy metal object colliding with my head. I was on the floor, stunned and groaning before I realised I was in pain. 

“Hold still Iero unless you want me to kill you before you get the chance to watch me kill her,” she said over the ringing in my head, my head held between a sharp metal pole and the floor. I groaned again, my eyes still fixed on Sapphire’s unwilling face. Her eyes were wide open, fixed on me, begging me to save her. 

My face screwed up as I sobbed heavily, wishing to God I could. Anger ebbed away, leaving only raw pain. 

“Jesse, get off her, we’ve got torture to do,” snapped Tracy, her voice cutting through this horror movie scene. Jesse broke away from Sapphire who gagged, coughing and spitting as he released her throat and got off her. My eyes went from her grimacing face, to her leg, blood staining the shoddy bandage they’d put on her to keep her alive. How could she survive this? With so much lost blood, so many injuries staining her skin? How was her body coping with the trauma? 

“What’s first?” he asked, lip curling. His wiped his face, grinning at me. I gave him the filthiest look I could manage. 

“Hit her, Jesse. Hit her until she bleeds from the inside,” said Tracy, her own face twisted in a manic grin. 

“What? Why?” cried Jesse, looking alarmed. He took a step back and Sapphire tried to twist away from him, still spitting. Tracy moved above me, and the pole pressed harder against my temple. It was irritating, and unbearable, my teeth gritted without me telling them too. Any harder and the lights flashing in my eyes would become brighter, any harder and my skin would spilt. 

“I wanna see you’re dedicated to this. I wanna know I can trust you,” she yelled at him, “Do it!”

Jesse looked unsure, glancing between Tracy and Sapphire. He saw Sapphire hawk on to the ground, trying to extract all taste of him from her mouth and his jaw tighten. 

“Didn’t like the taste, you bitch?” he asked, following Tracy’s order and back slapping her. The crack of skin on skin resounded in the dust filled air and I winced, as Sapphire grunted in discomfort, her head cracked to the other side. The look of hate burning from her eyes made me wince again. Jesse hit her again, forcing her gaze away. 

Tracy laughed behind me. 

“Yes! That’s it! Hit her! For every day she scorned you hit her! For me!” she laughed, delighted. He turned away from Sapphire, back to Tracy. 

“I didn’t hit her for you, Tracy. This is my revenge, not just yours,” he snarled, and walked away slightly, rubbing his hand over his eyes. As he lifted his arm, I saw bruising along his ribs, scratches on his arms I hadn’t noticed before. How had he earned those?

“This is just so wrong…” he said quietly, rubbing his head and staring at the chainsaw. His voice was dejected, recovering from his madness. He glanced back at all of us, shaking his head. 

“This is just wrong. Just kill them Tracy! This is insane!”

Tracy laughed again, throwing her head back and laughing. 

“You’re worse than I am Jesse! At least I know what I want! I want Sapphire’s blood in pools on the floor! I want Frank crying as I slit her throat! You keep changing! You’re going just as crazy as me! So choose, either follow my orders and help me exact revenge, or walk away,” she said dangerously, leaning on one hip and pressing the pole on me harder. I made a noise in the back of my throat, feeling blood well up with the sharp edge broke my skin. 

 All eyes were on Jesse, waiting for him. 

“If I walk away, you’ll just keep torturing them until they die, won’t you?” he asked slowly, looking at Sapphire. He stood so small, so stupidly, I wanted to laugh at him. A little boy lost in the wicked game. His gaze wasn’t filled with hate, or lust, or coldness. There was a genuine concern in his eyes that made me want to hurl. It seemed to have the same effect on Tracy. 

“You’re pathetic. I’ll kill them eventually, when I feel Vince has been avenged,” spat Tracy, curling her lip at him. He snapped his attention back to her, anger filling his features. 

“I don’t care about your fucking brother!” he yelled. “Why the fuck are you idolising such a psycho?” He screamed. 

_Excellent question, fucktard_

The pressure left my head as Tracy stepped over me, striding towards him. 

“DON’T CALL HIM THAT!” she shrieked. Jesse didn’t move, anger still painting his face. Tracy reached behind her and pulled a very familiar object out of the back of her jeans. At least this time the glinting handgun wasn’t aimed at my head. I glanced at Sapphire and her eyes met mine in a scared gesture. My gun wound itched terribly as I watched Tracy point the same gun at Jesse. 

“Tracy, calm down,” said Jesse softly, holding his hands out as if to tame her, fear circling his eyes. 

_How’s it feel, fucker?_

“Don’t call him that! We’ve done this before, Jesse. Didn’t I teach you before? Don’t call Vince that!!” she screamed, holding the gun steadily. Her arm didn’t even shake in fury as her face turned red. 

“Yes, you did, I’m sorry Tracy,” mumbled Jesse humbly. 

“Now hit her until she screams, or I’ll fucking kill you!” screamed Tracy, jerking the gun at Sapphire. Jesse looked torn. 

“Please…calm down!” he yelled, distress edging his voice. 

“No! Either you do it or leave, right now! I want loyalty or nothing!” she yelled. The room was silent, echoing back her harsh yells. Jesse looked between us all, scared and alone. I begged him to help us, to use his moment of clarity to help us. My eyes pleaded him, but he stared at me blankly. He looked at Sapphire and his expression softened, guilt in his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly, to her. She looked disgusted, her whole body wriggling in disgust as she tried to edge away. Jesse looked down, brow furrowed. 

“I can’t do this…not anymore…” he sighed, before slowly turning away from us and stepping over the circle of violence, walking away from us. With every step he seemed to grow taller, safer. 

“No, you can’t,” hissed Tracy, the gun still trained on Jesse. I saw what she meant to do before she pulled the trigger. 

“No!” yelled Sapphire, her mouth open in shock. Jesse hit the floor with a loud cry, writhing in his own blood. 

“You bitch!” he screamed, gasping for breath and making loud wordless yells of pain. He yelled again and again, calling her every name under the sun. “You fucking whore!” he screeched, trying to claw at the crimson hole in his side, trying to hold the blood back. Tracy stepped over the circle slowly, her face calm and deadly. She advanced on him, holding the gun out. With every step he yelled out, begging her. He tried to claw anyway from her, dragging his useless form across the floor, screaming and writhing. 

“No! No!” he begged, as the terrible vision came closer. 

_Goodbye Jesse._


	68. Sapphire

Blam!

_Ok, come on, Sapphire, ignore the blood_

Blam!  
 _Almost there! Just a little further…_

Blam!

I tried not to see Tracy stand over Jesse, steadily filling his chest with bullet holes, before aiming at his skull. The sickening squelch that followed the last shot almost made me vomit again. 

_YES!_

I gasped in joy, my fingers finally slipping out of the blood drenched cords, untangling themselves from the knot behind my back. Tracy was emptying the gun into Jesse, staring at him with a cold expression on her face. I tried not to make a noise, leaning forward and grabbing the dropped razorblade, slicing through the cords around my ankles. 

“Frank!” I hissed, launching myself off the chair and towards him. His attention snapped back to me, confused and revolted. 

“Sapphire!” he whispered, his face lighting up at the sight of my free (although incredibly bloody) hands. I reached for him, my legs useless and stabbing with pain. As soon as our skin touched hope flared up in me. Maybe we’d escape after all. 

“Come on!” I urged, leaning over him and cutting at the cords around his sore wrists. My wet finger slipped on the slim metal, accidentally sinking into the flesh of his hand but he didn’t cry out, watching Tracy carefully. 

Blam!

One bullet left, I freed Frank and he scrambled to his feet, reaching for my battered limbs, brushing away my pain with one caress of his hands. I wrapped my arms around his neck, letting him lift my body off the cold floor. 

BLAM!

“Go!” I urged in his ear, feeling the warmth from his body fill me. I was so cold, so numb and so sore. I clung to Frank as he ran over the circle, heading from the entrance he had come from. We had to help the others. Maybe, with Tracy on her own, we had a chance of overpowering her. 

“NO!!” came an inhuman screech behind us as we darted through into the shadows, disappearing. Tracy’s screams and her slapping footsteps on the concrete haunted the air behind us, growing closer with the echoes. My strength was draining out of me, my leg itching painfully.  I closed my eyes, praying she couldn’t see us in the gloom of the winding corridors, and listened to Frank’s breathing, his heartbeat. Just to life, not death. 

Dimly, I was aware of him stopping, lowering me down. 

“Stay here, out of sight, please. Don’t make a sound, don’t’ let her find you. I’ll finish this, I promise,”

“Frank!” I cried weakly. _Please don’t leave me again_ I begged silently, drawing ragged breaths and feeling my heart jolt. I felt my body propped against something, hidden in shadows. 

“Shh, Sparkle, please. Please be quiet, don’t let her find you, I love you,” he whispered, kissing my sore head, my black eyes, my razor cut, my broken lips. “I love you so much,”

And then he was gone. I wanted to call his name, to beg him to stay with me here, but I was so weak, so tired, I couldn’t focus. I wanted to say I loved him, I needed him, to save us all, but I was so dizzy. I cringed as tears lid from under my eyes and my leg throbbed. Tracy drew closer, scraping something metal along the rusting walls made of tin. I flinched, leaning away from the sound, praying she wouldn’t see me. No more pain, no more blood. The noise came closer, cutting through my thoughts and killing me all over again. She came slowly. I waited for her nails to dig into my shoulder, drag me out and for the pain to start again. 

 This was worse than waiting at the brink of the rollercoaster you know it about to drop. This was worse than waiting for a needle to pierce your flesh. This was worse than everything I’d ever imagined before. I was waiting for a psycho to find me and kill me painfully, and Frank had gone. 

With every step she came closer, dragging metal along metal, until I was gasping in pain, clutching my head to block the sound. Please, God, make this stop. She went straight past where Frank had hidden me under thick piping, surrounded by cobwebs and dust. Everything added to my panic. The noise that grated in my skull began to reside as she walked away, following the path Frank had ran away, leaving me. 

_Oh Frank…stop her…_

Soon I couldn’t hear anything but my own laboured breathing, my own irregular heartbeat _. Breathe, Sapphire, breathe. Don’t black out_ , I warned myself. 

_You’ve got to help Frank and the others_

_How? I’m useless, my leg…_

_I don’t know but you must! What if she catches him? What if she kills him?_

_NO!_

_Save him, you can do it!_

_I can’t walk! I can barely move!_

_Then crawl, drag yourself. You know what you need, what you have to find. Use it, kill her, save us all._

_So weak…_

_Think of Frank._

Slowly, thickly, as if dragging myself out of fog, I twisted away from the wall, rolling my body into the corridor. It was so dark, I couldn’t; see myself, only the white smudges of my bandaged leg and pinpricks of light along the tin wall. My leg thudded against the floor and I bit down hard to stop my cry. I almost cried out again, my beaten lips searing in pain as my teeth snagged them. 

“Fuck!” I groaned, blinking rapidly to clear my vision. 

_Think of Frank, go._

I could several deep breaths, trying to calm my heart, before reaching forward and gripping the uneven rough floor with my ripped nails. Shots of pain stung at my hands, but I swallowed yells and pulled myself out of the hole, heading back the way we’d come. 

_You can do it Sapphire_

My legs dragged along the concrete, skin grazed by the surface. I looked forward, gasping for breath and gritting my teeth. 

_Come on, that’s it_

I glanced behind me, into the darkness. On the paler floor behind me, a dim line of blood followed me. If Tracy came back, she’d see it too, she’d follow and I’d be dead before I could hide. 

_Frank is drawing her away from you, keep going. You need strength._

“I have no strength,” I despaired into the floor, leaning my head against the cold stone. 

_Please, Sapphire. Frank needs you._

I don’t know how I managed to drag my useless, beaten body back through the corridors, my fingers bleeding as I gripped the floor and groaning in pain. All the while I listened for sounds. Yells, metal on metal, screams. Nothing. I heard nothing but my own exhales and my body complaining. I don’t know how I managed to stay alive as I forced myself back into the open warehouse. I could barely see anymore, my eyes scrolling back into my head. My heart was straining in my chest and I was bleeding so much I knew I’d die soon from sheer exhaustion. 

_Think of Frank, save him and die in his arms_

I forced my eyelids open, my vision swimming in tears. I saw the blood coated chair, surrounded by the instruments of torture. I saw my target. 

_Come on, Sapphire, you can do it._

I drove myself on, using all my muscles to inch myself forward. My legs, unfeeling as they were, I soon found I could move. My mind blocked out pain signals, too busy screaming to save Frank. Gasping, I forced myself onto my knees and finally stood up. I wobbled, balancing terribly on one leg as my other leg crumpled under pressure. My head swam and I leant down again, breathing in oxygen like it could save me now. 

_Stand tall, and never be afraid again. It’s there, right there. Grab it and save them all._

“Stand tall…never be afraid,” I commanded myself out loud, lifting my head again. There it was, the very limit of grotesque. It shined dully in the limited light coming from the holey ceiling. The blades looked huge, like teeth jammed into place. It looked heavy, impossibly heavy. I could barely stand, how could I walk with that?

_For Frank._

“For Frank,” I echoed, leaning down and touching its smooth, beaten surface. It was colder than I expected and my fingers whined as I touched it with blistering, bleeding stumps. 

“For Frank!” I hissed, gnashing my teeth, grabbing it and swinging it into the air. It was lighter than it looked and I swayed as I fought dizzying blackness. 

Yells. In the distance. 

“I’m coming Frank,” I whispered, talking an unsteady limp forward, towards the yell. “I’m coming,”


	69. Frank

I hated leaving Sapphire, but I had no choice. I couldn’t run carrying her, and she was safer hidden. I had to lead Tracy away from her, try and get the others out and together we could overpower her. At least, that was the plan. 

I struggled to remember where Jesse had led me first of all, trying to remember the dark twists and turns of the corridors. All the way behind me I held Tracy coming, dragging something metal and sharp along the walls. I listened closely, trying to focus on both her and where I was. If she found Sapphire, there was no way I would miss it. I hated myself for leaving her, I wanted to curl up with her and soothe away the pain from her limbs until we were whole again, just shut everything off and stay together forever. 

“Sparkle…” I groaned, thinking of her poor mangled face, her untouched eyes begging me to stay. I forced open my eyes, groping in the dark.  The incessant screeching behind me was grower steadily closer and I quickly chose an entrance to duck down, jogging along and ignoring the painful twinges along my spine and legs. A tiny river of blood had hardened on the side of my head, cracking away. I thought of Sapphire’s razor wounds, and prayed she wouldn’t bleed herself away before I could save her. 

How could I save her? 

_Tracy’s one girl, one very disturbed girl_ , I thought as I ran along the wall, trying to muffle my footsteps. 

_Just jump her and tie her up or something_

I almost snorted in laughter. Nothing was that easy. Finally, I saw a rectangle of light ahead, from where Jesse had left the lamp on. I skidded into the room. 

“Guys!” I gasped, wincing in the light and peering down into the cages. 

“Frank! What happened?” asked Mikey, looking out from the bars, his glasses reflecting back the light. I shook my head, too confused to explain. Adrenaline and panic were beginning to harden in my muscles, giving me strength I didn’t know I had. Glancing around, I saw an old shovel lying in the dusty shadows. I grabbed it and aimed for the old fashioned locks on the cages. They gave without a fight, but they made a terrible clanking, grating sound. A dull ring echoed through the air, and I knew Tracy had heard it. 

“Shit!” I gasped, hearing the scraping behind me stop. “She’s coming!”

“Where’s Sapphire?” demanded Ray, pulling himself up out of the cramped cage and pulling Bob after him. The two lovers spared a second to embrace, joy of release fuelling them. The possibility of escape seemed all too real now. We didn’t have time though. 

“I hid her somewhere, she’s fucked up again,” I groaned, helping Mikey out and glancing at Gerard, who was still out of it. 

“What are we gonna do?” asked Mikey, fear poisoning his voice. I gritted my teeth, looking at the raw wound on Gerard’s face, possibly one of the worse injuries given out this time (other than Sapphire’s leg). It filled me with anger, and I clenched the shovel in my hands. 

“Ok…Mikey, take this, protect Gerard at all costs. Bob, Ray, we’re gonna grab her when she walks in and try and restrain her somehow. We could try and lock her up I guess…” I said, glancing at the other two unused cages with working locks. 

“Right, ok,” mumbled Mikey, taking the shovel and testing the weight in his scrawny arms. He went back beside Gerard, holding it in front of him like a spear. I reached over, took a deep breath and pulled the light chord. The room plunged into darkness and I pushed myself tight against the wall, trying to leave as much space as possible in the narrow gap between cages. I hear Ray and Bob shuffle to the other side, copying me even if they couldn’t see me. 

I held my breath, closed my eyes and waited. I strained my ears, listening. I couldn’t hear anything but Gerard’s choking breaths behind me. Where was she? She came so softly, I couldn’t hear her. What if she wasn’t coming? What if she’d found Sapphire?

Cold sweat broke out across my body, staining my already filthy clothes and running down my back. Silence pounded down on me, even my pulse slowed down. 

_Come on, you bitch. Come and find us_

In my head, I cursed so forcefully the words almost escaped my cracked lips. Anger still clenched me, driven on by every breath Gerard forced through his lungs. The tension was building, the wait carrying on. Where was she?

_If she found Sapphire, I won’t rest until I turn her bones into powder_

Hate, black and sweet, flowed through me. I imagined her torturing Sapphire, and the hate flowed stronger. Images of a thousand bloody revenges flew to mind, trying Tracy to the same chair Sapphire had been tied to. The bloody instruments. Turn the tables.

_No. You aren’t a cold-blooded psycho. Sapphire is alive, you know it. Tracy is after you._

I ground my teeth, my nails digging into my palms. This was driving me insane. 

“Three little pigs,”

Her voice slid from nowhere and my eyes flared open, looking for her. There were two dull thuds as soon as she spoke and another, followed by blinding light flashes in my eyes and pain. 

“Argh!” I cried, crumpling to my knees. I heard Mikey yell out in disgust, calling our names. Bob screamed, Ray grunting in pain.  

The light flickered off, the bulb dancing crazily around the room and sending shadows and light skittering. It flickered, causing even more confusion. In the epileptic nightmare, I saw Bob and Ray on the floor, hands on head and bloody tears streaking their faces. I looked up, past the pounding lights, and saw Tracy’s mad grin, and the pike in her hand. In the dark confusion I reached for her, determined to stop her.

“NO!” I yelled, hearing the screams of my friends. My fingers grazed something warm, my hands grasping at her knees, to bring her down. She shrieked, and twisted out of my grasp and I felt cold metal attacking me, jabbing at my stomach. I yelled out, falling back onto the ground on top of another warm body and clawing at my stomach. Warm liquid pooled around my fingers, bleeding from a wound in my stomach. 

“You bitch!” I yelled, writhing. “You fucking bitch!” 

The metal came down again, stabbing at my stomach, but deeper and far more brutal. I threw my head back and screamed, feeling metal scrap against my tight stomach muscles. 

“GET AWAY FROM HIM YOU BITCH!” came a terrifying scream, louder than anything yet. The metal left me curled up on the floor, gasping for breath and trying not to panic. Hands on my shoulder, Bob and Ray pulling me away. 

“Don’t you touch him again!” came a voice that sent shivers through my body, relief spiralling around me. How had she found her way here? I forced open my eyes, blinking aside tears and saw Sapphire leaning heavily against the doorframe, wielding the most evil chainsaw I’d ever seen. I dimly recognised it. 

“Holy fuck…” groaned Bob, dragging me away in my own blood. Tracy turned to her, clenching the pole in the dancing lights. Her face was horribly shadowed. 

“Whatcha gonna do little Sapphire? Massacre me?” she laughed. Sapphire clenched her teeth and glared at her through swollen eyes, before reaching down and pulling the cord, ripping the chainsaw blades into a deadly frenzy of activity. Tracy stopped laughing, or we couldn’t hear her over the roar. 

“I’m giving you one chance, Tracy!” yelled Sapphire over the chainsaw’s bloodlust. “Put the pole down and get in the cage…or I’ll bring your brother’s favourite video to life!” she screamed, edging closer with the machine. She stumbled a bit but kept it trained on Tracy, held up by her hip. Where did she get the strength? 

“Sapphire…” I moaned under the rip of the chainsaw, trying to sit up. Ray’s hands held me up, pulling me further away, leaving a bright crimson trail. Her eyes flickered to us, bloodstained and terrified. So was she. 

“You don’t have the guts!” laughed Tracy over the noise grating into our skulls, but she took an uncertain step back. 

“You hurt my boyfriend. You hurt my friends. Do it now, or I’ll see what you’re guts look like! I bet you're not fucking pretty on the inside!” screamed Sapphire, turning her hateful gaze back on Tracy. 

“Back off Sapphire or by the time you get near me, Frank’ll have an even bigger hole in his stomach!” yelled Tracy, holding her pole up. It shined in the light, blood dripping off the end. My blood. I shook my head violently, not wanting that in me again. Bob and Ray started pulling me away, but Tracy turned and took a step towards us, her crazy eyes fixed on me. 

“NO!!” screamed Sapphire from the door, limping forward with purpose, swinging the chainsaw from side to side as she pulled herself forward, her face a picture of hate. “DON’T YOU TOUCH HIM AGAIN!”

“COME ON LITTLE SAPPHIRE! SHOW ME YOU’RE STRONG ENOUGH! STRONG ENOUGH FOR VINCE!” laughed Tracy, holding the pole above her head. 

“No!” cried Ray, trying to shield me. The pole flew down and impaled me again, straight through Ray’s hand with a sickening series of crunches and squelches. The room was filled with screams, and roars. 

“NOOOO!!!” screamed Sapphire, jumping forward and lashing out with the chainsaw, aiming straight for Tracy. Blinded by pain, I couldn’t see anything, only hear the scream, the inhuman shrieks, quickly silenced. The chainsaw connected with something, ripping through muscles and bone. Thuds nearby, something falling across my legs and then a huge crash as Sapphire dropped the chainsaw. I forced my eyes open, hearing Mikey throw up violently, Bob cradling Ray. What I saw would scar me for life. 

 

Tracy on the floor, blood spreading out from her slashed neck. 

 

Her head bent back at a disgusting angle, revealing the internal works of bone and muscle to us all. 

 

Her arm, flapped uselessly across my legs.

 

Her eyes, open and still fixed on me in hate. 

 

The chainsaw, still ripping, abandoned on the floor. 

 

Sapphire, overcome, collapsed on the floor. 

 

Dead to the world.

 


	70. Sapphire

My Universe 

 

If you are the centre of your Universe, it doesn’t take much to destroy it all. 

 

A razor blade, a bullet to the brain, even a chainsaw.

 

If there’s nothing left to feel, it’s easy to recreate new emotions. No one said you had to name them new names. 

 

Pain. So much pain, drowning in clotting numbness.

 

Fear. Changing focus, coming closer. 

 

Sorrow. So much in each tear and so little shed even in a torrent. 

 

Hate. Once it made my body strong, my mind clear, now it just makes me choke

 

Relief. Crossing over to something different. Where are you now?

 

Love. I can still feel that?

 

Peace. That seems far too new to even be named. 

 

Her Universe. 

 

It really didn’t take much to bring an end to her chaos. 

 

If memories are still valid, I don’t think if even hurt me. 

 

Something tells me it didn’t hurt her either. 

 

I saw her life end and it made me appreciate death more. 

 

I saw her die and it made me appreciate life more. 

 

This isn’t the end of my universe yet. 

 

I still have so much to do, or to not do, depending on the laws that drive my universe. 

 

Should I be laughing? Or crying? 

 

Or maybe just dying?


	71. Frank

“Where the fuck am I?”

Did that voice belong to me? Sounded like it, after a long night drinking and singing. Last time I checked, I had been screaming, not singing. 

“Where’s Sapphire?”

Why wasn’t anyone answering? I tried to open my eyes but nothing obeyed me anymore, other than my throat muscles, bunching together to let air pass through them. 

“Help me,” I whispered pitifully, not knowing what else to do. I felt heat pulsing through my skin, making me sweat horribly. The only refreshment came from a small current of air near my ear, calming my blisteringly hot skin. 

“Christ, someone help me,” I moaned, wishing I could twist onto my side and curl into a tiny ball. Everything hurt, and everything was numb. I couldn’t move, and more than anything I wanted to open my eyes. I needed proof I was alive, safe. The last thing I saw…Mikey running out…trying to crawl my way over Tracy to Sapphire…too tired…so much blood…blood everywhere…so much darker than in movies…so much stickier…paralysed, too far from her…voices in the corridor…hands, stretches, lights…black. 

“Sapphire…” I whispered again, a little louder. My face twitched violently, trying to wrench my eyes apart. Eyelids parted, flaking away the dried crust from sweat and tears. My eyes rolled back, blinded by lights and I groaned again. 

“Sapphire…” I tried once more, slipping back. “Gee…Ray…” I whispered, remembering the gruesome wounds my friends had picked up, the blood stained memories surrounding me. I needed to throw up, but I could barely move. To vomit would mean I choke to death, unable to even move my head. What was there to throw up? My stomach was empty…my stomach…what had she done to me?

“Help…” my voice cracked and I felt tears sting me as abandonment stung just as hard. Please, someone tell me what torment awaited me now, this was just too horrible. 

Then, a voice from God, or maybe just above me, answered me. 

“Frank…can you hear me, Frank?” the voice said gently, making my tears shine in relief instead of pain. 

“Yes…yes…” I croaked, wishing I could see their face. Who was speaking? I didn’t know. 

“Frank… unconscious for three days…you’ve had a fever…” 

Why was their voice drifting in and out of range? I couldn’t hear everything they said, straining to catch their words and hold onto them like they could rescue me from this black pool of despair. 

“Sapphire…” I whispered her name softly, seeing it dazzle briefly in my mind’s eye. 

“She’s…not sure…she’ll be…but…” the voice kept fading out like a bad radio, only catching words. No, it wasn’t enough. 

“What?” I begged, desperation entering my voice. “Can’t hear you…”

“He’s slipping again…Frank, calm down…stay here…” the voice sounded rushed, faster, more urgent. 

“Sapphire…” I begged. “Is she alright?” I gasped, calling out into the chaos I could now hear. Beeps, metal on metal. I flinched, remembering the sound of that pole against the tin walls. Memories came swimming back. Too many revolting nightmares. Blood. Pain. Death. 

All swimming in black. 

 

The second time I woke up things made sense and gravity worked. Nothing was dead, there was no blood, and everything was white, not black. But I woke up screaming. 

“Frank! Frank! Calm down!” yelled a voice in my ear as a body jumped up to grab my shoulders, pushing me back down into my sweaty pillows. Nightmarish panic still gripped me and I screamed, pushing them away and writhing, my eyes open so wide I thought the edges would split open. Another figure, blurry In the blinding tears of my vision, came close, but didn’t touch me. 

“Frank! It’s Mikey! Calm down!” 

This time, when the hands touched my burning skin, I didn’t scream, or push away. I sat there, gasping for breath, feeling blood well up in the back of my mouth and tears moisten my eyes when blinking refused to come naturally. 

“Mikey…Mikey…”I gasped, staring at him, trying to define his face. Lines sharpened, colours filled themselves in and the blurry confusion dropped away. 

“Mikey,” I said a final time, finally seeing him. He knew it too, the worry in his face dropping away. He smiled at me, and I twitchily glanced to my other side. Bob and Ray were there, smiling too. I glanced at Ray’s hand, thickly wrapped in suffocating white. Why was everything so white? At least the guys were in black, dark and beautiful. 

I looked around again, my tongue too heavy to say anything else just yet. I was in a hospital, in a private room. There were flowers on the end of the bed, on the windows sills, balloons and toys. I wanted to be sick when I saw them. Sympathy from friends who never loved me half as much as the two people I couldn’t see. 

“Sapphire? Gee?” I asked, glancing between the three friends. They avoided my eyes, which I wasn’t hallucinating. 

“Well…Gee’s ok…he’s getting his dressing off today actually…but, um…” shuffled Mikey, looking very interested in the floor. Coldness spread across my skin, stealing any hint of warmth. 

“What about Sapphire?” I asked slowly, my mouth numb and my limbs beginning to shake. Exhausted I thumped back into pillows, still searching their faces for an answer. Ray finally gave one to me. 

“Sapphire’s…she was really fucked up, Frank…she’d lost so much blood and so much energy…”

I needed to throw up, I needed to scream. All I could mange was a choked squeak. 

“Please don’t tell me she’s dead,” I whispered, my hands clenching the sheets until my nails ripped holes. Please don’t say my universe could end that suddenly. 

“She’s barely alive Frank…” said Bob quickly “But she’s alive,” he assured me, reaching over and squeezing my arm. I let out my breath slowly, making sure my heart was still beating. Why couldn’t they have said that straight away?

“She’s in some sort of coma though,” added Mikey, making the sore muscles in my chest tighten again. 

“A what?!” I yelped, my eyes popping out of my skull again. 

“They don’t really know. She just won’t wake up yet,” shrugged Ray, sitting down next to me. 

“I gotta go see her, where is she?” I demanded, trying to pull back the covers and sit up properly again. A wave of dizziness hit me and I was pushed back into my bad smelling pillows, wincing. 

“Good luck with that Frank, they won’t even let us in. And we’re not sporting a drip,” came a familiar voice, probably coming out of a smirk. I forced open my eyes to find Gerard walking in, with possibly the most disgusting stitch job to his cheek. It messed up his speech, but at least he was able to get up and walk around. The wound was big and swollen, and went from mid cheek along to the corner of his smile, a large red slit, surrounded by sore red skin and bruising. It stood out against his pale flesh, and the thick black stitches holding it together were even more disturbing. I winced at his appearance, as did the others. Gerard smirked again with the whole side of his face, his eyes darker and more shadowed than ever. 

“My God, you look like shit,” said Bob, chuckling. Gerard shrugged lightly, smirking. 

“It’ll be a pretty interesting scar,” he agreed. I stared for a bit longer, as Gerard lightly ran his fingers over the stitching. It was far more gruesome than the stitches I had on my hands weeks earlier. My God, that hadn’t been so long ago. I looked down at my hands, the pale scar tissue still visible. My skin had been scrubbed pink by whoever cleaned the blood and dirt off me and I was several shades lighter than I remembered being. Then my thoughts returned back to Sapphire. 

“Sapphire, is she gonna be ok?” I asked the room, my eyes still fixed on my hands, remembering the shit I’d gone through for her.  

“We don’t know, they won’t tell us anything. She’s been holed up in critical for the past four days, and we haven’t seen her parents either,” said Ray, scratching at the skin under his bandage until Bob slapped his wrist.  

“They’re here?”

“Their daughter got hospitalised once again, I’d say oh yeah,” chuckled Bob. I made a face. 

“Are mine around?”

“Your dad’s in the waiting room, asleep and your mum is trying to talk to Sapphire’s parents last time I heard,” shrugged Mikey, finding himself a chair and sitting himself down. 

“Sounds about right…” I muttered, leaning back and closing my eyes. I felt like shit. I probably looked it too. Conversation continued, but I replied when I felt the urge to, my mind becoming foggy again. I was left alone when a nurse came in, discovered I was coherent and shoved the others out. She gave me a new drip, got me dinner and left me to lie alone in darkness, thinking of Sapphire. 

 I didn’t want to think about her dying, or bleeding, or being hurt in any way. Instead, I conjured up memories from Bob’s house, a few days before the party to end all parties. Her smile, her eyes, her body…it was the perfect dream after so many nightmares…

_“Why are we watching this?” I asked her, cracking my knuckles and winding my arm around her again. She looked up and flicked my nose, playfully wriggling her own._

_“Cos I like films like this!” she replied, her voice making me smile just a bit wider. We were lying on the huge bed in the room Bob had allowed us to stay in, full from a huge dinner supplied by Chinese deliveries and filling in time until later that evening. Fortunately for Sapphire, the film channel on the massive TV in our room was playing one of her favourite movies. Personally I didn’t go for movies with long dance scenes and songs, but Sapphire loved them. And I wasn’t complaining at lying around with her on our bed and running my hand slowly up and down her bare arms._

_“You should wear tops like this more often…” I mused, looking down at the black halter neck tied around her neck and enjoying the view. She smirked at me and adjusted herself a bit better, lying across me and twisting her head to watch the movie, her head resting on my chest. Instead, my hand rested on her arse, the fingers on my other hand playing with hers._

_“You should do what you did this morning more often!” she whispered back, her eyes still riveted on the screen. I smirked._

_“Which bit?”_

_“Both were nice actually,” she replied, twisting her head a bit to kiss my chest._

_“Just nice?”_

_“Ok, very sexy and unbelievably hot,” she told me, grinning cheekily. “So do I get a repeat or not?”_

_“Depends…” I mused, pretending to think about it._

_“On what?” she pouted, sitting up and resting back on her knees beside me, facing me. I looked at her, thinking how beautiful she looked. A long black skirt, riding up a bit around her calves, and a tight black halter-top. It was summer, and I knew that under that skirt she was wearing her turquoise bikini bottoms, ready to strip off (much to my amusement) and jump in the water. My eyes went over every bit of her, from her gorgeous face, down her luscious body, even to the silver charm anklet around her foot._

_“We’ve already done the shower,” I winked, pretending to be fascinated by the TV behind her until I saw she was pouting. Oh my God, bite that lip, bite it!_

_“But that was fun!” she pouted like a child. “A little too much fun, actually,” she said, thinking about it while biting her finger seductively. I fixed my eyes on it. She hmmed about it, sucking her finger lightly and looking as angelic as she could. Oh my God, that tease. Bite her, just bite her! I stared helplessly, watching her trail her moist finger down her chest slowly. Oh my God, that was too sexy. By the time her finger reached down to where the halter-top started, I had grabbed her, pinned her under me and was too busily kissing her to notice the action of a similar nature of the TV._

 

_“Frank!” she giggled in my ear, clinging to my neck and kicking her legs up as I spun her around in circles, the crowd around us blurring into nothingness. Just dark shapes with light sparkles in them. I looked up, into the spinning world of stars and laughed, growing dizzy. The music was loud and lively, the beach occupied with beautiful girls and laughing guys, interspersed with fires. It was early morning; the drunken party had been going nearly all night, just like every other night._

_From both alcohol and momentum, I crashed into the soft sand, Sapphire squealing as she landed on top of me, wearing her bikini and a flimsy sarong. Laughing, we kissed, wrapping out arms around each other in the warm sand, just out of the circle of lights. The sounds of the surf only added to the teenage background, the sounds of laughter and voices doing nothing to distract us from each other._

_“Frank…” she whispered in my ear, as I kissed her neck. “Take me home,”_

_With my hands running over her skin, partly covered by sand, I kissed her in answer, pushing my tongue into her mouth and trying to stand up with her while keeping the contact. She ginned at me, kissing my lips tantalisingly and pulling on my hand, running through the night with me. We tripped often, on banks of sand we couldn’t see in the dark, and often I pulled her back into my embrace, landing more planet-shaking kisses on her lips. I couldn’t see a problem to pulling her to the ground and making love to here right there, hidden in the dark sand banks and drowned out by the sounds of drunken teens. But Sapphire kept telling me to wait and see, to follow her. I would follow her to the ends of the earth, so I let her lead me up the worn wooden steps to the beach walk, leading me over to where Bob’s house lay in darkness._

_“Is there a surprise waiting for me at the end?” I asked her, giggling as she danced around me, pushing me gently and kissing my lips lightly every few minutes. She grinned._

_“Only if you’re a good boy,” she whispered in my ear._

_“What if I’m bad?” I asked, grabbing her waist and pulling her in for a longer kiss, still addicted to the thousand of first kisses she gave me. Once again, she pulled away, biting my lip as she went._

_“Then it’ll be an even better surprise,” she giggled, undoing her sarong and knotting it around my eyes._

_“Sparkle!” I moaned, groping around for her in blindness. I felt her hip under my hand and threaded my arms around her, letting her lead me onward._

_“Where are we going?” I asked drunkenly, tripping slightly on the uneven floor. Technically, I was the one uneven, not the floor, but that didn’t matter. My cold hands glided over Sapphire’s warm stomach, her scent filling me with lust._

_“Somewhere fun, I promise,”_

_I felt the floorboards give way to paving stones, as she led me on in darkness. Then she was out of my hands and I was standing alone, swaying slightly and giggling._

_“Sparkle?” I asked, hearing her feet pad gently nearby. I heard a splash and a giggle._

_“You can look now Frank,” came a coy voice, so tantalising, how could I refuse? I ripped off the blindfold, finding myself by the pool of some of our new friends, around the back of their empty house (the guys themselves being down the beach, stoned). Sparkle was in the middle of the pool, wet and giggling. She dipped under the water surface and swam to the edge, surfacing with a big sigh and a huge grin, batting her lashes at me. She rested her arms on the edge, beckoning me over._

_“Look what I found,” I grinned, coming closer and crouching down. “A mermaid!”_

_She pouted; looking so naughty I felt the need to punish her._

_“I bite,” she told me huskily, reaching behind her and fiddling with her bikini strap, until the blue arm straps fell across her shoulders. I raised my eyebrows, watching her bikini top float away, still a little addled by alcohol consumption._

_“You lost your top,” I told her. Unfortunately her body was pressed against the side of the pool, hiding any excellent views from me._

_“You’re gonna lose more than that if you get in the pool,” she said, tugging at me. I laughed and slipped into the warm water beside her, the blue pool lit up by undercurrent lights. As soon as I touched the bottom, Sapphire wrapped her arms around me and began to kiss me, pressing her body against mine. The water flowed through my fingers, eddying around our bodies. It was warmer than the air outside, so we dipped our bodies beneath the surface, giggling at the odd feeling of weightlessness. My hands glided over Sapphire’s smooth back in the water, our kissing creating excited ripples around us._

_She hitched her legs over my hips, her back pressed into the side of the pool. I pulled at her bikini bottoms, needing the warmth that only she could give me._

_We staggered back to Bob’s much later, before exhausted, soaking wet and enjoying a private little secret when Mikey drunkenly asked us where’d we’d vanished to half way through the party._

_Then we did it all over again, just in a bed this time._

_Sweet Dreams._


	72. Sapphire

“Little girl, why are you crying?” A voice, like that of a kindly God, whispered to me. My tears ran fast as small rivers. One of misery, one of pain. 

“My universe is dying,” I whispered to the soft air around my body. My head rose. My hair fell back. Was it as long as it felt? My fingers were tangled in it, the soft blue sheen bringing more tears to me eyes. Tears of joy. I felt it swish across my naked back. 

Then came the pain. 

“Little girl, what could hurt so much?” asked the figure in front of me. Cloaked in darkness, only a blindfolded face with a broad smile. Pointed teeth in a Cheshire cat grin. It reminded me of someone. 

“I wear blood on my back as crimson wings,” I sobbed, showing my back to the figure. What was the point, if he could not see? Blind, but not insensitive. I felt fingers trace the lines on my back. 

It did not burn, it did not weep. 

“This angel you wear has a demon face,” he told me, his fingers traced features on my skin. Hard eyes drawn in blood, a mouth of hate. 

“She was hate blinded by love and love blinded by hate,” I told him, holding my arms out to him, asking to be taken into his dark embrace. In the folds of night, I saw comfort. A face hidden in the cloak, dark hair, and eyes that shone with love. A name, too beautiful to even whisper. 

“What happened to her?” he asked, his fingers trailing over my eyes, banishing tears. I held my arms out still, begging to be embraced like a child to a father figure, dressed in black instead of white. 

“Her universe died,” I told him, and he bent to hold me close with his warmth. The beloved face held next to mine, kissing away tears, and the Cheshire grin watched us both. 

“Let this angel save yours. Let him kiss away your crimson wings,” he said, stroking my hair. I looked under into the face and my fingers touched the blindfold. 

“Where is he?”

The smile stayed strong, the black folds closing around my naked body. The beloved angel was gone, with the name I couldn’t bring myself to blaspheme, it was too sacred. Where are you angel? Tell me, where are you?

“Love blinded by love, pain drowned in pain, hope dying in hope,” he told me. 

“If his light dies, my universe will die,” I said, feeling the stripes of blood he painted on my face peel away like summer leaves in winter chill. The Cheshire grinned wider, closing my eyes. The fingers on my back ran across wounds, healing the skin. 

“Hold on to warmth. Do not take your wings just yet,”


	73. Frank

The next day I didn’t stop bugging them until they let me up. I had been kept happy in my dreams all night, visions of Sapphire keeping me sane as morning came. When it did, I knew I had to see her. Once I did, I would know she was all right. She was my beautiful Goddess, she couldn’t die. But I had to see her to know it. Bob and Mikey helped me into a wheelchair, and I left the room that had been my prison for too long. 

“We thought you might be amused by the article they wrote on the whole thing,” said Ray as they pushed me through sterile corridors. The cool air stung my sore eyes, red and puffy from tears I never remembered shedding.

“Article?”

“Yeah, one small problem though,” said Gerard, and I heard an unfamiliar tone of bitterness enter his voice. I looked up at him, seeing his face shadowed by his fringe. The look of anger in his eyes completely cancelled out the stitches scarring his face. 

“What?” I asked, prodding them. 

“They didn’t write it,” growled Bob. I snapped my head around, wincing as a throb in my ears from spinning too fast. _Don’t get dizzy_ , I warned myself

“What?!”

“There was nothing in the papers, or the news, about Tracy and Jesse, other than a tiny obit for both of them. It didn’t say anything about you or Sapphire or anything!” Mikey told me, muttering darkly. I gaped at them. 

“They just _ignored_ it?” I couldn’t believe it! When Vince had kidnapped Sapphire and almost killed us both, it had been front page, get-off-my-front-porch-you-shitty-journalists-and-stop-trampling-the-flowers kind of shit. Now two more kids were dead and four kids fucked up, and nothing?

“We don’t know why, but it’s bit pretty locked up, ever since you came in. Nothing has been said, nothing had been revealed. 

I had never felt rage like this before. 

“We went through hell again, and this is it?” I fumed, twitching angrily. 

“We thought you’d say something like that. We got a visit from the police today, Sapphire’s dad’s superiors,” said Ray. 

“And?”

“We’re not allowed to speak to anyone about it who’s not directly involved. Basically, anyone but us,” said Gerard quietly, frowning when a small girl in the waiting room saw his face and ran to her mother, terrified. 

“Didn’t think I was that scary…” he muttered, dropping his head. I smirked at him though my anger. 

“It’s the hair, Gee,”

He ran his hand through the messy locks, and smirked. 

“You could be right…” he agreed as we entered the elevator. 

“How are you going to see her, Frank? They won’t let anyone in but her parents,” asked Mikey as we crammed in. I shrugged, pretending to be interested in the duct tape wrapped around the armrest of my wheelchair.

“I’ll figure it out when I get there. If her dad’s around, maybe he’ll help me out…” I sighed. I knew I had to see her; there wasn’t an option of turning back now. I thought of the nurses we’d befriended last time, and then something occurred to me. 

“Hey, which hospital are we in?” I asked. Matter of fact, where the fuck had that warehouse been?

“We’re still in Miami if that’s what you’re thinking, no idea which hospital. We’ve been staying at Bob’s,” informed Ray, smiling at Bob as they entwined hands. I avoided looking at their intimacy, wishing I had my own hand to hold. The elevator dinged and we left it, the others telling me exactly what had happened after I passed on in the ambulance. 

“…And so after the police left, Gee had to go get his stitches out and you woke up and-“

“Yeah, I think he knows it from there,” Gerard cut Mikey off, smirking. We came to a stop outside a ward with shut doors. It was now or never. 

“Gee, could you take me in?” I asked my best friend, asking him with my eyes as well. He nodded, and pushed the door open slowly, pushing me through. I waved sadly to the others, but then my attention was taken up by what lay beyond the door. A brightly lit corridor of doors leading to private rooms. Chairs were lined up in symmetrical pairs next to each door, and it was empty. The air hummed and the only sounds were my squeaky wheels of Gerard’s shoes. It was creepy. Very creepy. Gerard quietly pushed me down the corridor, past an open door. Then silence was broken. 

“What are you two doing in here? This is a strict visitation ward!” cried a voice, making us both jump. A nurse dressed in white and with a face like a laced up leather boot came storming out of the open door towards us. 

“I need to see Sapphire, is she here?” I asked, ignoring her warning. 

“Yes, the poor girl is resting, but you have to leave!” she said, trying to shoo us away. I glanced at Gee, asking him to stand his ground in front of her. Like a true friend, he didn’t move. 

“We need to see her. We’re not leaving,” I said over her voice. Wasn’t she worried of disturbing her patients rest talking that loud? Then again, they were all in comas…

“I’ll have to calls security if you don’t leave!” she cried, trying to physically push me away in my chair. I dug the brake down hard, gritting my teeth. 

“Look-“

“Frank?” a tired voice interrupted us, cutting across the nurse. I looked behind her and saw a face I almost didn’t recognise. His eyes were tired, his face much more lined with pain than I remembered. But it was him, Sapphire’s dad. 

“I thought you’d be fighting your way up here sooner or later,” he said, walking towards us heavily. He looked exhausted, distracted. 

“I have to see her, is she ok?” I asked him breathlessly. He nodded, glancing between Ger and me. 

“Come on, follow me. How’s your stomach?” he asked me, waving away the very irritated nurse. I held my hand over the sore area, feeling my insides churn. 

“It’ll heal. Right now it feels like it’s been impaled,” I said grimly. “Why hasn’t the paper reported this yet?” I asked him, curious. I heard Gerard make a noise in the back of his throat, a cut off sentence. Sapphire’s dad looked uncomfortable. 

“I haven’t really been told why. It’s been hell at work, I can tell you. I’m putting in for early retirement, just to get out of it,” he sighed, rubbing his eyes. 

“What are you going to do instead?” I asked, shocked. Sapphire’s dad loved his job, he had only just reached the age he could retire and it seemed like he wasn’t going to stop for another 30 years!

“I dunno, but that doesn’t matter right now. Sapphire's in here. She looks worse than she is, trust me…” he said, opening the door and letting us pass. Ger steered me straight up to the bed before exiting the room. I knew he wanted to see her too, but I loved him then for letting me see her alone. 

I remembered coming up to her room after the whole RF concert episode, seeing her lie on her bed like a broken Goddess on an alter. She had been so pale against the bed covers, so delicate. That was nothing compared to this. Her pale skin seemed darker than the white sheets around her, and the hospital gown that covered her. The room was dark but for one light over her bed, lighting up the white covers and making her glow. Her hair was brushed back and her body washed of dirt of blood and sweat, but she was still horribly bruised and swollen from the cuts. On her beautiful sleeping face, a large white bandage covered her ‘razorblade kiss’ from Jesse, and her leg was held up in a sling to keep the blood from collecting. 

Machines whirred around her, monitoring her heart, her breathing. I watched her lie there, her eyes flickering as she slept, seeing thing is never could. She looked ready to wake up any second and swear loudly. I knew she would, she had that kind of expression on her face. Her brow was slightly furrowed, like she could hear an insect in the room but couldn’t see it. 

I felt like the fly on her wall. 

She could hear me, but she couldn’t see me cry beside her. 


	74. Sapphire

“If you don’t stay away, I’ll pick up the teeth,” I warned the creature squatting by the door. It’s blood red eyes narrowed.

“I want you to leave me be,” I told it calmly. It snapped its teeth, shaking its head of long black locks. My eyes glared at it, as my fingers flexed. I knew what I wanted. I know everything now. Just like a ghost, I knew the secrets of Kings and Queens. Or every card of the pack. 

This demon was no different. 

“You were loved and hated in one,” I told it. To stare it in the face was to conquer its brutality. To see it for what it was and see the devil’s face crowned by angel hair. My Satan. 

“You spoke and sang in riddles,” I laughed at it. “You are a paradox, a contradiction and a lie,” I told it, causing its mouth to froth in words it spoke backwards into its lungs. 

“No,” I commanded, laughter gone. I spoke as if to a dog. “You will obey me now. Too long you held strings. This is my hand, and you will fold to me,” I told it sternly. It was growing smaller, convulsing internally as it tried to speak its words to me. But I would not let it. 

“My God loves me, My Satan. You were loved too, remember? Hate in love and love in hate,”

Too many things to say to it, too many demons to put to sleep. 

Why were my eyes crying again? Why could I see so much? Too many faces, too many smiles. The demon face, drawn in blood, staining the wall. Eyes of my kindly God, shining with a light of love. I reached for him, a tear washing him away. His name, I almost spoke it. To say it would be to break it. 

The creature snapped his teeth and I looked at him, my hair turning my eyes blue along with my rivers. One day, I wondered, would this creature be more commonly known than Satan? The creature everyone has haunting their door? Would that make him the new Satan? Was he already Satan?

“You are My Satan, my demon. You drove me on, and this is where we stop, drop,” I said quietly, tracing lines on my eyes, black lines around blue orbs. Two portals into a soul I was fast outliving. 

Time for a change. 

I touched the walls, the bloody lines skimming the surface like razors over skin. My skin. I turn; searching for voices that only spoke to me. The Cheshire smile sat in the corner, backed into the wall. Like me. Nowhere to run from the creature. 

“Is this where it ends?” I asked him, touching his blindfold with my wet fingers. Tears like silver stars fell on his head. Was I drowning him too? The faces in my eyes sparkled again, the face I wished to kiss again. A voice. 

A name, my name, calling through the walls. Sobs, pleading. I hear it as if my heart were in my ears. I turn to the Cheshire again, searching for a face in his dark robes. 

“Tell me!”

Arms held out to me, a child begging for embrace. Was I the angel this time? Bathed in tears and streaking bloodstains? These white robes on me felt wrong, artificial. I looked for the creature, My Satan. He will not enter. He cannot enter. 

The voice again. Come back. 

Why does the light hurt my eyes when they aren’t open?

“Is this what you wanted to see? Is this your Universe?” asked the Cheshire, grinning all the while. 

“If it is, why does it feel wrong? I feel dirty,” I told him, touching the wall. He held his arms out still and I knelt in front of him. 

“Is My God there?”

Again, the voice, hoarse, desperate. I felt warm hands pull me close. 

“Do you want him?”

“More than my wings,”

“Do you want him?” he asked, pointing to the creature with two cocked fingers. I felt my tears cover us in pure sorrow. Why? 

“No. My Satan is a dying Universe, held within mine,”

“Then cast him out, with your wings and with the demon face,” the Cheshire told me. 

“Will you give me My God?” I asked him, as he wiped my tears, tasting them. Judging them. 

“Only if you take up the teeth, cast them all away. This Universe is ready to be broken. It was those lines and that creature that hold it together,” he told me, pointing to the blood drawn eyes glaring. I looked at both, my naked form held close. 

“What if I kill my Universe too?” I asked fearfully, clinging to the dark folds, searching for the face of My God. 

“It’s your gamble, little girl. What is your hand?” he asked me. The cards in my fingers. Three faces. All three I wished gone from me. The faces in the cards, the creatures in the room. 

“Wrong, like this Universe,”


	75. Frank

I sat by the window of my room, slumped in the wheelchair that had now become my prison. I hadn’t eaten anything for the past two days, but been fed by a supply of nutrients through a drip connected straight to my bloodstream. Pumped full of painkillers, I didn’t even register the fact I was hungry. My stomach was still sore, but only when I touched it, or moved the muscles in my torso. Which meant every breath had to be taken carefully. I hadn’t opened my mouth since I left Sapphire’s room, and I only spoke when I saw her alone, begging her to come back to me. 

 In my own room, away from her, I couldn’t open my jaw for fear of what would come out. Tears, anger, regrets. I wanted to scream, to swear, to throw up, and most of all to weep. 

The only times I let tears slip out was at night when the machine’s next to me were my only company and when I could hold my Goddess’s hand. 

Sapphire. 

Her name was more precious to me than any real sapphire could be. It felt like it was all I had left of her. A name. A meaning. An existence. 

I’d relived every memory worth keeping of her in my head until each one was a repeat of a repeat of a repeat and my head was throbbing. I hadn’t spoken to anyone, merely nodded or shook my head at doctors, nurses, friends. Gerard was here every day, and Mikey too. Ray and Bob came in the afternoons, but the Way brothers were here all day. Gerard’s face was healing, but he still looked like Jack Skellington for the side. Which was a good thing for his point of view. I took comfort in their support, their friendship, but I resented them for being able to live without her. I could barely breathe without stabbing pain. 

It wasn’t just my stomach.  

The fact that the longer she was out, the less likely it was she would wake up only made things worse. 

Irritated all of a sudden, I cracked my hands from the stranglehold they were twisting on my lap to my wheels, twisting the chair away from the dull window spilling light into my tomb. Gerard had been reading by my bed, our friendship so strong he knew I didn’t want conversation, merely company. He didn’t mind, it was quiet here. I steered myself around my bed, heading for the door. 

In the corner of my eye, the grotesque vampire that had taken over my friend turned towards me from his book. 

“Want me to take you to her?” he offered, his voice faltering in the stuffy silence. I shook my head, my hair flopping over my eye and shot him the best lopsided smile I could. He returned it and I left the room. 

I knew, sooner or later, we’d all have to go to therapy about this thing. Being tortured wasn’t the sort of thing you get over too easily; no matter how many times you do it. Sapphire and I had suffered too many nightmares over Vince, but this time they were worse. This time, I didn’t wake up to warm, loving arms and soft embrace. I woke up to a suffocating hospital bed and a hostile room of cleanliness and whitewash walls. That, in itself, was torture. 

I wheeled myself down corridors, wincing when my stomach twinged. I hated feeling helpless, broken. I couldn’t use my legs, or even stretch properly without gritting my teeth in pain. That, and the drip hooked up to my hand was threatening to rip out with every reach of my wheel. I didn’t care that much. I didn’t even care where I was going, because I wasn’t going to Sapphire. I couldn’t bear to see her lying there again. It hurt to cry these days. 

I went on, turning corners and avoiding people, and trying to look like I knew where I was going. Eventually, I came to a whole new ward. It was light and sunny outside, summer taunting me. I held footsteps behind me, and I guessed it to be a nurse. I was wrong. And very surprised. 

A girl sidestepped in front of me and I gasped, and then winced painfully. I thought it was Sapphire, with her long black hair and curvy body. I was so wrong, it wasn’t even funny. 

“Jade!” I exclaimed, surprised and cursing myself for thinking it was Sapphire, even for a second. She smiled at me, not kindly but not coldly. She looked tired, and her eyes looked smaller. I realised she wasn’t wearing any make up. 

“Hey Frank, what the fuck happened to you?” she asked me, her eyes growing wider as she looked over me moulded into my chair. I looked down, embarrassed and unsure what to say. I couldn’t tell her the truth. 

“Appendix,” I shrugged, looking up into her eyes again. She believed me, I could tell it. I had become so detached for the world; I could read people easily than words. 

“That sucks. I heard about you, your girl and that Vince guy,” she said quietly, watching me carefully for a reaction. There was a tiny hint of bitterness, but mainly concern. I shrugged, breathing in deeply through my nose so I didn’t throw up at the sound of Vince’s name. 

“Yeah…that was fucking shit,” I told her quietly, and honestly. She sat down on a chair outside the ward and I slowly wheeled over. She reached out and brushed the top of my hand with hers, trying to comfort me. I found myself taking her hand, relishing the simple human contact. It meant a lot to me, and I didn’t know why. 

“It was…terrible…just so fucking terrible,” I whispered, staring at her hands covering mine, avoiding her sad eyes. 

“How is she?”

I shook my head, and covered my face with my other hand. Tears threatened to sting again, my face screwing up. When I spoke, my voice was high and breaking. 

“She’s…oh, she’s so bad…she won’t wake up,” I told her, covering my face and bending down, curling up in agony. My stomach hurt, but not as much as my heart. I felt her arm around my shoulders, hugging me. I appreciated her gesture of concern so much more than anything I’d been given. 

“She will, Frank. Don’t worry. She’ll come back to you,” she told me, stroking my back softly. I heard her tone. I sniffed loudly, drawing everything back into myself. I looked up, my eyes shining. She looked back, smiling faintly. 

“I’m sorry, Jade. I really am. You’re the kind of girl I would have fallen in love with if…if I wasn’t already,” I told her gently, remembering the warmth that kept me alive, the love that was sleeping. 

“I know. It’s unfortunate, but everything’s ok for me now,” she shrugged, smiling a bit stronger. Triumph flared in her eyes. I looked at her sideward, trying to understand through my pain. 

“What? Hey, why are you here?” I asked, checking her for signs of pain or injury. I remembered the look in her eyes when I last saw her, the untold secrets she left in my room. The image of a man, larger and heavier than her. A father. The look came back to her, but closed. Like it was all over and now a bad memory. 

Then she smiled. No, grinned. 

“My dad’s in there. He’s dying,” 

I was shocked; I couldn’t do anything but pull a goldfish. Dying? And she was grinning? My reason kicked in and I reached for her hand again. She accepted my silence congratulations. And sympathies. 

“What of?” I asked quietly. 

“Alcohol poisoning,” she shrugged. I nodded slowly, staring her straight in the eye. I saw the paradox that she had become. A grieving lost little girl. A freed victim. Hate and love were dying in the room next to us, and sorrow and joy were fighting inside her. 

And I saw the answer to the question in her eyes. 

The abused love the abuse because it makes them feel needed.

“How’s your mom coping?” I asked softly after a long pause. Jade’s grin faded slightly, then she chuckled bitterly. 

“She’s moving us to New York. She’s coping better than she ever has,”

“Do you want to go?”

“More than anything. Fresh starts, clean slates, new chances, all that shit,” she shrugged, leaning back in her chair and closing up her emotions just like I had. I sighed. 

“Why didn’t you go before?” 

Jade snorted with laughter. 

“I liked my face intact,” she muttered, avoiding my gaze. An uncomfortable silence grew between us as I rationalised my thoughts, debating whether she’d given me enough clues to come out straight and ask her. 

“Frank, stop twitching. Yeah, I know you know and I know I’m not bothering to hide it anymore. I’m sick of it and I’m guessing you’re sick of your shit too. Trust me when I say hiding it doesn’t make it better, or smaller, or less important. It does make it so much easier to lose yourself,” she whispered, before standing up. I saw relief in her eyes. 

“I’m okay now. I hope you can say that soon too. You deserve it, Frank. Bye,” she told me, leaning down to kiss my cheek and then slipping away from me. I sat and I stared at the chair she had sat in.  

Someone else’s tragedy had a happy ending, I wondered if mine did as well. I was sick of it all, sick of terror and sorrow and guilt and grief and pain in general. I was sick of sympathy and visitors, and sick of the routine my life had become. 

But I was sick, remember? Giant hole in the stomach? And the bullet wound? Oh, and the stabs to the heart by someone you though to be a friend? Sick in body, sick in head. 

Life sucked, and it would suck until life got better. By life, I meant Sapphire. My beautiful Goddess. I could never love her more than I did. There was no way.

“Frank?” came a voice I recognised and treasured. I valued everything that even made me smile now. 

“Hey Gee,” I said, twisting my head to look at him. Ignoring the stitches, he was the same old freaky kid I’d always known and loved. My best friend. I remembered him as a pale black haired kid playing in a sandpit when I first met him in playgroup. I hit him with a truck, as far as memory serves me. Years of scabby knees, bad haircuts, buckteeth and problems flashed in my mind, remembering everything. I couldn’t keep the smile off my face. 

“You okay?” he asked me, taking my wheelchair and steering me away from Jade and her happy ending. 

“Not right now, but I’m feeling a bit better,” I shrugged. 

“Oh yeah? Why’s that, my holey friend? Heh, you’re a human doughnut…” he chuckled, ruffling my hair affectionately. 

“Sprinkled, if you please. No, I’m feeling better, because I’m sure we’ve got a happy ending waiting for us,” I said softly, mostly to myself. Gerard didn’t say anything, but I felt his grin. 


	76. Sapphire

The teeth lay in the centre of the room, creating tiny earthquakes. They rippled through the floor, touching the rim of the Cheshire’s robe. I reached out for the small wave. 

“Are you sure you want to?” he asked, letting my arm escape the cocoon of his arms. I nodded, frowning. 

“I need it, right?” I asked him, looking at his pale face with its blindfold. He cocked his head to the side, black hair stroking cheeks. In a flash I saw a wound scarring his cheek, then it was gone. Did I gasp? 

“You have said so. God is waiting outside this Universe, but if you take your wings, you’ll never see the face of God again,” he spoke in rhythm, his voice rising and falling in prayer. His words painted the air around us, stroking my soft blue crown. 

“This is hard,” I told him, and the cards shook in my fingers. He turned his face towards them, sightless eyes. 

“Cast them away, with the creature and the blood drawn faces. You need to escape,” 

I looked at him, touching either side of his face with my hands. The cuts cut a line in his cheek and I gasped. The edges were razorblades. I traced the same line on my face, with the face that had kissed me. The Cheshire took him out of my hand, throwing him to the teeth. 

“Let him fade to black,” he whispered, as the teeth sliced the card and the face on the wall faded to nothing. I shook my head sadly. I looked back at him, tracing the line. It healed under my touch and I felt my face smile. His touch was fading from us. 

In the robes I saw God’s face smile again. When my hands went to touch him, the Cheshire grasped my wrists. 

“Not yet. There is more to do,” he said, shaking his head sadly. I felt fire inside, anger. But it faded as soon as I came. I lay in his arms, feeling broken in my white robes. Black and white together, hiding in unnatural light. The creature howled it’s choking anguish, and the face screamed silence. I held the cards. 

“I thought I would carry these forever. Until my body crumbled and the wings grew from my shoulders,” I said quietly. 

“You wear blood on your back. You wear sorrow in your eyes,” Cheshire said, touching my eyes and covering them. “What do you see?”

Darkness, punctured by one light. A beaten girl dressed in blue lay in the light, blood pouring from her leg. A demon stood above her, holding a curved metal bar. Was this a memory? 

The images were wept out into his hands from my eyes, the tears collecting in his palm. He looked into it with his shadowed eyes. I held my face into his robes, searching for God’s comfort. I saw his face, felt a smile on my face. But then it was gone. 

“See the sorrows you hold, little child,” he said, and I looked into the memory. The bar falling. The blood rushing. The screams. My scream. Still scorching the air. I was screaming. The blood from my leg still ran, turning the floor crimson and running in a river of life to the teeth, painting it red. 

“No!” I yelled to the face on the wall, throwing her away from me, the card sent to oblivion by teeth far more deadly than she had given me. The face bled away to nothing. 

“Let her fade to black,” intoned Cheshire, casting my tears into the bright room we were held in, the water stinging the creature at the door. A laugh escaped me, small and cruel. 

Lines drew themselves on my skin again, tracing down my naked chest and painting pictures. Red turning to black, dribbling down my body. I held my hands to the colour, holding back in life. 

“Your Universe is bleeding, child,”

“Does it have to be this way?” I asked him, touching his blindfold with stained fingers. I left marks. 

“Do you want it?”

“I want my God, and I want freedom. No wings, no blood, no tears,” I said, shaking my head and feeling the blue touching my skin. 

“He left marks on your soul, old blood. Heal yourself, child. Free yourself,”

I looked to the demon, shaking my head. He grew bigger, his eyes deader. Hair grew, muscles bulged, madness tainting all with rage. 

“Please, no,”

“End his Universe too, and the memories will fade, I promise,”

With shaking hands, with tears I tasted on my own lips, I held the card in my view. A face, insanity held in human form, and a demon with twisted features. All wrong. My Satan held all the cards to what was wrong in my Universe in his hand. Nails stabbed through them, bleeding ink. I shook my head at him, holding his card high. 

“I will not hold you any longer, you paradox, My Satan,” I cried, my tears turning into shards of glass with which I gave back what was once given to me. By a face I had once loved, one than the first. 

“I am done,”

I cast it out and he too was gone, pulled back into the reaches of Hell. The lines drew themselves back up and I was finally clean. 

“Let him fade to black,” whispered the Cheshire, bowing his head.

“Are his wings burning?”

“We hope, and hope is often stronger than hate,” he said. “For one so small, you are strong, child,” said the Cheshire, stroking my blue crown. I felt comfort in his touch. 

“What am I to you?” I asked him, a tiny figure to a huge figure wrapping me in his nighttime robes and dotting my eyes, hair and tears with stars. The grin again. 

“A babe in arms, dear heart,”

He kissed my forehead and the smile warmed my bones. My heart sang for my God, his voice. His fingers trailed through my hair. The blue wrapped around his fingers. 

“You are Blue,” he told me gently, and the flowers blossomed in my mind. I stepped out of his embrace, pulling him into the room we had run to. The walls, which had once been too tall, were now crumbling. My Universe was breaking out and turning into something new. 

“I am Blue. A Babe in arms. I am Blue Babe,” I recited the words off the wall. His fingers traced the lines. I reached up and pulled away his blindfold and dark eyes made me whisper a name I loved. Second only to the name I couldn't speak.

“You are more than that to God,” he said, leading me to the teeth. Each step felt like the first step made by the first child at the very dawn of time. 

“What am I? Who am I?”

“To answer that, the voice of God can only say,” 

“Let him speak. I have cast away my demons, I have forsaken my wings, let me see my God now, beautiful dreamer,” My voice commanded him. Drawing back his arms, the folds fell flat, a face marked by red and black eyes, a smile curving in happiness. Hair over his face, a ring of metal in his lip. I fell to my knees, my fingertips reaching forward. Tears of joy sparkled on my skin. Two words. 

“Sapphire. Sparkle,”

In the smallest movement of the smallest meaning, I sighed. A long, deep sigh reaching from deep inside me and washing away everything I had once called turmoil. It was a sigh of the many Queens of the pack, the hundreds of girls left by lovers. The noise of happiness and wistful longing. It was the sigh of homecoming, of acceptance into familiarly. It was redemption. 

“Take the teeth,”

My hands grasped the handle and with one sweep I cast away everything. My Universe shattered and everything imploded into light. Not the unnatural light that felt wrong on my skin. Warm sunlight, afternoon memories. Next door. Sunlight through a window. Laughter. Smiles and kisses. I was going back to the universe I was calling home. 

If only I hadn’t cut so deep into this Universe. If only I hadn’t let go too fast. If only I hadn’t let myself fall too deep and resurface too fast. If only I had saved myself. 

Time to wake up, I think. 

Only to a new Universe. 

“Who am I?”


	77. Frank

It had been three weeks since the whole incident, and Sapphire hadn’t stirred. Everyone had given up hope she would. They never said it, but I saw it in their eyes as they tried to comfort me without saying it directly. She wasn’t coming back. The only problem was, I hadn’t given up hope. I would never stop believing she would wake up one day.

   They released me from the hospital after a week, leaving me in crutches and eating liquidised food. Food at all was a luxury after surviving off a drip. We were still staying with Bob in Miami, because Sapphire was too critical to be moved. Ray loved it, I could tell, and Sapphire’s parents had set up home in a nearby hotel. Every day I woke up, drank breakfast and then my parents drove me to the hospital, or if they wouldn’t, Gerard did. No one pointed out to me it was pointless; maybe they thought I’d snap. I hadn’t spoken properly ever since I first saw her lying there. When someone spoke to me, I would stare, trying to remember how people interacted normally. By the time I remembered anything useful, they had lost interest in my answer. 

   Walking was hard, even though I was still on enough painkillers to satisfy any addict. I spent my days sitting beside her, holding her free hand and whispering the words of our song, over and over again until they were burned into my tongue. The nurses were used to me, and her parents came and went, but I stayed there every second I could. The only way I knew time was passing in this fragile dream was her fading bruises and her hair, it kept growing longer. Now it reached her shoulders in soft curving waves. The black had worn back to dark brown, but she still looked beautiful. I told her that a million times everyday. A fortnight passed and she didn’t move, only her eyes twitching. It was twilight torture for me, stuck in a zone were time didn’t move at all. 

   Some days I begged her to wake, others I cried into my hands. Mostly, I stared at her, memorising her features with starling accuracy and remembering all our memories together. But when I pictured her face in my head, I only saw this waif lying here. Her eyes were never open. I had forgotten how blue they were. 

 It was a Sunday when I woke up to find myself sweating and breathing heavily, my body rocking back and forth steadily as I shook., Something was wrong. I knew it as soon as I woke up. I swung my legs out of bed, wincing as my stomach jabbed painfully. Too little years, too many scars. 

  Instantly, my hand reached for the bottle of painkillers by my bed, and the water I had left there the night before. Swallowing two, I took a grim satisfaction that I hadn’t mastered dry swallowing yet. The shuddering thoughts came back to me, telling me something was incredibly wrong. My thoughts instantly went to Sapphire, the million different things that could happen to her. Had a bubble of air gotten into her drip? Had she rolled over and choked on her tongue? Had her body just given up?

I shook my head free of the many harrowing sceneries playing. My grief-stricken howls, the funeral, blue roses on a black casket. No! I stood up, ignoring my stomach and wiping sweat from my eyes. I had to get to the hospital now, or die trying. 

Since Sapphire’s parents and my parents had gone home together to get more things, preparing for a longer stay, I grabbed my crutches and hobbled to Gee’s door. 

“Gee?”

“Yersh, snugglebumps?” he groaned through the door, obviously still half asleep. I rolled my eyes. 

“Gee, it’s Frank. Sophia’s next to you,” I told him loudly. There was a brief silence.

“Oh yeah!” It was followed by the sounds of a bed creaking slightly and Sophia giggling. The door opened and Gerard (with his boxers hastily pulled on) peered through the crack, blinking slowly and yawning. I noticed how purple his neck was. 

“Good night?”

“Oh God yeah…” moaned Gerard, leaning against the doorpost and stretching his arms. I remembered why I was there. 

“Look, I need you to drive me to the hospital, something’s wrong,” I said quickly. It took Gerard a while to process it, his smudged eyes unfocussed. Then he moaned, hitting his forehead against the doorpost.  

“Urgh…oh, but…OK, fine, give me a sec, ok? I gotta go find my pants…” he muttered, running a hand through his static, far-more-than-usually-messy hair. He winced at a bruise. I glanced at it, hiding a smirk in a scowl. 

“Sweet Lord, you’re lazy! Get on top for once!” I cried shaking my head. 

“Second that!” called Sophia for inside the darkened sprawling mess that was their lair. Gerard scowled and turned his head towards her. 

“Silence woman, or thou shalt be smote with a red hot poker of luuurve!” he yelled back. I ducked my face, trying not to laugh when alarm bells were still ringing in my head. 

“Yes please!” yelled Sophia, making me giggle slightly. Gerard smirked and yawned again. 

“Give me five minutes and I’ll drive you, ok? I have the holy quest of the pants to pursue!” he said dramatically, holding up one finger and widening his eyes like a psycho. 

“See, this is why you guys shouldn’t watch Monty Python or period films before you fuck,” I groaned, as Gerard flashed me a ridiculous grin and shut the door. I hobbled away towards the stairs, trying to ignore the loud giggles and yells of ‘Woman! Where art my pants?’

Just my luck that everyone but me in this house was fucking their brains out every night. Also, just my luck to walk in on Ray and Bob showering together. 

“Gargh!” I choked, instantly shielding my eyes and trying to hobble out of the room. 

“Mornin’ Frank! Going to see Blue?” asked Ray cheerily under his soaked afro. Bob grinned too, rubbing shampoo into his hair. 

“Um…yeah, as soon as Gerard gets out from under Sophia,” I said, still shuffling uncomfortably. I really needed to pee though. I sighed, giving up and going over to the toilet, concentrating instead on the pile of old rock magazines next to the toilet. If we ever formed a band, we’d have to get used to this kind of shit.

“Man, that guy needs to get on top for once in his life!” sighed Bob, scrubbing with the soap. I tried my best not to watch. I must say my success was outstanding. 

“Who does?” asked Mikey, wandering in and going over to brush his teeth. I shook my head, trying to laugh at how surreal this morning was while the itch attacked the back of my skull. Sapphire.

“Gerard,” said Ray, reaching past Bob to get the shower gel. 

“I do what now-Oh my God!” yelled Gerard, appearing in the door. We all turned to look at him, blinking innocently. He looked shocked. 

“Mikey! That’s _my_ toothbrush!”

Good morning Miami. 

Finally, Gerard and I were in the car and driving to the hospital. 

“Hey, can we stop for doughnuts?” begged Gerard, coming up to a turn off that went past a drive thru doughnut shop. I scowled. 

“No! You had three for breakfast!”

“It would’ve been four if you hadn’t made us go…” muttered Gerard darkly, missing the turn and heading for the hospital. I raised an eyebrow. 

“Ok, I’ve got a really bad feeling something’s wrong with Blue. We can get doughnuts on the way back,” I shrugged, taking another painkiller. Gerard’s eyes flashed to the pills. 

“Don’t take more than you’re meant to, Frank…” he said quietly. I didn’t say anything, putting the container back in my pocket. 

“It’s my first today,” I lied. Gerard instantly looked guilty. 

“Whoops, my bad! So what exactly do you think is wrong?” he asked, changing the subject quickly. 

“I don’t know…I just know something’s wrong. I woke up knowing something was wrong, it won’t stop bugging me,” I shrugged, scratching the back of my head. Gerard decided it was time for a song. 

“ _I just can’t get you outta my head! Boy, your loving is all I think about!”_

“Oh dear Lord, you’re gayer than Bob and Ray combined!”

 

“Morning boys, had a good evening?” asked the receptionist, smiling broadly at us from behind a long line of depressed in patients. We’d gotten very used to her and the other admin staff. 

“Oh hell yeah!” laughed Gerard, winking saucily at her. She blushed, fluttering her hand in front of her face. 

“Oh Gerry! You’re such a charmer! Morning Frank, dear!” she called, waving to me. I nodded my head, pulling Gerard off towards the elevator with my crutches clattering on the floor. He wouldn’t stop humming in the elevator, or dancing down the corridor and I moodily took another painkiller to try and stop the buzz in my head. Ahead of us, I saw Sapphire’s dad pacing the hall in front of us, waving his arms. The closer we got the more evident it got he was yelling, his face screwed up in anger and tears. My chest grew tight, but not as tight as Gerard’s hand around my arm. 

“Frank! Gerard! Oh God…this is…oh, God!” he cried as he saw us, sitting down heavily and holding his head in his hands. 

“What? What’s happened?” I demanded, looking over at the nurse opposite him, wringing her hands. Sapphire’s mum was cowering in her chair, sobbing into her tissue, whispering to herself. _Don’t let what I think happened be true_ , I begged, shaking my head. 

“Frank, listen to me, calm down!” hissed Gerard in my ear, panic painting his voice. I shook free of him. 

“No! It didn’t happen! She’s ok!” I yelled, pushing past the nurse trying to talk to me with candied, half buried words. I pushed through into the corridor, slamming into her door. My crutch slipped and I felt through her door, yelling in pain as my muscles bunched together painfully. I hit the floor, gritting my teeth and searching for her. Just a glimpse to see she was ok. Nothing. The room was empty, the covers thrown away, the drip lying uselessly on the floor with one spot of blood on the tiles. 

She was gone. 

I gasped for air, trying not to scream as I felt hands on my arms, pulling me up, voices. 

“Where is she? Where is she?” I demanded, turning and grabbing the nurse’s shoulders, spit flying from my mouth as I yelled. My heart felt ready to burst. 

“She’s…she’s” she tried to say over my ranting, as Sapphire’s dad and Gerard tried to pull me away, tears on their faces. 

“Where is she?” I yelled again, looking back at her empty bed, hoping she had appeared somehow. I looked back to her in silence, my face set. Tears wet her cheeks as her hands wrung. My eyes refused to spill. Not until I heard the truth. 

“She’s…she’s gone,”


	78. Sapphire

The soles of my feet prickled with heat, the hot tarmac stinging them. I rubbed my hand up and down my arm, wriggling my fingers. My hand still tingled from when I’d pulled the drip from my vein, a drop of blood spilling down the small plastic tube. I squinted up at the sun, marvelling how warm the air was. It was so humid and thick I tried to run my fingers through it. 

 I walked slowly, my leg aching with each step. I couldn’t remember what happened to it, or how I’d woken up in a hospital. Come to think of it, I couldn’t remember anything important. My name, my age, my address. Where was I? Wow, this was confusing. Then, on the other hand, everything seemed so wonderful and new when I looked at it. I watched the cars drive past me, the slipstream tugging at my hospital gown around my body. The sun shined off their metal bodies, making me squint. I heard music throbbing through them as they shot past, ignoring my existence. None of the tunes were familiar, but somehow I heard words in my head. I couldn’t quite focus on them. A tune, a tiny snatch of sound, kept digging at me. No matter how I tried to ignore it and concentrate of the grass on the side of the road, or the birds flying around. I could smell salt, and hear people’s laughter from a long way away. Was I near the beach? Wow, that would be cool.

I knew I couldn’t remember anything, other than a single image that flashed in my mind. I needed to go there, if only to try and figure out why it was important to me. I had a name, a location. New Jersey. Belleville. That was it. So, here I was, walking. 

“Hey, girl, are you ok?” called a voice. I turned my head, my hair brushing over my shoulders. I pulled it behind my ear, my fingers tracing a line down my cheek. What was that? Was it a scar? In front of me was a caravan park, children running around screaming, men outside with barbeques, woman hanging up washing. It looked cosy, dirty and fun in one. A boy older than me (I think) stood by the opening; smoking a joint and watching me balance on the road end with my bare feet. I smiled shyly. 

“I think so,” I shrugged, walking towards him. He raised an eyebrow, taking another drag and looked me up and down. I glanced down at my dirty sore feet, the bandage slowly spreading crimson on my leg, my pale arms and the hospital gown sticking to me like a huge warning label. I didn’t want to go back to the hospital. I may not remember anything, but I wasn’t sick. 

“Nice dress,” he said, a little stumped as to what to say. I laughed, fingering the edge of the plastic gown. 

“It’s a bit breezy,” I shrugged. 

“I’ll bet. I’m Chris, by the way,” he said, extending his hand to me. I took it shyly. 

“I’m…I’m Blue,” I said, surprising myself. Was I? Didn’t sound _quite_ right, but it had rolled off my tongue easily enough. He smirked, pointing to my eyes. 

“So I see! Come on, my sister can give you some jeans if you want,” he shrugged, taking my hand and leading me into the caravan park. I slipped it out of his, uncomfortable. Holding his hand didn’t felt right for some reason, and I knew it wasn’t just because I’d only just met him. 

“So why are you wandering around in a hospital gown? You in an accident?” he asked me, throwing the butt of his joint away and weaving between caravans, waving to families. I followed quickly, stepping over abandoned toys and hosepipes. 

“Well…um…I don’t actually remember. I woke up in a hospital, skipped out as fast as I could, and I guess I’m trying to get home now. I can’t remember anything else,” I told him quietly, peering around me from behind my hair. He glanced back at me, raising his eyebrow again. 

“Not anything? How do you know where home is?”

“I’m not sure, but I know I need to get to Belleville, in New Jersey,” I told him as we drew up to a regular looking caravan. 

“You’re a long way from home then. On holiday?” 

“Again, I don’t know. Maybe,” I shrugged as we reached the entrance. He stopped me, and then disappeared inside. I hovered, shuffling my now rather dusty feet and trying to avoid the stares from the neighbours. It was then I noticed a small girl peering at me from under the caravan. I smiled at her and she smiled back. 

“Hi,” I said, waving awkwardly. She crawled out into the sun and stood up, reaching my ribs. She grinned at me. 

“Hiya. Do you know Chris?” she asked, curious. I shrugged. 

“I guess. What’s your name?” I asked her, bending down to talk to her face to face. A breeze disturbed me and I sat down on my knees, fastening my thin gown beneath me. She smiled at me, twisting a pink beaded bracelet around her thin wrist. 

“Paula, what’s yours?” 

“Blue,” I said again, despite the twinge in my head telling me it wasn’t. 

“I like blue, but I like pink better,” she told me proudly. I grinned at her. 

“I like pink too, but I like blue more. What about green?” I asked. She shook her head firmly. I raised my eyebrows lightly, smiling. 

“Not even a look in? Purple?”

She nodded, grinning and showing me her purple necklace that hung down around her stomach. 

“I see you met Paula,” said Chris, jumping out of the caravan and handing me a pair of faded jeans. I took them gratefully, thrusting my legs into them and pulling them around my hips. They fitted well enough, thank God. I realised how naked I had felt without them. 

“Good?” he asked, raising his eyebrows again as Paula giggled. 

“Yeah, thanks so much!” I told him, going over to hug him. I gave him a brief but warm hug, still feeling a bit awkward. I’d only known him a few minutes. He smiled. 

“Come on, Mom’s left me and Paula some lunch. Join us and I’ll try and find you a top,” he offered, going back into the caravan with Paula. I shrugged and followed them, wiping my dirty feet on the rough doormat. Inside it was manageable chaos. There was a small TV but the sink, facing a built in table and booth. Dishes were in the sink and the curtains were pulled across to try and keep the sun out. It was much hotter, but a fan was going to keep a breeze going. Paula pulled me down to the booth, and Chris pulled some hamburger patties out of the fridge. Soon the caravan was filled with the smell of frying burgers and chips, the noise drowning out much of the conversation. As Chris cooked, Paula helped me find a faded blue top that fitted me rather too well in places to wear and I ditched the suffocating gown. When I returned, Chris raised his eyebrows, impressed. I smiled shyly and asked to ask their bathroom, if only to avoid his eyes on me. They made me feel uncomfortable. In the tiny cramped bathroom, it was even hotter and when I washed my hands I rubbed cold water over my face and neck, running my fingers through the flow. Looking up, my eyes connected to two of the bluest eyes I’d ever seen. They were lined with old pain and flecked with purple. On my cheek there was the scar I’d felt earlier. I touched my face gently, checking it was mine. No wonder Blue fitted. These eyes were filled with memories, ones I could no longer remember. I saw weariness, but a new sort of freedom, or relief. I didn’t understand it, or the glow dying in them. A thought occurred to me, that the glow belonged to love. Love…who had I loved? I searched my dull brain for a name, a face, anything. 

“Lunch!” called Chris, interrupting my thoughts. I jumped and let myself out quickly. Paula was already colouring her meat and chips in with ketchup, Chris shovelling chips onto his plate with just the same gusto. Both had pale brown hair, Paula’s curling softly over her head, Chris’s spiky. They had dark brown eyes and tanned skin, cheeky grins and big ears. I looked at Chris shyly as I walked over to them, his eyes occupied with ketchup. He was cute, in a goofy kind of way. I wondered how old he was.

“So, tell us about yourself, well, whatever you can,” said Chris. I started to eat, feeling ravenous all of a sudden. I shrugged as I ate. 

“I’m Blue, I’m heading for Belleville, New Jersey and I woke up in hospital this morning. And my leg is staining the inside of these jeans,”

“I’ll get you some bandages for that if you like. How’d you get that?” he asked, gesturing to the scar on my face. I traced it again, trying to remember. 

“I’m sorry, I have no idea,” I said, looking down onto my plate. 

“Hey, no, don’t’ be sorry. Geez, you’ve forgotten everything! Do you know how old you are?”

“How old do I look?”

“Um…16? 17? What would I know? I’m 19 and blonde under the brown!” he laughed, grinning at me until I laughed too. Paula (currently covered in ketchup) laughed just for the sake of it. 

“I’m apparently dark brown,” I shrugged, running my fingers through my messy hair. Chris grinned. 

“Maybe you’re blonde too, but you got it dyed before you came out here,”

“Wherever here is compared to home,” I chuckled, wishing that didn’t hurt as much as it did. Where was home?

“Miss it?” he asked a second later. I raised an eyebrow, smirking.  

“Miss what? A memory I can’t remember? All I know is Belleville, New Jersey, other than that…I’ll never get home,”

“Don’t worry, Blue, you’re with us now, and we’ll see to it you get home. I promise,”


	79. Frank

“What do you mean gone?” asked Gerard, as I paced the room frantically, twitching and holding my head. I couldn’t deal with this. 

“Just gone! We checked on her last night at the shift change, and she was there, but this morning she was just…gone,” said the nurse, shaking faintly as she watched me. I grunted loudly, angrily, wanting to hurt her for no real reason. At that point, I didn’t care what I did, as long as it made sense. This really didn’t. 

“What about the hall cameras? How could she just get up and leave?” demanded her father, gripping the sides of his chair with white knuckles. He had stopped crying now, but his cheeks still shone. I stopped pacing, taking another painkiller. My fourth that morning, but with my head throbbing with every beat, I needed it. 

“We can check, but it’s easy for people to be missed in this hospital, we’re very busy,” said the nurse indignantly. Her irritation faded when three pairs of extremely angry eyes fixed on her. I couldn’t say anything; I couldn’t even pry my jaw open. My fingers wouldn’t uncurl from my fists and my stomach wouldn’t unclench. I was furious at the hospital, for letting her disappear. I was furious at Sapphire for disappearing without me. I was furious at me for not being here when she needed me. 

Stiffly, I walked over to her door, looking in at the bed. The covers thrown back, the drip left lying on the floor and that single drop of blood where she took it out. But what if she hadn’t? What if someone else had?

My thoughts began to haunt me, rolling around and around my sore skull in a record of depression. Anger started to turn to despair, fear. What if someone had taken her? But who would?

“No…no, please God, no…” I groaned, my voice finding firm ground. I felt Gerard touch my shoulder. 

“What, man?” he asked softly. I shook my head, not looking away from the single spot of crimson blood on the tiles. He stood behind me, looking in as well. Behind us, Sapphire’s dad yelled at the nurse, his wife sobbing into her hands. 

“Coma patients don’t just get up and walk away!” he yelled, his voice strained. I almost chuckled, thinking how true that should have been. I couldn’t listen anymore; I stepped into the room, breaking away from Gerard’s hand. He didn’t follow me, but closed the door on the chaos. Alone in the empty room, I felt the air prickle, the stiffness irritated my skin. The yellowish lights blinded me and the shadows confused me. I walked around the outside of the room, keeping the wall to my shoulder. I keep my eyes fixed on the bed, the crumpled sheets where she had laid. So still and pale she could have been dead. I sank to the floor, tears blurring the vision in front of me. 

“Why does this happen to us?” I whispered brokenly to the silent room. I knew it wouldn’t answer. I thought back to the blood, my thoughts skipping to the beginning. I knew who had taken her, I was so sure. 

_“Why am I doing this?” I asked my father as we drove through the sunlit streets. I was itching to get back to Sapphire’s side. I really didn’t want to go, it seemed the dumbest thing possible._

_“Because it’s right. You should show them you have no hard feelings,” said my father gruffly, his eyes on the road. I snorted loudly._

_“There are plenty of hard feelings. Their son raped my girlfriend and their daughter put her in a coma. Obviously I should go shake their hand and wish them every luck,” I said bitterly, my hands twisting around the seatbelt as if it was trying to strangle me. With every turn, I knew we were getting closer and I felt like I was heading towards a whirlpool, ready to suck me down._

_“Now, Frank, that’s uncalled for,” said my father without emotion._

_“Like fuck is isn’t! It’s pretty much called for Dad! I can’t believe I ever agreed to this! They don’t even deserve to speak to her, or me” I hmphed, angry. My father looked angry too._

_“They didn’t ask to have children like they did. Don’t you think the fact they have children like those is a good enough reason to pity them? Imagine the hell they’re living in, Frank,” he tried._ Not Hellish enough, I’m guessing _, I thought bitterly. I glared at him. I knew he didn’t actually care about them. He just wanted to make it look good. After all, the only reason this wasn’t going public was because their dad was some big politician dude. It would reflect badly on him if the whole Tracy thing preceded the whole Vince thing. Big deal, I didn’t care. I tried not to tell myself they didn’t deserve it, because I wanted to think they did._

_“Fine, I’ll talk to them. But we are never socialising with them ever again,” I said flatly. My father reached over and clapped my shoulder._

_“Good boy, you’re doing the right thing,”_

_“Sapphire’ll kill me, you know,” I said quietly. He didn’t answer but the answer hung in the air between us. That was, if she ever woke up again. We reached the right road, in front of the right house. No one was there, and no one was in the street. As I stood on the pavement, a cool breeze rustled the leaves and whipped lightly at my hair. The whole place seemed to suck the heat out of surroundings._

_My father hovered by the car, leaving me to face the house that raised killers on my own. My arms hung heavy by my sides as I stiffly walked up to the house. I knocked on the door, trying to ignore the drawn curtains, or the note on the door telling journalists to ‘sod off’. There was an odd smell around this place_

_“Frank. Thank you for coming,” said their father, a short stout balding man. He looked like the kind of guy to walk into a room and fill it with his presence and confidence, full of jokes and opinions. Now he was deflated, worn through like an overused dishcloth. He hunched forward, his eyes not meeting mine. I stuck out my hand, for him to shake. He did, although a little reluctantly. I stepped into his house and realised where the smell had been coming from .The house was run down, mail lining the hall and dust curling the air. They had stopped taking care of the house, or themselves. He led me slowly through the house to the living room, shuffling in slow small steps. I stood nervously by the fireplace as he sat next to his wife who ignored my presence entirely, aiming her bony hawk nose out the window, her eyes narrowed. She hated me._

_“I just…I just want you to know that…well, I don’t blame you for what your children did,” I said quietly to the awkward silence. I tried to ignore the smiling faces in the pictures on the mantelpiece._

_“They were called Vince and Tracy,” said the mother shortly, still staring. I didn’t say anything, but then the father spoke._

_“Frank…this is hard for all of us, but thank you. From both my wife, and me thank you. I just want to tell you how deeply sorry we are on behalf of our children,” he said, staring at the floor beneath the coffee table covered in newspapers and ashtrays. His wife turned slowly to stare at him coldly._

_“Never speak on my behalf again. Or Tracy’s or Vince’s for that matter. I am not thankful, or sorry. Neither would they be,” she said to the room loudly. I pinched the inside of my arms to stop myself flinching at her words. Then she fixed me with a cold stare, so cold I swear my balls shrivelled up._

_“I don’t want your forgiveness, I don’t need it,” she stated, forcing me to stay staring at her._

_“Mary-“ tried her husband._

_“Quiet Keith, I will tell him exactly what I think,” she spat. I took a step back._

_“Maybe I should go…”_

_“Stay there,” she ordered. I didn’t like the tone she used, or the look in her eyes. It was easy to see where Vince and Tracy got their insanity. Was this entire family deranged?_

_“You and your girlfriend stole my children away from me. I’ll never forgive you for that. You took my children. You killed them. I promise, one day, I will return the favour. Now get out of my house,” she ordered, her voice rising. Keith shuffled next to her, embarrassed. I stared back, hiding my fear in anger._

_“Don’t you dare touch us. Just stay away from us,” I said, backing out of the room. Keith jumped up and shot away me, shutting the door on his wife and ushering me to the front door._

_“I’m sorry about Mary, she hasn’t been well since Vince…well, anyway. I’m so sorry, Frank, for everything this family has done to you. I wish to God I could take it all back. If I knew…If I knew the things they would do, I might never have had children,” he chuckled weakly, his eyes shining. I felt a stab of pity, an innocent man stuck in a house of death. I patted his shoulder._

_“Thank you. I mean it, I don’t hate you, and I’m sure Sapphire doesn’t either,”_

_“I’m so sorry for her too. Nothing I could ever say would ever express how bad I feel for that poor girl. I can’t bear to look at her; I don’t deserve to do so. Please tell her I wish her the best of health…oh dear. I’m just so…so sorry, dear boy,” he said, covering his face with his hand. I awkwardly reached out and gripped his shoulder, lending support as he sobbed._

_“I can’t bear the thought that my children have done such things! I am so, so sorry!” he cried, tears leaking through his fingers. I shuffled my feet, thinking I should leave him to his sorrows._

_“That’s ok. I don’t blame you, or even your wife,”_

_“I’m sorry for her too. She’s just so grief stricken, she doesn’t know what she’s saying. Her children were her world…I promise she’ll never come near you in my lifetime,”_

_“Thank you. Good luck,” I said awkwardly, unsure what I was meant to say to a man who’s lost his children and has a wife as crazy as that. He nodded; wiping tears and shook my hand with a tear soaked hand. I walked away from the house, the sun shining on my neck but the wind cooling the skin. I glanced back and my heart skipped a beat. In the window of the living room, Mary stood staring at me so hard I thought the window would break._

“Is that entire family going to try and kill us?” I despaired, leaning my head back and cringing. 


	80. Sapphire

Chris and I were sitting in the backseat of his mom’s car, heading for the station. His mom, a tall blonde woman with incredibly tanned skin and bright red nails, was flipping through the radio stations as I stared out the window at the houses going by. I didn’t recognise any of it. Besides me, Chris was asking me questions to try and jog my memory, and I was answering as best I could. 

_See the pyramids along the Nile. Watch the sunrise from the tropic isle. Just remember, darling, all the while, you belong to me_

“So do you know where in Belleville?”

“Um…a park or something,” I asked, frowning as I racked my poor tired brain. 

“What else?”

“Near…shops or something. I can’t really remember Chris, I’m sorry,”

“No worries, I’m just trying to help. So music, then. What do you like?”

“Oh, wow…I have no idea…”

_See the market place in old Algier Send me photographs and souvenirs. Just remember when your dream appears, you belong to me_

“Come on, you must have some idea,”

“Well…I’ve had this tune going around my head, but I can’t get it, y’know?” 

“You remember…Britney Spears?”

“Please don’t make me puke,”

“Ha! Ok, Avril Lavigne,”

“Um…sort of. Rings a bell,” I shrugged. 

_And I’ll be so alone without you. Maybe you’ll be lonesome too._

“Ok, then, let me think…” said Chris, racking his brain. 

“Fall Over Boys?” asked his mom, looking in the rear-view mirror. I laughed, even though I didn’t know why. 

“Fall Out Boy,” I corrected, unsure why it seemed familiar. 

_Fly the ocean in a silver plane. See the jungle when it's wet with rain. Just remember till you're home again, you belong to me_ . 

“You know them?” asked Chris. I shrugged. 

“Probably. It’s familiar…I don’t know why,”

“Ok, let’s try family. Mom? Dad? Brother or sister?”

“No siblings, I’ve got a mom, I think. And Dad?” I trailed off, sadness washing through me. “Daddy…” I whispered again, pricks of tears stinging the backs of my eyes. I felt Chris’s hand touch mine, a tiny comfort. I held it back, but when I looked over at Chris I thought I saw a different face smiling at me. For a tiny moment, his hair was darker, black. His smile was so much more cheekier. His eyes were far more beautiful. Then I blinked and I was looking at him again. It threw me, and I forgot about the father figure that I had been ready to weep over. Instead I felt a tug inside my chest and Chris’s hand in mine felt wrong. It felt clammy and too heavy. 

_And I’ll be so alone without you. Maybe you’ll be lonesome too._

I pulled away from him, bending my head forward so my hair fell across my face. I felt Chris’s eyes on me and it only made it worse. 

“Are you ok?” he asked. I nodded quickly. 

“Yeah, you just…I’m was just thinking about my dad,” I lied quickly. 

“Do you remember him?”

“No…Yes…Sort of. I know I had one. I know I miss him,” I decided, remembering something, but nothing I could remember. 

“What do you remember?” he asked me. I closed my eyes, going back to think on the father figure I knew existed. I could remember so little, nothing real. Not his eye colour, his voice, his name. But…there was…

“Pumpkin,” I said finally as we drove into the station car park. 

_Fly the ocean in a silver plane. See the jungle when it's wet with rain._

_Just remember till you're home again, you belong to me._

_Just remember till you're home again, you belong to me._

 Chris and I hovered near the platform, his mom going to buy me a ticket for Belleville, New Jersey. I was touched they’d been so nice to me. I had been given a place to stay the night before, and now this morning they were sending me home. Chris had offered to take me there, to help me find my way around, but I was sure something would trigger something else. 

“Hey, I got you a map, just so you have some idea where you are,” he said, a bit shyly, handing me the map. 

“Aw, thanks so much!” I told him, grinning. It was incredibly sweet of him to think of it. 

“Oh, and here. I hope it’s enough to at least get you some food, maybe for a night or two,” he said, blushing again, as he gave me a 10-dollar note. I grinned again. 

“You are just too thoughtful,” I told him, holding the map and the note like my life depending on it. In some ways it did. 

“If you can’t find what you’re looking for, or have nowhere to sleep, call us and we’ll try and find you, I promise,” he said bashfully. I smiled again. 

“Thanks a lot…it means a lot. I think I’ll be ok though,” I told him. He smiled, shuffling his feet. His mom came over, gave me my ticket, wished me good luck and went to go move the car before the parking restrictions counted. Chris and I sat down on the bench, waiting for my train. 

“Why did you help me?” I asked him after a few minutes silence. He glanced at me, surprised by my question. 

“Well…you looked lost and kinda confused, and you were wearing that stupid hospital thing and that bandage…I just you looked like you needed help,” he shrugged. I laughed. 

“Yeah, most people bleeding and covered in scars do,”

“Wasn’t just that. You looked…lonely,” he said, then dismissed it. 

“You didn’t think a girl in a hospital gown should go back to the hospital?” I asked him, something that had bothered me all morning. He shook his head. 

“If you left it, it was for a good reason. I don’t like hospitals,” he said, looking down. I nudged him softly. 

“Why not?”

“Well…” he hesitated, biting his lip, uncertain. “My dad died in hospital…that’s why we live in the caravan park now. Mom’s job isn’t so good at paying the bills,” he told me. Old pain was hidden in his eyes, and I instantly felt sorry for him. 

“I’m sorry. Like, seriously sorry. But, it could be worse…he could’ve split on you. Doesn’t it make it better he loved you all the way through?” I asked, trying to find the best light of it. He looked at me, a bit irritated a first, then it cleared. He saw my point. 

“That’s possibly the sanest thing anyone’s ever said about my dad…did your dad love you?” he asked me. I looked away, my turn to be uncertain. 

“I think he did. I know I loved him. If I ever find him again, I’ll ask him,” I chuckled, covering up the small holes ripping themselves into my heart when I thought of not finding someone so obviously important to me. But that wasn’t all that made it hard to breathe. 

“Blue…can I kiss you goodbye?” asked Chris a second later, and I drew my breath in quickly. I didn’t meet his eyes. 

“Why would you want to do that?” I asked carefully, my hands twisting themselves into knots. I was nervous. Why? Was it because he was a guy? Was it because I was shy? I couldn’t understand it. 

“Because…well, you’re pretty and funny and I saved you like a damsel in distress or something. It doesn’t seem right if the knight doesn’t kiss the damsel,” he said, smirking at the incredibly corny, but sweet, line. I smirked too, meeting his sincere eyes. For a flash, they were a different colour and I had to blink. 

“Um…I guess you can,” I said, smoothing back my hair behind my ear. My hands were shaking a little, my palms sweating a lot. He smiled, blushing and began to lean forward slowly, glancing between my eyes and my lips. I bit my lower lip lightly, nervous. Had I seen a guy before? I had absolutely no idea. I closed my eyes, letting him finish the distance between us. His lips touched mine and I felt his hand on my neck, his thumb running down the scar on my cheek. I felt his tongue push at my lips, easing them apart and I let him slide it into my mouth, touch mine gently. His mouth tasted of the chocolate coco puffs he’d eaten for breakfast, and he was just as nervous as I was. I realised my fingers were clenching the bench rim so hard my knuckles were screaming for release. I opened my eyes and I saw brown hair instead of black, like I had been expecting for some reason. I jumped back, leaving him blinking and confused. I would have laughed at his expression if I hadn’t been shaking. 

“I’m sorry…I can’t,” I whispered, reaching up to wipe away the tingly feeling on my cheek where he’d touched me. A teardrop filled with guilt. Why did I feel so guilty? Like I’d betrayed someone? Who did I betray? Who had I been in love with? 

“No, it’s ok. You’ve probably got a boyfriend back home…even if you don’t remember him,” shrugged Chris, sitting back. He looked downcast and I feel bad, if only that I’d disappointed him. 

“I’m sorry Chris,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m really sorry,” 

He grinned sadly, shaking his head. 

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, I’m sorry for having kissed you,” 

“Well, I _did_ kiss you back,” I admitted, hating this feeling in my gut. We sat in silence and watched as the tiny dot on the horizon drew closer, the train to take me closer to home. I stood up as the train slowed to a halt in front of me. Chris followed suit, following me as I went over to it. The doors opened and I turned to look at him. 

“Just so you know…if things were different, I’d love to be your damsel,” I told him truthfully. I knew no idea if I was lying or being truthful but it felt ok to make him smile even though I’d never see him again. I wanted him to be smiling when I left. And smile he did. 

“Thanks Blue. I hope you find everything you forgot,” he said warmly. I smiled again, leaned forward and kissed his cheek softly. Then I got on the train and got the hell out of Miami.   

 


	81. Frank

Once I knew what had happened, there was no way you could keep me in Miami. I didn’t tell anyone my theory, I didn’t tell anyone anything, mainly because I didn’t open my mouth. Sapphire’s parents went straight to the police station, and we all split up into pairs to look for her around the hospital, the beach, the shops, anywhere she might find herself going. The entire I sat low in the passenger seat of Gerard’s car, I kept asking myself what was the point; I knew she was taken. She didn’t leave of her own will, why would she? 

“Frank…Frank…FRANKENSTEIN!” yelled Gerard, and I yelled. 

“Huh?” I asked him, grunting my response. I hadn’t realised he’d been trying to get my attention. Gerard rolled his eyes as we drove, and the side of him I got wasn’t the pretty side. He looked like a pissed off Jake Skellington with red eyes. 

“Dude, I was trying to ask if you were hungry! It’s like…6 in the afternoon now,” he repeated himself and I shook my head dumbly. My stomach was knotted up so fucking tight if I ate anything, it’d kill me. Gerard frowned. 

“So you’ve been taking those painkillers all day and you won’t eat? Bad move, Frank. They’ll make you worse,” he said, proving he had noticed my ‘discreet’ pain relief efforts. Unfortunately they didn’t work. 

“Hmph,” I grunted back, shrugging and looking out the window. Gerard sighed loudly and turned the corner towards the beach house. 

“Well, we’ve been looking all fucking day and we haven’t found her. Let’s go home, the police’ll look for her in the night,”

“But-“

“And you need to sleep, right now,” he ordered, parking the car and pushing himself out of the stuffy car. His seat was moulded to his back for cruising all day, and the day of his shirt was sticky. I wasn’t much better when I finally managed to crawl out of the car with my stomach cramping and my crutches. I stood at the entrance to Bob’s home, staring out to towards the sea. Gerard had gone straight inside, the fruitlessness of today’s efforts grating at him. 

The sea in the distance looked like a piece of bright blue silk, rippling slowly. The horizon darkened, but the sky rose up a deep midnight blue, tinged with purple and littered with stars. The moon looked huge and almost edible in its soft pale glow. The Milky Way glittered, and in my head each of the stars up there were weeping for the turquoise sea it couldn’t reach. A Sapphire sea. 

I shook my head, tearing my eyes away from the beautiful sight and dashing away tears. I knew where she was and I was going to find her, I swore it. 

“I’m coming Sparkle, I promise you,” I whispered, turning towards the house and hobbling in to a subdued reception of sympathy, concern and silence. 

The next morning, it was 5 am and I was doing my best to load my stuff into the car without making too much noise. I had been up since 3, gathering up stuff, hauling suitcases, preparing food and making sure the car was ready to go. I’d written a quick note to apologise to Gerard for stealing his car, but assure them all I knew where she was and I was ok, all that crap. I was trying to load my bag into the backseat, but my stomach kept twinging, making my entire upper body freeze and the bag to slip to the ground again. I swore loudly, then bit my tongue. Glancing towards the silence house, nothing stirred so I wearily bent down to retrieve. Fourth time lucky. Then one of my clutches slipped from under my arm, falling with a loud clatter that echoed through the quiet courtyard. I swore again. Then the other one fell over and I was on my knees, unable to reach one of them without twisting my middle. 

Oh fuck. 

“Need a hand?” asked a voice behind me. I turned sharply, shocked and then I made a loud grunt of pain when my stomach felt like it was being ripped out again. Gerard was standing, leaning in the doorway. He wore his black shirt, black blazer, red tie outfit again, his messy hair subdued somehow. A hairbrush possibly? He looked ready to go out, so where was he going at 5 in the morning? Then again, he was probably thinking the same thing. 

“Um…yeah, thanks man,” I shrugged, facing forward again as I threw the bag in from my position on the floor. Gerard came over and gave me back my crutches and helped me to my feet. I stood in front of him unsure what to say. 

“I got your note,” he said evenly. I continued to stare at the floor. 

“You did a great job of stealing my car,” he said a second later, leaning over and thumping the roof. I smirked, and when I looked at he was to. 

“I’m going to ignore the fact you were going to run away from us. It was for a good reason, I can see. You know where she is?” he asked me, and I nodded. He saw the look in my eyes and grimaced. 

“Here we go again,”

“ _We_?”

“I’m coming with you. You can’t even load a car without getting in trouble, you idiot. You’re gonna need me. So let’s go,”

“But-“

  
”I wrote a new note,”

”But-“

“I’ve brushed and flossed, don’t worry,”

“But-“  


”And yes, I am wearing clean underwear,”

“BUT-“

“Good idea! I’ll say bye to Sophia!” he cried, jumping away from me and entering the house. I groaned, turning and banging my head against the cool metal of the car. Curse my slowness. Ok, having Gerard there made this all so much easier, but I had wanted to save her again. Now, Gerard’ll rush in and save her and I’ll hobble in after him to catch the after show. Curse my romantic ideals. I should just be happy there was an after show to catch. _Unless there’s a funeral…SHUT UP!_

“That is not happening,” I muttered, sliding into the passenger seat as best I could. As I waited for my fuzzy scarred friend, I started to mutter under my breath, nothing particularly important, just vague death threats. In the doorway, Sophia and Gerard were wishing each other a purely non-verbal goodbye, her wearing one of Gerard’s huge Misfits T shirts. I couldn’t be bothered to look away so I watched them kiss, lost in each other’s embrace. Then she attacked him with a hairbrush. Oh, that’s how it looks so smooth…

Gerard ducked away and grabbed her again for another kiss, whispering tenderly to her as he brushed her hair away. She kissed him again, running her fingers down his scarred cheek and smiling so sweetly it was horrible to look at. My heart yearned for Sapphire’s smiles, and glowing eyes. Watching Ger and Sophia was just too painful. 

“Gonna miss her?” I asked him as he dodged her hairbrush again and ducked into the car, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. 

“Yeah…I’ll see her soon though. I mean, if you’re so sure where Sapphire is, we’ll find her in no time,” he shrugged. I wished I felt as sure as he did. I knew who had her, but knowing that fucktard family, she could be being tortured in any warehouse or graveyard in New Jersey. We left Bob’s house in silence, both of us remembering all the happy memories and times we’d enjoyed inside its walls and outside them too. 

“Man, Miami rocks,” said Gerard sadly as he turned the car towards New Jersey and pushed the pedal. I nodded silently. 

“It does. So what’s going on between you and Sophia?”

“What isn’t? She’s great…I’m gonna miss her,”

“Like you said, we’re coming back,” I pointed out. 

“Yeah, but not forever. We couldn’t stay forever,”

“What do you think Ray’s gonna do when we have to go home?” I asked Gerard a few minutes later, my thoughts branching out from more painful thoughts. Gerard grimaced. 

“I dunno. He could stay here, I guess. We’d miss him, but he and Bob are really close, y’know?” he said. I heard a sorrowful note in his voice and I knew he was thinking about Sophia. Then I thought about Mikey and the girl he’d become attached to as well. I sighed. Everyone wanted to stay in Miami, even Sparkle. But she had to go back to school and I would be there with her. 

“You guys should all stay, Miami is a lot better than New Jersey. I’d have to stay there though, just for Sapphire,” 

“No way are we leaving you guys alone. New Jersey’s our home…even if Miami does rock,” said Gerard firmly. Then we both lapsed into silent thoughts. I knew Gerard was thinking about Sophia, and I was thinking about Sapphire. Our Lady’s of Sorrows. 

I stared out the window of the car, watching the pale morning colours spill over the horizon, pale pink tinged with yellows and purples. It was so beautiful, but so fragile. Why did everything have to remind me of Sapphire? We were on the main road now, going past all the beach houses and then further out of town. We passed the turn off to the hospital, and kept going. After a few minutes we passed a caravan park. 

The lights stopped us outside it and I peered into the park’s fencing, too tired to look away. Shit, there were a lot of caravans in there. One, near the edge, had someone sitting on its roof. I think it was a girl, but I couldn’t see properly, she had her back to me. She was looking up at the pastel sky. I looked up too, admiring the gentle wisps of cloud coloured with purple shadows and yellow underbellies. This was the kind of view people waited their entire lives just to glimpse, just like this girl. Then the lights changed and we were moving again, heading straight for Sapphire. 


	82. Sapphire

Wow, trains were cool! I sat by the window watching the scenery go by so fast I never really saw any of it. I couldn’t stop yawning fro the night before. I couldn’t sleep properly, my dreams repeatedly waking me up with a name half formed on my tongue. In the end, I gave up and sat on the caravan roof, watching the sunrise. It took a long time, and when I heard cars begin to move around the sleepy beach town, I knew everyone was beginning to stir. I wasn’t alone anymore. 

 I had very little to do on the train, other than pretend to be fascinated by the map or read recycled newspapers from days before. I entertained myself for a bit by looking for the oldest one in the carriage. The oldest was four weeks old and going a disgusting shade of yellow. I flipped through it, bored and found myself reading the obituaries. Why? Obviously to amuse myself with the euphemisms the editors put in there. Like ‘he valued his privacy’ meaning gay and ‘he enjoyed his privacy’ meaning raging queen. 

One caught my eye, mainly because it was so short and the name reminded me of someone I must’ve once known. Did I know a Tracy? There was one below it, connected somehow but it didn’t say how. I felt like the name Jesse was also familiar. Maybe I was lucky enough to have friends with names like that, I thought to myself as I skimmed the rest of them. Tracy and Jesse…both dying together. Sounded like a case of star-crossed lovers to me. 

 

It took two days for the train to reach New Jersey, Belleville. The sleeping compartments sucked, because one side had an arguing couple, the other had a fucking couple. So I arrived in New Jersey looking like someone had run me over, with big bags under my eyes and messy hair. Once I got off the train the first thing I did was find something to eat and get my bearings. I found my way to the high street and tried to see if anything looked familiar. It all did, in a vague kind of way. Like I’d dreamt it and was now remembering the dream, or I’d seen in once in a movie and I could vaguely remember the dialogue. I wandered around the streets, peering at people to see if I recognised them. Sometimes, I thought I did, but mostly I drew a blank. I followed my feet, my patchy memory drawing me out of town. The image in my head was a fuzzy one by clear. I was looking for a church, made of dark flint and messy stained glass. An overgrown garden around it, hidden by a tall brick wall and lots of weeping willows. The spire rising out of the view in front of me drew me forward, and I walked as if entering a vision. It was exactly how I remembered it, even the sunlight on the bricks and then over the grass covering the ground in a thick green carpet. I wandered through the leafy shadows, running my fingers lightly along the bark of trees, through spider webs, shafts of sunlight and the tops of gravestones. Everything was familiar. I walked down the path as if in a trance, my eyes growing wide. I stopped, crouching. I touched the gravel of the path, pushing my fingers into it. I remembered pushing deep into this, until they stung my skin. My fingers brushed the skin of my cheek, feeling the tiny invisible hardened cuts that had healed on my face a long, long time ago. _Was this where my face had earned some of them?_ I wondered to myself as I straightened, looking to my right to where a gravestone sat by the path, the stone looking cold and rough., I ran my fingers over it, remembering it was once stained with blood. My blood? I couldn’t’ remember. I gingerly touched the back of my head; firmer bumps reminding me that it had been mine. I sat down on it, leaning my head back and wrapping my arms around my knees. Instead of demin and pale blue, I had been in…black. Tight black. I had been cold, scared. I had been trembling. _Why? Did I know my head would be forced back into the stone?_

I shook my head free of the questions, looking to my left. I had been moved under the willow, into that grassy hollow in its roots. Why? I crawled over to it, lying down on my back and closing my eyes. Nothing. I had hoped for memories to sweep back, emotions and feelings to come back to me like bats flying in the dark, but there was nothing but my breath and insects in the tree. I sat up, wincing at tiny stabs of pain exploded through my chest. I held my hand to it, feeling the skin inflame. The scars on my chest, the long lines of white hardened skin were hurting. Had I earned these here? Who had given them to me? Why?

I found my legs clamping themselves shut strongly; it took all my energy to pull myself out of the hollow and back onto the path. My legs shook, my stomach clenching. I stumbled when my sore leg gave out under me and fell back down over the gravestone, sinking into the grass. 

This was the last place I had laid that evening. I had been unable to move, and so tired. I laid there and someone…someone had been with me as well. I think _he_ was hurt too. There was…no, the thoughts refused to come in any sense. 

I remembered shots, three gunshots. And that was it. 

That was it?

I gave a frustrated sigh, banging my hands down on the grass either side of me and then crying out a second alter as a forgotten shard of glass cut my hand. 

“Fuck!” I groaned, partly from the blood now staining the grass-again- and partly from the irritation that I had come all this way just to remember I’d been in a lot of pain in a church graveyard. What the fuck was the point? I picked up the piece of glass angrily, gritting my teeth as I stared at it. The shard had older, brown blood on it as well as fresh. I screamed, throwing it away from me and burying my face in my hands. 

“Why?! Why the fuck has this happened to me?!” I screamed into my knees, curling up so tight I knew no one would hear my muffled howls of anger and sorrow. Why did I have to lose everything? My family, my friends, a lover whom I had adored, everything? Why was my only memory of this place? Somewhere I had been tortured and raped and almost killed? I felt hot tears overspill from my eyes, splashing onto my hands and soaking into my borrowed jeans. 

“WHY?!” I shrieked, throwing my head back and emptying my lungs to the still, late evening air, tears falling freely down my scarred but still pale, smooth cheeks. I stood up and kicked the gravestone, throwing myself against the trees, the stones, screaming and swearing and tearing at my hair and cursing to the darkening sky. Finally, exhausted, tear stained, overwhelmed and feeling more alone than I could ever imagine myself being, I collapsed in the grass beside the gravestone I had bled upon. 

_“Oh Sparkle!”_

_“Frank…I love you. That’s all that matters…”_

_“Do you?”_

_“I’ve never loved anyone more…Remember me…”_

_“Don’t leave me Sapphire! I need you! I love you!”_

_“I‘ll never leave you…I promised,”_

_“Hand in mine, into your icy blues…and then I say to you…we could take to the highway…with this trunk of ammunition too…I’ll end my days with you…in a hail of fucking bullets,”_

“Hey, hey, wake up! You ok?” asked a voice, stirring me from dreams that seemed closer than memories just then. I opened my eyes, gasping for breath. What were the names? They slipped past me like water, I couldn’t remember them. F something…no, no! Don’t leave me like this! Who had I been with? Who had sang those words to me? Who?!

I looked up from my sleeping position, for some reason expecting to see someone different. I glanced to my left, onto the gravestone but it was empty. I shook my head, dashing away tears as the stranger looked on me with compassionate eyes. As he leant down to hold me close, I broke down in hysterical sobs, hiding my face from him. 

“Shh, shhh, it’s ok. I’m here, it’s ok,” he soothed, wrapping his arm around me awkwardly, and trying to calm me down. I shook my head, peering at him with bloodshot eyes through wet fingers and mad hair. 

“It’s not ok! I’m not o-fucking-kay!” I cried, sobbing heavily and beginning to feel embarrassed. 

“Oh, come on, nothing could be that bad,” he said, rubbing my shoulders. My sobs began to descend in volume, my breaths becoming more even. I couldn’t stop the tears sliding out of my eyes, but I stopped hiding my face, looking up into the now pitch black sky and sighing. 

“Everything’s that bad, trust me,” I told him softly, staring at the moon like it held the answers. He shrugged and I redirected my gaze to him. Black wavy hair shoved across his face, like an Emo or something, but he was dressed in just black with a bright blue tie, a thick leather jacket and big combat boots. He also had piercings, two either side of his mouth, and an eyebrow bar I loved. I also loved the blue of his tie, and his nails as he wiped away my tear from my scar, his dark blue eyes travelling down it. 

“Well, maybe I can help. I’m Kay,” he said, offering his hand. I took it gingerly, sniffing and blinking away the tears that I couldn’t stop. 

“Hi…I’m S-Blue,” I said, wishing that name fit me properly. What was the name I had been called? It was on the tip of my tongue. 

“Hey, we match!” he grinned “Well, hiya, Sablue, it’s lovely to wipe your tears, graveyard girl,” he joked, trying to make me smile with his deliberate joke on my name. 

“It’s just Blue. And what’s wrong with graveyards?” I asked, my voice breaking on the last word and another sob wrenching itself from me. He gripped my shoulder harder, smiling softly and smoothing my tears away again, persistently. 

“You tell me, Blue,” he said gently, offering a shoulder, or a chest, to cry onto it. I took it, hoping to God something would sort it out soon inside my head. 


	83. Frank

Four days back to New Jersey. Four days in which Sapphire might have been tortured and beaten and disfigured. I couldn’t sleep for the nightmares, I couldn’t eat thanks to my stomach ripping itself out again, and I couldn’t speak for the screams I bottled up inside. But, as Gerard pointed out, if Mary had taken her, it would have taken her four days to reach New Jersey as well, giving her only a day to hurt Sapphire. 

Unless she’s going somewhere else. 

No, I was sure she was going to New Jersey. Absolutely positive. She would want to torture Sapphire where Vince tortured her. Tracy had wanted to as well, but her insane tendencies lead her to settle for the warehouse. So Mary, older, more restrained, more subtle in the art of cruelty, would take her there. Torture her, bleed her dry and kill her. 

But I would stop her. I would rescue her, save her from Mary like she’d saved me from Tracy. Then I would hold her close until everything just ended…blissfully holding her because nothing else would ever touch us again. Ever. Three times was enough. We would move back to Miami and stay there, hiding from our old lives as best we could…

Off in my own world, I never really noticed the tension beginning to grate on Gerard, truly the best friend any guy could ask for. He sang when I needed soothing, he shut up when I had a headache, he offered me food and drinks but never insisted. He stopped me taking too many painkillers, even if I didn’t want him to. He helped me physically and emotionally. If it weren’t for his rock hard friendship, his devotion to both myself and Sapphire, I would have been truly dead. 

Looking at him now, I saw tired bags under his eyes where he’d stayed up to keep me company, keeping his eyes fixed on the road until he couldn’t hold the lids open anymore. I feel a tinge of guilt as, in his rundown state, his gash had become inflamed and weeping, running revolting liquid down his cheek when he couldn’t reach up to wipe it away. It hurt him to eat properly, and soon we were in the same sleepless, hungry boat. He never resented my silence, or grew bitter at me for pulling him away from Sophia and his holiday. He was possibly the most understanding, caring, fantastic guy I would ever know. 

I wanted to repay him for everything. Ok, first thing after we saved Sapphire, I was buying him some doughnuts. No, a whole box! No! The entire shop!

I giggled under my breath as we drove up into Belleville, y eyes growing wider and more manic as I recognised the scenery out of the window I’d been staring at for the past four days. I’d been staring at it so hard I was surprised it hadn’t disintegrated under my gaze. Gerard followed the direction we’d gone over a million times, leading us to the house of madmen. It was late afternoon, the sun beginning to set. I shivered violently, thinking how it had been late afternoon when Vince had first hit me upside of my skull and this whole shitcake had started baking. 

 Gerard parked and launched himself out of the car. The seat he left was moulded and sweaty and looked odd without him in it. Gerard himself looked odd walking, his legs jerking as bones clicked together and his shoulders rolling. His blazer stuck to his back in moist folds and he wiped a film of sweat off his brow as he wrenched out my door, giving me a hand out. 

Grimly, I set my eyes upon the house, my stomach clenching painfully. I gripped my crutches, needing them more than ever. My legs shook as I hobbled up the driveway. The house was silent, dark, without the warm light coming from the houses around it. It was desolate despite the neighbourhood. It was cold. 

Gerard grabbed me from behind as I began to sway, my eyes blacking out a bit. Why was this affecting me so much? I had been here not so long ago. Now, my injury was freshly opened and my emotions were vastly different from irritation and indifference. Now I was terrified of the whole ordeal again. I was terrified of this house, of what it spawned. 

“Relax man, I’m here,” comforted Gerard, helping me stand again. I nodded, giving him the best smile I could manage. Even black eyed, with a disfiguring weeping wound, Gerard was still the best friend I’d grown up with. He guided me to the front door and I raised my hand, trying to expel the shaking from it. I took a deep breath and loudly knocked. 

Both Gerard and I sucked in our breath, waiting as the knock disturbed the tomb-like silence of the house. The knock seemed to echo and it sent a chill through me. There was nothing for a while, then a figure through the rippled glass appeared, shuffling forward. The door cracked open and Keith peered through the gap. The house behind him had changed. Mail and empty bottles littered the hall floor and the stench of stale smoke and alcohol filled my nostrils. He had changed too; his eyes were bloodshot and lined with even more wrinkles. He looked exhausted, sick, worn out and defeated. I’d never felt more pity in my entire life. 

“Frank…what are you doing here?” he asked softly, surprised. His voice was croaky, rattling back into life away what seemed a long time without it. 

“Um…is your wife home?” I asked, still shocked by his appearance. He had seemed ok when I last visited. Maybe he had faked it then. Maybe this was what he had been reduced to. 

Keith looked away, squeezing his eyes shut. I stared at him, my heart staring to beat faster. He was about to break something catastrophic to me, wasn’t he? He was going to say she’d vanished or gone insane or something.

“She’s…she’s…Mary’s in hospital…” said Keith finally, his eyes swimming with tears as he looked up at us. I choked on my gasp, Gerard’s grip tightening on my arm. 

“What?” I asked, regaining my voice. 

“She…she tried to kill herself…she just misses her children so much…” said Keith, covering his face with his hand, crumbling into himself. Gerard murmured something comforting, tugging at my elbow. He wanted to leave the poor man to his own sorrows. 

“I’m…I’m so sorry…” I stuttered, backing away with my crutches supporting my stunned weight. Keith shook his head, sobering up. His eyes fixed me with a sorrowful gaze; he still didn’t blame us for this. How could he not? It was our fault, mine and Sapphire that his family was falling apart. If I had just told her before she went out with Vince…both he and Tracy would still be alive and Mary wouldn’t be clinging on in the hospital. 

Then, as the door shut us out of one man’s self destruction, a new one opened in my mind. One bringing a thought that was as crushing as it was relieving. 

_If Mary didn’t have her, who the fuck had Sapphire?_


	84. Sapphire

“What the fuck is that?” I demanded, raising my eyebrow at the package Kay held out to me, grinning sheepishly. He smirked a bit wider and threw it to me. 

“A present Blue, never gotten one before?” he asked, coming to sit next to me on his bed. I smiled at him, leaning over and kissing his cheek. 

“Aw, you’re sweet, and of course I have. You’ve given me millions over the past two days!” I said, shaking my head at him sadly. “You really shouldn’t!”

“But I will anyway! I love giving people gifts; it’s just something I do! Come on, open it!” he begged, twisting around and crossing his legs next to me. I smiled and copied him, our knees touching. Kay had taken me to somewhere called the Pit, where kids who’d moved out of their homes had all come to stay. It was an abandoned hostel on the outskirts of town, the fence chained up securely. The outside looked desolate and broken down, but inside the kids who lived here had looked after it well. The rooms all had locks and the windows were all patched up. The hallways were covered in graffiti but clear of rubbish and stuff. The water ran cold, there was no electricity but we all loved it.

 The thing was, all the kids who hid out here had run away from homes of abuse and other problems like that. One of the girls was neurotic because her dad used to rape her, and she can never sleep. Instead she spends her time drawing on her crowded walls and playing guitar. There was guy whose mom was a heroin addict and got him hooked as a kid and he was still trying to get over it. There was a pregnant couple that had belonged to a religious group and had to vanish. To here. This was the Pit, somewhere to hide. 

Names meant little here, everyone had a name that didn’t fit, or they didn’t react to at first. But the trust was there. We were all friends, allies. There was love here, in a dysfunctional family of a different kind. 

As for Kay, he had run away from an abusive household. His dad was an alcoholic and a total dickhead; he’d beaten Kay and his little brother every day since they were little kids. Kay left when his brother committed suicide. Now he was here, and had been for two years now. 

His room was black and blue, and I loved it. He slept on a mattress he’d stolen from somewhere. He’d collected things, stolen or brought from his drug dealing on the streets. His room was full of rag tag piles of black clothing, stolen CDs and old food containers. A battery powered stereo beside me gently played From First To Last as I opened the package, leaning against the black wall in my borrowed clothes. 

I don’t know where from but he’d gotten me another wonderful gift, a short black demin dress with blue stitch and pockets. I loved it instantly. 

“Kay!” I screamed, jumping at him with a huge hug, cradling the dress between us. He laughed, hugging me back. 

“Well, you’ve got to look good, don’t ya?” he giggled as I gazed lovingly at the dress. “Gonna try it on?” he asked a second alter. 

“Ok,” I shrugged, pulling my top off, revealing my slightly too large, borrowed bra, and shoving the dress over my shoulders. It fitted my well and I pulled my jeans off underneath, standing up for Kay to admire it. It looked great on me, I admired myself in the cracked mirror proper up by the door, spinning on my toes. 

“Wow, you look great!” he admired, grinning. I smiled and jumped at him again, hugging him hard. 

“Oh God, thank you! You have got to stop giving me things!” I laughed, cuddling up to him as he hugged my shoulders. 

“Never! We’re going to a party tonight and I wanted you to look fabulous!” he laughed, flicking my nose. I wrinkled at and grinned. 

“I can’t wait!” I said with a sigh, getting up again and spinning around in my dress. It showed me off really well, fitting in all the right places. I grinned at my reflection, pushing my newly dyed black hair behind my ear. In the past two day, Kay had been spoiling me rotten. He’d gotten me hair dye, brought/stolen me clothes and makeup and even bartered me some black beaten up combat boots, which we’d then painted with turquoise stars. 

The best part was when Kay took me down the graffitied, music pounding hall to see his friend who worked in a piercing parlour. My new piercings were still sore, but looked fantastic. A thick lipring in the centre of my bottom lip, two eyebrow rings and several holes through the cartilage. I wondered if I’d been scared of needles before, because I loved them so much I wondered why I hadn’t gotten pierced already. 

I was changing and I liked it. 

“Hey Blue, can you help me paint my nails?” whined Kay, holding the little brush out to me. I laughed and went back over to him, running my tongue over my sore bottom lip, running over the thick silver chunk slotted through it. I couldn’t believe how much I loved it. I glanced at Kay’s face as I painted his nails. He sucked at painting his own, so I did it for him; it was a small way to repay his kindness. 

Kay was so sweet; it was impossible to believe I had only known him two days! He’d brought me back here that night and comforted me until I stopped crying and fell asleep. He let me stay with him in his room, holding me as I cried in my sleep and whimpered. Apparently I whisper to someone, but Kay said he could never make it out properly. He looked so innocent and scared for me when I wake up, he wants to help me so bad and there’s nothing we can do. Kay’s a good friend to me, there’s absolutely no pressure between us. I had been worried he expected something in return for his kindness, but he never pushed or tried anything. He loves me like a little sister

He reminded me of someone, a guy I think who I viewed almost as a brother. I can’t remember a name or a face, but I just remember a tiny snatch of his voice in my ear, or when I saw Kay out of the corner of my eye. 

“Thanks Blue, come on let’s go get something to eat before we go to the party, ok?” suggested Kay, sweetly checking if I was ok with that plan. I grinned and nodded, sorting through my acquired clothes for some tights. 

“Sure,” I nodded; thinking how odd it was a guy like Kay was so sweet and unsure of himself all the time. I mean, he was a drug dealer, a kid of a broken home and a run away thief! And here he was checking with me it was ok to get something to eat!

I pulled on my combat boots, threw on a calf length coat and followed him out of our sanctuary, reaching for his hand. We wandered down the dark hallway, smiling at the two girls who lounged in an open doorway to another customised, broken down room filled with clothes and candlelight. One of them held her swelling belly protectively. 

 Outside, Kay led me to the outskirts of the compound and we squeezed through the fence while checking the surroundings. If the police knew we were here, everyone would be arrested for trespassing and everyone would probably be sent home to their respective hells. And me? I’d be sent somewhere I’d be watched every minute of every day. I didn’t want that to happen, so we took care making sure no one saw us exit the building or the fence. 

“Whattdya feel like? Chinese?” offered Kay, gesturing the little Chinese shop nearby. I smiled, licking my lips. 

“How are we going to pay?” I asked as we walked towards it, swinging ours joined hands and Kay jangling from a chain hooked over his hip. Kay grinned mischievously, pulling an unfamiliar wallet out of his backpacked. 

“With money, Blue, just like regular people,” he said, showing me the compartment with about fifty quid’s worth in tens. I grinned back. 

“You stole that Kay?” I whispered, leaning closer to him whilst grinning my head off.  

“Course I stole it, and now my names…Mr Harold Jugern, apparently,” he sniffed, reading the driving license. I smirked, looking at the picture of a balding man with a fantastic moustache. 

“You don’t look like a Harold…” I mused, smoothing back his hair from the side of his face, earning me a nip. 

“Oi! I happen to make a wonderful Harold, graveyard girl!” he hmphed as we entered the shop. We ordered our food, paid for it and slipped out again, happily munching away on sweet and sour chicken and rice. Good food is hard to come across when you cant’ cook anything or have a working fridge, so we all lived on takeouts and basic things like sandwiches. Everyone in the Pit stole wallets and valuables to fund eating, but Kay told me not to try, as it took practise and he’d teach me in time. Right now, he wanted to just look away me until my head sorted itself out. I just didn’t want to tell him I didn’t think it’d sort it self our in a long time…

“I’ve got good news, concerning this cash, my dear little Blue,” said Kay as we walked and ate; stealing each other’s food and squabbling like siblings. 

“What?”

“Remember Jimmy? Jimmy Jamjar?”

“Course! Your street friend dude thing…” I filled in, knowing exactly who he meant. Kay nodded and gave me a grin. 

“I have enough to get something off him which I’m getting just for us, I’m not selling it on,” he said, and my eyes widened. 

“Kay! Really?”

“Yep, I think it’s time you tried it,”

I didn’t say anything at first, thinking of the pills and bags of powder sitting in a metal box in Kay’s room, strictly for business. He never took any of it, but brought special stuff, cleaner cut stuff, from Jimmy Jamjar (God knows where that name came from). I’d only seen him take something once, but now I had the opportunity to try it myself. Should I take it? What should I do? I didn’t want Kay to think I was uptight or anything, and I felt a certain excitement over it…

“Is it fun?” I asked, uncertain. Kay grinned and squeezed my shoulders. 

“I can see what you’re feeling, I was like that too. Trust me, Blue, it’s a rush and it’s worth the experience!” he urged, winking. I grinned back and nodding firmly. 

“Ok, I’ll do it!”


	85. Frank

It was so weird being back home after so long and so much. I felt like I’d outgrown my room, and its memories. Everything reminded me of Sapphire. I sat on my bed and jumped up because it still smelt of her, and I remembered the times we’d slept together here, naked and sweating, kissing until the sun came up. I sat in my chair and jumped up because her Panic! At the Disco t-shirt was still slung across it, tipex on the sleeves depicting a heart grenade with our initials on the sleeve. I couldn’t even look at my couch. Unable to bear being in here, I just ran up my stairs and burst out into the garden, breathing in air quickly. My room suffocated me now. 

Gerard had gone to his home, to pick up a change of clothes and find some money, and had promised to be back in an hour so we could make our way back to Miami to help our families search for her there. If Sapphire wasn’t here, she was in Miami. I hated the feeling I was giving up on her, but it still nagged me. 

Silently, I crossed across to Sapphire’s kitchen door, testing the handle. Duh, it was locked. Her parents were in Miami and the neighbour locked the door in between feeding Stud. Luckily for me, I had Sapphire’s spare key in my pocket, and soon I was eyeball high in memories. 

Her kitchen was exactly how I remembered it. The scrubbed table, the fruit bowl empty and the benches spotless. Stud’s bowl was filled and the fridge magnets were still as neat and orderly as Sapphire’s mom had left them weeks earlier. I ran my fingers across the table’s surface, remembering her pale elbows leaning on it, her lopsided grin as she teased me because I couldn’t do her homework. 

An excited bark alerted me to Stud’s presence and soon Stud’s excited bulk was attacking me, leaping in the air for joy and licking my face. I laughed grimly, pushing him down and kneeling down to envelope him in a huge hug. The big black beast hadn’t had any familiar affection in weeks, and he was almost squealing in excitement, his tongue lolling and his eyes huge and popping out as he struggled against my arms, whining to lick my face. 

“Hey Stud…I missed you,” I told him truthfully, burying my face in Stud’s curly black fur, smelling his warm doggy smell. But just touching him reminded me of his Mistress and I straightened, brushing tears off my cheeks. I walked through Sapphire’s home, feeling resented by it for losing her and apart from it. I felt like I couldn’t touch anything, leave any kind of mark. If I left fingerprints on the mirror, they’d vanish before I took my hand away. If I pulled back the curtain, it would fall back exactly the way it was. If I drew a heart in the dust, it would cease being whole. The house hated me. It wanted to remember the last time it had contained happiness. 

“Don’t hate me…we were friends once,” I said pathetically, touching the wallpaper and feeling it tingle under my fingertips. I retracted my hand quickly, feeling burnt. Stud barked and chased his tail, ignoring or oblivious to the buzz of bitterness from the walls. 

I padded up the stairs quickly, hoping Sapphire’s room would welcome me in. How many times had we lounged in there, laughing and singing? How many times had we laid in her bed, watching moved, kissing or just dozing in the sun? Sapphire’s room was more like home to me than mine. 

Entering it was just entering a church. Not a breath could be uttered, not a word could be spoken, fear of disapproval. The heavy air stirred as I walked through it, swirling around me. I couldn’t touch anything, it was like a museum. I wanted to run my fingers across everything, pick up her clothes she’d rejected from her suitcase and hold them close to me. I wanted to touch the smiles in the photographs, just in case I could go back to the happiness shown. I wanted to lie down in her bed and dream of her. I remembered everything we’d ever done in that room. Burning schoolbooks, drawing tattoos on our arms, reading the same books at the same times, tickling, laughing, touching. 

Stud stood at the door, whining and shuffling from paw to paw, tossing his head and barking. He didn’t want to enter either. I sank to my knees in the middle of her room; unable to do anything but remember everything about her and feel hot tears spill over my cheeks. My fingers closed around the fabric of a t-shirt, I couldn’t see which one until I held it close to my face. The roses t-shirt Gerard had made for her. She’d left it here because she’d told me she didn’t expect to be sleeping clothed in Miami, winking at me wickedly. On God, holding it made my throat close up as I forced wordless sounds of grief and misery out of my throat. I couldn’t vocalise how horrible it was just then, holding that t-shirt and being so alone…

I was so alone; it felt like nothing could drag me out of this pit I was wallowing in. 

Just then, I felt a nudge on my shoulder. Stud nibble at my collar, trying to pull me out of the tombstone cold room. I turned and pulled him into a hug, burying my tears in his fur and clinging to him. He let me sob into him, waiting patiently and as firmly as a rock. His tongue ran over my cheeks, lapping up the salt and fading away my sorrows. She couldn’t be gone. 

There was no way she could be dead. Because I was still breathing. 

“Come on Stud…let’s go for a walk,” I said shakily, dragging myself to my feet and leading Stud out of the room still held stationary for when it’s lady of sorrows returned. 

I wrote for Gerard, pinned it to my front door, hooked Stud to me and we slipped away. Two males yearning for the same female, and both heartbroken. Except I could cry for her, Stud couldn’t.

My feet lead me wherever Stud guided them, my head downcast and too full of morbid, lovesick thoughts to concentrate. Minutes turned into hours, as the streets around us changed and shifted. Houses and buildings I couldn’t identify even if I saw them properly passed us as we moved. It seemed like the world was going past us, than us past it.

Time was nothing to us, we just kept walking and the sun kept passing overhead. Soon, I had no idea where I was and darkness had lost Stud’s black form to my blurry eyes. I just kept walking, past derelict buildings, broken down fences, littered sidewalks and run down neighbourhoods. Music played in the distance and Stud pushed me on, straining the collar. I let him pull me along, thinking of Sapphire dancing to music and losing myself again. I never really heard the words of the music in the air, half snatched away by the wind. 

_“…In mine, into…blues…say to you…”_


	86. Sapphire

“Blue, come here! Come on!” called Kay from a crowd of people as I exited the bathroom. I grinned and walked over, banishing all shyness. Someone handed me a drink and I drank it without even thinking with it was, other than it tasted kinda odd. 

“Blue, this is Titch, and Mary Jane and that’s Leo and over there is Sunny,” started Kay, listing all the people I could see. I wasn’t able to keep up with the names, so I just tried to look like I did and smiled and winked at people. 

“Hey Blue, what’s your story?” asked one of the girls, sporting some of the coolest dreadlocks I’d ever seen and a nose ring to envy. I grinned at her, taking another drink. 

“I don’t have one, which is kinda the point. I don’t remember anything,” I shrugged, finding Kay behind me, his hand on my hip. The girl looked over my head and smiled at him. 

“New friend Kay? Come on, tell all!” she said, drawing us aside slightly. Kay slung his arm around my shoulders and took a long drink from the bottle in his hand. 

“I found her cryin’ her eyes out in the graveyard, she doesn’t ‘member anything, cept when she’s dreamin’,” he said, slurring his words a bit. I smiled at him and wound my arm around his waist to offer him some support, he was swaying a bit. The girl smiled again. 

“What kind of things do you dream?” she asked. I shrugged. 

“I don’t really know, but I see faces, hear voices, and I think I know who they are, but I never quite remember,” I admitted, remembering vivid flashbacks. The girl nodded and soon we were involved in a heavy conversation about music styles, talking about the music blaring out of the stereo system. 

The party was possibly one of the most mind-blowing things I’d ever attended, but of course I couldn’t remember a lot of them. The music was thumping out into the street when we arrived, something special hidden in Kay’s pocket fresh from Jimmy Jamjar, and people were everywhere. Hanging out windows with drinks, lounging around in the garden, in hallway, on the stairs and crammed in every corner. Kay knew nearly everyone, calling out to them and introducing me over the music. The house itself was getting close to trashed, with broken furniture and smashed drinks. I swore I even saw people having sex in the middle of crowds, unconcerned by the masses of teens. 

“Ok, Blue, you ready?” asked Kay, pulling me to the side and rummaging in his pocket. I bit my lip. 

“What does it do?” I asked, as he freed a tiny packet containing two tabs of paper. He grinned at me, placing one on his tongue. 

“It makes everything burn a little bit brighter, and colours just start to move,” he said, unable to say what he meant. I took the little bit of paper off him and looked at it. Did I really want to try this? I’d been having a lot of fun with Kay recently, the piercings, my hair, my clothes, drinking, smoking pot, everything so far had been a party. I knew when to stop, and it wasn’t now. 

I placed the tab of acid on my tongue and waited for something, anything. Kay just grinned at me and kissed my forehead. 

“Relax, you’ll love it,”

I was loving it. Everything was just great. Everyone was smiling at me, calling out to us and offering us food and drinks. The music kept playing and the room grew warmer as more people crammed in to dance along. Bodies move din the heat, and hair grew sweaty on faces. At one point, I danced with Kay hugging me from behind, our bodies moving up and down to the beat, his face next to mine. 

“You’re beautiful Blue…you’re so beautiful…never forget how beautiful you are,” he whispered in my ear. I felt his words tickle me and I smiled, twisting my head. When I opened my eyes everything was shades of blue, dancing in the light and sparkling. People’s faces were pale blue, their eyes deep violet and hair black. Everyone was beautiful, was smiling, was blue. 

I was sweating so much, the music was making me sweat and grow hotter. I was listening so hard to the music, and to Kay’s heartbeat I didn’t realise how hard I was gritting my teeth. Everything was blue whether my eyes were open or closed, everything was just amazingly beautiful. I felt like I was in Heaven, and I was floating in a cloud of warmth. It was so loud, so rhythmic, so wonderful. I wanted to know what music this was, so I could listen to it every day. 

Kay’s hands on me was making my skin tingle, goosebumps rise even though I felt warm and sweaty, like him. I was limp in his arms as we jumped up and down, and I was getting confused. Who was Kay? Who was he really? What if he was a maniac, and was preparing me for some sort of torture? What if he was dangerous? What if what he’d just given wasn’t LSD, but something stronger? What if I was going to get addicted? Was it even affecting me? 

Maybe everyone had just turned blue because the lights were blue. I looked up, into the light, out of the dark crowd of dancers. The light looked more like a sun to me, or a face. I could see something…I just didn’t know what. 

“Blue…listen…do you know this song?” whispered the face, with Kay’s voice. No, wait, that was Kay. I turned around, looking at him in shock. Why had he been in the light? No, he was here. I began to get so confused, until he pulled me closer to him, hugging me close. 

“It’s ok…you’re thinking too much, I can see it…just try and relax, just feel everything…” he whispered, and I closed my eyes. The music floated over me, along with Kay’s hands stroking my hair as we danced. I clung to him, and fell into the feelings, my mood lifting again. 

_Sometimes I feel I’ve got to_

_Run away_

_I’ve got to_

_Get away_

_From the pain you drive in the heart of me_

Was that my voice singing? It sounded so familiar and the music was starting to truly engulf me. I felt lust in my bones, my breaths becoming ragged as I forced air through it. I was singing, screaming out the words as I moved next to Kay, pushing my body into his. 

_The love we share_

_Seems to go nowhere_

_I’ve my light_

_For I toss and turn, I can’t sleep at night_

I felt Kay’s hand hold me up as my hips grinding against his crotch. I wanted him right then; I wanted to feel his lips on mine, his power inside me. The music was driving me onwards and I grabbed his lanky black hair and pulled his face towards mine, kissing him roughly. Everything exploded in my eyes, and some sort of sick pleasure twisted my gut. I wanted to be sick, to run away and hide in the cold darkness, but I also wanted to fuck Kay right there on the dance floor, feel his naked flesh next to mine. 

_Once I ran to you_

_Now I run from you_

_This tainted love you’ve given_

_I give you all a boy could give you_

_Take my tears and that’s not nearly all_

_Tainted love_

Kay’s tongue was cold next to mine, like ice slipping into my mouth. My lip was stinging in pain, but the pain turned into something else, into pleasure. I pushed against his body harder, hearing two new beats in the song, my heart and his heart, beating in time and faster and faster and faster. 

_Now I know I’ve got to_

_Run away_

_I’ve got to_

_Get away_

_You don’t really want anymore from me_

Blue flashed in my eyes, the music pounding into my skull, the warmth and crowding overwhelming me. I felt like I was being lost beneath the stomping crowd, and I pulled myself up again, hitching my leg over his hip and feeling her hand hold it there, gripping my thigh hard. 

_To make things right_

_You need someone to hold you tight_

_And you think love is to pray_

_But I’m sorry I don’t pray that way_

“Blue, you are mine now,” whispered ad voice and threw back my head, the room spinning until my eyes met the light and the face again. Kay’s voice, wasn’t it? No, it was a different voice, a different face to the one now attached to my neck, sucking the energy out of me. 

_Once I ran to you_

_Now I run from you_

_This tainted love you’ve given_

_I give you all a boy could give you_

_Take my tears and that’s not nearly all_

_Tainted love_

_Tainted love_

My voice cried out, creaming over the music, my hand reaching for the face. It faded like patterns in smoke and I pulled away from everything, throwing my body away from Kay and his lips and the crowd. I hit the opposite wall hard, cracking my head and sinking to the floor, a tear threatening to escape my shell. 

_Don’t touch me please_

_I cannot stand the way you tease_

Kay tried to touch me, to understand, but I pushed him back. I knew no one could understand what I was feeling then, no one was on the same wavelength. I screamed at him to stay back, my eyes wide as bleu lights blinded me. Too many blue faces, too much blue. I was drowning in it. 

_I love you thought you hurt me_

_But now I’m gonna pack my things and go_

The faces were changing, the emotions were changing. Everyone was angry, bearing down on me. Words, insults were thrown at me by the music, the faces, the walls. _Slut, slut, slut_. The words echoed through my skull and I felt bile rise in my throat. 

_Touch me baby, Tainted Love_

_Touch me baby, Tainted Love_

“NO! HE MADE ME! I DIDN’T WANT TO!” I screamed as it all, clawing at the walls. 

_Touch me baby, Tainted Love_

_Touch me baby, Tainted Love_

“Blue!” roared a voice in my ear and cold bars closed around me. I screamed again, thrashing out as they hoisted me off the ground. I screamed, my eyes rolling back into my blue head, and the music pounded with my blood, my body convulsing. 

_Once I ran to you_

_Now I run from you_

_This tainted love you’ve given._

_“_ I DIDN’T WANT IT! I DIDN’T WANT IT!” I screamed at the voice, my voice joining the angry hollers that chased me. Lights and sound overwhelmed me and I thrashed against the arm that held me, panic building as fast as my heartbeat. 

_I give you all a boy could give you_

“NO! NO! NOT AGAIN!” 

_Take my tears and that’s not nearly all_

“PLEASE! NOT AGAIN! NO!”

_Tainted Love_

_Tainted Love_

“PLEASE! NO! PLEASE, DON’T DO IT TO ME AGAIN!”

_Tainted Love_

_Tainted Love_

“Blue!”

A hard, fast pain across my face snapped my eyes open from the blue rages inside my skull and I found my body free. I convulsed violently, scrambling away from the voice. The music had stopped, the faces and crowd gone. Everything was still blue, and the light still glared above me. Kay leaned over me, touching my hot skin, stinging me. 

“NO!” I screamed, slapping at his hand. “NOT AGAIN!”

“It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok,” he said over and over again. Slowly, slowly, slowly, I began to breathe again. The colour faded back into the world and I looked at Kay again, my eyes still wide. 

“Help me,” I whimpered, shaking despite the heat. He smiled and I reached for him, crying pitifully. He wrapped his arms around me and now they were comforting and warm. He lay down next to me in the locked bathroom, on the soft carpet and soothed me until my heartbeat and his slowed and my breaths filled me with cooling air. 

“It’s ok,” he whispered again, his lips on my skin. 

“No,” I whimpered, shaking my head, freeing myself from his lips. 

“I’m sorry…this was a bad idea…I’ll help you, you’ll be ok,” he whispered, holding me close. Then I started crying because I had ruined his evening. I felt so pathetic, so confused. I wanted to go home, but I didn’t mean the Pit. There was somewhere else. 

Shakingly, I forced myself up, out of Kay’s arms. He asked me where I was going, but I couldn’t respond. I opened the door and exited. My leg still hurt from my injury, but I continued to walk despite the blood running down my leg. The music had changed, dancing music. Aggressive emotions began to swirl in me, I wanted to dance and scream and claw my way out of this hole. I wanted to sing. Gritting my teeth and glaring hard, I ran and jumped on the table in the living room, onto the coffee table and people began to cheer and scream my name. I looked over them, holding my arms out like a performer.

They were screaming for me, the blue faces were calling for me. And I would answer. Some one threw me the microphone, the karaoke bullshit suddenly making sense. I saw Kay’s face in the crowd, cheering along and I began to move to the music, swirling my hips and hair. 

The scream amplified and the music changed again. The tune began to fit. I opened my mouth and gave my words to the void. 

“ _HAND IN MINE, INTO YOUR ICY BLUES_

_AND THEN I SAY TO YOU_

_WE CAN TAKE TO THE HIGHWAY!”_ I screamed, and the thumping sound of feet on floor grew louder, people jumping, screaming, cheering, reaching out to touch me. I jumped around the coffee table, kicking aside bottles and drinks, flipping my hair and screaming into the crowd, the words coming from the same place my shame, my anger and my gut wrenching sorrow came from.

_“WITH THIS TRUNK OF AMMUNITION TOO_

_I’D END MY DAYS WITH YOU_

_IN A HAIL OF FUCKING BULLETS!”_ I screamed, throwing my arms up in the air and screaming until the faces morphed into mine, screaming back at me. The crowd of rage.

_“I’M TRYING! I’M TRYING! TO LET YOU KNOW JUST HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME!_

_AND AFTER ALL THE THING WE’VE PUT EACH OTHER THROUGH!”_

Everything was changing again, becoming bigger, harder, faster. My heart beat in time with the music, and people were screaming the words even I had never heard before. 

_“AND I WOULD DRIVE ON TO THE END WITH YOU_

_A LIQUOR STORE OR TWO_

_KEEPS THE GAS TANK FULL,”_

Violence broke out in the jumping crowd, people hitting, punching, ripping hair in the pure violent passion of the song. Blood splattered across the room, scream s of pain and pleasure, yells and roars. It was fantastic. 

_“AND I FEEL LIKE THERE’S NOTHING LEFT TO DO_

_BUT PROVE MYSELF TO YOU_

_AND WE’LL KEEP IT RUNNING!”_ I screamed until my throat was hoarse, my throat splitting inside my body. Blood welled up in my mouth and I fell to my knees, screaming back into the crowd that screamed back at me. I knew if I stopped, I’d be sucked into the Hell they were creating, people crushing into the room, bending the walls out. So I kept screaming, to keep myself above them. I was their Goddess. 

“I’M TRYING! I’M TRYING! TO SHOW YOU JUST WHAT YOU MEAN TO ME!” yelled a voice over the crowd and it silenced everything in my head. My screams stopped, the voice cutting though everything. Familiar feelings. Forgotten feelings. Trapped feelings. Brown eyes over the blue. Barking. Yelling. The face yelling for me, the arm reaching out. People screaming in shock, a black demon escaped from hell. But controlled by a God. A God I knew, from somewhere. 

A voice, like mine but twisted, shocked, alien, ripped across the room and my legs gave way in terror. 

**_“FRANK!!!”_ **


	87. Frank

It was her. 

Even with unfamiliar piercings, black hair again and in a dress I’d never seen, screaming her lungs out on a coffee table with a crowd full of people screaming along, it was her. 

Stud had dragged me into the house despite my best efforts, whining and barking, straining at his collar until the lead was ready to snap. I had tried to wait to be let in, recognising the words of the song, and hardly daring to believe she’d found her way here, but there she was. 

There she was. Her eyes were wide and glazed over, her movements jerky and aggressive. Something was wrong with her. Her voice was twisted, hard, and so much more full of pain than I’d ever heard it. 

“ _AND WE’LL KEEP IT RUNNING!”_

I found my voice quickly and I threw myself forward, Stud already threading his way through legs and calves, barking. 

“I’M TRYING! I’M TRYING! TO SHOW YOU JUST WHAT YOU MEAN TO ME!” I yelled back, jumping over the heads of kids and begging for her attention. My voice ripped out of my throat, travelling over the walls of sound bursting from the crowd and she turned her head towards me. 

It was her, no mistake. 

Her eyes widened even further when she saw her, her body twisting with her neck and I could see something was terribly wrong. She didn’t seem to recognise me, but something close to recognition clouded her eyes. What was wrong with her? Her mouth opened and she screamed. 

“ ** _FRANK!”_**

She looked shocked as the yell left her, like she didn’t mean to yell it, and several people were turning towards me, curiosity and surprise on their blank faces. I couldn’t look away from her, my eyes fixed directly on her huge blue orbs. 

“SPARKLE!” I yelled, trying to push my way through the thick crowd, keeping my eyes on hers. She was panicking, her breath coming in short gasps, her face a picture of terror. What was wrong with her? 

I yelled her name again when arms reached out of the crowd behind her and grabbed her, pulling her into the crowd. 

“No! Sapphire!” I grunted, someone pushing me hard in the ribs as the crowd began to dance to the thick pounding music again. I struggled, Stud’s leash still grasped in my hand. “Sapphire!” I yelled again into the din, squeezing past bodies and searching for her. My stomach twinged horribly and I gasped for air, feeling my heart beat triple time in my chest. 

“Sapphire!” 

How did she get here? Why did she leave Miami? What was wrong with her? 

“Hey! Who the fuck are you?” demanded a voice in front of me, and I realised I had been trying to push past a boy roughly my age, his eyes scowling at me through long black messy hair. I gapped at him, his eyes reminding me of Sapphire’s. 

“Sapphire!” I gasped, seeing just her in his face. He tried to hold in a laugh. 

“That’s a girl name, who the fuck are you?” he demanded, his eyes narrowing dangerously. I looked around again, trying to see her but when I couldn’t I looked back at him. He looked angry, pissed off I’d invaded someone home, that I broke up the entertainment. 

“I’m Frank, I’m trying to find my girlfriend, Sapphire, she was just there,” I gabbled, trying to get him to understand me over the pounding, screeching music. He glanced to where I pointed over the moving heads, to the coffee table where two girls were now dancing together. His eyes grew confused and his vice tight grip tightened around my wrist.

“Come here,” he ordered, pulling me away from the table, back the way I’d come. 

“Hey! I need to find her! Do you know where she is?” I asked him as he freed us from the crush. He turned to face me again and his frown was back. 

“Maybe, who are you again?” he asked, his voice clearer now we were in a quieter part of the house. I was gasping for air, leaning on my single crutch for support. My stomach was stinging, my head swooning in dizzy spells. When was the last I’d eaten? Irritated, I drew out my painkiller box and found it empty. 

“I’m Frank, she yelled my name just then,” I said hurriedly. 

“Frank…” mused the mystery man and I looked at him again, narrowing my eyes. 

“Do you know me?” I asked after a second. He gave me a grim lopsided smile. 

“I’m Kay, I’m friends with the girl on the coffee table, and Frank fits, sort of. But…” he trailed off, running his hand through his hair. 

“But what?” I asked, feeling excitement clench my insides along with pain. He knew her! He could take me to her!”

“But she’s called Blue, not Sapphire,” he shrugged, looking at me again. My jaw dropped and I grabbed his wrists, shaking with nerves. 

“We called her Blue Babe, back home! Please, you’ve got to take me to her! I need to find her!”

Kay looked at me blankly as I shook him, lost in his own thoughts. 

“But…she doesn’t remember you properly,” he said quietly, and I had to get him to repeat it, feeling my relief at finding her melting away. 

“What?!”

“I found her in the graveyard a while ago, crying and cursing. She’s lost her memory; she can’t remember anything past the name Blue and where she is. Sometimes, at night, she murmurs a name, that could be Frank I guess, but I never heard it right…” filled in Kay. My jaw dropped even further and I took a step back, looking him up and down. 

“You’ve slept with her?” I said low, the words stabbing me inside. Before he could react, I walked past him as stiffly, going as fast as possible with a crutch and pushed my way outside. The cold air stung my face, two tears making solitary trials down my face. 

She’s slept with him, hadn’t she? She’s forgotten me, and she’s moved on. That’s why she seemed so scared to see me. She’s betrayed me and she never realised. Oh, Sparkle. 

I’d never felt so alone, so sick and dead inside before. I felt like I could crumble to dust in the spitting rain. 

“Frank!” yelled Kay’s voice, coming out behind me. 

“Fuck off,” I muttered, turning my face from him when he came up beside my elbow. 

“I didn’t sleep with her! I looked after her! I promise you!” his voice pawed at me and I felt a stirring inside my stomach, looking back at him, hope in my eyes. 

“What?”

“She stills loves you, more than she could ever tell me. She’s so lost, Frank, she needs you. Please, let me help you help her again,” he pleaded, sincerity in his eyes. He reminded me of Gerard, for some reason. 

“Ok, ok. Where would she go?” I asked, giving him an opportunity to help me. He stopped, and his eyes glazed out in thought. Then something clicked, why he was so blank and spaced out. 

“You’re high on something, aren’t you?” I cried, stepping back sharply. Kay looked vaguely surprised I’d just realised. 

“So?” he asked, curious. I gapped at him. 

“Did you give Sapphire some as well?” I demanded, and when he didn’t answer, I turned away, shaking my head. 

“Hey, she wanted to!” he retorted at my anger, and I bit back angry insults. Oh Sparkle, how deep are you letting yourself in? What if you can’t get out again?

_Hypocrite, painkiller popper._

_Shut up, that is totally different. I need them, she shouldn’t have taken that shit!_

_You shouldn’t take taken so many of tho e pills. No wonder we feel like shit._

_At least I’m hurting you too._

_Why’s that a good thing if you’re in pain too? What if you pass out?_

_So what?_

_Two letters. O._

_And?_

_D._

_Shut the fuck up, I haven’t taken that many._

_You’ve taken the entire bottle._

_Fuck you, I need them!_

_Maybe Sparkle needed what she took._

_Why? It’s not the same._

_It is. Just like you, she tried to numb the pain. She tried to make it go away. But it won’t._

_You’re a fucking pain in the arse, you know that?_

_Fuck off. It’s called heartache, and no amount of painkillers or whatever she’s on will make it go away._

_So what will?_

_Finding her, getting through to her._

_How?_

_Well, first, stop talking to the voices in your head, you fucking lunatic._

_I hate you._

“Um, Frank? Just so you know you look like you’re high on something to,” said Kay next to me, after watching me twitch during my silent conversation with myself. I glared. 

“I am not high! You are, and so is my girlfriend! Where is she?” I demanded. 

“Well, I guess she’d go back home…yeah, she’d go home,” he decided, looking vaguely delighted at his realisation. I tried to keep the sarcastic remarks inside, the irritation of my features. It’s not like he’d notice anyway, he was off in his own trip. The outside world made him worse, in less control than the party inside. As he led me away from the party, Stud following me with his tail down and his paws scraping the ground wearily, all the energy leaving his body. Kay was delighted by Stud, and repeatingly kept touching his soft fur, or stroking his ears. 

I tried to keep him focussed, the drugs in his system making his energy levels rocket and his eyes to grow wide and blurry. It was seriously creepy, but I’d looked after trippers before. Usually, I just took them in a calm, quiet place and let them wind down, but I had to find Sapphire now. Kay could handle this, couldn’t he?

“Um, let’s not go down that way. Isn’t there a quieter way?” I asked tentatively, steering the tripping Emo guy away from a main road full of cars and bright lights. He nodded, too baffled by what he could see to form words properly. They came out in a mindless jumble, his eyes flicking over everything from the moonlight on the leaves, to Stud, to my shoes kicking stones accidentally, to the back of his hands, and then back round again. 

His stream of words joined together made little sense, but every so often he said words I almost caught, like ‘Blue’, ‘wonderful’, ‘wow’ and even (although I may have been growing confused on an empty stomach) ‘doughnut’. 

“Hey, hey, hey, Frank. Frank! Has anything, like, like, really _bad_ happened to Blue?!” asked Kay excitedly, grabbing my arm and grinning madly. I decided that he was a lot like Gerard on caffeine at this point, but a shit load more hyper. 

“What?” I asked, his sudden ability to speak coherently surprising me. He nodded, trying to organise the drug riddled happiness in his head. 

“Well, before, when you weren’t there and she wasn’t singing, she was…like, freaking out and screaming no one to touch her, and she didn’t want to and he made me do it…has anyone ever hurt her?” he asked, nodding his head on each careful word, letting them go steadily instead of at super speed. I gaped at him, my insides growing cold. 

“Yes…she was raped a while ago…” I said quietly and Kay grew quiet and still, his steps slowing. 

“Oh, poor, poor Blue…poor Blue…” he mumbled, his head forward. I bit my lip, shoving thoughts of her rape out of my head. I couldn’t wait for him, I didn’t have time to deal with a mood-swinger junkie right now, but without Kay I wouldn’t have a clue where we were going. Even Stud, who had dragged me to the party first off, was too tired it use his nose. The poor dog could barely walk, he was so tired. 

“Kay, come on, we’ve gotta find her,” I said, trying to bring him back to the point. He looked up at me and his eyes grew wide again, accusing. 

“Was it you?”

“WHAT?”

“When she saw you, she screamed, she was scared. Did you hurt her?” he demanded striding over to me and grabbing the front of my t-shirt. I shook my head violently, too shocked to respond. 

“No, I love her! It was someone else! I swear!” I said, suddenly afraid of the unnatural strength flowing through Kay’s bloodstream, given to him by substance. His face faded of anger and he released me. 

“OK, let’s go,” he said, walking off down the street and I hurried after him, worried over him. He was seriously out of it, so did that mean Sapphire would be too? Would she be ok by herself? Would she be ok fullstop?

Soon, I found I recognised the area, if only dimly. Beside me, Kay continued his bizarre language of delights, still touching everything he noticed. I recognised the building he was winding his way towards, rubbing the back of his hands and giggling at the network of veins and skin. 

“What’s that?” I asked him touching his shoulder and making him jump. He’d completely forgotten I was there. “Kay?”

“Frank!” he gasped, almost delighted. He pulled me into a hug, and I was so shocked I didn’t really notice his hands gripping me hard. 

“Um, Kay?” I asked his hair, trying to dislodge him from me, to no avail. 

“Wow, you smell good! And you’re eyes are so…pretty!” he said, drawing back and looking at me with huge eyes. Oh God, mega trip. Like, MEGA trip.

“Um, thanks. Please let me go,”

“And your lips! Wow, they’re so…pretty!”

“Please, let me- mhmmh!” I complained, Kay taking things slightly too far and crashing his lips into mine. His grip on me was so strong I couldn’t pull free, trying my best to keep my lips closed against his tongue. 

“Kay!” I yelled finally, twisting my head to the side. His lips grew lost, kissing my cheek until he opened his eyes and stepped back sharply, releasing me. 

“What kind of guy do you think I am?!” he yelled, anger painting his features before storming off  in front of me, towards the building, leaving me gaping after him. 

If that was Kay high, what the fuck was Sparkle like right now? 


	88. Sapphire

Frank. 

Frank. 

Frank. 

Who the fuck was Frank? 

This was the thought floating around my head as I stumbled through the streets, holding both sides of my head in case it fell off. The moon was beating down on me, colouring me silver and blinding me. 

And still I ran on, leaving Frank far behind me. Who the fuck was he? What could I remember? Flashes, visions in snapshots, faces blurred and voices distorted. 

They hounded me, chasing me just like I knew ‘Frank’ would be. They made everything hard to see, making the road uneven. I wanted to stop, lie down, find myself. But my legs ran on, taking me far away from Frank, and the memories of pain that came with his name. 

_The sound of a metal buckle being undone, a belt shifted from around someone’s waist. Tears on my cheek. Pain with every breath. The smell of blood in my nostrils. It hurt, but not unbearable. All I could see was darkness._

_“Don’t bite your lips, I wanna hear you scream,”_

_I released my teeth, gasping for air and whimpering freely. The voice, powerful and sinister, commanded me whether or not I chose to obey. My self control was nil. I was helpless._

_“Please…” whispered a voice. My voice. So soft, so fragile. Like a butterfly rising the night air that choked me, but struck down before it could escape, cut off by the fierce bird of prey that was the voice over me._

_“Shut it, slut,”_

_Closing my eyes, I tried to move, but cold pressure squeezed down on my hips, demin on demin. Whoever it was who held me in the cold darkness, they were on top of me._

_“Stop!” I begged, pain fired from my sore bones under his weight. A laugh echoed, sending shivers through my trembling skin._

_“I wanna hear you bed, it turns me on,” said the voice again, a hand closing around my throat. My windpipe closed up, his nails digging into the soft skin. I realised his other hand was touching my trousers, playing with the waistband._

_“I wanna hear you scream,”_

“NO!” I yelled, ducking my whole body around and throwing myself away from the thoughts. Keep them out of my head, keep it all away. I don’t want any of it. I don’t want to remember anything like that. I don’t want this, I want to escape, to run away. Forever. 

“Go away!” I shrieked at the shadows reaching out for me, branches trying to fasten around my arms, pull them into their leafy hollows, swallow me into the earth. “Go away!”

Stumbling away from them, towards lights, towards life, I gasped for breath. Scents were trying to choke me again, the smell of earth and death, the smell of a man. 

_“Don’t struggle, I know ya gonna love this really,”_

_Hands pulling at my clothes, tugging at my jacket, unfastening my top, tugging my trousers down from my hips. But my second skin of tears still covered my hot skin. And my whimpers stayed in his wake, trying to protect me._

_“No! No!”_

_“Shut it, slut. That’s why ya gonna love it, sweetheart. Cos ya a slut,”_

_If the word had been a knife, its blade would have slit my bruised throat. The word stung sharper than nails, bringing more tears to my sore blackened eyes. The blood on my lips left a metallic taste in my mouth. His fingers moved around my skin, touching me where I wish he wouldn’t._

_I wanted this all just to end._

“Stop it! Just stop it now!” I screamed, falling to my knees and holding my head, trying to claw the images out of my skull. Clumps of hair came away in my nails, tiny pangs of pain shooting through my scalp. I screamed again, feeling the blood well up on my head, touching the raw wounds. Old scars under the hair, under the blood. 

“From…from the gravestone…where he crushed my head…” my voice told me and I jerked my head back, looking over my shoulder and making myself dizzy, twisting in every direction. 

“Who said that?” I screamed, my eyes so wide I couldn’t deal with everything I was seeing. So much silver, so many shadows. 

Was he hiding in them? Whispering to me? Pulling back visions from a past thankfully forgotten? The Frank I could see in my head, grinning down at me as he took my flesh as his own? 

“Leave. Me. Alone!” I screamed again, pointing into the darkness before turning and running, not caring when my feet slipped and the skin that tore under me. The falls, and the road, they meant nothing in my escape. I had to get away, had to hide, had to run away. 

I needed to get away from everything. 

“STOP!”

_“STOP!”_

_“Never gonna work, slut,” grunted the voice, lips silencing me. A tongue, evil and intrusive entered my mouth, tasting the blood he’d kicked from my insides. Another groan, deep and long was drawn from inside him. I wanted to be sick, my eyes swimming in blackness._

_Fingernail clawing at my shoulders, holding my body up to free my legs from my trousers, cold air stinging the sweat on my skin. A warm hand running up my thigh roughly, nothing like the touch of a lover._

_“Mmm…like that? Is this how you like it? Rough?” he asked as fingers pushed inside and clenched, drawing a scream from my lips. Nails scratched aside smooth flesh inside me, and blood began to pour. Screaming couldn’t tell him how much it hurt. Nothing could now. Teeth on my neck, biting too hard. Opening my eyes, the heavens shut their eyes off. Even the stars were silent to my pleas. Even the sparkles of the sapphire sky were gone._

“How could you? Why? WHY?!” I howling, throwing back my head to the deep sky swallowing the silver given off by the moon.  If screams could rip like blades, the sky would have laid in ribbons that night. I pushed myself away, covering my sore head and running again, blood running down my arms, my legs, mixing with flying tears. 

Where to go? Where to hide? Where could protect me from him until morning and safety came back? 

“Kay…Kay…” I moaned the only name I could bring besides His, turning wildly in circles. Was he nearby, would he save me like before. No, he wasn’t there. He too had left me alone. I was alone. I was going to be caught again, caught and used, abused and then left to die in the darkness. 

“No!” I whispered to myself, falling to the floor and crawling away as fast as I could. The thoughts hounded me, bringing back images of the only night I could remember prior to tonight. I shook my head, trying to free it, swaying horribly on my sore knees and palms. I tried to duck for cover, pulling myself along. 

Still they came, and they made me remember.

_“I love sluts the best, because they always moan the best,”_

_Hands inside my thighs, pushing my legs apart. Muscles trembled, trying to close against the force opening me._

_“No!”_

_A fist across my sore face, slipping on the drying blood caked on my face from the gravel. I gasped, air stinging the back of my throat._  

_A pressure below, in-between my legs. A push, a split through my body, breaking me. Screaming didn’t mean shit to him, screaming didn’t even faze him. Ripping through me, piercing me, using me._

_He never even tried to shut me up._

“I didn’t want to…he made me…he made me…” I whimpered, clawing my way along, away from Him. He was behind me, I could hear Him. Smell him. Taste Him. 

It didn’t matter that everything was bearing down on me, hiding the silver moon from me. That the branches wanted to rip my skin off my back and leave me to bleed the grass crimson. 

Crimson like the blood that had leaked out of me that night, when he’d broken me, cracked me open, slammed into me until I was nothing but red. And then he flipped me over and used me again. 

“Please…stop it,” I told the faces leering at me in the shadows, judging me, labelling me. The word slut still had as much venom as it ever did. I remember the voice, mocking, low and commanding. A voice I could’ve worshipped, but feared. 

Did it go with the face I saw tonight? Frank. Is it him. It was him. He did it to you. Why else do you feel the hurt when you think his name?

It was him. 

It was Frank. 

Frank. 


	89. Frank

** Several hours later **

“Well, she’s not here…I guess we should try somewhere else?” suggested Kay, leaning against the wall and watching me with big eyes. I raised an eyebrow. 

“Kay, you checked the hall. What about your room?” 

“My whatnow?” he asked, seeming pleasantly surprised at the suggestion he had a room. “Wanna come see my room with me?” he asked a second later with a grin I didn’t like. 

“Um, sure, but one thing. I am _not_ sleeping with you,” I warned him and Kay shook his head sadly. 

“That’s what they all say,” he winked saucily and brushed past me, swaying a little bit. I’d gotten really used to his moods by now. One second he was hitting on me shamelessly, the next he was yelling at me for anything. If I didn’t say anything, he usually calmed down by himself pretty fast. 

I followed him down the hall, thinking he was starting to come back down from whatever he had been on. That gave me hope that Sapphire was coming down too. What the hell was this place? Kay had lead me through a broken down fence and then into this building that looked pretty ruined from outside. Inside, there were lights in the form of candles and lamps. Music played and I glimpsed private worlds bordering on Hells through cracks in doors. Eyes peered through at me, wary but curious. 

“Where are we?” I asked Kay, reaching forward to touch his arm. He jerked away from me violently. 

“Hey! No touchy! This is the Pit, home of the nameless,” he told me angrily and I rolled my eyes behind his back. Goddamn mood swings. He opened a door and led me through, and I saw signs of a girl living in here. Tights on the floor, and a skirt or two. I looked over at the bed quickly; expecting to see stained sheets or used condoms. There weren’t any and I breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Blue? You here?” called Kay, picking up piles of clothes and tossing them around. There was an expression of bafflement at her absence on his face. I sighed again, feeling the familiar shittiness erupt again. 

“She’s not here…where else would she go?” I asked him, looking around the wrecked room again. My eyes landed on a box in the corner, set apart from the chaos. I looked again at Kay who saw me look and was shuffling his feet, his feverish eyes darting between it and me. It was like he didn’t want me to see it in case I grew angry, but he didn’t want me to see him look at it. He was flipping. 

“What exactly did you give her?” I asked him nicely. I didn’t let any of the building rage inside my veins show on my face or voice. I knew druggies, and I knew how much they picked up on. Luckily for me, Kay didn’t hear the silent screaming in my skull. 

“Um…some acid,” he shrugged. “You want some? I can get you some, if you like. Reasonable price and everything!” he said, switching from confused guy to drug dealer. I forced a smile and shook my head. 

“No, not this time, thanks Kay. Now, where would Blue go?” I asked, taking a step towards him. I tried to remain calm, stay as pleasant as possible, but Kay switched again and backed his back against the wall. He looked scared but I held my hands up, trying to soothe him. 

“Relax, it’s ok,” I tried, but he shook his head violently, pointing at me with a trembling finger and his eyes bulging.  

“What do you want from her? What? She didn’t hurt anyone! Ever! She can’t even lift yet! Please, don’t hurt her again!” he cried, his voice going high and strained. Goddamn junkie. 

I shook my head calmly. 

“Kay, calm down. I never hurt her, I never will, I promise. We need to find her,” I said softly, pissed off he still thought it was me who raped her. If he hadn’t been high, I would have hit him for that. 

“I don’t know where she is,” mumbled Kay a second later, shuffling his feet again and looking away, ashamed of his accusations. I sighed again, he was becoming incredibly tiresome. 

“He doesn’t, but I do,” said a quiet voice behind me. I turned around fast, seeing Kay jump out of the corner of my eye. 

“You do? Where?” I asked the girl standing in the doorway. She would have scared me any other day. She wore her liquorice coloured hair in a high ponytail that flicked either side of her head with each twitch she gave out, and her face was hidden by a black mask of bandages wrapped over her mouth nose and forehead, leaving only a narrow slit for her eyes. She was dressed completely in black, scruffy clothes that covered every inch of skin, from thick boots to studded gloves.  

“Chamber! You left your room!” marvelled Kay behind me, his voice soft with surprise and delight. Chamber’s brilliant blue eyes (all too like Sapphire’s) flicked to him and she gave a jerky nod, her whole body jumping with regular twitches. Looking close without leering, I noticed the area around her eyes was red and blistered, healing badly. They looked like burns, really bad burns. She saw me looking at her closely and pulled her black bandages closer around her huge eyes. 

“She came here, briefly, but she never got to your room. She was in the hallway, moaning and screaming and begging someone to stay away. If you’re after her, you’re just going to make her worse,” warned Chamber in her clipped English accent. Her eyes blazed into mine with wary loyalty. 

“I’m have to save her, please trust me. Please help me, which way did she go?” I begged her, stepping towards her but backing off again when she gave a large jerk and banged her entire body against the doorpost. 

“She was begging someone to stop hurting her…someone called Frank,” she said, fixing me in her death stare. I felt my stomach drop out the bottom of my body, everything inside me freezing up in cold ice-like prickles. 

“Oh God…she thinks I’m Him,” I realised, finding breathing hard. I felt Kay’s hands on my hips, his swaying mass right behind me. Chamber flicked between us both, her eyes twitching. 

“Who?” asked Kay, confused. His lips were slightly too close to my neck for comfort. I moved away from him, biting my lip. 

“Vince…the guy who raped her,” I explained. Kay grimaced and Chamber flinched again, gripping the doorpost. 

“How do we know it wasn’t you? She was begging _you_ not to hurt, Frank,” spat Chamber, her tone showing she’d put two and two together. 

“Frank’s her boyfriend, Chamber. He wouldn’t hurt her,” Kay immediately defended, gritting his teeth. Chamber turned her fiery gaze on him. 

“I want proof! You didn’t hear her! You didn’t hear her beg!” she yelled, clenching her fists and growing bigger with each venomous word. I stared at her, still dumbfounded. _Why? Why, Sparkle? Of all the people, why did it have to be me you mistook? I never raped you, and I’m so sorry you’ve forgotten that. Oh God, I need to find you._  

“Please!” I gasped, reaching out to take Chamber’s hand. She jerked away from me, almost panicking, but I continued. “Please, you have to help me! She’s so confused, so lost! She’s lost all her memories and she thinks I’m the one who hurt her so long ago! Please tell me what she said!” I begged her. She eyed me warily. 

“How can I trust you?” she asked after a second. I sighed, running a hand through my hair. We’d been looking for her for three hours, running around the streets, calling her names, looking everywhere. It wouldn’t have taken to long to fucking get here if Kay hadn’t been running off every other second when I turned my head to explore a pretty trashcan or chase a dog with ‘moon dust fur’. 

Right now the junkie was picking at a chip of paint on his wall, completely ignoring the conversation. Chamber glared at me, waiting for my answer. I sighed and looked at my hands that had just been running through my messy hair. That gave me an idea. 

“Sapphire…I mean Blue, whatever you call her, is my best friend. We’ve lived next door to each other for years, and we’ve been through so much together. You see these scars? All these scars of my hands?” I said, holding my hands out for her to see the old knotted scars from the night of the RF concert. 

“I got these when we went to see a band we both liked at the time. She…she started kissing the lead singer and I went crazy, and ran out. When I woke up I had so much glass embedded in my hands and head, I had to spend a whole day without her and she had no idea if I was even alive,” I told her softly, touching the glass wound on my head, just under the one from Kleaver. Chamber seemed to be wavering.  

“But she, while I was gone, fucked herself up royally. She got herself really badly hurt, just because she thought I was disappointed in her. When we found each other again, I don’t even know the words to tell you how relieved we were to be together again,”

Even Kay stopped messing around to listen. 

“But soon, she started going out with this guy, _Vince_. She didn’t know how deeply and madly I loved her, how far I’d follow her. He…he raped her and almost killed us both, and as she lay dying in my arms, she told me over and over again that she loved me back. I sang her our song; as Vince held a gun to my head, ready to send us both down together. She was just lying there, bleeding and fading, in my arms and she told me she loved me. Oh God, I thought I would never let that moment go,” I sighed, feeling tears trickle down my face. “I thought I was gonna lose her forever,”

“We were saved, by her father. Vince was killed, but we survived. That is, until she tried…she tried to kill herself, to stop the sickness inside her…to stop him hurting her anymore. I saved her life, just as I would any day of the week, and we shared our first kiss. Our first fucking kiss! But…God, why did she have to go with that lunatic? His sister…she kidnapped us all…” 

Tears were rolling down my cheeks freely now, and Kay watched helplessly as dots sprinkled his carpet, falling from his big eyes. As for Chamber, her bandaged mask was steadily soaking. Her eyes spoke of understanding, a story all too familiar. 

“God, no one should ever have to endure what we did then, but we did, and Sapphire went into a coma while I…well, I’ll never be quite the same again,” I said sadly, lifting my shirt and showing Kay and Chamber the deep angry wound on my stomach, the skin red and flaking. Under my arm, my crutch trembled from my shaking until it rattled. 

“And now…she woke up and she ran away from me, forgetting everything, except a goddamn nickname and a town that swallows everything good that it gives birth to! I suffered Hell for her, and she suffered Hell for me, and now you’re holding me back from saving her from Him, from herself, because you don’t know if you can trust me! Me! Her Frank!” I cried, suddenly angry. Chamber looked ashamed, her whole body shaking with breath. 

“Now, please, for every scar I’ve got carved on my body for her, tell me where she is. For every scar love gave me, help me heal them and find her again,” I begged, holding my hands out to Chamber, pleading her. Kay sank to the floor, sobbing heavily, his eyes never leaving me. 

Chamber reached out slowly and wrapped her fingers around mine, and her mask moved until I realised she was smiling. 

“Love gives us so many scars…I’ll help you heal them all. I’ll tell you what I know,” she promised. 


	90. Frank

Chamber led us down the hallway, saying nothing but gesturing us to follow. Behind me Kay mumbled under his breath, repeating to himself ‘For every scar love gave me’ over and over again, his fingers tracing patterns over his skin, fascinated. Chamber stopped in the main entrance, but the door we’d come through. 

“She was here, clawing at the wall and choking on her breath. She was on something, probably whatever he’s on,” she said, pointing to Kay. 

“Acid,” I filled in, looking at the damp carpet. Had Sapphire laid here? I crouched down, touching the carpet and the wall. I wanted to break through the memory and reach her. I needed to see her again.  

“ACID!” cried Kay at the top of his voice in delight, throwing his arms up and dancing in circles, Chamber watching him with one hidden eyebrow raised. I ignored him, tracing my fingers over the dark wet patches on the carpet. Was this blood?

“Was she bleeding?” I asked Chamber, taking back her attention. She shrugged. 

“She had cuts on her, grazes and shit, but nothing big,” she said, crouching down next to me. 

“What else?” I prompted, needing to know the rest. Behind me Kay was singing at the top of his voice. 

_“Acid, acid, ain’t no liquid!”_

“Kay, shut it!” growled Chamber before turning back to me. “She was screaming and pleading with something in her head, begging you to stop hurting her. I guess memories where coming back, but she got confused, thinking you were him, or whatever. I heard her over my music and came out to stop her hurting herself-“ 

“Why did you leave your room?” interrupted Kay, touching Chamber’s shoulder. She jumped away from his touch, hissing under her breath. 

“What?”

“Why did you leave your room? You never leave,” repeated Kay softly, watching her with big blue eyes. She squirmed uncomfortably. 

“She needed help…I know how that feels,” she muttered, dropping her gaze and turning back towards the wet patches on the wall, pulling her black bandages closer around her burnt eyes. 

“I’m guessing if I ask you what happened to you, you won’t tell me,” I sighed, looking at the red, scarred skin still visible above the material. She didn’t say anything but frowned. 

“Do you want to step in a bear trap, or find your girlfriend?” she said quietly, her voice bitter and her eyes hollow. Frank sighed and nodded. 

“Tell me what happened next,”

“I came out and she couldn’t even see me, she was freaking out. I tried to talk to her, ask her what was wrong, who was hurting her, but she just kept raving. Then she ran, just ran out and disappeared…but she said something before she left,”

“What?” I asked quickly, knowing it would help me find her, something I needed to do desperately. 

“She said…’I gotta get back to where it all started…just so it can all stop’” whispered Chamber, closing her eyes as she remembered how my beautiful Sapphire looked as she cried in this floor. She must’ve looked terrible, making Chamber close her eyes in fear. 

“Where it all started…” I muttered, straightening up and turning away, finding myself face to face with Kay. He looked pleasantly surprised by what was going on, his eyes still wide and interested. I stared at him, my brain slotting everything into place. I turned back to Chamber, a grim smile on my face. 

“Thank you Chamber, you’ve been a great friend,” I said sincerely, wanting to hug her but knowing she wouldn’t allow it. She nodded her head in understanding, her eyes shining as I called her friend. 

“I hope you find her…and I hope everything heals,” she said, turning away and disappearing into the closest door. I turned back to Kay. 

“You coming?” I asked, walking towards the exit as quickly as my crutches allowed. He followed me, smiling serenely. 

“Where are we going?” he asked me as we left the building. I looked at him and justified the thoughts in my head. 

“Where it all started for her…the graveyard,” I said quietly. Kay looked a bit confused. 

“Oh…so who are we burying?”

 

It took us a long time to find our way in the dark, the graveyard was on the other side of town, closer to home than Sapphire would realise. Kay didn’t make anything easier by stealing my crutches, or trying to climb a tree backwards or anything else that popped into his skull. I could see he was coming down now, and I knew Sapphire would be coming down as well. Checking my watch it was almost 4 in the morning, close to dawn. The edges of the sky in front of me were tinged pale yellow and morning dew coated everything. 

“Frank! Is that it?” asked Kay excitedly, running over to me and grabbing my arm, while pointing at a church in front of us. The red brick of the tall upper wall gleamed in the fragile light and the trees looked shaggy and damp.

“Yeah…it is. Look, Kay, do you mind waiting out here? I need to see her on my own,” I said firmly, looking him straight in the eye. For a second it looked like he was going to complain, looking between the graveyard and me. 

“What will you give me?” he asked a second later, narrowing his eyes and titling his head, challenging me. I sighed deeply, thinking how similar he was to Gerard. In fact…

“A doughnut?” I suggested. 

“Done!”

I sighed again as Kay sat himself down in the middle of the pavement and crossed his legs, expectantly waiting for me to return with Sapphire. I guess there was nothing left but to go in and convince a half-sane girl she loved me. 

Oh, boy. 

I walked in stiffly, my arms shaking. Was she here? The grass was soaked with dew and the gravestones painted with crystal droplets; everything was so still and quiet. I followed the path round the church, my eyes focussing on everything thing, searching for her familiar beauty. 

“Sapphire?” my voice emerged, trembling, from my throat. No response. Was she here?

As I rounded the corner, my eyes were greeted with a sight that would never leave me. It was seeing an angel in the clouds. There, sitting on the stone cover of a recent grave, her dirty fingers tracing the letters of the freshly carved names, was Sapphire. Her clothes were scruffy now, her hair dried from the sweat and messy. Her eyes were fixed on the names and her legs tucked underneath her. There were grazes on her arms and legs, but nothing huge. 

I walked up silently behind her, my stomach jolting painfully when I realised she was sitting on the two most recent additions to this graveyard. The twin tomb for Tracy and Vince, the stone fresh and the letters sharp. And Sapphire was sitting on it, her fingers spelling out Vince’s name over and over again. It was a surreal sight, one I would take to my grave. 

_“Hand in mine…into your icy blues…and then I say to you…we could take to the highway”_

She was singing the words under her breath, her smoky voice confused and low. Her eyes were glazed over and streaked with run mascara. 

“Sapphire?” I said quietly, not wanting to scare her anymore than she was already. She did nothing, but her frame shook slightly, either with fear or cold. I hoped it was cold. 

“It’s me…Frank. Frank Iero,” I said stupidly, not knowing where I was going with this. What I really wanted to do was hold her close to me until all the tears in the world were shed and I couldn’t feel the difference between us. She still didn’t say anything, her hand limp by her side. 

“Frank Iero? The boy you live next door to? The boy you…you love?” I tried, taking another step towards her. She looked forward still, only her lips moving. 

_“I’m trying…I’m trying…”_

“That’s our song, remember? Gerard, our friend, wrote it for us,” I tried again, coming closer until the tips of my shoes touched the edge of the gravestone set in the bruised grass. I saw her shake in that small dress, her beautifully pale slender shoulders contrasted from the dark material and the gentle sweep of her hair. I wanted to touch her skin, warm it and kiss away the scars I could see on her once perfect skin. 

“Please Sapphire, remember me. I’m not who you think I am, I’m not the one who…the one who…”

I couldn’t bear to say it. I just couldn’t.  

“Raped me?” came her tiny voice. In that second, that was all I needed to breathe again. 

“Yeah…please, do you remember me?” I asked, kneeling on the edge of the gravestone, so close and yet so far. My crutches fell away, useless to me now. She didn’t move again, but spoke again. 

“I remember your name…your face…” she told me, turning towards me slightly, her absolutely stunning big blue eyes looking at me warily. “But I remember…it was him, wasn’t it?” she said, looking back at Vince’s name, her fingers touching the V. I wanted to snatch her hand away from it, pull her into me. But I couldn’t even move. 

“Yes…he hurt you, not me. Never me,” I agreed, my eyes raking her beautiful tear streaked face. She looked back at me. How could anyone ever be so beautiful?

“Frank Iero…I remember your name. I loved you?” she asked, her hand raising towards me but stopping half way. I nodding, feeling two tears slip from my tired eyes and roll down my cheeks. Why couldn’t she just remember? Mesmerised, her hand raised again, her soft finger tracing the path of my sorrow. 

“Yes, I loved you. Deeply,” she decided, nodding to herself. 

“And I still love you. I always will,” I responded, my voice breaking with emotion. Please God, give her back her memory. Make her love me the way she always did. Give her back, because if you don’t my heart will shatter inside my chest and I will die. If I had to live without her love, I’d rather die and be tortured in hell forever. It would be nothing compared to the torture of not having her love me back. Again.

Sapphire just looked at me, her eyes narrowed slightly as her mind went over whatever she was thinking about. Was she reliving our memories? What could she see? The first time we made love? The night she told me she loved me, right here in this graveyard? Every little dirty little secret in Miami? 

“Is your…is your middle name Anthony?” she asked a second later. I stared at her for a second, trying to see if she was serious. Then I burst into laughter. She joined me with a soft, nervous giggle. 

“Yes, yes it is,” I choked out finally, holding my stomach to quell the pain. I looked up with a small grin on my face and saw her eyes sparkling. She was smiling angelically. 

“Do I…do I have a dog?” she asked, titling her head and smirking. I laughed again, nodding. 

“He’s called Stud, and he’s a big black pain in the arse!” I chuckled and she laughed. 

“Yeah, I can remember! I think,” she cringed, holding a hand to her head. Was this really happening?

“You know your name right? You’re Sapphire, not Blue,” I told her. She nodded slowly. 

“Wait…Sparkle! You call me Sparkle!” she exploded, looking as delighted as a child, and I joined her in smiles. 

“Can you remember our friends?” I asked a second later, my eyes still gazing into her bright blues. She bit her lipring (where did she get that?) and thought about it. 

“Kay? Chris?” she asked. I instantly wanted to demand who Chris was, jealousy flaring up inside me, but instead I shook my head. 

“No, not them. You made them a short while ago. I’m talking about Gerard, remember me? Mikey? Ray? Bob?” I tried. Her eyes clouded with confusion, and cleared a bit. 

“I remember…Gee?” she tried. I nodded quickly, my grin coming back. She smiled at my joy. 

“Yeah, Gerard, also known as Gee or…?” I left it for her. 

“Vampire?” she forced, her face screwed up in concentration. 

“Yes!” I cried happily, throwing my arms up in excitement and feeling tears of happiness slip out of the corners of my eyes. She smiled again, reaching over to touch me tears. 

“Frank…do we like…ok, this sounds crazy, but are we obsessed with doughnuts?” she asked, leaning back on one hand and grinning at me. My eyes lit up and my grin grew even wider. 

“Yes!” I cried, grabbing her waist and pulling her into a tight hug. I didn’t care about anything; I just wanted her to know how blissful I was. Instead of panicking, she giggled in my embrace, wrapping her arms around my neck and laughing with me. 

“I remember you Frank! I remember you! Oh Frank! I love you! I love you so much!” she cried in my ear, clinging to me so hard I toppled to the side and we landed in the grass beside Vince’s grave, laughing and rolling around in the grass, laughing loudly and talking at once. 

“Oh Sapphire! I love you!” I cried into her hair, kissing her neck and squeezing her. Her face freed itself from my shoulder and I felt her lips on mine. I kissed her back blissfully, tears dotted the grass around us as we laughed and kissed, our arms never letting go. 

“Never let me go Frank, never let me go,” she pleaded, smiling at me warmly before kissing me again. My teeth grazed her lipring and my tongue ran across hers happily, savouring every tiny taste and sensation her mouth gave me. I felt her cold skin under mine, her tiny frame moulded under mine. 

“I’ll never leave you, I love you too much!” I told her, touching her face and kissing her again. 

“I still can’t remember everything, but I will never forget you, ever! I love you,” she whispered, her eyes melting into mine as my kisses warmed her entire body. My heart thumped inside my chest, everything tingling with excitement. Even my stomach stopped hurting, just for these beautiful moments. 

And through the graveyard Kay’s voice sang our happiness, as we laughed and cried and hugged and kissed and talked and sang and touched and danced. 

_I’m trying_

_I’m trying to let you know just how much you mean to me_

_And after all the things we’ve put each other through_

** The End **


	91. Epilogue

What can I say that would make you understand how fucking wonderful life was when Sapphire was back in it? As you know by now, I’m a skimmer. 

Sapphire’s parents were ecstatic to hear she was in New Jersey and everyone in Miami instantly came down as fast as they could. 

But that still left three or so days for Sapphire and I to spend together, in various interesting ways. 

Gerard went mental when he saw her. I swear I’ve never seen him so hyper. In return she was freaking out because she recognised him. 

But when the others arrived, she didn’t remember them. She didn’t know Mikey beyond his name and something to do with a heater in a shower (I’ve got to ask her about that…). As for Ray and Bob, she was completely clueless. It was a depressing day, but she was determined to be friends with them again, she spent the entire time reforming ties. 

Bob moved down to New Jersey without his dad’s permission, and he and Ray moved in together, somewhere near us. 

Kay’s still in the Pit, but he’s here nearly everyday. He’s usually on something, but we love him nonetheless. Gerard and he get on ridiculously well.

As for Chamber, she’s still in the Pit too, and hardly ever visits us, even though Sapphire goes to see her all the time. I hope she works out all right; she’s a decent girl under the harsh black clothes exterior.  

It’s about a year on and Sapphire’s at that creative college in town. I’m with her every second I can be, I hardly ever leave her side. And when I do, I kiss her like it’s goodbye every single time. I’ve never felt so happy. 

The band we formed ages ago has become the central focus of our group, we’re always singing and playing these days, always together. And there’s always doughnuts. We even got a name a while ago: My Chemical Romance. 

I think it’s great, because I feel I’m in a chemical romance with my love drug, Sapphire. Corny, but I’ve ceased caring. All I need is her and that’s enough. Although she has some competition in Pansy. 

On Sapphire’s 18 th birthday, her parents surprised her all by renting her an apartment in the same place as Bob and Ray and that’s where we are now, lounging on the couch, eating pizza and watching Titanic. Gerard’s in the kitchen, making something fatty and loaded with sugar. Mikey’s trying to juggle balled up socks and Bob and Ray are asleep on the other couch, just as entwined as we are. 

We’re all in our Powerpuff PJs. As usual. 

Only problem is, we’ve got a show in fifteen minutes. 

“Holy fuck New Jersey, we’re here!” screams Gerard, exploding onto the stage in his PJs, closely followed by me and Mikey, grinning our heads off as the lights hit our PJs. Ok, yes, we didn’t have time to change, but not a problem. 

“We are My Chemical Romance and you guys love us! That’s Frank Iero with the Blossom, my little brother Mikey Way in the Bubbles, Ray Toro in Buttercup, alongside Bob Bryar in the same and I’m Gerard Way! Remember our names New Jersey because you’ll be screaming them for years to come!” he promised into the mike, grinning dementedly as the lights make sweat break out over our excited bodies already. 

“Everyone I want you to rip your lungs out for someone very special! She’s the coolest girl in America and she’s screwing that guy there!” yelled Gerard into the mike, pointing to me with an insane grin. He’s so different onstage. I grin back, holding Pansy close and unable to keep the grin off my face. I glance into the side wings. 

“Come on New Jersey! Scream for her! Scream for Sapphire!” ordered Gerard wildly, as the small club erupted in screams. Everyone knows her, everyone loves her, and everyone knows she’s mine. 

I can’t stop grinning as she runs across the stage into my arms, the Blossom’s on our clothes rejoined as she jumps at me, her beautiful black and blue hair spilling around her in waves. Every time I see her, she’s even more wonderful. The club goes insane as I kiss her, nibbling on her lipring and she on mine, our tongues touching. 

“We’ve got a little song for you all tonight, which we usually play last, but I’m gonna do it now, cos we just can. If you know it, sing it with us! It’s changed a bit though! Just for Frank and Sapphire!” laughed Gerard into the mike and we all cheer. I don’t know exactly how I managed it, but Sapphire jumped on my back and I held her there whilst playing my part, grinning happily as she kissed my ear, whispering the words along with me. 

Words we’ll always treasure. 

_“Hand in mine, into your sapphire blues!_

_And then I say to you, we can take to the highway!_

_With these trunk of ammunition too, I’d end my days with you!_

_In a hail of fucking bullets!_

_I’m trying! I’m trying! To let you know just how much you mean to me!_

_And after all the things we’ve put each other through!_

_I would drive onto the end with you!_

_A liquor store or two keeps the gas tank full!_

_And I feel like there’s nothing left to fucking do!_

_But prove myself to you! And we’ll keep it running!_

_But this time, I mean it! I’ll let you know!_

_Just how much you fucking mean to me!_

_As snow falls on desert sky!_

_UNTIL THE END OF EVERYTHING!”_

“I love you. I mean this,” I tell her on the beautiful music. 

“Forever,” she promised back. 

 


End file.
